Looking for advice on the phone

[Jimmy169]

Right now I have a new job where I have to talk on the phone a decent ammount of time. Honestly I've never been so depressed in my life I don't think about my stuttering, I mean life goes on and I'm sick of being so sad so now I'm somewhat ok, but everytime I think of answering the phone or having to call someone, I'm sure u all may know the feeling, idk why it's such a horrible feeling, I mean it's just a stutter, it's not like I can't see thank god, or I can't hear, I am greatful for what I have but there is this intense feeling that goes through u as u stutter and it's killer. Idk how much more of this I can take.

There are days when I feel so confident, right now is the weekend so I am thinking to myself it's no big deal, I can control it, because right now I feel like I won't stutter at all, probably because I know inside that I am away from the office for the weekend. But when I step into the office and know a phone call come's, or after i go through my first one, I get so depressed and feel so hopeless, I can hardly say my name or the name of the company, sometime's I just say hello and hope they don't ask for my name but I know they will.

I'm trying new things but idk if they are a good idea. My name is Jimmy, but I've noticed sometime's when I get stuck, i would say Jim, and it works, lol, just by thinking Jim is different from Jimmy, it's like I'm using a substitute word...well to be honest this works inside my head and I remember trying it on a few occassions when I met new people but I don't think I've ever tried it at work yet. At work sometime's after I stutter on my name I spell it out and don't actually say it and that I know works, but I am wondering if this is a bad idea to do as I think I'm just intensifying my fear of my very own name.

Well anyway, before I have to put up cliff note's, I'll stop here, I'm just looking for any advice to get me by, I keep telling myself it's no big deal, and I try to laugh about it but inside I know when the time come's that I have to pick the phone up or make a call, it is a big deal and I feel like total shit afterwords.

[Jimmy169]

Also I was thinking of reading outloud at work when I am alone when I first come in, my first speech therapist had me do this technique...it's hard to explain, basically every word I read I had to make a sound before the word, preferably an h sound but that's audible, not a whisper, and then go from there saying the word. Ofcourse in real life that would be emberracing had I done it with every word, but when I was doing it I always felt more relaxed after and I actually sounded different and felt as though i wasn't going to stutter anytime soon. Does anyone know what I'm talking about and if so I was wondering if anyone tried it and how it worked out for them? I'm just looking for any advice I can get, I was never really so dependent on the phone until now since it is my job, I mean I was nervous about it before but I didn't always have to use it, now that I do it's scared me and ofcourse is depressing to think I am gonna be this aggrivated and stressed at work everyday because of the stupid phone, right now I'm trying to set my mind to facing this problem and am just looking for any advice I can get...I'll greatly appreciate it and try my best to put it to good use...

[Joe]

Jimmy,

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Here is my advice: during the weekend or whenever you have a large amount of free time at home, start making random phone calls, if you don't feel particularly comfortable speaking to your relatives or friends over the phone you can call shops for shopping advice, hotels for vacancies, etc, basically anything you can think of. Prepare for your questions/enquiries and set a goal for each call before calling, eg, this time I am going to call a hotel, by the time I finish the call I have to know wether there are vacancies on next monday and exactly what the check in time is. During the call don't worry anything about your stuttering, just concentrate on finding out the answers.

At first you may find it difficult and get depressed with your stuttering, as a stutterer I know it is very painful but this is a process we probably have to experience on the road of gaining fluency. Set a goal on the amount of calls you want to complete before starting the first one, (I'd suggest at least 30).

Whenever you have the urge to hang up the phone during a call or feel very badly after a bad call and don't want to continue, think about the following:

1. It's an experiment I am doing in my free time.

2. What if I stuttered very badly? It's not like the listener is going to call my boss and get me fired next day, he or she doesn't even know me.

3. This is a process/task designed for knowing more about my stuttering, so me stuttering will only help myself know better about my condition. I am supposed to stutter, if somehow I don't stutter this time, how am I supposed to identify and analyze my speech?

All stutterers find it easier and their stuttering improves to some extent as the process goes along, (ie, as he or she makes more and more phone calls), this is because your fear of stuttering decreases as you desensitize yourself through such process, and as we know, a significant portion of stuttering is caused by the fear of it and the speaker's low confidence level, therefore, a stutterer's speech improves as the fear reduces and his confidence picks up.

