Hello, nice resource here

[Jake]

I am a 30something male who has stuttered at varying levels since middle school or so. It seems that I have developed so many substitute word choices that most of my close friends probably have no idea what a problem it actually is. Unfortunately or fortunately, I am an attorney (real estate luckily, no court), but clients want to have confidence in their lawyers so I am always so deathly afraid that I will stutter in a meeting or on the phone.

I'd like to learn on this site if people have had success with medication or other newer therapies. I tried speech therapy a few times but never with much success, mainly because it was so expensive and time consuming and I never had much confidence in the therapists or their methods.

Best of luck to everyone here.

[bwelling]

I am a 30something male who has stuttered at varying levels since middle school or so. It seems that I have developed so many substitute word choices that most of my close friends probably have no idea what a problem it actually is. Unfortunately or fortunately, I am an attorney (real estate luckily, no court), but clients want to have confidence in their lawyers so I am always so deathly afraid that I will stutter in a meeting or on the phone.

I'd like to learn on this site if people have had success with medication or other newer therapies. I tried speech therapy a few times but never with much success, mainly because it was so expensive and time consuming and I never had much confidence in the therapists or their methods.

Best of luck to everyone here.

Welcome Jake - I'm am sure you will find this forum an excellent resource. The threads and posts from other members are from the real world and not to found in many places. It will be worth your time. I relate to you situation. I am a CPA with my own practice. I'm not sure what the bigger challange is; dealing with the stutter or the dealing with the fear of stuttering. I've been on board for about two months and it has been a most excellent ride. - bwelling

[Standingtall]

Welcome Jake, good to have you hear. Don't be a stranger and give us a chance to know you and we will give every effort for you to know us.

[timitao]

hi jake nice to meet you, hope you find out a few new tools.

You said that you clients want someone confident? whats that got to do with being disfluent.

you can be disfluent and confident. You obviously have some confidence or you wouldn't be an attorney, but are you sure the lack of condidence comes from the stammer?

I only ask because i found that i used to think my disfluency was linked to my confidence and i would just blame things on the stammer, when really it was how i saw myself as an individual and how i perceived others saw me.

just a thought.

[Jake]

thanks for the replies but some of you misunderstand. It is not that I am not confident, but that I want my clients to have confidence in me. Communication is a large part of my job, and someone paying $400/hour needs to have confidence in their attorney.

I have the confidence or I wouldnt have gone into the career, but it is giving others the same opinion.

[timitao]

most of my close friends probably have no idea what a problem it actually is. Unfortunately or fortunately, I am an attorney (real estate luckily, no court), but clients want to have confidence in their lawyers so I am always so deathly afraid that I will stutter in a meeting or on the phone.
Best of luck to everyone here.

It seems to me you haven't accepted your stutter, and are going to great lengths to hide it. many of us have been there.

Before you do undertake in any therapy id strongly suggest talking to your friends about how much of a problem it is. Really it is so important to have peace of mind. Do you get to talk to anyone about how much of a problem it is?

[Jake]

^^^ I have, I think, convinced my family and my wife what a struggle it has been, but I have the impression that most do not really take it seriously since I so rarely stutter. Certainly I accept my stutter but that doesn't mean I have given in to it as I am always confident that it can be overcome. I do admit to never have accepted the feeling I get when I stutter in front of people for the first time. I wish I didnt have the feelings of shame or embarassment but I do. Recently I have started taking lexapro to keep the anxiety level very low and that seems to help.

My goal is to eliminate all substitutions and just say whatever I want to say regardless of fluency, but that is of course a difficult process after years of learned behavior.

[hobbex]

Hello Jake and welcome! :)

I have tried out SpeechEasy, and the less expensive norwegian device. Neither worked for me.

I think it will help you if you stutter on words "a-a-ape" and not like me with a silent-blocking "......ape". :\

But medicin as you mentioned, are there any? I've never ever heard of such a thing for stuttering! I would be glad to get informed on that. :)

[timitao]

completely understand where your coming from mate.

It is so so tough to actually put it into words just how much it can affect your life.

