asking girls out

[Derek181]

i tell yah hahha.. sometimes i just want to give up. i have been fairly fluent for six months because i practiced every day. Then i dont practice for a week and my stutter returns a little. No big deal though i still go out there and ask out girls but they all sayy nooo. i just want to start this thread to get people to share their experiences with asking people out and dates and that sorta stuff. i know its been started before but lets have another conversation on the topic.

[jekintel5]

hello and nice to meet u. What u practiced everyday to be fluent ? mind to teach me? THANK YOU

[Derek181]

hey. i practice fluency skills every day 45 mins in the morning and sometimes 30 mins at night. But it has to be done every day hahah. I do easy breathing, gentle starts, smooth blending, and prolongation. i didnt practice for the whole week and i started stuttering today. It kinda felt weird hahah. nows the time to get back into the practicing though.

[jekintel5]

can u teach me in detail? pls....i really need help to improve my fluent, my conditon quite bad T_T, wil alsway have bloack in my conversion. Do u see any speech doctor or u learn about this practiced u self? i will appreciate it very much if u can teach me. THANK YOU

[hafidmetal]

for me i never asked a female to hang out with me..its hard for me..recently i have meet a gurl on the net and she didnt mind my stuttering and visited me this mounth and everything was fine...but there was some problems concerning not stuttering but other things and now she get back home and she has changed a bit..she said i didnt care ...about her and im not resposible enough may be because of my stuttering and im scared she might leave me:(..i believe that stuttering is not an issue in relationships..if a woman loves you and knows ur heart..she wont care about this crap of stuttering:)

[JDRow]

I think it's probably better if you're friends first. Then you'll know if you get along and have things in common.

I didn't ask my girlfriend out, we just met at work and then started hanging out as friends first, but I think that if somebody is going to reject you because you stutter, then you wouldn't have wanted to be in a relationship with them, anyway.

[Roley]

I completely agree. If a woman or man has a problem with your stuttering, you need to move on. You'll find someone who loves you in spite of your stutter. It may take awhile -- it took years for me -- but it'll be worth the wait.

[tb1223]

i tell yah hahha.. sometimes i just want to give up. i have been fairly fluent for six months because i practiced every day. Then i dont practice for a week and my stutter returns a little. No big deal though i still go out there and ask out girls but they all sayy nooo. i just want to start this thread to get people to share their experiences with asking people out and dates and that sorta stuff. i know its been started before but lets have another conversation on the topic.

Congratulations for even having the courage to ask girls out. That's probably one of the toughest mental blocks for many stutterers, myself included.

[Derek181]

i met this guy when i took my speech therapy. He stuttered very severe but i admired him because he would go up and talk to so many girls and even just randomly ask some out. Now he has a girlfriend because he tried.. he went out there and talked to as many girls as possible and he finally found someoen who likes him for him. and thats exactly what iam going to do... go out and talk to as many girls as possible and sooner or later i will end up having a girl. haha

[karamel402]

being a teenager who stutters, along with being a girl I think that if its really hard for you, right her a note saying you like her but saying sometimes you have a stutter and especially in situations like these where your more nervous, it becomes for apparent which is why your writing a note. Telling her you have one, but letting her know that it wont prevent you from going for what you want could actually make her see that your determined and brave. (and getting a note from a guy is actualyl really cute) I dunno, thats just how I would see it. I myself have trouble meeting guys because I tend to be the quiet one in social situations (obviously)

[Standingtall]

I find it extremly difficult, maybe because i don't have that much confidence in myself, to just ask any stranger out. If it is someone i work with or know through a friend, asking them out for coffee is often a good line to use. I often get a yes, from men and woman. i am not allowed to date, my wife won't let me. :D

[nate]

DONT DO IT!
nate

[Derek181]

iam not a teenager though hahah

[Host of Chaos]

askin gilrs out is touhg cos i fink that half the time we ecxpect to be told no anyways.how can we tellif the girl likesus if were in a pub or club?i alwys tryn b friends first n then move onto mr luva man second.

