How do you put up with parents that blame you for things that go wrong?

[peikayla]

My name is Kayla MacLean and I am 16 years old. My Step father keeps leaving and when he comes back he blames it on me and my stutter. My mom agrees and I get punished and She takes him back. My parents don't understand what I am going through and When I try to talk to them resonably they turn it around and I either get punished or slapped. I don't know what to do!

[Professor]

omg this is bad because my parents always try to help me and i dont think EVER blamed me for my stuttering try to talk to a teacher at school or if they hurt you try to go to the police or something because its NOT YOUR FAULT if you stutter you were born that way or its your destiny to have it. So try to do those things or just talk to someone your comfortable with talking whos an adult.

[peikayla]

I have tried Professor and They always seem to ask my parents and well they say no and I get in trouble. No one seems to believe me because when my mom meets someone she acts and she isn't herself. I am to afraid to tell the police because I have twin stepsisters and what would happen to them and me. They hate me and I am not to fond of them either but They need my parents and I don't want to be takin away from my only friends. It is really hard for me to make new ones, most of my friends are my teachers and former teachers.

[Professor]

wow thats really sad :\

[Bobby]

no offence to ur family, but they dont seem very smart. i really feel sorry for you

you need to get someone who knows about stuttering, and the effects, and all the things that happens with it to explain to them. maybe find a friend of ur mums, they might understand and they could talk to them for you.

[peikayla]

I wish! But I would only get in trouble and thats not something I want to Get in to. Just talking to you guys helps a little. So Thanks :)

[wenchnwitches]

You need to talk to a counsellor in confidence, because you obviously need someone that will protect you and teach you how to handle your step father who is - forgive me Kayla - but a real loser....

You know why he blames you? Because it is EASIER and requires less effort from him when he blames your actions for his unhappiness- that way, he can excuse his laziness for not changing because in his eyes, he is fine the way he is.....your mother seems afraid of losing him..I am so sorry for your troubles...but please see if you can get a phone number that you can talk to someone in confidence...you don't even have to give your real name when you're talking over the phone...You need some strategies for dealing with this bullshit.

[peikayla]

I would have to call it at a phone booth because the numbers that are called come on our phone bill and my parents are very nosey. If there was only a universe that we could choose our families. LOL :D

[Insha]

I am lucky in that sence that my parents are cooperative.I usually talk alot with my family and friends and even close relatives even though i stammer.But some times in some occations where lot of people are there i really fell uncomfortable and i also stammer more and feel nervous so i avoid talking .My family and friends are very patient with me.I really love to talk but what to do i never could do it fluently.

[Theo Dreiser]

Kayla, you need to learn how to be more assertive. Fortunately you are at the age where you will have more independence so others will translate any increased level of assertiveness as a sign you are growing into an adult.

The stepfather sounds like a real asshole.

[peikayla]

Thanks Theo!
What do you mean being assertive?
He is... :mad:

[Theo Dreiser]

Thanks Theo!
What do you mean being assertive?
He is... :mad:
Assertiveness. Surely you know what that means?! Go to your local bookstore, or library. 'Assertiveness' (definition) is the ability to express yourself and your rights without violating the rights of others.

Ok, the guy sounds crazy, intolerant, and even unable to deal with himself. I feel sorry for your mother - can you imagine having to be the woman who puts up with that?!

If I was in your position, I would hang out more with my friends.

[Daveyboy]

Is there a speech therapist in your school system? If it hasn't been done already perhaps if you met with someone who could relay a proper diagnosis and message of tolerance to your family they may possibly ease up on you.

People sometimes lash out or are frustrated by things they do not understand.

Help them understand.

[peikayla]

Thanks! Yes there is but I have tried and she only makes it worse. My parents won't talk to me because they tell me not to talk if I can't talk fluently. My Mom says she understands because she has stutter for all of 3 years, but I know she doesn't. And I can't get someone else to talk to them because then I will get in trouble for telling outsiders our personal lives. Thanks for the adivce though.

[Oldwolf]

Kayla,
You are in a tough position. The job of parents is to guide and nuture their children so that they can grow into healthy, happy adults. Your parents sound like they don't have a clue and unfortunately that means you will have to do your own guiding and nuturing. It can be done! Try to make friends with adults you trust like teachers and relatives. Do you have any Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents that you like and trust? I hope so, and if you do, get to know them better if you already haven't.

Remember we are all your friends here.

