I Can't Take it Anymore

[jordanmk0]

Lately I've been somewhat of a loner in the world. I've been having fights with my family, for making me what I am now. I have learned everything from them, as well as being forced to learn things such as swearing and ceratin negative attitudes. Being around that sort of stuff for 14 years has gotten up to me and I sort of hate my life because of it. If it wasn't for them fighting all the time while I was growing up, I might have been a more optimistic person. But right now, I'm just.. depressed and pissed.

Just recently, I had a fight with my brother and when I was saying something, my block just kicked right in. Even with the adrenaline, the block still came about. After everything was solved, I caught so pissed with my stutter that I punched the wall and almost made a hole.

I feel like I can't go through my life as a stutterer and as a person with negative feelings. I don't talk to my friends at school very much (because I don't like talking to people, not because of my stutter). I even neglect talking to my family sometimes because I want to be alone all the time.

Even being with people (nevermind talking to them) I hate. I prefer to be alone completely. What made me be like this? Was it my family or was it just meant to be? I'm starting to realize that my life will probably suck because of my stutter, personality, and the fact that I'm pessimistic. I'm stressed at school and at home because of when I have to talk. So basically, my life is hell before me and probably will be forever.

..I just read this over and I'm going to say this: "See? I told you I think like a pessimist now. I talk and think like one without knowing it."

I can't take it anymore. My life. And especially me. For now, I'm going to separate myself from the world.

[tb1223]

For now, just hang in there. Focus on something you like, like a sport or a hobby, and just try to get through this tough time...because that's what it is, a tough time. It doesn't have to be this way for the rest of your life, and it almost definitely won't be. I remember all too well what it felt like when it first dawned on me that I would have to live with my stutter for the rest of my life. I was about your age, and things were pretty awful for a while. I'm 19 now, and college has made me realize some of the opportunities that are out there...it just takes time, and dedication. Let me know if you ever want to talk.

-Tim

[Be YOURSELF]

Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out.

[nate]

Hey Jordan

I think I know how you feel. Growing up I felt like an outsider too. My uncle and aunt were very kind to my brother and I but with me I felt like they were just doing their duty most of the time. They never let on that they loved me. Even though I now know in their own twisted way they do. The result was that I grew up feeling so alienated and my stammer made it hard for me to fit in in other places where I might find that sense of belonging.

Isolating yourself isnt the best way to go, its the problem. (Thats like cutting off your finger because you have a cut on it. If you keep going down that road eventually you die a death from a thousand cuts.)

How do u feel like u belong? Some poeple have sports, hobbies, friends, academics, for me it was cooking. I felt like a mad scientist; measuring, adding, mixing, stewing, braaing, sauteing, poaching, arranging ... And it was so rewarding when my Teachers or my Aunt or Guests or my little brothers friends all gave me rave reviews. It became my forte even though I am an unlikely chef, I'm built like a german tank!:D

Find something that you enjoy, and then dedicate yoself to it, be it art, sports, history, debate:p pottery, martial arts, cooking...anything. And the world will come to you. Have a dream, and then try to spend those pessimistic moments redirecting yo energy toward making that dream a reality.

Soon u'll be the guy everyone says draws killer cartoons, or can bend it like Beckham, or is the next Ian Thorpe u so fast in water, or makes killer eggs (my baby brother till today thinks I make the best eggs and sandwiches)

Good Luck Jordan
Take care. This too will come to pass.
Nathaniel

[bignick]

Hey Jordan

I think I know how you feel. Growing up I felt like an outsider too. My uncle and aunt were very kind to my brother and I but with me I felt like they were just doing their duty most of the time. They never let on that they loved me. Even though I now know in their own twisted way they do. The result was that I grew up feeling so alienated and my stammer made it hard for me to fit in in other places where I might find that sense of belonging.

Isolating yourself isnt the best way to go, its the problem. (Thats like cutting off your finger because you have a cut on it. If you keep going down that road eventually you die a death from a thousand cuts.)

How do u feel like u belong? Some poeple have sports, hobbies, friends, academics, for me it was cooking. I felt like a mad scientist; measuring, adding, mixing, stewing, braaing, sauteing, poaching, arranging ... And it was so rewarding when my Teachers or my Aunt or Guests or my little brothers friends all gave me rave reviews. It became my forte even though I am an unlikely chef, I'm built like a german tank!:D

Find something that you enjoy, and then dedicate yoself to it, be it art, sports, history, debate:p pottery, martial arts, cooking...anything. And the world will come to you. Have a dream, and then try to spend those pessimistic moments redirecting yo energy toward making that dream a reality.

Soon u'll be the guy everyone says draws killer cartoons, or can bend it like Beckham, or is the next Ian Thorpe u so fast in water, or makes killer eggs (my baby brother till today thinks I make the best eggs and sandwiches)

Good Luck Jordan
Take care. This too will come to pass.
Nathaniel


Very wise words Nate and very good advice.