[Jonathanw]

Hey mate.

okay first of all, DONT try to make her be your friend! cause if your first friends, then your chance of getting romantic with her is close to 0!

Now when asking a girl out, how u do it? you say hello and then ask her out? now thats a bad move, cause u got no attraction there, your just a random dude coming up and asking her out. The only reason she would accept in such a way, would be if u had loads of cofidence combined with nice looks (you dont need looks for getting girls tho)
The basics is; atraction, make her feel something for you, why are u any different than most other guys?

Comfort when shes attracted to you, the next step is getting comfortable, most ppl do the wrong thing, getting comfort, before attraction and then ending up in the "lets just be friend zone" and thats not what u wanna do ;) comfort is like asking questions about what she does, exchanging stories and so on.
DONT ask her out until your into the comfort zone, when shes attracted to u, and comfortable being around you, ask for her number or set up a date.

Seduce this is the last step, show her you mean business, happends here

this is just a quick resume of how to pick up a girl the most basic way, you might wanna develope your own style and way, but remember, attraction, comfort and then seduction. In rare occasions it can be done in a different order but mostly it will either result in you'll never hear from her again, cause shes embarresed what she did, or you'll end up in the lets just be friends zone.

I myself had a great problem with my self confidence cause of my stuttering, but its not gonna go away by its self. Buy some books about self confidence or alpha males (Secrets of the alpha male by carlox xuma, is great!), and other than that, theres no magic pill, only hard works pay off. Try to go out every night for 1-2 hours, use maximum 15 min on each girl and that will mean atleast 4 and max around 10 girls you meet every night. Most of them in the start will be crash and burns, and u might get laughs and all, but i promise you, if u do this for 2 weeks you'll improve 100 times more than you have done your whole life.
Just ask yourself, how many girls did u approach, lets say this last year? by meeting 10 girls every day, your will have approaced around 300 every month (!!).

I the begining i got rejected all the time, when i was sitting outside a club, and i had just been rejected by 10 girls and messed up badly, i felt like crying. But overcome this hard starter fase, and your already way into the game :) took me around 15-16 days.

The only way to learn, is by doing ;)

Sorry for the long and messy post and my bad english, but your welcome to ask if u want to have anything clarified :)

[Derek181]

hahah good one man.... i dont have any problems wiht self confidence. it just makes it a whole lot harder being a stutterer. but you have a good point... just go out and talk to like 10 girls a day and you will crash and burn at first but it will get better.... thats soo true.... so how do you usually approach them

[Jonathanw]

exactly. and its funny cause its actually quiet logical, if u wanna be good at something, you gotta keep doing it over and over again :P

Anyhow you can pretty much use anything as openers, but you might wanna use an opinion opener the first couple of weeks cause this guarantees you atleast more than a "yes/no answer".
A nice and simple one could be like;
"hey, do u know a nice cafe/Club nearby?"
when she answers you can just ask a couple of more questions about some specific questions, like do they have good burgers/good jazz music whatever.
Then try to strike up a conversation from that point.
Dont stay to long on one subject in the begining, cause if u circle around the opener for too long the conversation will die.
"i was really looking for a jazz place or something.. i just love that music, cant get enough of it.. what kindda music are you into?"

In the begining you proberly sound kindda "stiff" when talking and it will feel kindda weird, but try using the same opener and same questions for maybe a week or so, and you'll see how much better you get at it, and it will just come naturally.

btw even tho you feel you have great confidence and all, i still urge you to read the book i sugested in the other post.. its really great and touches alot of subjest about your state of mind, body positures, clothing and so on :) really great for developing your person

[Jeff99]

what can you say asking out a girl i think is the hardest thing to do. we think the worst we put it off i was like that for years.

story time.

i've like this girl for well months an months we car pool together work together do stuff out of work etc she is gorgeous funny alittle weird an crazy like myself :).

i've wanted to ask her out for along time she even started seeing someone esle during this time she always goes 4 blokes that are well "tools" people who treat her bad an she hates it.
last week i was at work she got dumped about 2 months back. i never person started at work last week he didn't know anyone so i made the effort to get to know him etc.

found out he liked bernadette aswell. what was i to do? i like her wanted to ask her out 4 months an months. then i realised i was just being a sook.
i never ask out people i really like etc.

the old say

if you do what you have always done you will get what you have always got.

i would never date her or even know if i could date her unless i asked her. i have we have been on a few dates since now an all is going well.

that new guy simon is a great guy becoming one of my best mates already win win.

the only way to over come fear is to do it.

