"Spit It Out"

[happy7117]

I know what "spit it out" means as I am sure we all do.

But I would like to know what you think it means?

Could the person be saying "spit it out" to encourage us to say what we are trying to say??

Is the person be mean or ignorant??

What if your best friend says something like "spit it out" to you. Do you think he is encouraging you to say what you are trying so hard to say?

Is he still your friend?

Reason for this thread, I was struggling along saying something at work, and another employee who is the greatest guy ever said "spit it out" with a hearty laugh..

Should I have said something, or taken it with a grain of salt and brushed it off?

Maybe I just need to not worry about things that people might say and be tougher from it.

[RingSideBoxer]

well i usually think that if someone said "spit it out" to me, with a smirk or a elevated voice. I would have dropped what I was saying and said: "Whats that suppose to mean?" that would get them all fired up. lol

P.S and i know how you feel.

[emily445455]

I think it partly depends on the person's tone of voice as they say it. :) Most people are probably just saying it out of ignorance though...

[Grandma5]

I totally agree with Emily. People are just plain ignorance for saying stuff like that. It hurts me and try as I might I always remember it, even though they can be your best friend. You just have to take it with a grain of salt and learn from it, to be consider of others with problems. Just always remember its not your problem they don't understand stuttering, IT IS THEIR'S!!!! Tomorrow is another day. What comes around-goes around. Blessings! Grandma5

[Adrian]

I think it partly depends on the person's tone of voice as they say it. :) Most people are probably just saying it out of ignorance though...

We can't really blame people for being ignorant about stuttering though. I am sure any one of us is capable of saying something rude to someone with a disorder we don't understand.

[emily445455]

We can't really blame people for being ignorant about stuttering though. I am sure any one of us is capable of saying something rude to someone with a disorder we don't understand.

Of course not. Most people have never even met a stutterer (well maybe a covert one). It's not their fault for not knowing how to react when interacting with a stutterer. It doesn't make me upset when people say things out of ignorance...just when they say it to be mean :)

[Adrian]

Of course not. Most people have never even met a stutterer (well maybe a covert one). It's not their fault for not knowing how to react when interacting with a stutterer. It doesn't make me upset when people say things out of ignorance...just when they say it to be mean :)

Exactly! Unfortunately some us don't take this into consideration though.

[happy7117]

This might sound foolish, but what does ignorance mean?

BTW, I saw the same guy who said that weird little "spit it out" remark...and he was wicked nice...this is one guy who I could not get mad at even if I tried!

I just think he was uncertain of how to react and that's fine with me.

I brushed it off, and move on!

[202]

my old man used to say that to me when i was a little kid. Thats probably one of the reasons i hold a grudge against him to this day

[slyder2412]

202 ....likewise...i don't hold a grudge but i defiantly believe that part of why i had been so self conscious about stuttering is due to the fact that it was ALWAYS pointed out.

"spit it out"
"slow down"
"think about what you're going to say"
"take your time"
etc.

I'm sure all of you are well familiar with these *cough* anecdotes.

To the original post...if it was a friend i'd prob just tell him to shut the up and smile....if it's a friend i'm sure you'll be able to counter easily with something that isn't perfect about them. If it was a stranger i'd get in his face, if he provoked a little bit more he'd get my fist.

If it's someone you don't know, that's straight up disrespectful.

[JDRow]

To the original post...if it was a friend i'd prob just tell him to shut the up and smile....if it's a friend i'm sure you'll be able to counter easily with something that isn't perfect about them. If it was a stranger i'd get in his face, if he provoked a little bit more he'd get my fist.

If it's someone you don't know, that's straight up disrespectful.

I find it much more annoying from a person I know than from a stranger. I figure that, if it's a stranger, they probably don't realize I stutter or don't understand. I don't think they're being encouraging, but more just not really understanding and saying it, like others said, out of ignorance. I'm not going to get annoyed at a stranger for saying something like that, because they probably don't know any better.

It bothers me a lot more from somebody I know, who knows that I stutter and should understand that I can't just spit it out.

[emily445455]

Happy- I think ignorant in this case just means not knowing how to react to people with speech problems because they have never met anyone with speech problems. It's not a bad thing :)

[nate]

"spit it out"
"slow down"
"think about what you're going to say"
"take your time"
etc.

