I didn't know I was a stutterer!! I feel surprised, yet happy.

[divisi]

Hi!

It's nice I found this forum!!

Is this the biggest online for stuttering, or do you also recommend other sites?

Being in my 30s, I've always been told (even by doctors) that I wasn't a stutterer ("tartamudo" in Spanish) because I didn't stutter all the time, and that my problem was just being nervous or with very high emotion.

Yesterday night, I had the idea of searching the internet about my speech problem (in over 10 years of being an internet user I never considered doing such a search, which I guess is proof that we stutterers, when not stammering, often forget that we have a problem... it's our society, colleagues, and friends, who remember us that we stutter).

I was really surprised when my internet search concluded that what I suffer is actually stuttering.

I've only done therapy once in my life, and I didn't like it, nor was helpful at all (it was reading slowly, stretching vocals, and some medication that I tried just once because it brought me anxiety instead of tranquility, so I promised myself never to use chemical medication again).

I'm currently a university professor (it's being a very challenging task, I really wish I'll be able to succeed in it).

I didn't know anything about DAF and FAF, nor about the available number of therapies (first of all because I thought my problem was different).

Another surprise is that, for some strange reason, I feel better knowing that my problem is stuttering.

I never stutter when in choral reading, so I'm going to give a try to DAF/FAF software, although I've read some people is very dissatisfied by it.

Great I found this forum!

[divisi]

¡Muchas gracias, Elliot!

[3FingerBrown]

Welcome aboard divisi!
Before a few months ago and my discovery of this forum I too never looked into, googled or did any research or reeaing into stuttering. More than failing to realize that I had a problem I've come to realize that I was in a state of denial, refusing to deal with the that the stuttering was a problem for me and that what I allowed it to do to me was unforgivable.
I’ve now come to realize that I need to face my demons and confront the avoidance behaviors that have limited and shaped my life.
I've also learned to forgive myself and i'm working daily on accepting myself. That is the tough part for adults who stutter.

Good luck and I look forward to your contributions to our ,
Ari

[divisi]

Ari, I admire your determination a lot, and wish you the best.

In my case, yes, I use some avoidance behaviours, although fortunately I tend to have a lot of natural fluency when I'm with my friends and family. My stuttering becomes more severe when meeting new people, or when dealing with situations that involve difficulty, stress, emotions, excitement, etc.

I didn't test myself, but my first guess would be that when I'm in bad moments, I stutter about once per phrase or sentence. However, fortunately, when I'm with friends or family, I stutter just a few times in a whole conversation, or even no stutter at all (depending on many factors, of course).

My kind of stuttering is mostly to block in silence, but I think the real reason I block is because I dislike hearing myself repeating syllabes, so when I feel that I can't "survive" the next word, I just shut up and block. However, these blocks are "real", I mean that if I try to speak, I can't, I'm blocked. Anyway, I not only block, but also repeat syllabes, or stretch them, or insert a "uh", or sometimes I go back to the beginning of the sentence and repeat it, as it usually helps me. I also try to substitute difficult words when possible, so as you see, yes, I follow avoidance techniques. However, as stated above, fortunately, I enjoy a lot of natural fluency in many moments of my life, so I don't believe that this avoidance behaviour would hurt me.

Currently being a professor, this is a challenge, and I feel really happy. I had _difficult_ classes, with many blocks and sentence repetitions, but I also have fine classes with little stuttering. I really love this career, and I wish to do my best so that my students learn as much as possible. If I fail, I'd like that it wouldn't be because of my speech problem, but, you know, failure is not an option I consider in this moment :cool:

Regarding the fact that I never searched the internet before for info about my problem, I've to say that I use to live my life as if I didn't have a problem. It's not that I'm not accepting it, nor that I'm trying to convince myself that I don't have a problem... it's that actually, most of the time I live like if my problem wasn't a problem... yes, even if that day I'm stuttering a lot.

So, I use to feel a bit frustrated when I had a great idea ignoring that I stutter, and then I continue to think in that idea and then I realize that I can't do that because it involves speaking in a difficult situation: The nice thing is that I had the idea absolutely ignoring I stutter, so I live like if I didn't have a problem.