[jankren]

i met this guy when i took my speech therapy. He stuttered very severe but i admired him because he would go up and talk to so many girls and even just randomly ask some out. Now he has a girlfriend because he tried.. he went out there and talked to as many girls as possible and he finally found someoen who likes him for him. and thats exactly what iam going to do... go out and talk to as many girls as possible and sooner or later i will end up having a girl. haha
Lol, I would die to have his confidence. :D

[tb1223]

exactly. and its funny cause its actually quiet logical, if u wanna be good at something, you gotta keep doing it over and over again :P

Anyhow you can pretty much use anything as openers, but you might wanna use an opinion opener the first couple of weeks cause this guarantees you atleast more than a "yes/no answer".
A nice and simple one could be like;
"hey, do u know a nice cafe/Club nearby?"
when she answers you can just ask a couple of more questions about some specific questions, like do they have good burgers/good jazz music whatever.
Then try to strike up a conversation from that point.
Dont stay to long on one subject in the begining, cause if u circle around the opener for too long the conversation will die.
"i was really looking for a jazz place or something.. i just love that music, cant get enough of it.. what kindda music are you into?"

In the begining you proberly sound kindda "stiff" when talking and it will feel kindda weird, but try using the same opener and same questions for maybe a week or so, and you'll see how much better you get at it, and it will just come naturally.

btw even tho you feel you have great confidence and all, i still urge you to read the book i sugested in the other post.. its really great and touches alot of subjest about your state of mind, body positures, clothing and so on :) really great for developing your person

You make it sound so easy, but I feel like I would need to actually see it to believe it...that is, actually witness a (male) PWS walk up to a woman out of the blue, start a conversation and actually get some kind of positive response. I think that's the only way that it would click in my mind that this kind of thing is actually possible; right now it seems like some kind of fantasy world. Or maybe I just need to read that book.

[Jonathanw]

You make it sound so easy, but I feel like I would need to actually see it to believe it...that is, actually witness a (male) PWS walk up to a woman out of the blue, start a conversation and actually get some kind of positive response. I think that's the only way that it would click in my mind that this kind of thing is actually possible; right now it seems like some kind of fantasy world. Or maybe I just need to read that book.
Hey champ.
Now im not sure what a pws is sorry.
Anyhow what your problem is one of the most common among men; limiting beliefs. somewhere in your mind you keep telling yourself "this cant be done man, i would never be able to walk over to a woman and just strike up a conversation about some shit because; a) im not good looking, b) im not rich/famous/whatever, c)cause women gets to choose the men their with.. and so on"

None of this is true tho, you need none of those to approach women.

Now reading a book wont make you good with women, there is no magic pill here. only hard work!
Read 2-3 books on the subject, and then get out on the street and get your hands dirty, thats the only way!

Anyhow if your interested i can mail you a booklist with some really good books that will boost your foundations alot.

and just a last note :P
for a little comparison, ask yourself how many girls have i talked to the last 5 years that was interested in you?
And how many men do u think the average hot girl, has been opened by the last 5 years?

THis is one of the main problems, men just dosent develop their social skills like a woman do. But dont worry you'll have time to catch up on all this ;)

[nate]

PWS-Person who stutters or something like that. I hate that phrase
nate

[Box of Clocks]

I don't think this has been mentioned yet so can I say that something that puts me off from asking a random woman out is that say 90% of the time when you go to approach someone, they probably won't be alone. I don't know about other people but for me my stutter gets worse if I am trying to speak to someone in a group. I assume that the most common place for anyone to approach someone else to ask them out is a bar/club/pub type setting. It is highly unlikely though to come across a woman that you want to ask out in a location such as this who would be on her own. Most people that go to clubs etc are going to be with a group of friends. For me it is intimidating enough to go up to a woman and try and start off a conversastion as it is, without the added pressure of her being surrounded by friends. In addition to the problem of them not being alone there may also be loud music playing which for me at least would also make it harder for me to communicate both in terms of my stutter and just making myself heard in general.

