I'm just absolutely sick of this

[Luser]

Throughout my life I've stuttered. I think I started when I was about....7? From then on it went almost all away for a while, but it always came back. During my last "clear" period and when I started again there were 6 full months free of stuttering.

When I started to stutter, I had problems with plosives. Which isn't very good as my name starts with a plosive - "Danielle". I went to a speech therapist for about six months - she did me good in the room itself, but outside it... I just couldn't apply the things I'd learned - it was too hectic. So I stopped going. It's weird, there is no obvious cause to my stammering ever.. it just comes and goes...

Anyway, I came up with strategies to help it not be noticeable - replacing words, replacing "t" with a soft "th" sound, speaking softly and my worst one, gulping beofre I spoke. Now the gulping has become a habit, but I'm coming out of it, slowly. The one thing that seems to help is exhaling and saying words but that isn't always practical and anyway, it's hard to make it work when I am trying to say a word starting with a plosive.

When I started my current bout of stammering I used all these techniques and everything was alright for a few months... But recently, my trusted "friends" such as "h", "s", "n", "m" and so on - I'm starting to stammer with them too. It's getting so bad I'm just clamming up and not talking. I mean, in Chemistry right now at college, I could say so many answers... but I daren't because it takes too long to get them out and even though the teacher is sympathetic, he can't wait 3 mins for me to get two words out. It is affecting my grades...

My grandfather had a stammer as did my mother, but hers stopped when she was a teenager (13 or so). She keeps getting angry at me and asking why I stamer, and is it something to do with her. My father just visibly tenses up when I speak. My mum screams at me and crys at me when the stammering is at it's worst and I know she's just trying to help, but she doesn't understand that I can't just switch it off and on, - because I've managed to almost stop it quite a few times she thinks I can do it whenever I want. That simply isn't true. I tried to explain how bad it is to her, and that it affects everyone, even my boyfriend, not just family.

My boyfriend incidentally is my rock - he just tells me to slow down and start again if I stammer and he really doesn't care about it, only if he can help me in some way.

But now, I'm going to go in for hypnotherapy and see if that works, because I'm just sick of all this attention and hurt and embrassasment. I want to talk. I could have some interesting conversations. But unfortunately, I've just stoppped talking. I want to start again.

I just had to get all that out, sorry for the inconveniance.

Luser

[bignick]

Hi Danielle,

Firstly I dont think your parents are helping you one bit, they are making things worse by having a go at you all the time because you stutter. Maybe write them a letter telling them the effect them tensing up and shouting at you has on you and its making things worse. Your boyfriend sounds like a really good bloke and is willing to help and listen to you.

I can see your speech is getting you down badly at the moment and its good that you are trying to tackle it by going to hypnotherapy.

Hopefully your parents will get off your back and allow to relax around them which in turn should ease your stuttering and once you start to feel good about yourself you will become better with your speech.

Unfortunately its a vicious circle with a stutter, you feel down or hurt about having one and the more down you feel the worse it gets, only when you feel better about yourself and have positive thoughts does your speech improve. We all go through spells like you are at the moment and its easy for me to say but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope your speech improves and dont say sorry for your posting as thats what this forum is for.

Take it easy and hope the people on the forum can help you.

Nick

[claragazza]

Hi Danielle,

Nick is right, you parents are really not helping you here. They should be supporting you and not "accusing" you.

I understand what you are living through. Although I stutter since I was a little child, my stutter worsened a lot while I was around you age. It affected more and more letters, more and more frequently. It is hard to be go through.
At the same time, it is very good that you found techniques to ease your speech. Speaking with a soft voice is quite good, plus, it is cute for a girl (that's what people told me at least:rolleyes: )
Modifying letters is also quite good.
I do not know what your stuttering is like on plosives. I for myself, I go like "p p p p" or "b b b b". A way to ease it is to introduce a very small "f" or "h" before the "p" or "b" or "d" (for the "d" only "h" works).
Of course the problem with such tricks is that they should not become too heavy or the stutter may affect them too.

In any event, we are all here to help you. Do not let yourself down, and speak to others. Most people will love to speak to you if you have lots of things to do, even if you stutter !

Claire

[kilumanati]

i can only echo what has already been said, it can really suck at times but just remember that alot more people are going through much worse and they still roll on..

As for your parents, i think that they might think they are responsible for your stutter and are feeling guilty, i had a similair problem with my dad (he stutters as well) who back when i was a kid used to give me a beating if i blocked up too much or complained about my stutter...years later he told me he was feeling guilty for passing this stuttering problem onto me and my brother and that was the way he dealt with it, talk to your parents,
good luck with the therapy

[Standingtall]

I hear you my sister Danielle, first welcome to the forum and looking forward in what you have to share with us.

I agree with the others communication is the key to any relations and sharing them with your parents and talking with them will help both parties. They appear to have issues of their own that they need to work on. Sounds like you got a good man.

No need to be sorry, that is why we are here to offer support and share a common problem. Don't be a stranger and welcome to the family.

[Standingtall]

But now, I'm going to go in for hypnotherapy and see if that works, because I'm just sick of all this attention and hurt and embrassasment. I want to talk. I could have some interesting conversations. But unfortunately, I've just stoppped talking. I want to start again.

I just had to get all that out, sorry for the inconveniance.

Luser
Any update you want to share regaring your hypnotherapy sessions. Good luck.

[Luser]

Well. I went to him and it was just an introductory session. So... he said my stuttering seems to be mostly anxiety based, from the fact my parents pretty much find it "unacceptable". The hypnotherapy means that my anxiety can be reduced and gradually (over a period of 3-12 months) my stuttering should decrease - I know it's never going to truely go away, but it's the most I could hope for. He'll teach me to self-hypnotise, that way I can work on reducing my anxiety when I'm on my own as well as when I'm with him.

On 15th November I'm going in for an hour's session. I'll let you all know how it goes. The consultation was very upsetting... had to tell him a lot of things and I just couldn't get most of them out - but he was great, waiting as long as I needed to to get words out :).

Wish me luck!

Danielle

PS This doctor is now a psychiatrist who is a registered Hypnotherapist. I know him when I was a month old... I was a preemie, 3 months early to be exact and he had just diagnosed me with a cold. His superior came to see me the next day when I had been admitted to hospital and found out it was actually a very serious chest infection. Despite almost killing me, he really is lovely now and I couldn't hope for a better therapist! Just, y'know - "don't judge a book by it's cover", but us being stammerers we know never to do that as others do it too us all to frequently...

[Standingtall]

Isn't that what they said about Ted Bundy . . .

Anyway, I wish you the best. Hope this does work out for you. Most of all, hopefully it will work out in less than 12 months . . . That'll save you some money.

Please keep us up-to-date with your progress.

Peace,

Elliott
Ted Bundy, that is so funny.

My anxiety came from because I stutter not the other way around. I like to be a yoda master someday, somedays, I'm still pretty wired.

Good luck and yes do share with us the results. You would think your parents should be happy you are trying to do something.