acceptance is the best therapy for stuttering

[judo31]

I haven't posted it here for a long times. Perhaps, my stuttering does not affect me as much as before. I was a moderate stuttererer. I had one year of speech therapy and almost two years of pschology therapy. They helped me to become a very mild stutterer. Now, i'm more socialable, confident, and higher self-esteem. I'm actually starting to pick up girls, which i was afraid because of stuttering.

However, over the passed two years. All these therapies helped me a lot. But, what really help me is the acceptance of stuttering is part of me now. Again, i'm very mild stutterer. However, i just let my stuttering moment passes me by and don't worry about it. Before i will feel guilt and shame of myself because of stuttering. Now, is more like i stuttered but i still said what i wanted to say. I stuttered on the phone, but i was able to ordered the product. It's just feel like the less i care about my stuttering. The more happier am i.

I'm currectly a very mild stutterer. I may not in the same shoe as others. One thing that we are similar in. We all feel shame and the embarassment of stuttering. By lowering down those two things. I can speak more freely. I know i may stutter, but at least i'm saying the things that i want.

One thing that i think is important. I am no longer blaming my stutterering for meserible things that have happended to me. I believe i can get a job that i want. Get a girl that i want. Do what i want. It's just a matter of fact putting more effort into it.

[Hans]

Judo, you have found the answer. The less I think about and fear words, the less I stutter. The trouble is, one has to believe it to see it.:D

[jekintel5]

can u tell me what they teach u in speech therapy? mind to share with us? THANKYOU

[judo31]

can u tell me what they teach u in speech therapy? mind to share with us? THANKYOU

They taught normal speech modification techniques like cancellation, light contact, and etc. If you want to know more about those techniques. YOu can google it. I couldn't afford speech therapy. I actually went to Calstate fullerton for therapy. I had to drive a hour to get there, but i had never missed a day. Pretty much they taught me how to ease my stuttering. The pschological therapy helped me to accept my stuttering and less my fear. Up to this day, i never worry about being fluent. I'm a very mild stutterer. Most of the time, i may be fluent. Sometime, i can stutter. I just have to accept it. I just think the idea of being fluent put too much pressure on us. They taught me how to be active. Don't stay home and talk about your stuttering all day. DOn't use this forum as your only path to talk to others. Get out of your house and be more active. Go to the mall, shopping, or something.

[barrymcgee]

Very true, once you accept who you are, that stuttering is a apart of you, there is nothing to fear...

[jekintel5]

hmm.........if like that, i think my condition quite serious abit. when i is require to talk or start a conversion, there will alsway have a feeling in my heart, i duno weither it is fear or not, but it cause block on my specch, i still remenber the most serious condition, at that time , my mouth start shaking because trying to get the word out....Ouch...at the time i feel really down. Did anyone know any way to let this feeling go? because from what i thinking, if this feeling gone, i will be fluent a bit. becuase when i talking alone , a pet or mirror, i dun have tat kind of feeling and at that time i fluent. why i cant fluent when talking to ppl .:confused:

[Grandma5]

I can tell that most people on this forum is under 35 years old. Well I can tell you the older you get your stuttering will become less important because you realize there is so many other diseases or whatever word you want to use that is so much more worse. I thank God I'm not mute. Yes, I have had embarassing moments when people make fun, but you just have to sweep it under the rug and go on. Once you realize your speech is more important to you than to others, you can admit, yes I am a stutterer and your hair is red, laugh and go on. When I was younger it was much harder to do this,but it is the secret.Really accept yourself and you WILL be more fluent. Grandma5

[nate]

But, what really help me is the acceptance of stuttering is part of me now. By lowering down those two things. I can speak more freely. I know i may stutter, but at least i'm saying the things that i want.

One thing that i think is important. I am no longer blaming my stutterering for meserible things that have happended to me. I believe i can get a job that i want. Get a girl that i want. Do what i want. It's just a matter of fact putting more effort into it.

That so many people share this sentiment must make it true. But its so hard to do. How do you get a job when it takes you five minutes to try to say your name forget actually saying it? How do you get a girlfriend when someone introduces you and she asks you something you can't say a word, not even that you stammer? How can you accept that verbal communication is a no go zone for you forever?
Maybe its easier to accept a mild stutter but a severe stammer is a different kettle of fish altogether. Sometimes I shake with the effort of trying to say the simplest things, my jaw comes uhinged and I think I'm going to bust something in my gut but I have to say it and I cant and my boss' eyes open wider and wider and in the end I am so exhausted, I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
How can I accept that scene as a part of me? How can I not fear the next time I have to vocalise a thought? How can not care?