Maybe If you were to approach someone completly out of the blue on the street then they would be alone but I don't think that this is really the type of thing people generally do in order to find a partner.

[eva]

Box of clocks, i find the loud music in bars and clubs as a problem as well. Not that i would approach random guys (too shy to do that), but when they approach me, its a lot more difficult to communicate with them. i hope someone would actually come and talk to me on the street, that would be a much more comfortable way to meet someone.

[tb1223]

Hey champ.
Now im not sure what a pws is sorry.
Anyhow what your problem is one of the most common among men; limiting beliefs. somewhere in your mind you keep telling yourself "this cant be done man, i would never be able to walk over to a woman and just strike up a conversation about some shit because; a) im not good looking, b) im not rich/famous/whatever, c)cause women gets to choose the men their with.. and so on"

None of this is true tho, you need none of those to approach women.

Now reading a book wont make you good with women, there is no magic pill here. only hard work!
Read 2-3 books on the subject, and then get out on the street and get your hands dirty, thats the only way!

Anyhow if your interested i can mail you a booklist with some really good books that will boost your foundations alot.

and just a last note :P
for a little comparison, ask yourself how many girls have i talked to the last 5 years that was interested in you?
And how many men do u think the average hot girl, has been opened by the last 5 years?

THis is one of the main problems, men just dosent develop their social skills like a woman do. But dont worry you'll have time to catch up on all this ;)

That is good advice, thanks. I'll definitely think about it.

And yes, PWS = person who stutters.

[Jonathanw]

That is good advice, thanks. I'll definitely think about it.

And yes, PWS = person who stutters.

thats awsome mate, but dont think about it ;)
go do it! Thats whats gonna make u different from other guys and bring you succes, the fact that you dont just dream but you actually go out there and achieve.


Approaching women in a group is deffiently hard at first yes, and yes most women go out in a group so theres only one way and that is approaching the whole group.

but its actually not a whole lot different from approaching one girl really.
Go throw them an opinion opener, ask them about there opinion about something (just something you know they would be into, its good to add some drama ;). remember give a reason why your coming over and asking this, etc;

Hey guys, me and my friends was just discussing, is it okay for men to use makeup, and you look really into fashion and all :p

just make something up, it opener really dosent mather much just make them talk :)

It might be intimidating at first, but trust me its so much easyer to get a group of girls talking than just 1 girl.

[Shaz cackles]

Well, if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be.

Knockbacks (not that I have had any, mind - just what I've been told) just add to one's knowledge and experience.

Doesn't matter if they're in a group or alone - the challenge is the same. There's just more to choose from in a group :p and a bigger chance that one of them will find yer ugly mug semi-attractive :D

I like your attitude POT! Pretty much the same as mine, law of averages and all that! Not girls though........obviously ;) I'll stick to blokes thanks! :D

[Shaz cackles]

Not girls :mad: another myth blown out of the water then :p

LOL

Oh, and I'm sure that there is nothing average about you ;)

Oh, and I'm sure you are absolutely right, there's nothing average about me :D

[Danny]

Just be comfortable with your stuttering and you'll be confident. Women end up focusing all their attention when you stutter so use that moment to your advantage. They aren't looking at their watch or anything. They are looking at you. That was a topic on my podcast for 2 episodes :)

[Shaz cackles]

Well, that of course is your opinion.

Which, until proof is produced will be taken with the proverbial pinch of salt.

Until I can give something else a pinch that is :p

As for guys and make up, well mebbe it was fine for the 80's and the new romantic movement, etc, but nowadays.....no thanks!

