the SINGLE best peice of advice you've ever gotten.

[Jamesthe1st]

Share with us the SINGLE best piece of advice you've ever gotten from a therapist/doctor/friend/family member... anyone pretty much about your stutter. It could be a technique or philosophy, whatever you want pretty much.

One night i was at a bar with my friends after work. half my friends went to a night club nearby while i stayed at the bar with a few friends. I personally don't like nightclubs but that's just me. These two girls get friendly and invite us back to there place. When we get in we find there mother is awake watching jackass 2. (beating off the horse scene was disgusting btw). Anyway long story short i end up being left alone with the mother in the kitchen for a good half hour. The effects of my intoxication was wearing off and she was doing lines of coke infront of me which made me feel even more nervous. I was trying to think of an excuse to bail out on this situation when she commented on my stutter. I later found out that she was a nurse for 20 years and had alot of experience with stutters. Long story short i got some of the best advice from her. It was very unexpected which is why i had a good laugh about it after.

[Jamesthe1st]

Share with us the SINGLE best piece of advice you've ever gotten from a therapist/doctor/friend/family member... anyone pretty much about your stutter. It could be a technique or philosophy, whatever you want pretty much.

One night i was at a bar with my friends after work. half my friends went to a night club nearby while i stayed at the bar with a few friends. I personally don't like nightclubs but that's just me. These two girls get friendly and invite us back to there place. When we get in we find there mother is awake watching jackass 2. (beating off the horse scene was disgusting btw). Anyway long story short i end up being left alone with the mother in the kitchen for a good half hour. The effects of my intoxication was wearing off and she was doing lines of coke infront of me which made me feel even more nervous. I was trying to think of an excuse to bail out on this situation when she commented on my stutter. I later found out that she was a nurse for 20 years and had alot of experience with stutters. Long story short i got some of the best advice from her. It was very unexpected which is why i had a good laugh about it after.

One of the techniques she said too try was if you get stuck on a word simply relax, blink a few times and start again. The blinking helps a little bit. Every little bit helps i guess.

[peebee]

Really funny story =) You hang around some weird people though haha!

The best advice someone has given me was to not think so hard about what you are going to say and just let it come out at the last second.

When I was taking speech therapy as a kid, I was always told to think about what I wanted to say, and say the sentence in my mind before you actually say it. I'm sure we all know what happens when you try that though. The thing is, I didn't know any better really and I did just that for a very long time. When I actually tried doing what this person suggested it worked fabulously.

I think that's why I have such a hard time doing interviews and asking questions/telling jokes but can speak pretty fluently on the phone or making smalltalk, because I'm not worried or I don't really know what I'm going to say beforehand.

EDIT: Can you share some of the other things she said as I'm curious? I know the blinking helps, i've done stuff like that but when you get stuck on a word and start blinking or doing something like that you look kind of goofy!

[Jamesthe1st]

Really funny story =) You hang around some weird people though haha!

The best advice someone has given me was to not think so hard about what you are going to say and just let it come out at the last second.

When I was taking speech therapy as a kid, I was always told to think about what I wanted to say, and say the sentence in my mind before you actually say it. I'm sure we all know what happens when you try that though. The thing is, I didn't know any better really and I did just that for a very long time. When I actually tried doing what this person suggested it worked fabulously.

I think that's why I have such a hard time doing interviews and asking questions/telling jokes but can speak pretty fluently on the phone or making smalltalk, because I'm not worried or I don't really know what I'm going to say beforehand.

EDIT: Can you share some of the other things she said as I'm curious? I know the blinking helps, i've done stuff like that but when you get stuck on a word and start blinking or doing something like that you look kind of goofy!


Sadly i was really tired and drunk when i had this conversation. Try and maintain eye contact with the person your talking. I think it's a common reflex when you stutter, too look away either because you want to avoid the persons smirks or whatever OR because you feel ashamed. Try and make the first syllable of the conversation come out smooth and relaxed. If your opening is relaxed the rest of the conversation will flow much easier.

[JDRow]

This is probably simple and obvious, but the best advice I've gotten in speech therapy is to just keep myself focused on what I'm saying (rather than getting distracted by how much I'm stuttering) and to keep moving forward with what I'm saying. There are a lot of different techniques she's tried with me to help me do that, and some work better than others, but they all seem to mainly come down to keeping focused on the content of the conversation instead of my speech and keeping my speech moving forward.

The thing I struggle with is using techniques without putting all of the focus on my speech instead of on the conversation. That's hard for me to do. But I guess the idea is to practice until they become something you don't need to give much thought to.

[happy7117]

Try and maintain eye contact with the person your talking. I think it's a common reflex when you stutter, too look away either because you want to avoid the persons smirks or whatever OR because you feel ashamed

I also do not use eye contact when talking to someone. I don't know if it's stuttering related or not, but even when I am fluent whenever I am fluent, I tend not to use eye contact. Weird!

[happy7117]

Really funny story =) You hang around some weird people though haha!

The best advice someone has given me was to not think so hard about what you are going to say and just let it come out at the last second.