After you have completed the process, think about exactly how you feel before, during, after your last call and the first one, write it down in detail, the more detailed it is the better you will understand about the change in your psychology and how it affects your speech, eg:

1st call:

before: no way i'm gonna do this, felt it was the end of the world.
during: wanted to hang up the phone badly
after: depressed, "why me", etc

last call:
before: this is the last one so i'm just gonna do it anyway
during: still stuttered but didn't have the urge to hang up, etc.
after: finally completed the task, relief, wouldn't bother too much if asked to make another call, etc.

Also, try to remember your stuttering of the first and last call, did it improve? by how much?write it down
as well. It would be a lot helpful in identifying and analysing your stuttering if you sound record both calls.

After the experiment is completed, you probably would realize the more calls you make, the more you desentisize yourself and the better your speech gets.
Now I've tried this myself and at the end of the process I became almost totally fluent, so I stopped calling for a few days or so and my stuttering came back again. I then realized that one "session" wasn't enough to reverse a habit or behaviour I have been having for most of my life and therefore constant effort needed to be put in order to sustain fluency in the long run.

so the next thing I will suggest you to do is do a "small session" every morning before you go to work, eg, make 3-5 phone calls to prepare your speech for your work calls. Personally I find it's even better if I do some diaphragmatic breathing (you can google for it and find the techniques pretty easily) read for 10-15mins and talk alone to yourself before making the calls as in this way, you start from somthing easier and gradually raise the difficult level in your speech.

Overall, spend 30-40mins on a "small session" every workday before you go to work and complete a big one (dozens of calls) once during the weekend. After several months, there should be some remarkable gain in fluency in your speech, from then on you can reduce the workload but do carry it on maybe for the rest of your life as there isn't a permanant cure for stuttering.

Good Luck

Joe

[Jimmy169]

Joe thank you very much for the info. Right now I don't have the courage to start something like this yet, but I'm gonna work up to it. I remember when I had to make phone calls to buy a car how horrible my first few calls were but after that it became easier you're right. I'm gonna call my friend right now, see if he is doing anything or wants to hang out, I don't have the courage in me to make random phone calls yet but I will work on it, and I will google that breathing technique, thanks again for the info and for taking the time to reply.

[divisi]

I don't know if this can help you, but I use to be fluent when I make a call for asking for information to people that I don't know at all. So, when I need to ask if a shop has a product and its price, or the time a concert will begin, or info about a course or conference, I usually don't have problems with my stuttering. However, I believe it wasn't always like that: I think that in the past I used to be very afraid of those situations. Fortunately, at some point, the thing changed. I believe it happened sometime during the adolescence, when you realize that you need to live your life, make your decisions, and that people at the phone aren't there to see if you stutter or not, but to answer your questions and helping you when buying a product.

However, your situation is different, since you're afraid of being asked certain questions that are difficult for your fluency. I don't know if I can give some advice for that, because difficult questions are always difficult, regardless if they're on the phone or face to face.

[divisi]

Note: What I meant at the end of my last post is that asking for your name is usually a difficult question, no matter if you're on the phone or not. So, I don't believe that special tricks for phone calls will help for that.

[jak]

I had this problem before myself ,I overcame it by becoming more comfortable with the phone ,I got a cell phone I forced myself to use the phone all the time ,the more you do it the more it does not bother you anymore ,you must accept that you will stutter and do not judge yourself on each call 'speech is not a test " this just leads to feeling depressed .Things that do help is while using the phone try to slow your speech down and do not rush ,practice talking slower ,before you pick up the phone inhale [pick up phone] exhale as talking like this phone rings {inhale]
{pick up phone] exhale} my name is jim how can I help you

[Jimmy169]

Thank you for the advice guys again I appreciate it. I will try to be slower and more relaxed and breath easier as the phone rings, what mainly worries me is giving my name...i believe that is what causes the chain reaction, and sometime's when i get away without giving my name it's like i don't stutter at all, but it could be because i am so preoccupied with knowing i will have a hard time with my name that all the other words i have to say i forget about, lol. I will try to talk on the phone though and desensitize myself as much as I could as you guys said, I am tired of feeling so depressed so hopefully I will be able to control myself and not dwell on passed stuttering issues and worrying about what they think.

[bignick]

Jimmy,

I have had the day from hell so far and its only 11.30 here and this morning I have had to take and make approx 50 or so calls as we have changed all the user id's and password over the weekend and I have had to deal with all these people not reading my e-mail properly. I am so use to the phone now that I dont give it a 2nd thought. The more you think about the panic when answering the phone you more you will stutter. Dont give it a thought and if you stutter, so what, so long as you get the point across.