[slyder2412]

Nate i understand what you're saying completely. In my opinion it's the unfortunate truth.

Stuttering is never acceptable unless you're with people that already KNOW you stutter, that you're NOT nervous, that you're NOT intimidated, that you're NOT retarded, and that you CAN'T help it.

I've had times where people would have the realization of "i guess if you could control your stutter you wouldn't be consistently doing it" and then the conclusion of "ahhh, i guess he's not nervous/intimidated/stupid/not sure of what he wants to say....he just talks this way because he CAN'T HELP IT"

[judo31]

I understand that people struggle with stuttering on daily things. Again, i'm not in the same shoe with many of you guys. I'm not suggesting what works for me will work for guys. I usually see many people here that really hate their stuttering. They can't seem to get away of it. My point of being acceptance doesn't mean think of stuttering as piece of cake. It's no big deal.

My point is that some stutterers keep trying to be fluent and not to stutter. You guys have tried it many times. It doesn't work. If it takes 5 minutes to say one word, would you prefer to say it or just keep your mouth shut because you stutter. If you guys worry so much about what people think of you when you have secondary behaviour like eye blinking, how are we gonna be happy. But i keep hearing the same phase again and again. BUt i stutter, but i stutter..... How is anything be good gonna happen to me. I actually dated a girl that stutters. THings didn't work out for me. By that moment, it really hits me. She didn't like me because i'm not her type not because that i stuttered.

All i have to say is that i'm not trying to get anyone just think of stuttering is easy. I'm just thinking that people shouldn't hate their stuttering that much , overworried about what many think of you when you stuttered, and enjoy your life. I pretty sure someone will reply but i stutter; i can't do it. This type of behaviour has been developed for years since childhood. All those teasing and bullying impacted our lives. If you talk to many mature people, they do not make fun of us. THey may think that we are nervour or stupid. But can we blame them. I mean we are showing werid behavious. But again, can we blame ourselves. Of course not. Why should we blame on ourselves for something that we didn't want to do and didn't have control on that moment. Then, why do we still carry so much hatred, shame, and embarresment around it. I actually volunteered to stutter for few weeks before and did survey to ask people regarding stuttering. Most people have possitive attitude.

I'm not telling anyone not to worry about their stuttering because is hard. But we make it worse by adding so much negative thoughts into it.

Refering to slyder2412 says that stuttering is never acceptable. It pretty much puts a mindset on people that we stutter, and we cannot accept by others or ourselves. I did a presentation few weeks ago. I chose to go first and i stuttered. Nobody laugh! I was already preparing people for laughing because i know i'm acting different. I can't expect everyone to stay normal. howeve, no one laugh. I did the presentation, and that was my whole intention. I know i may feel a little sad when people laugh. That is something i can't control. I shoudn't feel guilt, and hate myself for that. In fact, i'm love myself because i know i was doing my best to improve my stuttering.

[Grandma5]

I have stuttered all my life. Yes, I was called on to read in school, stood up, blocked and all the kids thought it was funny. I would go home and cry my eyes out. What good did it do ? None
The changing point in my life was when I was an adult in my early 50's. I was in a shopping mall and wanted a Diet Coke so bad. I went in a store and tryed to order one. The girls behind the counter thought I was DRUNK and called security. I did not know it till they came behind me and cuffed my hands. I explained to the officer that I stuttered and only wanted a Diet Coke. I don't know who was embarrassed the most. They apologized over and over and I cryed. I promised myself I would never let that happen again, so when I met someone new, if I feel a block coming on I stop and tell them I am a stutterer and please bare with me. People are Very understanding if you approach your speech this way. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and it takes the pressure off. blessings to all, have a great day. Grandma5

[nate]

Then, why do we still carry so much hatred, shame, and embarresment around it.

I'm not telling anyone not to worry about their stuttering because is hard. But we make it worse by adding so much negative thoughts into it.


I dont hate myself. I hate the fact the every time I try to communicate I fail.
I am not ashamed of myself. I am ashamed of my inability to carry out a conversation because its bloody frustrating not only to me but to the person who is trying to decipher the verbal circus (happy's phrase) that spews forth.
I am not embarrassed that I stammer. I am embarrassed because I waste so many oppurtunities everyday to conect with other people in the most basic of ways.
I dont worry that I will stammer. I am worried that I wont be able to say whats important.
I feel so trapped, so misunderstood and so ing powerless.