When I was taking speech therapy as a kid, I was always told to think about what I wanted to say, and say the sentence in my mind before you actually say it. I'm sure we all know what happens when you try that though. The thing is, I didn't know any better really and I did just that for a very long time. When I actually tried doing what this person suggested it worked fabulously.

I think that's why I have such a hard time doing interviews and asking questions/telling jokes but can speak pretty fluently on the phone or making smalltalk, because I'm not worried or I don't really know what I'm going to say beforehand.

EDIT: Can you share some of the other things she said as I'm curious? I know the blinking helps, i've done stuff like that but when you get stuck on a word and start blinking or doing something like that you look kind of goofy!

That sounds like some sort of mental visualization. It's like a person sees something in their head before actualy doing it, then they go to do it,and it turns out successfull.

Or mentaly rehearsing in one's mind what one wants to say before saying it, then saying it, and it comes out.

Same with golfers I think, they visualize a successfull swing in their mind before swinging, then they swing, and it's a perfect swing resulting in a terrific shot.

It could also be some sort of mental positive self-talk. Visualizing a successfull saying of a word or phrase in one's head, then actualy saying it.

I've tried that "saying a phrase in my mind before saying it" type of thing, but unfortenately it did nothing for me.

[kilumanati]

i had a mate when i was back in high school who i used to hang around with alot, we were talking about picking up chicks (he never had a problem with the ladies) - and the conversation turned to my stutter and i told him i think people judge me when they hear my stutter

he told me something along these lines "do you think the whole world revolves around you, you think people are going to advertise that you f***ing stutter, you think they care that much, they have their own sh1t to worry about, school, money, work or parents, chances are that they will forget about you within 5 minutes"

might sound harsh but i cant deny he made a very good point, and to be honest that was much better advice that any speech therapist gave to me and it was free too

[Hans]

i had a mate when i was back in high school who i used to hang around with alot, we were talking about picking up chicks (he never had a problem with the ladies) - and the conversation turned to my stutter and i told him i think people judge me when they hear my stutter

he told me something along these lines "do you think the whole world revolves around you, you think people are going to advertise that you f***ing stutter, you think they care that much, they have their own sh1t to worry about, school, money, work or parents, chances are that they will forget about you within 5 minutes"

might sound harsh but i cant deny he made a very good point, and to be honest that was much better advice that any speech therapist gave to me and it was free too

I was told similar words by a very good friend. He caused me to look at and really see the person in front of me for the first time. I recognised insecurity, doubt, sadness, loneliness, pain ....... all emotions I had thought were uniquely mine alone.
Seeing a human being just like me standing there let me feel equal. From there it's only a short step to empathy and finally, trust.

The harder i used to work at removing my stutter, the worse it got. I give myself credit for recognising the obvious answer and acting on it.

[Hans]

This is probably simple and obvious, but the best advice I've gotten in speech therapy is to just keep myself focused on what I'm saying (rather than getting distracted by how much I'm stuttering) and to keep moving forward with what I'm saying. There are a lot of different techniques she's tried with me to help me do that, and some work better than others, but they all seem to mainly come down to keeping focused on the content of the conversation instead of my speech and keeping my speech moving forward.

The thing I struggle with is using techniques without putting all of the focus on my speech instead of on the conversation. That's hard for me to do. But I guess the idea is to practice until they become something you don't need to give much thought to.

I gave up my Smooth Speech technique precisely for that reason. It wasn't worth the effort. 20 years of treading water followed before I woke up to the fact that it is up to me alone.

[JDRow]

I gave up my Smooth Speech technique precisely for that reason. It wasn't worth the effort. 20 years of treading water followed before I woke up to the fact that it is up to me alone.

Once again, Hans, that comes across as very condescending.

I'm not expecting anybody else to fix my stutter for me. But there are people who know a lot more about stuttering than I do, and have worked with a lot of stutterers, and they have a variety of techniques they've developed that could be helpful. I guess I just don't see the point in assuming that I'm smarter and better than everybody else, and so ignoring their advice. I wouldn't fault a person who had trouble walking from working with a physical therapist. I'm sorry you feel the need to criticize others for attempting things that, while not working for you, have worked for others.

I have no doubt that my speech would be entirely unacceptable to you. Honestly, I don't care. I'm dealing with my speech in my own way, and I feel good about that. I'm frustrated, though, by your repeated back-handed comments to me, which seem to imply that I haven't reached your level of enlightenment. If your level of enlightenment means assuming I'm better than everybody else and that my way is the only right way, I have to say I hope I never reach it. I've had enough people treat me like I'm beneath them because I stutter in my life; I do not need to get that on a stuttering support forum. So I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your self-righteous comments to yourself and people who are looking to you for advice. I don't want or need advice your advice, and I certainly don't need your holier-than-thou attitude.

