Meet girls family...

[aKoChiC86]

Hello,

I have girl for now, and with her I don't stutter much at all,.. and if I feel I would I keep somewhat quiet.

Now, last night I felt panic when I was at her place.
She talked to her brother on phone, and they really talked much, joking and so. That made me feel very different after all,.. because I don't talk very much.

How would I fit in?

She told me that maybe her brother should come over (they live in another town) this weekend and wanted to meet me and so. I could not see that as any other thing than a "test"...

And we talked about visiting her hometown this spring, you know... taking the next step in a relation.

Anyway, I "panicked" and made up an excuse and left about 30min after...

My worries: I may stutter a lot when her brother is here,
I always stutter on "What do you do?"
"E-e-e-e.. economics"..

THAT, my stutter, is the only thing that keeps me from wanting this relation to go further,... Quite pathetic eh? :rolleyes:

And imagine future family dinners at her town,.. bound to be interrogative and observing me and so.
Bound to stutter also.

I am a quiet person and her family certainly isn't.

So question: How to cope with these family meetings?
Just feel that I can't be myself...
Should I talk to her about these worries? Haven't told her in person that I stutter, but perhaps she'd noticed...

Thanks, don't know exactly what to as, mostly wanted to get some thoughts out.

[bignick]

Hello,

I have girl for now, and with her I don't stutter much at all,.. and if I feel I would I keep somewhat quiet.

Now, last night I felt panic when I was at her place.
She talked to her brother on phone, and they really talked much, joking and so. That made me feel very different after all,.. because I don't talk very much.

How would I fit in?

She told me that maybe her brother should come over (they live in another town) this weekend and wanted to meet me and so. I could not see that as any other thing than a "test"...

And we talked about visiting her hometown this spring, you know... taking the next step in a relation.

Anyway, I "panicked" and made up an excuse and left about 30min after...

My worries: I may stutter a lot when her brother is here,
I always stutter on "What do you do?"
"E-e-e-e.. economics"..

THAT, my stutter, is the only thing that keeps me from wanting this relation to go further,... Quite pathetic eh? :rolleyes:

And imagine future family dinners at her town,.. bound to be interrogative and observing me and so.
Bound to stutter also.

I am a quiet person and her family certainly isn't.

So question: How to cope with these family meetings?
Just feel that I can't be myself...
Should I talk to her about these worries? Haven't told her in person that I stutter, but perhaps she'd noticed...

Thanks, don't know exactly what to as, mostly wanted to get some thoughts out.


In my opinion, I would talk to her about your concerns, you dont want to lose this girl because you are scared. You cant keep on walking away from stressful situations all your life, so next time open up to someone, tell them your fears and stick it out. You might be amazed how well it goes.

Nick

[3FingerBrown]

i agree with Bignick,
Fear aside, if you love this girl enough to want to take it to the next step then you must be honest with her and share your concerns with her.
She obvioulsy already loves you and such openness on your part will only draw her closer to you.
Do you see this as a test or do you think she sees this as a test for you? Just sounds to me like she loves you.

The way I see it you have 3 choices...

1 - Don't meet the family, lose this love, fear love for the rest of your life, lower your self esteem, lose confidence in yourself and hate yourself for ever...

2 - Try to meet the family without being open about your concerns. Don't be yourself, retreat further into your own head, allow your fears and concerns to grow, don't be honestt with her and eventually lose her anyway. Lose confidence. hate yourself etc etc etc...

3 - First share your concerns with your love, draw her closer in and stop feeling alone and misunderstood. Meet her brother and her family, advertise that you stutter, kill the big white elephant in the room and convert your fear into courage for being so open and strong.

Whats the worst thing that can happen if you stutter in front of her family?
Whats the worst thing that WILL happen if you don't meet her family?

We've all been scared of these situattions and its not pathetic! Its stuttering.

[aKoChiC86]

Really appreciate your posts bignick and 3finger.. :)

You're right, it will probably draw me closer to her and her to me...
I'll give it a go.