I'm sure all of you are well familiar with these *cough* anecdotes.

To the original post...if it was a friend i'd prob just tell him to shut the up and smile....if it's a friend i'm sure you'll be able to counter easily with something that isn't perfect about them. If it was a stranger i'd get in his face, if he provoked a little bit more he'd get my fist.

If it's someone you don't know, that's straight up disrespectful.

These Anecdotes are so unhelpful. But if the guy is nice and not a scumbum most of the time, it is probably just out of ignorance. Perhaps, if you feel like its worth it, you might try to explain to him thats its not as easy as spitting. Which brings us back to another thread on here about talking about your stuttering.

[barrymcgee]

Like what waht others have said, if this guy is a mate, he should know better.. I'd reply with something like, "If I could do you not think I would?"

If it came from a stranger, I'd respectfully tell them to learn some manners and then fininsh the conversation curtly and walk away. If this is their attitude, they do not deserve my time...

[Grandma5]

You hit the nail on the head!! Thanks, Grandma5

[Bill Hargis]

Ignorance, cruelty, stupidity, impatience. Sadly those type of people must be allowed to live, vote, and propogate.

[andrewg818]

While I remember always loathing "spit it out" [and it adding to the frustration].. I could hardly blame others. For one thing, none of us can say whether it's bad good, mean, nice, evil, etc;-- It's different coming from each person in each scenario...What people say [ourselves included] is always a result of our own experiences, programming, comfort levels, etc; When people listen to a severe stutter, they are often trying to do what it takes to make themselves feel better/comfortable based on their own programming.. They don't WANT to say the wrong thing--or look the wrong way [i..e have you ever seen a disfigured or otherwise "VERY" different looking person--and tried not to make it look like you were looking---at them ? What were YOU thinking/feeling? Chances are -- it was about your own 'survival' in that social situation-- Well, empathize w/ the listener--hearing stuttering-- their minds are often in the same predicament.. and "spit it out"--can mean so many different things from so many different people-- usually their own ATTEMPT to be OK w/ the situation---and to not feel their own anxieties... ]--but what does it mean to YOU ? If it HURTS you--as it does many stutterers, ask yourself this:
If I take a particular food item-- Let's say a red snapper fillet..and sit it on a table in front of 50 random people-- There will be 50 opinions about it..some will like it..some will hate it..some will say it's delicious and want more...others will say it's the most vile thing they've ever tasted. Here's the thing: The red snapper doesn't care.. It has no self-consciousness... BE the red snapper! HAHA--! [It takes work, time, yes--]-----When you stutter-- if there are 50 people, they will have 50 opinions of you.. from making fun of..to compassion... to indifference..and so much more--but they will always b e in their OWN heads.. in their own self consciousness..worried about sayign the "right" thing to you--or reacting in the "right" way-- When both parties drop their shields...and agree to just be themselves..to respect each other..and to not look for who is wrong or who is right..and to just be..just communicate..things flow a lot smoother.. You might even crack a smile or make a joke about your stuttering-- [not a cruel one--just make LIGHT of it--visualize yourself doing that for a while]---to make THEM feel at EASE_--remember the listener's feelings too-- They just want to be OK--and they will loosen up when you do.. Consider the difference(s) between a person standing there struggling.. looking angry...sad...embarrassed..vs. one smiling through their stutterers... laughing "WHEW!!!! that was a BIG one !!!--did you time it ?"-- or anything that might SUIT you to say--- so that both people smile and relax... But, even more importantly, in a figurative sense..can you imagine YOURSELF as the RED SNAPPER? -- {not dead on a table, cut up, hehe--]---you still exist as you are..regardless of anyone else's thoughts--and EVERYONE has a different thought abotu you based on their own intricate life experience and programming...Is it really worth it to you to troubleshoot what everyone is thinking and to try to get the world to think the way you want them to? Of course not! : )

[climberszen]

I was kinda shocked to read the responses to this post and see how common "spit it out" is. I invite you to the blog posting below. Eventually my goal is to convert these posts to a book, but until then they are stories on a blog :)

Spit It Out

Eventually, the lake became an ever increasing and important part of my summer breaks. My parents began to rent a lot and maintain a motor home on it so that we had a base of operation. As I grew older I began to live at the lake during the summer time. I would move to the lake the day after school and return home the day before school started. My parents would commonly spend afternoons and evening at the lake as well. But I became a full time resident.