[JDRow]

I just want to add, Hans, that I think you're a bully. I've been keeping my mouth shut for a long time about how you treat people here, but it's getting absurd. You talk about how highly evolved and empathetic you are, but honestly all I see is a self-righteous, narcissistic bully who came here with your wonderful story about how you stopped stuttering because you decided to (because you apparently were so deluded you mistakenly believed you stuttered when you didn't), and have done nothing but belittle anybody who doesn't buy into your BS since then.

I didn't say anything about how cruelly you treated a member here when you talked to her on the phone, because I didn't think it was a matter for public knowledge, but I don't buy one single thing you say about how you are such a good guy who just wanted to help given how obnoxiously you responded to a poster here when she talked to you on the phone, and how snide and mean you were to her. Somebody who would treat a person who stutters like that should not be trolling around a stuttering support forum cling he wants to help.

It is not supportive, it is not helpful, and it is not evidence of your supposedly profound respect and empathy for others. You really are probably the most narcissitic person I've ever encountered, online or in real life, and I feel sorry for anybody who is looking to you for advice.

[bwelling]

So I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your self-righteous comments to yourself and people who are looking to you for advice.


I don't want or need advice your advice, and I certainly don't need your holier-than-thou attitude.
It is not supportive, it is not helpful, and it is not evidence of your supposedly profound respect and empathy for others. You really are probably the most narcissitic person I've ever encountered, online or in real life, and I feel sorry for anybody who is looking to you for advice.

JD - nice job of expressing your thoughts. You have strong feelings about Hans' comments. It is obvious that your target is Hans and not his ideas.

Hans - I know you are very aware how deeply your messages strike. I know how carefully you choose your words so not to offend - But offend you do. Your words stir up pains and fears that many try to keep hidden. Dialouges like this makes me wonder if self image of a stutterer is far more sensitive than any of us realize.
Mother Theresa once said of those trying to help the poor " If your not going to help the childern - then don't hurt them". As I continue my journey with stuttering, I am reminded how much anger and resentment that I hold in me for the pain I've suffered and worry that I will to use it in my message to others.

bw

[JDRow]

JD - nice job of expressing your thoughts. You have strong feelings about Hans' comments. It is obvious that your target is Hans and not his ideas.

Hans - I know you are very aware how deeply your messages strike. I know how carefully you choose your words so not to offend - But offend you do. Your words stir up pains and fears that many try to keep hidden. Dialouges like this makes me wonder if self image of a stutterer is far more sensitive than any of us realize.

No, it is both Hans and his ideas that offend and upset me.

He doesn't stir up hidden pains; he acts like a jerk. His brilliant "idea" that stuttering is the stutterer's fault and that they'd stop if they were only a better person is ignorant and offensive. His self-stylings as a guru are ridiculous.

If he helps you, that's fine. Whatever. But he does not need to keep making rude, obnoxious comments to people who have no interest in his narcissistic ramblings.

Is the self-image of a stutterer somehow more sensitive than that of other people? Probably not, unless they are constantly barraged with the kind of "you would just stop if you were a better person, like I am" bullshit that Hans keeps spewing. And having grown up being told that exact same bullshit over and over--that I wouldn't stutter if I was better or smarter or stronger (and therefore that I was bad and dumb and weak)--I can tell you and Hans with 100% certainty that it doesn't help anybody.

Hans has been told over and over how hurtful his "it's all your fault; you'd stop if you were a great person like me!" message is to people, and how much pain it has caused people in their lives. The idea that I could have just stopped stuttering if I really wanted to and tried hard enough was used over and over again to punish me when I was growing up. I was yelled at and hit and berated because I was being lazy and stupid because I couldn't just stop stuttering, like I should have been able to. So I don't appreciate coming to a support forum and having somebody 1) tell me that it's my own fault that I stutter and 2) accuse me of being uninterested in stopping because I don't think their plan is a good one. And yet he continues, without solicitation, to approach people with that attitude. I can only imagine that he either doesn't care if he hurts people or enjoys it.

[bwelling]

JD - dude - hate to say this, but you are beginning to sound like a Dr. Phil show.
bw

[JDRow]

JD - dude - hate to say this, but you are beginning to sound like a Dr. Phil show.
bw

How?

It doesn't really matter: I've said what I want to say about this. In the future I would prefer if Hans didn't make his snide, holier-than-thou comments to my posts. I don't share my feelings and struggles here so that they can be belittled and judged by a self-styled guru. If I'm the only one who feels that way, that's fine.

[bwelling]

How?

It doesn't really matter: I've said what I want to say about this. In the future I would prefer if Hans didn't make his snide, holier-than-thou comments to my posts. I don't share my feelings and struggles here so that they can be belittled and judged by a self-styled guru. If I'm the only one who feels that way, that's fine.

JD - Forums only work when we express our thoughts and opinions and I value yours.
bw

[Hans]

I just want to add, Hans, that I think you're a bully. I've been keeping my mouth shut for a long time about how you treat people here, but it's getting absurd. You talk about how highly evolved and empathetic you are, but honestly all I see is a self-righteous, narcissistic bully who came here with your wonderful story about how you stopped stuttering because you decided to (because you apparently were so deluded you mistakenly believed you stuttered when you didn't), and have done nothing but belittle anybody who doesn't buy into your BS since then.

