View Full Version : Poor student here!!- anyone interested in helping me out?
11-09-2007, 10:33 AM
Thanks for everyoneís feedback, its great that some of you are interested in helping me out!! If anyone didnít see my thread before, I am a final year SLT student doing my research project on PWS hoping to collect some responses on sites like this. Itís all very informal, just general conversation really. If any one is up for it the first thing Iíd be interested in talking bout is how you view yourselves? And what you feel is most important to you. Donít know if this is something that has been done to death or whether itís a new area for discussion.
As I said in my last thread if anyone wants to comment on this but doesnít want me to put it in my project if you can put a little note on the bottom saying this that would be fab! Also, if your not 18yrs could you also let me know as ethically I am not allowed to include it in my project.
All responses welcomed!!
11-12-2007, 06:09 AM
Well. That's kind of a broad question, but I'll give it a shot.
I think in general I view myself pretty negatively. I kind of feel that my stutter has shaped me into a very cynical person overall. From observing countless initial reactions from people hearing me stutter for the first time, I feel that kind of gives stutterers a unique perspective for first impressions; a person's initial reaction to hearing you stutter, before they have time to think about what's happening and make the necessary adjustments, is probably one of the most honest moments you will ever witness in that person. And from experience, I'd say the overwhelming majority of these responses are negative; they range from alarm, to shock, embarrassment, fear, confusion, even horror. Even after that initial moment, a lot of times it feels like the person is putting up some sort of facade, like they're going out of their way not to offend or embarrass me somehow. In this politically correct age, people really don't know how to behave around someone who stutters (of course I can't speak for any time period before the mid-late 90s or so, as I am only 18).
As for how this affects how I view myself, well, it's kind of complicated I think. I often find myself thinking, "Wow, if only I didn't stutter I would be able to fully express everything I think and feel all the time. If I could be fluent, there would be nothing holding me back from whatever I want to accomplish in life." But then, look at all the people who ARE fluent and still don't accomplish anything they want. What does that mean for me? I feel like everything would be so simple and easy if I were able to say what I wanted, when I wanted--does that mean I'm somehow better than all the fluent people?
Of course not. Stutterers are normal people, just like non-stutterers. But how can a stutterer get a sense of that? They go through life with this handicap, this thing that holds them back; how could they possibly know how much more successful they would be without the stutter? How can a stutterer reach a state of self-actualization?
It's one thing to learn to live with stuttering, to simply accept it and make the best one possibly can out of life while being a stutterer. But to truly find one's place in life, to find the place they would end up if they were simply able to communicate freely like everybody else? I won't speak for all stutterers, but I feel like that's something I can never reach.
How do I view myself? I view myself as a person with limited opportunities for happiness, with a narrower range of choices than my friends and peers. Maybe I can eventually learn to not let this bother me, maybe even to convince myself it isn't true, but I have yet to.
Geez, that was the longest post ever, my apologies.
11-14-2007, 03:46 PM
This could be an interesting thread.
I was a angry PWS, with major bouts of depression and very embarrassed to be seen as an PWS. I did not know that i stutter until one teacher made an issue out of it in front of my class mates. The ones i went to school since grade school. I was the class clown that made my fellow class mates laught.
Every since that day, i become very embarrassed and scared that people will find out that I stuttered. Over the years, i became very angry and that rage helped me win a few fights, but not to go looking for them. i was soon left alone in school, because i could take care of myself. Later in life, i hit the bottle and became a very bitter sour PWS.
I met a few women during this time and i took the risk of getting to know them, because i was feeling lonely. I met my wife and my life started to change. i gained confidence in myself and what i can do. I started to do all kinds of research, found great places on the internet, read papers online. Read books on how to improve myself and became a student of human behavior.
I know there area a few older people i have met on here that has helped a lot with their experience and wisdom. The biggest change for me was when i changed my attitude on my stutter and life.
I know some people will disaggree with me, but i think my stutter was a blessing in disguise. It has made me more passionate in people's feelings and I become a better listener and more understanding. I don't know if i would have become a better person if i didn't stutter. Because i wouldn't know how hard the struggle would be for a PWS. I may be the one teasing the PWS's.
It has made me a better person, by trying to improve my situation, to become a better person overall. I see where i have been and I can see where i want to be and that journey has been a struggle but i feel better with myself. I have twin daughters and they stutter, so i have life experience to pass on to them and hopefully, their journed would not be so hard. I may not give my girls their thoughts, but hopefully i can pass on my experiences.
The journey continues.
11-15-2007, 06:11 PM
How i view myself?
I'd prob say im a guy whose always up for a laugh, a bit of a risk taker. I guess ive got the attitude that ill try anything once, although when this comes to my stutter this all changes and im reluctant to take risks or try anything new. For instance if im in a large group ill hold back from saying some things incase i stutter. You could say i treat my stutter differently than most other things in my life. I think this might be because im quite concious of how other people view me. I want to have the attitude that i just dont care what people think about me or my stutter, and to be honest 99% of people who i talk to prob dont give 2 shits that i stutter, but i cant seem to get that into my head.
As for whats important to me, thats easy
My friends are the most important things to me, having good friendships and people i can trust deffo top the list.
Hope this answers ur questions:D.
Looking back five years, I was an angry, intimidated and intimidating man. I hated people for making me feel so small and ashamed most of the time. I had no one I would have called a true friend. Friends meant commitment, giving my time and helping out; who needs that? My wifes’ friends were mine by default. No one escaped my criticism nor my mistrust. Phone calls were a nightmare and put off whenever possible. Clients liked me because I worked hard and reliably. The little self esteem I had came purely from my success at work, but there was no satisfaction in it anymore.
I felt at the end of my tether. It was Christmas and I saw nothing to look forward to. My two kids were grown up, the house paid off, a good job and a lovely wife; yet I felt empty. There must be more to life than working for things we don’t need, I thought. My stutter didn’t bother me as much as it had in earlier years, but it still made life hard.
While staying in a B&B, I found a book called “Manhood”, by Steve Biddulph. He points out that my feelings at the time were shared by many men, and that it helps to find like-minded people to talk to. Contact lists in the back of the book helped me find a Mens Group in my area. Eight months later, after a lot of difficult introspection and soul searching amongst a group of wonderful men, I said one night: I’ve decided not to stutter anymore.
12-13-2007, 05:12 PM
how i view myself..well..i consider myself as someone whose potentials are just being wasted..just someone who is surrended by failure ..pain..fear..guilt..frustration..someone who is dreaming to lead a happy life....someone who is unable to reach his goals..but on the other hand..being a stutterer has made me become stronger in the inside;defferent from others..what is important to me..faith and good friends:)
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