It was during my first summer living at the lake that I met Kevin. Kevin was my age and also lived at the lake during the summer time two lots down from ours. He came from a solid inner city blue collar background in Philadelphia where his family lived. Our friendship would grow based on our passion for fishing. Eventually, we would spend most of our time together enjoying the recreational activities that the lake offered. I had sail boats and he both a fishing boat and a ski boat. I must admit I cannot think of a better lifestyle for two boys.

We would wake up early every day, motor out in the fishing boat and fish the mornings away. As the sun intensified and fishing slowed we would come back to shore. We would wait to see if the winds picked up enough to sail in which case we would rig sailboats and sail the day away. If the winds did not show we would take the ski boat out and ski the afternoon away. As the sun settled onto the horizon it was time to ready the fishing boat for an evening of fishing.

Although Kevin was technically a city boy, by all other accounts he was a country boy. I could have easily pictured him in the Deep South or floating down the Mississippi River on a log raft with Tom Sawyer. We spent plenty of time together in the quiet mornings or fading evenings fishing and talking. We talked about life, politics, girls, and our dreams. Through these talks a mutual trust and bond grew between us that cemented our friendship. However, we were quiet the two; I was the science nerd viewing the world through cold observations. Kevin on the other hand viewed the world through country boy eyes and commonly expressed him self through a country like drawl. His, “Sheash that dang fish hit like a dead cow being chased by a pack of wolverines,” or some other country bumpkin-like saying always lightened the mood.

Oddly until Kevin, I was always very sensitive about my speech. However, I learned through Kevin in many ways that I did not need to be sensitive about my speech or take offense at comments. It would not be uncommon that at some point I would suffer a major blockage or some other form of stuttering. One day Kevin simply looked at me while I was suffering through a horrible blockage and simply said, “Did a fish jump in there? Quick spit er’ out!” The blockage instantly subsided, I finished my sentence and then we had a good laugh. There was no maliciousness ever intended by any of Kevin’s comments, and I knew it. In many ways this simple incident deepened our friendship and helped me understand the world better.

It is little incidents like this and the wisdom of age that provides insight that can help other stutters. Excluding young children, I honestly believe that few people have malicious intent against stutters. Rather, there is no “code of conduct” on what to do when a person stutters. To make the situation worse each stutter can be different or responds differently to a person’s help. I now have no qualms if a person who finishes a word for me, or sometimes I’ll look at the person and ask them to say the word. Essentially, I allow the person to do what is comfortable to them. On the other hand I have read stories on the Internet where a stutter becomes outraged that a person finishes a word or sentence for the person. In many ways it was through Kevin that learned that the world is not worth being angry at, unfortunately it would take me 25+ years to really learn that lesson.

My friendship with Kevin provides an excellent example as to how I compartmentalized my life into distinct and separate entities. As we reached our later teens and our testosterone really began to flow we would “troll” for girls. Two active and healthy young boys with access to both sail boats and ski boats had distinct opportunities to meet high school aged girls. Oddly, at the lake my self consciousness was greatly diminished, I was physically fit and had a reputation as a good sailor and descent skier. And of course Kevin was my crutch that allowed me to meet girls. We were able to take girls skiing, sailing, or both. And when I stuttered while talking, Kevin was always there to ease the awkwardness through that friendly country-bumpkin drawl. The girls always seemed to instantly know that maliciousness was not intended and they became more comfortable around me. I can only presume that they could tell that Kevin deeply respected me and would never actually make fun of me.

The lake was a place of escape for me, the trauma of the real world did not really penetrate this sanctuary. Yet, my actions at the lake, those moments of self confidence, where I would meet and talk to girls did not escape the lake. They did not transfer to my “real life”. In my “real life” my self confidence had been taken away from me by those middle school girls just as my self image was forming.

[tb1223]

I think a lot of times people might say something like that to try to relieve the awkwardness or tension created by a long block. I agree that that might not be the best way to do this, but I can't blame them for their intentions. Anyway, whenever someone says something like that to me, either out of ignorance, cruelty, or whatever, I always just laugh; it's a polite and discreet way of saying "Yes, that might have been rude, but it doesn't bother me."