I didn't say anything about how cruelly you treated a member here when you talked to her on the phone, because I didn't think it was a matter for public knowledge, but I don't buy one single thing you say about how you are such a good guy who just wanted to help given how obnoxiously you responded to a poster here when she talked to you on the phone, and how snide and mean you were to her. Somebody who would treat a person who stutters like that should not be trolling around a stuttering support forum cling he wants to help.

It is not supportive, it is not helpful, and it is not evidence of your supposedly profound respect and empathy for others. You really are probably the most narcissitic person I've ever encountered, online or in real life, and I feel sorry for anybody who is looking to you for advice.

JD, I hear and feel your anger and frustration. To my surprise i understand where you're coming from. Me telling of my experiences on this forum can easily be taken as unwanted criticism, advice giving or, worse still, as grandstanding; a risk i'm very conscious of.

JD, what you read in my messages is ultimately not up to me. Nevertheless, allow me to assure you that i mean no disrespect or harm. If you are able to, ignore my ramblings. None will be directed at you in future. :)

[JDRow]

JD, what you read in my messages is ultimately not up to me.

Hans, do you see how this is another one of those snide comments?

You do have to take responsibility at some point for your own words. Because it seems like, again and again, you come here, say things that offend or hurt people, and then say, "Well, if that's how you took it, it's not my fault. It must be a problem with you." But you do have to take some responsibility for the effect your words have. You can't just say anything you feel like and then blame the receiver for taking offense.

[Hans]

Hans, do you see how this is another one of those snide comments?

You do have to take responsibility at some point for your own words. Because it seems like, again and again, you come here, say things that offend or hurt people, and then say, "Well, if that's how you took it, it's not my fault. It must be a problem with you." But you do have to take some responsibility for the effect your words have. You can't just say anything you feel like and then blame the receiver for taking offense.

Jd. I am concious of and take full responsibility for my intent. Everything else is beyond my control.

[bwelling]

"Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own." - Chinese Proverb

[happy7117]

The harder i used to work at removing my stutter, the worse it got

I would think that would be the opposite. Meaning, the more one works at removing the stutter, the less it would become.

[Hans]

I would think that would be the opposite. Meaning, the more one works at removing the stutter, the less it would become.

Happy, removing my stutter ment concentrating on my speech, taking notice of everything i did, especially in regards to how i felt each moment i struggled. The more i forced out those pesky words, attempting all the time to hide the stutter, the worse i felt.

Hiding my stutter, being embarrassed because of it, was the single biggest cause of keeping it alive.

A good friend, who has been a "bad" stutterer all his 60 years, has used this insight to good advantage. He learned to let his stutter "hang out there for all to hear and see." He refused to feel embarrassed or ashamed anymore; not from one moment to the next, but by working at it for many months. Not only does he sound much better now; he also feels a lot more comfortable in his skin. He is confident of loosing all his fears and hang-ups in the future.

I used a different method: i decided to trust people, in spite of all evidence and past experience. No fear of people and what they think of me- no more stutter.

[Jeff99]

the best thing anyone has ever told me is just to let go an have fun speaking what is the worse that can happen.

we fear speaking we think about how bad it can/will be the best thing i have ever been told is to just let go smile go for if you stuff up what is the worse that can happen the world isn't going to end.

smile enjoy speaking

[pfunk]

Hi everyone i'm new to the forum. Great to see such a exists.

My Dad told me a story about when he was in college (he also had a very bad stutter) he needed to do a speech in front of the whole campus. Obviously he was extremely nervous. He always tried to avoid speeches like the plague and this was the biggest crowd he ever had to speak to.

He looked around at the other speakers who were about to talk and realised that it wasn't just him. Everyone else was just as nervous as he was. For some reason it was a lifechanging moment for him. Supposedly he blitzed the speech and he never stuttered again (although i can very very occasionally hear it)

Obviously it wasn't as easy as that... he had tons of speech therapy throughout his childhood. But I guess something clicked with him when he realised that everyone has insecurities about themselves.

He tells me that even though he never stutters he is not cured of stuttering. He hasn't stuttered in 40 odd years but he says the prevention is something he still has to think about every day.

[Jaykon]

Happy, removing my stutter ment concentrating on my speech, taking notice of everything i did, especially in regards to how i felt each moment i struggled. The more i forced out those pesky words, attempting all the time to hide the stutter, the worse i felt.

Hiding my stutter, being embarrassed because of it, was the single biggest cause of keeping it alive.

A good friend, who has been a "bad" stutterer all his 60 years, has used this insight to good advantage. He learned to let his stutter "hang out there for all to hear and see." He refused to feel embarrassed or ashamed anymore; not from one moment to the next, but by working at it for many months. Not only does he sound much better now; he also feels a lot more comfortable in his skin. He is confident of loosing all his fears and hang-ups in the future.

