Soda Popinski
05-16-2007, 09:07 PM
Where to start...? I googled stuttering just browsing the internet and came across this forum. Thought I would drop a line. I've never really communicated with anyone else who stuttered. There was a kid who I went to speech therapy with during school but that's about it. When I was growing up, people used to tell me that everybody stutters. I understand that. I know that to be true. I don't mean to be cynical but those people don't truly understand what it's like to deal with it on an every moment basis. So I hope to meet some here who truly understand where I have been coming from all of these years.
So here's me... I'm 26. I've stuttered for as long as I can remember. I was in the school speech therapy program from the 1st grade all the way until I graduated high school. In grade school, it was more of a stutter. As in I would stammer my words. I would say it was relatively mild. I didn't mind being called on to read during class at this time. I actually enjoyed it. For some reason, grade school was pretty easy in regards to the stress that stuttering can cause.
Then came middle school. Maybe it was just a new group of people (there were 3 grade schools who came together for middle school), but whenever I would get called on in class, someone would laugh or make some tasteless joke. So this is when the stress really started and gradually during these years my speech became worse and worse.
Then high school came and the pressure to fit in was maximized to the fullest. So during this time my speech became hideous to the point of just a total blockage of air. I could only communicate with those I was comfortable around. I became depressed and reclusive among other things. I picked up boxing to vent my anger and, well, to at least attempt to keep the predators off of me.
I got through high school. It wasn't easy but I made it. I'm glad I stuck it out and finished. And while I have my regrets that I didn't live these years to the fullest of my potential, the whole experience was a lesson learned in life that I think made me a better person today. My speech is still what it has been for years, I would say it may be less than 50% fluency. There are good days and bad days though.
Six months after graduating high school, I met my future wife. She's absolutely great. She's the reason life has been so much better than the dreadful high school days. I have a job that doesn't require much communication. It's a good thing I live in the age of computers. I'm still involved in boxing but not in the same way. I am a professional boxing judge. I get to travel around the country, be on TV, meet a variety of people most of whom are very understanding of my speech (believe it or not, Don King is a very nice man.) I meet an ignorant person once in a while, but I refuse to let them drag me down.
I have a baby daughter who is 6 months old. Being a father is literally the greatest thing in the world. She lights up even the hardest of days.
Being a stutterer, even one so severe as I am, always seemed like I was dealt the worst deck of cards possible. But as I've grown up and matured, it's a blessing. It's a blessing in that there are children who I am close to, family and friends, who have seen me struggle, and have learned the value of patience. I like to think I played some role in that. It's a blessing in that my daughter will grow up one day with a big heart all because her daddy struggled. Because she'll see firsthand how difficult it is. (Maybe she'll grow up to be a speech therapist. Wouldn't that be nice.) I've seen it in the people, even the children, around me. I could choose to look at my speech as a burden. And sometimes it certainly feels like it. But then I think about what my burden teaches others. The next generation. If my daughter is anything like her mother, she'll grow up with a big heart. She'll grow up not making fun of others. Not judging. She'll grow up wanting to help and understand.
I have grown into more of an acceptance stage. I don't really try to fix my speech anymore. Maybe I should, I don't know. It can be a burden. But it's only a burden if I let it be. With all of life's potentials out there, why allow it to be a burden?
Wow... feels like I wrote a book even though the little bit I did write was just a brief summary. So that's me in a very tiny nutshell.
So here's me... I'm 26. I've stuttered for as long as I can remember. I was in the school speech therapy program from the 1st grade all the way until I graduated high school. In grade school, it was more of a stutter. As in I would stammer my words. I would say it was relatively mild. I didn't mind being called on to read during class at this time. I actually enjoyed it. For some reason, grade school was pretty easy in regards to the stress that stuttering can cause.
Then came middle school. Maybe it was just a new group of people (there were 3 grade schools who came together for middle school), but whenever I would get called on in class, someone would laugh or make some tasteless joke. So this is when the stress really started and gradually during these years my speech became worse and worse.
Then high school came and the pressure to fit in was maximized to the fullest. So during this time my speech became hideous to the point of just a total blockage of air. I could only communicate with those I was comfortable around. I became depressed and reclusive among other things. I picked up boxing to vent my anger and, well, to at least attempt to keep the predators off of me.
I got through high school. It wasn't easy but I made it. I'm glad I stuck it out and finished. And while I have my regrets that I didn't live these years to the fullest of my potential, the whole experience was a lesson learned in life that I think made me a better person today. My speech is still what it has been for years, I would say it may be less than 50% fluency. There are good days and bad days though.
Six months after graduating high school, I met my future wife. She's absolutely great. She's the reason life has been so much better than the dreadful high school days. I have a job that doesn't require much communication. It's a good thing I live in the age of computers. I'm still involved in boxing but not in the same way. I am a professional boxing judge. I get to travel around the country, be on TV, meet a variety of people most of whom are very understanding of my speech (believe it or not, Don King is a very nice man.) I meet an ignorant person once in a while, but I refuse to let them drag me down.
I have a baby daughter who is 6 months old. Being a father is literally the greatest thing in the world. She lights up even the hardest of days.
Being a stutterer, even one so severe as I am, always seemed like I was dealt the worst deck of cards possible. But as I've grown up and matured, it's a blessing. It's a blessing in that there are children who I am close to, family and friends, who have seen me struggle, and have learned the value of patience. I like to think I played some role in that. It's a blessing in that my daughter will grow up one day with a big heart all because her daddy struggled. Because she'll see firsthand how difficult it is. (Maybe she'll grow up to be a speech therapist. Wouldn't that be nice.) I've seen it in the people, even the children, around me. I could choose to look at my speech as a burden. And sometimes it certainly feels like it. But then I think about what my burden teaches others. The next generation. If my daughter is anything like her mother, she'll grow up with a big heart. She'll grow up not making fun of others. Not judging. She'll grow up wanting to help and understand.
I have grown into more of an acceptance stage. I don't really try to fix my speech anymore. Maybe I should, I don't know. It can be a burden. But it's only a burden if I let it be. With all of life's potentials out there, why allow it to be a burden?
Wow... feels like I wrote a book even though the little bit I did write was just a brief summary. So that's me in a very tiny nutshell.