Another frustrating situation is when I really forget I stutter, and then somebody remembers me about it. For example, I tell somebody that I'm in love with a girl, and that I'm thinking how to be close to her most of the time, and then that person tells me "I think your problem will go away when you increase your self-confidence and blah, blah...". That's like a punch in the stomach as I actually forgot I had a problem.

So, I believe that's why I never searched before: I tend to forget about it.

[Standingtall]

Welcome Divisi, good to meet you. It was almost 10 years ago when I decided to do something about my stutter. The only site i really found was this friendshipcenter penpal for disabilities. I was emailing a few stuttering cyberfriends, which was great. Over a year ago, I did another search and found this site. It was pretty slow at first, but now I notice it is quickly picking. Good to meet you and see you out in the forum.

[3FingerBrown]

Dvisi,
Nobody is ever 100% fluent and many people stutter but are not burdened by the fear, loss of control and other psychological responses that make stuttering a systemic disorder and not just a speech problem.
I read about studies showing people who are less fluent than people who 'stutter' and don't suffer from any of the hangups.

I'd warn you about the slippery slope when avoidance behaviors are allowed to take root but now that you are part of our I'm not... :)
I'm impressed with how self aware you are regarding the fact that you do indeed have a few avoidance behaviors that you employ. Mine were all of the subconscious variety until I "woke up" almost 4 months ago. As self aware as I thought I was then, I've learned a lot since.

WHen you are going through a fluent patch you have no fear or anxiety at all that you could lose control of your fluency at any momemt?
I'm very pleased you have joined us and I look forward to learning more from your experiences, perceptions and what if anything you decide to try to do.

What is your subject area professor?

[divisi]

Dvisi,
Nobody is ever 100% fluent and many people stutter but are not burdened by the fear, loss of control and other psychological responses that make stuttering a systemic disorder and not just a speech problem.
After reading the contributions of members in this forum, I've begun to wonder how stuttering has changed my life or my behaviour. It's true that in the past I've avoided some social relationships that I knew were going to be very difficult for my stuttering, but the fact is that, at least in this moment, I don't use to avoid anything. For example, I make all the phone calls I need (even if they're difficult calls and I feel that there's no much hope for fluency in them). However, if some difficult call (to a person I don't know) can be easily substituted by face-to-face conversation, or by email, without losing effectivity, I'll tend to avoid the call (anyway, if the call is needed, I'll make it no matter if I know that I'll stutter).

I'm impressed with how self aware you are regarding the fact that you do indeed have a few avoidance behaviors that you employ.
I believe that all (or most) of my tricks were consciously created by me, because I noticed such tricks helped (on a "trial and error" basis, without having read them on any place). When I was a little child, I used to say one word all over the place, inserting it in the middle of every phrase. I knew I was doing that, though I hated to do it, because it sounded very non-natural and other children laughed at me. A few years after, I noticed I was able to be fluent without that word, so I got rid of it, and felt very happy.

WHen you are going through a fluent patch you have no fear or anxiety at all that you could lose control of your fluency at any momemt?
When I'm fluent I feel very, very selfconfident. Of course, I know that in any moment I can stutter, but such selfconfidence makes me think that, if I feel a stuttering moment is close, it won't be difficult, or it won't last much, or I'll be able to use some trick for avoiding it, so I really forget about stuttering, and enjoy the moment.

Perhaps I began to get this selfconfidence when I started to ask questions in public (in conferences, classes, etc), years ago. You know, you go to a conference, and you've a question. When in the questions turn, I always used to be afraid, and never asked any even if I had one. But then, one day (I don't remember the day) I just asked the question, and I was fluent and very selfconfident because I felt it was an important question, and the importance of the question somehow brings me selfconfidence. After that, I used to ask questions in all the conferences where I had one (well, perhaps I avoided that if I felt I wasn't going to be fluent), and I believe this developed on me a new behaviour that in turn had therapeutical effects and made me more fluent.

What is your subject area professor?
The area of engineering: buildings structural analysis.