I used a different method: i decided to trust people, in spite of all evidence and past experience. No fear of people and what they think of me- no more stutter.


i agree completely

[Thecoherentman]

I used a different method: i decided to trust people, in spite of all evidence and past experience. No fear of people and what they think of me- no more stutter.

Are you kidding? Are you trying to sell some books? Are you selling Ecstasy?
Changing your feeling so spontaneously and without illegal drugs means that at best case you were not in touch with your feelings or at worst case you are a sociopath with personality defects that does not know shame, shyness or fear.

[TK421]

I used a different method: i decided to trust people, in spite of all evidence and past experience. No fear of people and what they think of me- no more stutter.
Are you kidding? Are you trying to sell some books? Are you selling Ecstasy?
Changing your feeling so spontaneously and without illegal drugs means that at best case you were not in touch with your feelings or at worst case you are a sociopath with personality defects that does not know shame, shyness or fear.

Interesting reaction. While it does seem difficult to change your outlook so drastically, isn't that the fundamental idea of any speech therapy? Isn't shedding ones shame and fear of their stutter a major step in achieving fluency? I can see where Hans is coming from in that if I could manage be completely comfortable with my stutter, I do believe I would become fluent.

I fully realize that the reason I stutter is because I know I stutter, I fear my stutter, and I give in to my stutter.

Finding a way to achieve that ultimate level of comfort certainly is the real trick, though. Several others have mentioned here and elsewhere that finding your own form of enlightenment is the best way to go. Meditation, relaxation, exercise, somebody mentioned kites and even keeping diaries. You don't have to be a sociopath or on drugs to realize a difference and make change within yourself.

I myself have not yet found the key to my own stutter, but fully believe in time I will.

[Thecoherentman]

Interesting reaction. While it does seem difficult to change your outlook so drastically, isn't that the fundamental idea of any speech therapy? Isn't shedding ones shame and fear of their stutter a major step in achieving fluency? I can see where Hans is coming from in that if I could manage be completely comfortable with my stutter, I do believe I would become fluent.

I fully realize that the reason I stutter is because I know I stutter, I fear my stutter, and I give in to my stutter.

Finding a way to achieve that ultimate level of comfort certainly is the real trick, though. Several others have mentioned here and elsewhere that finding your own form of enlightenment is the best way to go. Meditation, relaxation, exercise, somebody mentioned kites and even keeping diaries. You don't have to be a sociopath or on drugs to realize a difference and make change within yourself.

I myself have not yet found the key to my own stutter, but fully believe in time I will.

Hans is suggesting this quickly and without work. It looks like he is fishing for some future drug addicts.

[Plucky Purcell]

The single best tip for me was to STOP, BREATHE and wait for the block to ease.

When I get really stuck on a word, I kinda FEEL the block at the base of my brain. If I can STOP and turn my attention inward I can feel when the block loosen. I don't have to use this a much anymore as I my blocks aren't as strong as they used to be. Back in the day I'd be talking to someone, get stuck on a word and stop. Then I could explain why I had stopped! I couldn't say the word still, but I could tell the person why. Still strikes me as odd...

[dayByday]

the best advise i have ever gotten was... just breath. pause. don't think about it, just, say it. and i noticed i really just spat words out, instead of getting stuck, getting nervous, then stuttering some more.

[AndrewMSM]

I only just started speech therapy (except for a few years in elementary school which I don't remember very well), but I believe that the most useful thing so far that I have learned from my therapist is to pay attention to how I speak. He asks me, 'what do you do when you stutter?' And I couldn't give as detailed an answer I would like. So now, when I speak and stutter, I try, even if I'm struggling, to pay attention to what is going on; to what I sound like, and how my jaw and mouth feels.

[Jeff99]

enjoy the pause. don't speak til your ready. release all the air from your lungs then take a fast full breath speak at the top of the breath pushing the air out as you speak. know what you want to say before opening your mouth have fun when speaking smile

[MojoRizen]

A therapist once told me I had developed some 'good habits' in overcoming my block when reading aloud. They include softening my voice, especially at the beginning of annunciating problematic words, and exhaling through such annunciations. I've been reading some good self-help material that recommends several other techniques: acting (mentally reframing in the spirit of pretending to be an actor); maintaining eye contact with your audience, adronian speech, and 'meta-cognitive' perceptual reframing (stepping 'outside' yourself while speaking).

[James80]

Hi, This is the first thing I have written on this or any forum site. I am a psychologist who has a long history with stuttering but has only recently started again after a long break. I just want to say that I have found it great to read some of the comments others have made.
OK the best advice- apart from the passive airflow stuff- which works ok most of the time.
1. Observe.
2. Breathe.
3. Allow.
It comes from acceptance and commitment therapy which I see as a nice combination of the standard CBT- change your thoughts with a bit of mindfulness meditation thrown in. It comes from a book called the happiness trap- and it isnt about stuttering at all.
So next time you are about to speak where you are having the thoughts like- I am going to stutter and it will be totally embarrassing, they will all laugh etc. Observe the tension and the thoughts. Breathe into them- sorta like giving them room to move. And allow them to just be without changing them.