Thanks

[Standingtall]

I agree with Nick and Ari. When I had to meet the wife's side of the family, I shared many of your feelings you have right now. When I opened to them for the first time, It was so much easier to approach them afterwards and the stress of worry what they think is almost non-existent. I have an excellent relationship with my sister in law and her boyfriend and her son. I spent a lot of time with the guys during hunting season and talking about cars, 4x4ing. So I echo the words of the Nick and Ari, and you may find them more understanding. Good Luck and do let us know how it went.

[Gary1450]

Definitely let her know you stutter. She might even let her family know, which doesn't need to be embarrassing. I've been through it all.

I don't see any other way.

[aKoChiC86]

Hello again,

I have some news.
Me and my girl lied in bed talking about stuff, and we had a breakthrough. See, I have told her that I have really hard to open up, but that night I did.

I told her about my stutter, how I am very anxious all the time, that I wanted to get it off my chest...,
and that it is a great concern for me because of a upcoming family meeting later next week.

She said that she'd never noticed it and was surprised..
And note this, her words were:

"This, you telling me this, only makes my feelings for you stronger.. IF POSSIBLE"... Aaaw... :)

So thanks a lot guys, you gave me a push in the right and true direction.

Now that she knows, perhaps the pressure of meeting her family softens,

[Professor]

Hello,

I have girl for now, and with her I don't stutter much at all,.. and if I feel I would I keep somewhat quiet.

Now, last night I felt panic when I was at her place.
She talked to her brother on phone, and they really talked much, joking and so. That made me feel very different after all,.. because I don't talk very much.

How would I fit in?

She told me that maybe her brother should come over (they live in another town) this weekend and wanted to meet me and so. I could not see that as any other thing than a "test"...

And we talked about visiting her hometown this spring, you know... taking the next step in a relation.

Anyway, I "panicked" and made up an excuse and left about 30min after...

My worries: I may stutter a lot when her brother is here,
I always stutter on "What do you do?"
"E-e-e-e.. economics"..

THAT, my stutter, is the only thing that keeps me from wanting this relation to go further,... Quite pathetic eh? :rolleyes:

And imagine future family dinners at her town,.. bound to be interrogative and observing me and so.
Bound to stutter also.

I am a quiet person and her family certainly isn't.

So question: How to cope with these family meetings?
Just feel that I can't be myself...
Should I talk to her about these worries? Haven't told her in person that I stutter, but perhaps she'd noticed...

Thanks, don't know exactly what to as, mostly wanted to get some thoughts out.

definantly tell her about how you feel. And definantly tell her that you have a speech impediment or just slight speech problems depending on how it is with you. but personally now i tell almost everyone that i have a speech problem and i dont look at it as a way of putting myself down or anything because you just have to accept it. But i feel you on gettin nervous talking to her brother i get major anxiety before having to meet someone new but then when i do i feel so good afterwards and then i think back and say what was i worried about.

[Professor]

Hello again,

I have some news.
Me and my girl lied in bed talking about stuff, and we had a breakthrough. See, I have told her that I have really hard to open up, but that night I did.

I told her about my stutter, how I am very anxious all the time, that I wanted to get it off my chest...,
and that it is a great concern for me because of a upcoming family meeting later next week.

She said that she'd never noticed it and was surprised..
And note this, her words were:

"This, you telling me this, only makes my feelings for you stronger.. IF POSSIBLE"... Aaaw... :)

So thanks a lot guys, you gave me a push in the right and true direction.

Now that she knows, perhaps the pressure of meeting her family softens,

oo i didnt see this post before i posted above but good job in telling her and one of my speech thearpist before use to tell me that guys that stutter that she worked with always have beautiful wifes and the one thing that girls always say is tell me how you feel show ur emtions, and as stutterers a lot of us have a lot of emotion and arent like regular guys/men.

[Hans]

aKOCHiC86, few of us can hide their stutter, yet we keep trying. While still stuttering, my calmest moments were immediately after talking about my stutter and how it made me feel. It required courage to trust someone with my "secret".

[Jeff99]

the only ting i can say is be yourself your girl likes you for who you are so just be who you are. there is no point hiding or pretending to be someone esle. just open up be yourself.that should go for everyone if we are who we really are then we will all be alot hppier. there is no point trying to be someone esle we are only hurting ourselves. Goodluck mate all the best

[3FingerBrown]

Hello again,

I have some news.
Me and my girl lied in bed talking about stuff, and we had a breakthrough. See, I have told her that I have really hard to open up, but that night I did.