Also it is hard for people who dont stutter to comprehend as they dont see you do it much.

I was where you are 2 years ago, to the world i was fluent, but inside i was a mess.

I gradually decided to go on a journey to overcome the problem, but what i found was something much better - acceptance of who i am.

What i would suggest is slowly day by day try and push yourself to not avoid.

Start off slow and track your progress.

The difficulty though is the fear others will hear you stutter, now this im afraid theirs no other way than to be honest with yourself and others.

I have found that when ive told people ive had a speech disfluency all my life they turned around and said WHAT?

i explained a little bit to them about avoidance and blocks and they were gobsmacked.

Maybe start off by telling your partner in a sincere way how much it affects you. Say it with meaning and tell her you are looking to improve.

Support is so important, and if you really want to cut down on the avoiding you do have to go backwards to go forwards.

When i decided to stop blocking and avoiding altogether, it was so ing scary man!

how bad to you block? i mean i would block as in i told myself i could not physically say certain words.

Now ive got my fluency up too as good as it was 2 years ago, but with the blocking and avoiding and it feels so good.

Also it has changed me as a person being so honest with people. Its made me less judgemental and also given me aspirations and dreams.

I'm a firm believer in that with every adversity their is a blessing, so just be as honest as you can with yourself and others.

As with regards to stuttering when talking to clients, what about telling them before hand if your having a bad day say just to say something like " i have a minor speech disfluency so i'll need to speak slow.

I mean if you think this will make you more nervous then obviously dont do it, but i honestly think the only way you'll really improve with fluency without avoiding to be open.

Then you can practise talking slower and your more at ease because your not hiding anything.

Obviously it is difficult as you said it's a learned behaviour but ask many people on here to be open about it is a whole load better.

Im 5 stone lighter lol

[Jake]

Apologies for the crossed lines.

You say that you are "always so deathly afraid that I will stutter in a meeting or on the phone".

If you are afraid, then how can you give off confidence?

Good luck finding what you desire.

you have no ing clue what I am referring to, sorry for the confusion. If a client has a $100 Million deal they are not going to be too patient with their attorney's speech defect ok? They need to be able to get advice quickly and accurately. Personally I have a mortgage and lots of obligations - thus I of course worry as I compete against hundreds of other professionals that do not have a speech defect and one slip up could be trouble. That has nothing to do with a lack of confidence in myself, it has to do with the unfortunate reality of how fluent speakers view stutterers. I alone cannot change that perception. I am vastly confident in my abilities, but if you do not understand that business capitalists are by nature less than full understanding and compassionate than I'd rather you refrain from comment. I appreciate the other replies though.

[bwelling]

thanks for the replies but some of you misunderstand. It is not that I am not confident, but that I want my clients to have confidence in me. Communication is a large part of my job, and someone paying $400/hour needs to have confidence in their attorney.

I have the confidence or I wouldnt have gone into the career, but it is giving others the same opinion.

Jake - loving a lawyer defending himself. You've got a tough audience here. Rock on

[bwelling]

- thus I of course worry as I compete against hundreds of other professionals that do not have a speech defect and one slip up could be trouble. That has nothing to do with a lack of confidence in myself, it has to do with the unfortunate reality of how fluent speakers view stutterers.

Amen brother - the professional world, as glamorous as the media wants to make it, is full of vultures waiting to pounce on any weakness. The image professionals need to communicate is total confidence. And looking at the media - It is always the 'great communicators' that are the heroes. The movie 'My Cousin Vinny' protrayed a stuttering lawyer as an idiot. It is brutal.

I love my profession as a CPA, been doing it for 20 years. And my clients expect nothing less than unqualified confidence. I feel I have failed them if I don't give it to them everytime - stutter or no stutter.

[bwelling]

Excuse me, but the image ANYONE needs to communicate, whether 'professional' or otherwise needs to be total confidence. Confidence in your work isn't restricted to what job you do or what 'profession' you have!