[nate]

Yesterday was my last day in Nairobi before I left for Juba, Sudan this morning. So Nikita and I planned a fun day just for ourselves because the past month has been all about the babies and also she finished her traditional Islamic confinement after childbirth. So we went to the park for a picnic and we met 3 couples who had planned similar outing but the real African way. They had brought pots and a braai and were all set to have a cookout. One of the women knew Niki and they invited us to join them. Normally I’d put up a fuss but I know how much Niki was jonesing adult conversation so I decided to play along. Besides I figured I could just busy myself with cooking and drinking in the corner which is my usual M.O.

Anyway the girls made like a house on fire and left the cooking to us. Niki effectively abandoned me. I sort of stood there for a bit, in state of confusion until one of the guys, Shane, offered me a beer and began to chat.
At first it was really hard. I was in an utter panic and I blocked on just about every word, but to my surprise, Shane didn’t miss a beat. He stood there, maintained eye contact, he didn’t smirk or smile or widen his eyes or anything. He just listened! And then he continued the conversation (which I must say almost never happens). The other two guys Mike and Steve looked a bit stunned at first and sort of stared but I think they twigged and began to follow Shane’s lead.
It was the best conversation I’ve had with anybody other than Niki and my brother in the longest time, maybe even ever. At some point the conversation turned to my speech and I got asked a few questions and I told the stuttering kitten joke that I think JD posted and we cracked up and then it turned to something else. Like a normal conversation.
I think 4 things helped.
1. I’ve let go of those strange secondary behaviors I had so now I just look like a guy having a hard time getting his words out rather than someone with Tourette’s, no head jerks, no closing my eyes, no thigh slapping. Just a skipping CD.
2. They were all very understanding. I didn’t have to tell them I stuttered, I just did.
3. The distraction of cooking.
4. I thought, “what have I got to loose? If I don’t talk, I surely portray a very bad image of myself. If I do, I may portray a bad image of myself. But if I talk theres a chance they’ll get to know the real me.” So I gave them the benefit of the doubt. And even though I wasn’t brave, I was courageous. I feared, but I plowed on. And the more we talked, the more confident I got and the less I stammered. Of course that could also be the beer.

I don’t know if this is the famed acceptance policy. Or if its just courage and overcoming fear of speaking. After yesterday I made 6 good new friends. Shane and Mike are pilots and do relief aid drops in Sudan so they’re going to look me up, Steve is an aeronautical engineer and he’s planning a trip with them, their wives/gfs are going to look out for my gf while I’m away and Niki thinks I’m the bees knees. She said for the first time she didn’t see that “rescue me look” on my face and she’s very proud.
Nate

DONT HATE, APPRECIATE!!!

[nate]

how do u delete a post?

[Grandma5]

The minute you told the guys that you were a stutterer wither you realized it or not, it took a great amount of pressure off. You did not have to preform like a fluent speaker and I bet after that your speech improved. Just enjoy life and live each day like it's your last. To hell what everybody thinks! It's what you think that COUNTS!!! Great job. Grandma5

[hafidmetal]

my stuttering has given to me and i have accepted it ....my main issue is whether or not people will accept my stuttering or just laugh and judge me

[Grandma5]

People are very funny. They always like to have the last word or the last laugh. But people ALWAYS want to appear like they know all about the subject that is discussed. Believe me over the years I have learned that kind people will be very understanding and of course there are a lot of idiots out there too. If someone makes a wisecrack at your speech, You can always have the last word with the way you respond. You can choose to walk away, tell them to kiss your you know what, or tell them they have no class what so ever. I have found the last one works best because it puts being a idiot in their field! Stand up for yourself and be proud of who you are. Your stuttering DOES NOT MAKE YOU A LESSER MAN!!!! Be happy. Grandma5

[happy7117]

I cannot accept the fact I can barely get what I want out.

Why should we want to accept something that plagues us daily?

[Adrian]

I cannot accept the fact I can barely get what I want out.

Why should we want to accept something that plagues us daily?

I think what makes stuttering so difficult to accept is there are constantly people and advertits talking about overcoming stuttering. Many people have no understanding of how difficult overcoming or controlling stuttering is. They see these magic cures on TV and think "hey, that could be me." The fact is that the vast majority of people do not reach total fluency with therapy, devices, medications, etc. Some do, but they are the exception and not the rule.

[JDRow]

Why should we want to accept something that plagues us daily?

I think largely because there's not really any other choice, since, as Adrian said, most stutterers aren't going to be completely fluent. I don't know if you can be a person who's happy or contented if you can't accept something you can't change about yourself.

The whole discussion reminds me of the serenity prayer, about being able to accept what you can't change, change what you can, and knowing how to tell the difference. Since there isn't any completely effective way to get every stutterer to stop stuttering, it does seem like something that can't be changed (not that a person can't stutter less) and so should be accepted.