I told her about my stutter, how I am very anxious all the time, that I wanted to get it off my chest...,
and that it is a great concern for me because of a upcoming family meeting later next week.

She said that she'd never noticed it and was surprised..
And note this, her words were:

"This, you telling me this, only makes my feelings for you stronger.. IF POSSIBLE"... Aaaw... :)

So thanks a lot guys, you gave me a push in the right and true direction.

Now that she knows, perhaps the pressure of meeting her family softens,


Kudos! Handled very well!!!

[aKoChiC86]

Hey,

So I spent Easter at her familys place and I was nervous before but it went beyond expectation :)

I only stuttered twice..:

Once talking to her brother first day, telling that I study "e-e-e-e-economics.."

And to the brothers friend:
"I am twe-twe-twe... twentyone."

But it didnt affect or degrade the session over there...
Only thing, was that I was quite quiet around dinner and so.. Partly because of hiding stutter, but mostly because years of stutterng has shaped my social approach to many situations.

How do people start to talk more? Because I amd a quiet person, how to make dinner more talking?? :)

[bignick]

In my opinion, there is not much wrong with not talking much around dinner, I tend to let others speak and listen intently and when a subject comes up which I have some knowledge on, I then interact with the others. I wouldnt talk for the sake of it as I have tried this and said some comments which dont make any kind of sense.
Congratulations on spending the easter break with the g/f's family, you have to realise you have achieved a hell of a lot and come so far with your openness of your speech. Keep up the good work and remember that nothing is impossible.

Nick

[3FingerBrown]

Ako,
I’m really happy for you that you had a great Easter and that it all worked out as well as it did.
That you only stuttered twice is great but let me ask you something…
Was it a success because you only stuttered twice or was it a success because you were open, honest and courageous?

If you want to get better at small talk, start small…
Waiting on line at the store? Try to strike up a conversation with the person behind you. You’ll probably never see them again so who cares what they think and its great practice.
Chat up the cashier, chat up the security guard, chat up any and everybody.
I hid for so long that I thought I’d forgotten how to be sociable, boy was I wrong!!
Want to be really daring? Go to the mall and don’t leave until you speak to 100 strangers.
Considering how you shared with your girlfriend she might even come with you for support.
Thank you for sharing this with us and keep it up.

Congratulations, Ari

[Standingtall]

Hey,

So I spent Easter at her familys place and I was nervous before but it went beyond expectation :)

I only stuttered twice..:

Once talking to her brother first day, telling that I study "e-e-e-e-economics.."

And to the brothers friend:
"I am twe-twe-twe... twentyone."

But it didnt affect or degrade the session over there...
Only thing, was that I was quite quiet around dinner and so.. Partly because of hiding stutter, but mostly because years of stutterng has shaped my social approach to many situations.

How do people start to talk more? Because I amd a quiet person, how to make dinner more talking?? :)
Congrats on taking the next big step in your relationship with your girlfriend.

I remember meeting my inlaws for the first time. The women left me alone with her dad and I guess her dad was not big on the conversation part too, but we hit it off right away. I was shaking so bad in the inside and trying to look calm, was not a easy thing to do. So my reputation as a good man, proceeded me and I didn't have any problems in meeting the rest of the wife's family.

I for one, don't like to talk while eating, but I usually let other people start up a conversations and like Nick, jump in when I know something. One on one, I am good at starting a conversation, but like most PWS, i'm comfortable with silence.

Once again Congrats!!!!!

[Ayman]

O M G

when i read what ure girlfriend said to you i just felt sooooo happy for you...see happy endings do come true, GOOD LUCK with ure relationship man i hope everythign goes well.

[aKoChiC86]

O M G

when i read what ure girlfriend said to you i just felt sooooo happy for you...see happy endings do come true, GOOD LUCK with ure relationship man i hope everythign goes well.

Thank you Ayman :)
Yes I feel that ever since that moment I have become more open with her and now we can talk about ANYTHING that worries one or the other...
She open me up, and that's good :)

I am really glad that I got so supportive feedback from all you people,.. really appreciate it!

Andreas

[Ayman]

thats why were here for dude :) to give/recive support anytime :)