I would be classified as a closet stutterer and spend a lot of mental energy thinking ahead and preparing. Recently a combination of high stress events combined to reawaken the monster which blocks me really badly on the phone and I make up excuses like- I am just going through a tunnel- I will call you back. I have to laugh otherwise I would snap.

I have only started to read the stuttering literature and it is obviously a multi-dimensional problem. I also get frustrated with people that assume it is a psychological problem. I feel the pain of the people who say I wish this problem would just go away or I can't wait until they find a pill to cure this. My advice for these people- learn to accept and maybe even love that side of yourself cos it is part of you. It won't necessarily fix the problem but it will make the journey easier.

[ptw]

Don't care about anyone so there will be no stress.

Lool I think I need a better technique sometimes.

[Aijur]

i got this but in another language so i`ll say it like it is in english , Whether you think you can or think you can't you are right

[bathaluman]

the single best piece of advice i got was from the interviewer i met when i was applying for a call center job. she told me that when i speak i open my mouth widely and not be afraid to speak. when ever i speak and the person doesn't understand me. i try again but this time i open my mouth widely.

[MarkBulger]

Not exactly advice, but I did get it from a speech pathologist:

I went to speech therapy for a few years when I was in grade school. I'm not ever sure how long it was, but it must have been 3-4 years at least. Some was in public school - and worthless - but then I started seeing a woman at a clinic. She got a new job at Boston University, so I followed her there. Looking back, she was very nice, but she did absolutely nothing for me.

Then she left, and a male graduate student started working with me. One day, he came into the room and said he wanted to talk with me. He told me that he was a stutterer himself - although he was quite fluent - and that if there was anything he could possibly do to cure me, he would do it in a second. The truth was, there was no cure. Then, he asked me if I wanted to keep coming for therapy classes. Given what he had just told me, I said no thanks. That was over 40 years ago, and it was my last therapy session.

The truth is, if I had never gone to a single therapy session, it wouldn't have made a bit of difference. No harm was done, but it was only time that helped me.

[Nemo]

The SINGLE best piece of advice? I have received so many and they were all important. As stuttering management seems to be multi-faceted and holistic, I don't think there should be a single best piece of advice. A few which were important to me:

Educating people about stuttering and its management, and coming out as a PWS; speaking slower; managing stress; practising fluency techniques; desensitising myself in specific situations.

[jakester]

The best advice someone has given me was to not think so hard about what you are going to say and just let it come out at the last second.

When I was taking speech therapy as a kid, I was always told to think about what I wanted to say, and say the sentence in my mind before you actually say it. I'm sure we all know what happens when you try that though. The thing is, I didn't know any better really and I did just that for a very long time. When I actually tried doing what this person suggested it worked fabulously.

It's funny because I've always noticed when say something on impulse (in response to a statement I disagreed with or some on-the-fly joke) I NEVER stutter. I get into trouble when I have time to consider the fact that I'm about to speak. Haha.

[Nemo]

When I say something on impulse I NEVER stutter.

That's because we are to some extent conditioned to stutter - stuttering as a habit. Remember the Pavlov experiments with conditioning? Pavlov's dog was fed while a bell was ringing, and eventually the dog drooled when he heard the bell even though he wasn't given food. The dog had learned to drool in a new situation. In the same way we have been conditioned (learned ourselves) to stutter on certain words or sounds. But when we don't THINK about those words / sounds, the conditioned reflex cannot be activated and we don't stutter.

[grantM]

Probably on the dating side - "Complement a ladies dress before her breasts"

[Dinasaur]

One of the techniques she said too try was if you get stuck on a word simply relax, blink a few times and start again. The blinking helps a little bit. Every little bit helps i guess.

the relaxing thing is fine, but PLEASE dont do the blinking thing.
im not a pro or anything, but i know that thats how secondary behaviors start.
one time you do something like shake your head or blink your eyes, and it helps you get a word out. you brain recognizes that as something that "helps". soon it becomes a secondary behavior, where you do it every time you stutter, and it doesn't do anything but make it worse, because eventually, one day, you'll blink your eyes to get a word out, and the word wont come out, so you'll try something different at that moment, like shutting your eyes completely, making it look worse from the side, and covering up your stammer with all that secondary behavior stuff my therapist calls "junk".
hope this explains a bit how secondary behaviors develop =)

[maus123]

...

The best advice someone has given me was to not think so hard about what you are going to say and just let it come out at the last second.

...


I cannot stress out enough how true this is!

If I have prepared a text, translated some sentences or have to read out something from a book in school, where I have to read out exactly what it says, or if I have memorized and know what I'm going to say, I stutter immensely much.
If I am asked a question at random, however, or have to give my opinion on something in class that I have not have the time to overthink too much, I almost never stutter, atleast not anything noticable.

Without having any real knowledge about this, I think it might be because your brain has to prioritize thinking over what to say in the moment, rather than if you've memorized a text, and your brain starts thinking about how you're going to say it.