[happy7117]

How can acceptance be a type of therapy, that's just a feeling!

The best type of therapy is the therapy that works for you and that lasts.

A device coupled with speech therapy is helpfull as well to!

Acceptance does not teach fluency techniques, speech therapy clinicians do!

[jankren]

I cant accept Im a stutterer. I wanna be 'normal' like others.

[divisi]

I cant accept Im a stutterer. I wanna be 'normal' like others.
I accept I'm a stutterer, because I am. However, I don't accept stuttering because it's not accepted in our society, so why should I accept it?. The day a severe stutterer will be accepted as an air traffic controller, I'll be willing to accept stuttering as a normal and painless condition. Until then, I believe stuttering is a beast to be defeated, and I hope some day one researcher will find the answer. I bet the answer will come from neurology rather than psychology, but that's another story.

[Grandma5]

The FIRST words the director of HCRI to our group was, Once a stutterer always a stutterer! I was never so shocked in his harsh words. I said to myself why did I spend this much money if I'm not cured. Three weeks later I found the answer. Speech Therphy is not to cure you. There is no cure as of now, it is only a tool that you learn to help you be more fluent. Something that is hard to carry into the real world. So until a cure is found ( and I do not understand why one has not already been found, for I KNOW it is in the genes)you either accept you are a stutterer or you are in denial. No matter how mad this makes you (and me too) it is simply a fact! It took me 60 years to get this fact in my head. God's Blessings, Grandma5

[Grandma5]

The FIRST words the director of HCRI to our group was, Once a stutterer always a stutterer! I was never so shocked in his harsh words. I said to myself why did I spend this much money if I'm not cured. Three weeks later I found the answer. Speech Therphy is not to cure you. There is no cure as of now, it is only a tool that you learn to help you be more fluent. Something that is hard to carry into the real world. So until a cure is found ( and I do not understand why one has not already been found, for I KNOW it is in the genes)you either accept you are a stutterer or you are in denial. No matter how mad this makes you (and me too) it is simply a fact! It took me 60 years to get this fact in my head. God's Blessings, Grandma5

[nate]

The FIRST words the director of HCRI to our group was, Once a stutterer always a stutterer!

Shit!

No matter how mad this makes you (and me too) it is simply a fact! It took me 60 years to get this fact in my head.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiit!!!
I wonder whether I'll have that long to live forget accepting the fact that I stutter. I really do not want to waste that much time. I'll start accepting it right away.
Nate
---------------------------------------------------
Dont hate, Appreciate

[Adrian]

How can acceptance be a type of therapy, that's just a feeling!

I believe acceptance is a path to greater fluency and is a type of speech therapy. I think many of us make the root stuttering worse by trying to be fluent. Once we accept the stuttering and let go of the struggle for fluency we can just go back to the core stuttering and stop stepping all over our own speech.

[adamski87]

very good thread is this,
i've learnt that the less i care about peoples reaction to stuttering the less i stutter.
i mean in my mind and viewpoint is that i have a stutter why should i let this ruin my life??...if anything it makes me interesting as i am different from every other person i meet and its gives people an instant conversation topic, people judge you for who you are not because you stutter =)

[Manofsteel18765]

Hey guys,

Acceptance is the most important things you can do for your speech. You must not confuse acceptance with giving up and not trying to keep improving. Putting so much pressure to speak causes more disfluencies. I don't think it is possible for you to comprehend it until you make the change over time. I know when I first started therapy, I hated myself, hated how I spoke, never thought I would ever speak with fluently. I have went from a moderate/severe stutterer to a mild stutterer. Even though I have felt better about myself and more confident, I was unable to tell people about it. I can honestly say that this one this has helped me out alot. It was the next stage of acceptance for me. It took me 7 years to get there. You may get there sooner or later than me, but the point is stick with it. I admit getting older has helped. I had ADHD and was like the squirrel off of ice age which made speaking all but impossible. At 31 now, I can say I am speaking the best of my life. You have to go through the bad. There is no way around it, but staying positive will help out alot. As for speech therapy, if you have a local college near you, check to see if they have a speech center. Also speech is legally a disability and you can go to your vocational rehabilitation center and they will pay for speech therapy if you live in the US. Different states have different rules, check with them. Don't give up. For what I hear is that they love to turn you down, so you will go away and they will not have to pay for it. Be persistent. Stick with it and get them to pay for speech therapy.

[Ayman]

i accepted my stuttering because ive given in, no matter what i try i still stutter...havent tried speech therapy yet...really cant be bothered.