[Standingtall]

Jimmy,

I also extend that invite if you want to talk, just to talk over the phone, I am willing to talk to you.

I use the phone a lot, and I too used many tricks at first, and unfortunatly, still do ever now and then. I had problems saying my name, so I shortened it like you, Eugene to Gene. I use other words to get me started. A few times using different words gets me confused because it does not make sense in a sentence. The only advice I have to offer is, keep using the phone, the only way to lose that fear of it. You can't become an race car driver overnight. Oh by the way congrats on your new job.

[bignick]

Firstly, I hope the new job is going well.

I used to avoid the phone like crazy. I also used to avoid asking for things in shops, etc all the time.

I found that the more these things are addressed, the less of an issue they become. So, I would echo the words of the elder statesmen of the forum and say that if you would like to converse with a real live Scotsman, then I would be happy to.

Just pm me and we can take things from there.

Or you could speak to powerofthree if a real live scotsman isnt available.

[Standingtall]

Or you could speak to powerofthree if a real live scotsman isnt available.
He hasn't earned his kilt yet, so don't be surprise of the table cloth.

On a Serious Note, I hight recommend talk to those two guys and don't forget the major, the jamester and maybe a few more. I will even spend my dine to talk to you.

[jak]

jimmy how did the week go on the phone?

[Jimmy169]

Hey guy's I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to reply sooner. I've just read all the replies, and you know I guess you guys are right the more you use it the easier it gets, it's just like when I was looking to buy my car the first few calls were killer but the last few were no problem it seemed. I must be honest though I'm still scared of the phone, lately i've been stuttering more it feels like and it could be because I know the lady working with me now is leaving soon and I will be on my own. It's been a dead week and she's been picking up the phone, so I haven't gotten anymore experience with it yet, and just thinking of calling a hotel or something for some reason make's me so nervous inside, I still have a few things to get over but we'll see how it goes I guess.

Again I appreciate everyone's advice and I'm hoping I'll get used to this. I really appreciate you guys offering to talk with me on the phone, I may take you up on this offer but right now, idk...I guess I'm kind of shy and still a little worried inside to be honest.

I really have to work on this, but lately I've found it to be a lot easier said than done, I could be having my bad days right now or something, I'm just not feeling up to the challenge right now, I guess I have my days where I'm so anxious and ready to face the world while other days I just wanna forget about this stuttering and not pressure myself and let it be...it's one of those days where I feel like I wish I could just let it be and not even try.

[bignick]

Jimmy,

I understand your shyness about talking to us, but the good thing about chatting to us is that it doesnt matter if we stutter, I try and speak to powerofthree at least once a month and we have a good chat, in fact we chatted yesterday and I enjoyed it. I am also hoping to talk to standingtall and Elliott sometime in the future.
If talking to us helps you, then try it once and if you dont like it, dont do it again.
Hopefully when you feel a bit more confident around us, then you should have a go.

Nick

[bignick]

I also can appreciate that you're shy about speaking to somebody from this forum, but as the elderly gentleman above says we are all in the same boat here.

I've spoken to bignick a few times now, and standingtall too - and would love to talk to any others who so desire. We all had some blocks, etc, but we knew that the other person would be more understanding than anybody else we could talk to.

It also gives one a bit of a boost, and a chance to see how other people handle their speech in a "real situation", as well as getting to know each other a bit better - putting a voice and an accent to the words and to the face.

As bignick said, we spoke yesterday, and although his voice is getting a bit frail now through old age, I'm sure we were on the phone for way over half an hour.

However, what we spoke about is a subject for another day - eh Nick ;)

Yes indeed, if my old brain cells can remember that far back.

[bignick]

I can sense I will be back to my normal self a week on Monday. Dont know why but can feel it in my bones.

[cherokeeprinces]

anyone who is willing to talk to someone who doesnt stutter is more than welcome to call me if they want. One person in here has already spoken with me on the phone and we have had some great conversations and a lot of laughs and good times and even had some serious conversations.

[Standingtall]

. . . and the office stock of tissue!!!:eek:
BigNick is getting ready to polish the underside of his desk again, eh!!!! :eek: Most people polish the top side.

[cherokeeprinces]

look whose talking!