Yes that is my opinion POT, but if you want proof before you pinch, you know how to find me ;)

And who the heck mentioned guys in make up?? :eek: I'm sharing my mascara with no man! LOL

[ratboy]

Think of everyone that's ever done that and how nervous they have been... Your friends, your dad with your mom (especially if she was a hottie)... Everybody turns into shit when they have to make "the call", and you will too... But hey, they pain of blocking in a couple of words will hurt you far less than wondering what could have been the next time you see her with someone else.

[BenLZ]

My love life is on hold until I clean up this disorder. I probably wouldn't go out with anybody at this point since I feel like the person I've turned into is not who I am, and that women who asked me out (which would be awkward anyways, since its usually men who ask women out...) would probably be doing it out of pity. I couldn't understand someone who genuinely wanted to go out with me, since it would be just too unbelievable and I'd view it with extreme suspicion. Actually, scratch that, women have asked me out on two occasions and in both cases the women were just very desperate - and I believe this is the lone exception. I don't know who else has these feelings, but I can say a good amount of stutterers build psychological walls around themselves.

I think stutterers could get girlfriends if they tried and took down all the mental baggage, but its just too hard for some of us. I, for one, could never do that, nor do I want to go out there.

[climberszen]

Saddly... what I have found is women in social setting don't have the time to make "small talk" with a person that stutters.... in my case.. they probably don't realize I even stutter... but instead... they see "girls" make me so nervous that I stammer so I must be a looser.... in otherwords the dreaded 15-30 second first impression in that social setting is a deal killer.

I am perfectly functional in the one-on-one setting.... but getting there is the problem....

What I find is I seem to always turn out being the "women's best friend from in the City" rather than a prospect for a date.....

I do alot of things... and am in good physical shape... and typically beleive reasonable good looking.... so I feel that my inability to meet women is because my inability to function and cross the first impression barrier..... and as much as women say they don't "look for guys at the bar scene"... I find that totally untrue.. that is where women go looking...

[Danny]

Climberszen, I'm in the same boat. It's hard to make that 30-second first impression while we're stuttering so I say beforehand, write up a list of routines of what to say when you stutter. Make them funny in a self-deprecating way (not in a "o woe is me I stutter" way) as women love a sense of humour. Practice those routines. I know it sounds cheesy but at least you won't have to worry about thinking on your feet :)

[TopSecrets]

My brother used to stutter and block on every other way. And he still talked to everyone and he didn't care. He talked to a bunch of chicks. And i stutter less than what he stuttered and I dont have the courage to talk to many girls.

[simoncpu]

I dunno why, but I often get laid despite my stutter. Dunno... girls find it cute or something.

I abandoned the idea of trying to be fluent in order ask girls out. I discovered that stuttering doesn't really impact my game significantly if I stop trying to be what I'm not.

Repeat after me: I'm a stutterer and I'm happy and at peace with myself. F**k you world! w00h0000!!!

Oookaaay... I think I should post some tips on how to get laid.

1. Don't give a *bleeep* about the world. You don't sound funny. In your world, they sound funny. Define your world according to your views and assert it over them.
2. Stutter with confidence. This is very, very difficult to do but once you manage to do this, it sways the game in your favor.

The theory is that girls are attracted to weirdos (funny hat, black nails, eye liners) who dress weird in parties because they have the confidence to stand out. Being weird is a sure fire way to attract negative comments from other males. However, females find this y because you don't mind being different. This is y and intoxicating.

The next time a male insults you, smile because the game is in your favor. Males will not insult other males if they aren't a threat. Females know this on a gut level. I love it when males insult me infront of females. My response is to simply smile at other males.

So, what has this got to do with stuttering? Well, instead of dressing weird, you speak weird. You stand out because you s-t-t-tu-t-t-ter. Girls know on a gut level how difficult it is to stutter in the real world. If you stutter with confidence, girls will find this very, very y.

On the flip side, girls will find this a big turn off if you are insecure with your stutter. You are also not 100% confident all the time because we are only human.