Of course, this isn't really a tip, as it would be hard to say what you want to yourself if you're supposed to read out a text.
However, when I can see in class, that it's my turn to read out after 3 or 4 other students, I find myself figuring out what part I will read out to see if there are many hard parts in it. Not doing this might help.

[amey]

the relaxing thing is fine, but PLEASE dont do the blinking thing.
im not a pro or anything, but i know that thats how secondary behaviors start.
one time you do something like shake your head or blink your eyes, and it helps you get a word out. you brain recognizes that as something that "helps". soon it becomes a secondary behavior, where you do it every time you stutter, and it doesn't do anything but make it worse, because eventually, one day, you'll blink your eyes to get a word out, and the word wont come out, so you'll try something different at that moment, like shutting your eyes completely, making it look worse from the side, and covering up your stammer with all that secondary behavior stuff my therapist calls "junk".
hope this explains a bit how secondary behaviors develop =)

DINASUR: You got it RIGHT on the blinking! I had to unlearn that secondary and it was HARD! It still shows itself sometimes and catches me by suprise! WOW! How ingrained those behaviors become.

[amey]

Best advice = I MUST BE WILLING TO SHOW MY STUTTERING. Once that is done, everything else comes just a little easier.--

[dookers]

To be completely honest, I have never received any good advice about how to improve my stutter. I think that perhaps stutters are so unique that maybe universal advice just does not work.

To me the most important thing has been to remind myself how lucky I am, and that at the end of the day, my stutter doesn't prevent me from doing much.

[sunshine]

Really funny story =) You hang around some weird people though haha!

The best advice someone has given me was to not think so hard about what you are going to say and just let it come out at the last second.

When I was taking speech therapy as a kid, I was always told to think about what I wanted to say, and say the sentence in my mind before you actually say it. I'm sure we all know what happens when you try that though. The thing is, I didn't know any better really and I did just that for a very long time. When I actually tried doing what this person suggested it worked fabulously.

I think that's why I have such a hard time doing interviews and asking questions/telling jokes but can speak pretty fluently on the phone or making smalltalk, because I'm not worried or I don't really know what I'm going to say beforehand.

EDIT: Can you share some of the other things she said as I'm curious? I know the blinking helps, i've done stuff like that but when you get stuck on a word and start blinking or doing something like that you look kind of goofy!
Thinking before speaking has defiinitely helped me..and relaxing as well as not worrying about time pressures! I often start out slow if I feel a block coming on or tense..I ease into words gently even when I don't feel tense..just to keep the rhythm going. Starting out slow helps and relaxes me...therefore, reducing the tension and reducing the block!

[johnrob2]

The best advice I ever received was from a tape by Wayne Dyer. He quoted William Shakespeare in Hamlet, "refrain tonight and that shall lend a kind of easiness to the next abstinence and the next more easy, for use almost can change the stamp of nature."

I apply this to stuttering by realizing that stuttering is a long journey and takes time and patience to learn to control stuttering. I know that if I "refrain tonight," if i do something that helps me deal with stuttering in a productive way now I am taking one step closer to being an effective communicator. With each passing day it gets easier and easier and this way you can change your very nature. You can change the kind of person you are change your speech as well. We just have to do something in the moment that helps our speech and it becomes easier and easier and then eventually we can even change our very nature.

[berrylicious]

Best advice = I MUST BE WILLING TO SHOW MY STUTTERING. Once that is done, everything else comes just a little easier.--

I hear you, amey. To piggyback on what you said, here's a quote I heard recently that I find helpful: "I have never met a stutterer that relapsed who wasnt trying to pretend to be a fluent person" (something along those lines). Whatever therapy, program, technique, or self-help you are using to manage your speech is not going to hold up if you are always preoccupied with being seen as normal. Give yourself permission to be different. We each have a unique heirarchy of feared situations and the only way to conquer each level is to desensitize ourselves. Doing that requires practice and allowing ourselves to make mistakes...and its hard to do that when you want people to think you have no speech problem. Our ultimate goal in recovery shouldnt be to sound like everyone else anyway. Through programs like mcguire you can learn to become more eloquent and effective speakers than fluent people.

As someone whos built up an nal of tricks over the years to try to hide my stutter, I know it is very easy to get caught up in what is normal, especially when life gets hectic. At those times I stop working on my speech. I lose sight of my identity as a PWS and try to match everyone else's pace. This is precisely when all the negative emotions start to creep in: the shame, loneliness, disappointment, feelings of helplessness, etc. I think we can all benefit from constantly doing things that we were previously afraid of doing , things that make us a tad uncomfortable but we still feel we are in control. Sometimes, simply showing people that we stutter is a step in that direction.

[LeeRain]

Don't care about anyone so there will be no stress.

Lool I think I need a better technique sometimes.