Jayne - I do not want to lessen anyone's need to be confident wherever they are. I apoligize to everyone if it comes across like this. I need to be confident ordering a meal at a restaurant or talking on the phone to my wife (who sees my stutter as my lack of confidence in myself). Now, when I am selling my project or services (and my confidence in me) to clients and I know that my mortgage payment and wife and kids next meal could depend on how well I do this - it adds another layer to my struggle with my stutter.

[timitao]

you have no ing clue what I am referring to, sorry for the confusion. .

mind your swearing jake power of three doesn't like that ( but he dont mind ing bitching about people).

Your completely right no one has a ing clue what you personally are going through.

All i can say is absolute respect for doing what you do man.

And to let you know we all help each other out on here ( well most of us do ).

If i get into any shit im calling you dude lol

[bwelling]

I too have a mortgage to pay! I may not be married anymore,but I do have 15 year old twin boys to support. I am a certified accountant...I too need to be confident and project a certain image. But I would still have all this to do if I was a window cleaner selling my services!! I do understand what you mean though, I was just annoyed for a second because you came across as a pompus professional with no understanding of stutterers in a more lowly occupation. Sorry if I have offended you. :)

Jayne - not offended, I set no rules that you have to follow. If you are annoyed, others may have taken it that way also. Again, I do apologize, there was no intent to insult anyones occupation or way of life - Just sorry you were targeting a point I wasn't trying to make.

[Jake]

sorry, no more swearing ....

I 100% agree that anyone's job requires their boss, clients, patients, etc. to have confidence in them, but I do think some jobs and careers put a higher premium on communication than others. There is a reason many stutterers go into jobs like engineering or computer science, where you can avoid a lot of verbal interraction.

Also, I just wanted to make clear that when I am talking about "confidence", I meant the confidence others need to have in you to keep your job - to me that has nothing to do with the confidence you need to have in yourself.

[timitao]

cool ok no more swearing, only because you actually asked me jayne and if ive offended yuo im soory im not an angry person, its just i get wound up by people who back stab and dont just confront you with the issue.

Every thread i write from now on they'll be nothing but peace and love..... maybe a few jokes but no more swearing ( ill try ).

As for power of three ...... do what you want, wont affect my positive world!





CHILDREN READING: SWEARING IS NOT "COOL", ITS NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER, PLEASE DON'T FOLLOW MY POOR EXAMPLE I WAS RAISED BY WILD GOATS, THEY USED TO SWEAR ALOT.

[timitao]

i can feel the love... restored in the forum it's freaking amazing.

ok you want jokes, ill give ya jokes.........

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

[timitao]

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

[timitao]

A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, he said “it's no good trying to outrun it, its catching up”.

The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied “I am not trying to outrun the lion, I am trying to outrun you !”

lmao

[timitao]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.



( o.k. im done for now )

[Jake]

who is this power of 3 guy and why is he so judgmental?

I was not "having a go" at anyone, whatever that means, just clarifying my original point when others were questioning my lack of confidence.

In my opinion, certainly subjective, a stutterer can be the most confident well adjusted person in the world but that unfortunately does not mean the outside world will share its confidence in him. As for professionals compared to others, if you go to school for an additional 3-4 years then you certainly have more at risk if you career does not work out because of your stutter. That is all.

All that said, the whole point of a message board, again in my opinion, is to share different ideas and perspectives to hopefully learn something, which is what I thought we were doing.

[timitao]

i agree jake we should be sharing ideas and viewpoints not arguing with each other.

i see what your saying about it not about you not being confident but about others having confidence in.

We do sadly live in a very judgemental world, with people being influenced by media perceptions of others.

This is why now i devote my time to changing that perception that others may have about people with speech disfluencies.

We are not all nervous, or lack in confidence we have a small dysfunction somewhere that has affected our lives.

I think the only thing each of us can do is let it be known to people.

I work on the chaos theory, if i tell others about my problems and show that it doesnt hold me back then this will cause a ripple affect.

Unfortunately the only way things will change is by being honest about it, i get so annoyed when i hear on the forum about people not being able to get the jobs they want because of their speech.

We all have equal rights in this world, and have the right to have the same treatment as the next person.