Good luck and take care,
Brad

[pikaia]

This is kind of an old post that I happened to stumble upon, but my god... this guy is a horrible person for blaming you for your stutter. You are 16, so you are almost of age to get out of there. Just stay positive and know that you are never to blame. He will get what's coming to him in karma...

[Flash]

My parents are similar to that of peikayla's but definetely not as bad. I can't wait until i'm financially ready to move out of my parents house but thats probably still gonna be quite some time since i'm currently 18 and I just started college.

I wrote about my parents when I introduced myself. Here it is....

My parents can sometimes be really great and awesome, but many times I do wish that I had different people as parents. I get into many fights with them. My mom often makes fun at my stuttering by often mocking me and laughing at me. My dad doesn’t make fun at me, but he often does ask why I can’t talk better and says that I’ll be a failure at life and won’t amount to anything. When my mom hears him say those things, she usually joins in and starts to talk on and on about that crap. The funny thing is that my mom basically hasn’t done anything with her life either. Anyways, it’s easy to see that my parents don’t really support or encourage me. It really hurts me when they say those things, but I’m trying to use it to my advantage now by trying to prove them wrong and laughing in their face when I do accomplish something that they say I couldn’t

[ysy]

Peikayla,

Poor dear. I really hope you can talk more to people you trust. I know your parents don't understand you, but we are all in the same boat, hope you'll get out of your troubles soon...

BTW, are your parents very fluent people??? Recently I have been reading about toddlers learning to identify with their parents. If for any reason the child rejects a parent's image, he/she will reject what this parent represents. And I think it's so true in my case. My mom is so fluent, she's so good in articulating and speaking foreign languages. But throughout my life I always find myself not feeling identifying with her at all. Sometimes when I was still very young I said to myself I mustn't be like her when I'm older. And I think this is what causes me to stutter, it's a way to disidentify with my mother. Do you think this might be your case as well?

[stayathomemom]

you need to tell someone and if your parents do anything because you sought help you can ask to be removed from the home due to mental and emotional abuse which here in the UnitedStates is just as illegal as physical abuse

[Oldwolf]

Peikayla,
Are you OK? You haven't replied in 2 months. :(
Brad

[stayathomemom]

oldwolf she might be scared and just needs time to think about what everyone has told her. I myself do not stutter but I knew someone who does and he was terrified of not being able to communicate with people. I tried to be his support line but unfortunately he was just too ashamed of himself to accept that people out in the world do care so I think she is in the same position she knows people out there do care but she is so afraid of what her parents will say and do that she is caught between a rock and a hard place.

[peikayla]

I have had a tough time and I love my family even after what they have done. At least they have kept me and didn't send me away because of my stutter. My friend Laura and I were talking and she said I was living a real life Cinderalla story. When I think of It I am and I have found My Prince I think. His name is Desmond and he is 22(23 on September. 15) He helps me when I am stuck and he looks past my stutter to who I am. My parents still Hit me, spank me others say. I tell them I am too old for it But my mother doesnt care and says you are as long as your under my roof! I can't go to univerisity next year because I can't afford it and I can't get a decent job because my mother prevents it. I don't know what to do. When I turn 18(May 28) my parents are making me pay $50 rent each month and I don't have the cash.
I don't know what to do......I know you guys care and that means alot...I need help!!!!!!
Peace,
kayla
PS.
Check out my websites at:
www.kaylamacleanspage.piczo.com
www.stutteringsupport.piczo.com

[stayathomemom]

your parents by law can be arrested for domestic violence for hitting you it is illegal and they can get into serious trouble. My feeling is if someone doesnt report the violence to the authorities something more serious could happen to you. If they hit you hard enough they could kill you and I know that isnt what you want and for them to forbid you to work means they are ashamed to let anyone know about you due to your stutter which isnt right my feeling is I would go to the authorities and tell them what is happening and if they wont do anything to help you then I do not know what to tell you. What your parents are doing is a criminal act and they need to pay for what they are doing to you. I am not saying this to hurt you further but you need to get out of there your very life may depend on it.

[CTre]

My parents are similar to that of peikayla's but definetely not as bad. I can't wait until i'm financially ready to move out of my parents house but thats probably still gonna be quite some time since i'm currently 18 and I just started college.

I wrote about my parents when I introduced myself. Here it is....

damn thats deep.. also it motivated me :)
my dad never really supported me or anything.. but my mom has been there for me through these years.. I'm as well starting college.. I'm having a hard time, but I'll make it.