[Fredrick]

everyone talks like they have found it but if that gets you thru the night it's alright, its alright.

and also they have to tell everyone else that it works real good even when it doesn't but it's alright, its alright.

let's face it, no one wants to really get at the source of their stuttering because it is too ugly, but its alright, its alright.

i mean to have to experience why one avoids words or certain sounds or certain types of people or certain situations or certain places or certain types of clothes or ordering what you really want, etc etc etc is just too painful as you found out early in your life and just too terrifying but....:)

to attack each other over who has the best single piece of info or who is nice and who is cruel is a waste of time but....

if it gets you thru the night it's alright, its alright.

[isonuZ]

i was under therapy for 3 months at an orthophonist...
the best way i got from here, is counting.
when u wanna speak, tap your fingers on something.
tap the syllables as u speak them
u'll end up talking slowly...
i personally ddnt do that, cz it would be awkward when with pple around.
like wtf are u doing with your fingers/hand/leg?
and cz i hate to do what pple tell me to, even if i know it will help lol
but srsly, try it

[jamesm]

isonuz, your funny :), you just made my day.

[Bruce]

what is an orthophonist?????

did he teach you about the counting and tapping?

[Fredrick]

people all think they have brilliant ideas about stuttering because they can't control their speech so they need to be brilliant otherwise to build their self esteem.

also if hey come up with brilliant ideas about stuttering well it is almost like they have it solved or at least they are an "expert" on stuttering.

look it makes you feel better and builds your ego and confidence.

let each person be brilliant and wonderful and have their place in the sun because to really work on your speech problem is just too awful so let's all be brilliant and wonderful and smart and great!!!!

F

[isonuZ]

orthophonist = speech therapist
i think it's french
and yes. she did teach me that

[shorn]

"Excitement is the cause of stuttering", a speech therapist casually told me this once....
when i ponder on it...
it seems to be very true in my case...

[Miko]

I was told similar words by a very good friend. He caused me to look at and really see the person in front of me for the first time. I recognised insecurity, doubt, sadness, loneliness, pain ....... all emotions I had thought were uniquely mine alone.
Seeing a human being just like me standing there let me feel equal. From there it's only a short step to empathy and finally, trust.

The harder i used to work at removing my stutter, the worse it got. I give myself credit for recognising the obvious answer and acting on it.

Great advice! I think this is what we need to hear, not the "I am so sorry for you" stuff...

[Lenny]

not everyone you meet will you see " insecurity, doubt, sadness, loneliness, pain ."

this is simply not true however you can imagine this in them so that you won't have to feel alone but my experience is that this is not true.

most people may not have a lot of wonderful things to say but they can at least say it.

you need to accept that you stutter and work hard on it.

I recommend you take the hollins program.

[Fredrick]

someone said " is the self-image of a stutterer somehow more sensitive than that of other people? probably not."


of course it is.

[InMyHead]

JD - nice job of expressing your thoughts. You have strong feelings about Hans' comments. It is obvious that your target is Hans and not his ideas.

Hans - I know you are very aware how deeply your messages strike. I know how carefully you choose your words so not to offend - But offend you do. Your words stir up pains and fears that many try to keep hidden. Dialouges like this makes me wonder if self image of a stutterer is far more sensitive than any of us realize.
Mother Theresa once said of those trying to help the poor " If your not going to help the childern - then don't hurt them". As I continue my journey with stuttering, I am reminded how much anger and resentment that I hold in me for the pain I've suffered and worry that I will to use it in my message to others.

bw

Thank you for this. Your level-headed response is logical and touching. Great quote too !

[falstov]

It's an odd thing that some people are helped by analyzing their stutter and others the opposite.

In my case, the more I recognize my stutter and analyze my behavior, the more power I give it. In a way, recognizing its power over me gives it more power. Sometimes when I think really hard about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it (trying to be smooth and control my anxiety and airflow), I stutter way worse - even on words I never stutter on normally will suddenly become difficult to say.

However, just like a previous poster said, when I speak on impulse, no stuttering. So the best advise I try to give myself is to not think about how you speak or validate your stutter's exist and power over you by internalizing reasons and behaviors associated with it. Accept it and desensitize yourself to it. If you don't mind it, the overly self-conscious triggers that cause it will slowly lose their power. (I hope)

The irony is that in order to come to this conclusion, I had to analyze my stutter. Since doing so, my stutter has progressively become worse. I'm currently in the "trying to accept my stutter" phase. It certainly doesn't happen over night.

[Hans]

Falstow, after hating my stutter for so many years I would have found it neigh impossible to accept it, let alone ignore it. I found it easier to shift my focus from me, the stutterer, to him or her. That meant looking at my audience with interest, and if possible, from a position of equality.
I heard a great talk recently on TED by a woman called Brene Brown. Basically she says, we are meant to connect with others; it's what we are hard-wired to for. The better our ability to connect, the better we feel. I always thought that I was a born loner until I took my wife's advice and practiced small talk (which I hated). You know, chat to the guy next to you in the queue or ask the sales girl how her day is going and really listen. Soon I felt at ease in these situations; not because I didn't stutter, but because I didn't listen to myself.
In the last 8 years I've made more connections than in all the 57 years before. That's what I call striking it rich.

Nothing changes unless I change.
Hans