Blah blah blah it's 12:55AM now. I need to sleep. blah blah blah...

[ simon.cpu ]

[Rkanjl]

^ You're dead on, simoncpu! :)

[ClinPsy]

hey. i practice fluency skills every day 45 mins in the morning and sometimes 30 mins at night. But it has to be done every day hahah. I do easy breathing, gentle starts, smooth blending, and prolongation. i didnt practice for the whole week and i started stuttering today. It kinda felt weird hahah. nows the time to get back into the practicing though.

UGH, I know the feeling about practicing every day. It can be a hassle. Even if I do my speech exercises every day, Im never 100% fluent. On a scale of 1-10, my stuttering would be a 1-3 and that's doing my speech exercises every day. If I dont do them for a week, it shoots up between 6-8. :p

[stutteringgirl4]

My love life is on hold until I clean up this disorder. I probably wouldn't go out with anybody at this point since I feel like the person I've turned into is not who I am

Yeah my love life is definitely on hold right now too. I wouldnt want to put my problems on anyone else, I would feel to bad. But yeah, I like a few guys right now but Its hard cause I cany really talk to any of them.

[ClinPsy]

You have nothing to lose by asking them out.

Ive really never had problems with the ladies despite my stuttering. Actually, I have a date this saturday. :D

If a female senses low self-confidence in you, that might be even a bigger turn off than the stuttering.

[BenLZ]

You have nothing to lose by asking them out.

Ive really never had problems with the ladies despite my stuttering. Actually, I have a date this saturday. :D

If a female senses low self-confidence in you, that might be even a bigger turn off than the stuttering.

Maybe not.

I'm sorry, didn't you say you lost your virginity at 20 or 21 in a different thread?

As you know, it's tough to look confident with a stutter. Then you add on having to talk to them, make chemistry - these things are all tough for someone who can't get their words out.

[AndrewMSM]

I dunno why, but I often get laid despite my stutter. Dunno... girls find it cute or something.

I abandoned the idea of trying to be fluent in order ask girls out. I discovered that stuttering doesn't really impact my game significantly if I stop trying to be what I'm not.

Repeat after me: I'm a stutterer and I'm happy and at peace with myself. F**k you world! w00h0000!!!

Oookaaay... I think I should post some tips on how to get laid.

1. Don't give a *bleeep* about the world. You don't sound funny. In your world, they sound funny. Define your world according to your views and assert it over them.
2. Stutter with confidence. This is very, very difficult to do but once you manage to do this, it sways the game in your favor.

The theory is that girls are attracted to weirdos (funny hat, black nails, eye liners) who dress weird in parties because they have the confidence to stand out. Being weird is a sure fire way to attract negative comments from other males. However, females find this y because you don't mind being different. This is y and intoxicating.

The next time a male insults you, smile because the game is in your favor. Males will not insult other males if they aren't a threat. Females know this on a gut level. I love it when males insult me infront of females. My response is to simply smile at other males.

So, what has this got to do with stuttering? Well, instead of dressing weird, you speak weird. You stand out because you s-t-t-tu-t-t-ter. Girls know on a gut level how difficult it is to stutter in the real world. If you stutter with confidence, girls will find this very, very y.

On the flip side, girls will find this a big turn off if you are insecure with your stutter. You are also not 100% confident all the time because we are only human.

Blah blah blah it's 12:55AM now. I need to sleep. blah blah blah...

[ simon.cpu ]

I like this. I've tried very hard to find someone who can genuinely say that they believe that stuttering is a good thing if one views it that way. I have had enough talking about and stewing around bad feelings and things that set me back in life that I don't believe speaking lamentingly about my stutter is going to improve things.

I would rather laugh about it, and like we must do with all things we can't get rid of, accept them as parts of our person and embrace them. Even find ways that they are GOOD.

So yes, I agree with your take. I had a girl once tell me, a little jokingly, that she thought my stuttering was y. Other times, I bring it up with a girl and she says it's really not that noticeable, despite the fact that it's often at the fore of my mind.

So I salute you, sir.