[Flash]

damn thats deep.. also it motivated me :)
my dad never really supported me or anything.. but my mom has been there for me through these years.. I'm as well starting college.. I'm having a hard time, but I'll make it.I'm honored that it motivated you. Glad to see at least something good can come out of it.

It is deep and it actually goes a little deeper. About 1 year ago, my mom even said a good number of times that she wishes I was dead. The feeling you get when hearing such words coming from your own mother are just indescribable. Well it's been about a year since she's said those words. Things have been getting a little better but it's still really far off from being a good relationship. She often starts stupid arguments about literally nothing.

[sloth]

Wow Flash. I'm really sorry about your relationship with your mother. It sounds like it must be extremely awful to deal with, and it is still hard for me to comprehend about all the other people that have posted about similar situations. Yet it is incredible that everyone is fighting through there home-life difficulties. All I can do is offer my support to all of you who need it (e-mail in profile if needed). Be strong, and best of luck

[peikayla]

Thanks everyone for your support. I am on a trip with "Encounters With Canada" Right now and am in Ottawa Canada's Captial. Iam having a blast and everyone excepts my stutter. Hope to hear from you guys again. Later! :)

[gladius]

Indeed very sad...hang in there.

It's not your fault you stutter, them getting mad is not only illogical but cruel.

gladius

[peikayla]

Thanks! I know but its my family and i can't do much. my mom would kill me if I did anything like telling.
I hope i move out soon! :(

[peikayla]

Last night there was a hockey game between some teachers and students...My friend Chelsey played...she drove her boyfriend home and then before midnight the unimagineable happened! She was wearing her seat belt and she hit a colvert(cement sewer thing) and flew threw her windshield and died.....There was no school today but there were councelling sessions.....I feel like shit! :(

[Standingtall]

Kayla, I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. My sincere condolence.

[peikayla]

My mom is so touchy, its getting close to me turning 18 and she is just waiting for an excuse to kick me out. I can't take it anymore i have to tell someone here. I only trust my friends and they all no, and you guys no, but I only trust 2 other people,my music teacher Kirk white(my best friend) and my choir instructor Christie beck(my 3rd cousin on my birth fathers side). What DO I DO?

[Standingtall]

I will be looking forward to the change and I would have been making my own plans to leave and be on my own. I am trying to read your post, and it sounds like you don't want to leave, kind of scared in a way of the change you will be forced to make. I don't know the best advice to give you. You are going to have to make that move anyway, to make it out on your own and there is help out there for you to make that change. Start making your own plans, goals, and be ready. I hope that helps.

[peikayla]

I do want to leave but I don't have any money and so it makes it hard to get a place when you don't. I am applying to be a camp councelor and will live away from home all summer, so that will be good! :D

[Standingtall]

Good luck, hope you get it. Your mom has issues, and I feel sorry for her. I understand how you feel. I was the first to leave home, but I had a job and a room came with it. I saved up money and rented a apartment with my younger brother. He got the damage deposit from welfare and I paid for rent, until he got an job. I remember eating lots of KD. Another brother moved in and we welcomed him with open arms. He didn't have a job right away and stayed on welfare, until then. I know you can make it, if you had too. I don't think I have been to your town, but I have been to your part of the country and students are always looking for room mates, you can try and arrange things with friends or any family members on their own. Well, those are some thoughts, hope they help.

[hafidmetal]

yeah sometimes parents dont wannna understand us..because they dont know wht we are going through..thats really sad
anyway believe in urself ..bluild ur confidence
and u are here in the forum....we can all help each other
cheers and the best good luck.

[wenchnwitches]

This is addressed to other stutterers who join support groups like this one: Do you find that you are understood better here by fellow stutterers than people you deal with on a daily basis? Is there more support here because of the deeper understanding that fellow stutterers have?

[Standingtall]

This is addressed to other stutterers who join support groups like this one: Do you find that you are understood better here by fellow stutterers than people you deal with on a daily basis? Is there more support here because of the deeper understanding that fellow stutterers have?
I for one, find comfortant that I am not alone. It is only natural, if I was bi-ual, I would seek out other bi-ual's. Yes, many days i like to be understood because of the day to day struggle. This is a very vocal world we live in. I believe there is a lot of support and understanding in this forum. I have picked up some cool friends and we seem to enjoy each other's company and joking around. We have brought many smiles to each other's faces. It is only natural to help other's out that ask for it and it does feel good. Wenchnwitches, i have notice you have been an member for a couple of years now, so you are an vetern. Nice to meet you.