Jordan, please keep in touch on the forum and hope you start to feel better about yourself.

Nick

[Daniel]

You are who you are because of the decisions you've made, no one else can tell you who or what you are. If you want to change, don't wait for other people to change you.

You can't blame your family because of who you are, you are who you are because of your actions, not of those of your family. They might have taught you some bad habits, but like any habit they can be broken.

I think you've got to decide what you want and work towards it, rather than sitting around blaming to world for where you are.

[Jeff99]

don't blame your family no one makes us who we are but us. it's our choice to listen to people an do things we decide who we become.

i hear alot of people on hear blame there poor life on there speech or something esle. we decide who we become. so your having a rough time at the moment everyone has been there. you hate the way you speak all been there. so what are you going to do about it????

will you try something different seek help do something to improve your speech or will you change nothing an then 2-3 months down the track be back in the same spot again???

if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

will you work hard do what ever it takes to improve your life an be happy??

[jordanmk0]

Hey Jordan

I think I know how you feel. Growing up I felt like an outsider too. My uncle and aunt were very kind to my brother and I but with me I felt like they were just doing their duty most of the time. They never let on that they loved me. Even though I now know in their own twisted way they do. The result was that I grew up feeling so alienated and my stammer made it hard for me to fit in in other places where I might find that sense of belonging.

Isolating yourself isnt the best way to go, its the problem. (Thats like cutting off your finger because you have a cut on it. If you keep going down that road eventually you die a death from a thousand cuts.)

How do u feel like u belong? Some poeple have sports, hobbies, friends, academics, for me it was cooking. I felt like a mad scientist; measuring, adding, mixing, stewing, braaing, sauteing, poaching, arranging ... And it was so rewarding when my Teachers or my Aunt or Guests or my little brothers friends all gave me rave reviews. It became my forte even though I am an unlikely chef, I'm built like a german tank!:D

Find something that you enjoy, and then dedicate yoself to it, be it art, sports, history, debate:p pottery, martial arts, cooking...anything. And the world will come to you. Have a dream, and then try to spend those pessimistic moments redirecting yo energy toward making that dream a reality.

Soon u'll be the guy everyone says draws killer cartoons, or can bend it like Beckham, or is the next Ian Thorpe u so fast in water, or makes killer eggs (my baby brother till today thinks I make the best eggs and sandwiches)

Good Luck Jordan
Take care. This too will come to pass.
Nathaniel


I thank you for your advice and I know I am thinking too negatively. But I just can't escape the feeling that I'll probably have to deal with my stutter for the rest of my life. Almost every day I hope that I could just wake up and notice that I no longer stutter. I still do hope and maybe, one day, it'll happen. :rolleyes:

[bolo]

I thank you for your advice and I know I am thinking too negatively. But I just can't escape the feeling that I'll probably have to deal with my stutter for the rest of my life. Almost every day I hope that I could just wake up and notice that I no longer stutter. I still do hope and maybe, one day, it'll happen. :rolleyes:

Its easy to feel that as a stutterer we really are not normal and everyone around us we meet and see in the street are living much better lives as they never have to worry about such an everyday simple straightforward thing as talking. However just remember everyone you see will be ing about something in their own lives, too small titties, too big titties, too droopy titties, baldness, theres hundreds, thousands of things that affect and pi55 everyone off.

[Mcnutters]

Listen, I am going through the SAME exact thing sometimes you just have to calm down maybe listen to some pink floyd and stop worrying about people think just relax its just a tough time

[nate]

pink floyd???

[Mcnutters]

.. you never heard of pink floyd

[nate]

.. you never heard of pink floyd

nope
who be he?
Nate

[Mcnutters]

A good band.. you tube it :D

[Requiem]

Nate, check out Pink Floyd's song 'Another Brick in The Wall'. They're a very good band and this is one of my favourite tracks from them.

And as for jordanmk0, I can understand about releasing your anger out because of the bad habits that your family displayed infront of you. I should know because I up to now live with a family that do the same from swearing to showing hatred to one another and amongst other things which I have no control over my life for. Because of my issues I am constantly miserable, angry, frustrated, easily angered over silly things and not as much as I used to, I self-harm, depending on the circumstances of my personal problems. Without thinking sometimes, I show my hatred for the world by acting like a towards my younger sisters which makes them miserable. And I wonder why I'm not as close to them as they are to each other. By learning from my sisters examples I found things that I'm good at and focus on my hobbies and my job and believe it or not I almost think positive about most things and hopefully one day my life will turn out a little better than now.

What I'm trying to say is, blaming your family forever isn't going to make you a better person, nor will it make your life any easier until you end up doing something you may later regret till it's too late to change things. Your family are one type of people as you are an individual, you are your own person. Therefore you have a brain and you can think for yourself and have the ability to reason over situations. Focusing on what only makes you angry doesn't take you to that next step of self-improvement, it only creates more anxiety and problems. If you focus on the good things such as a hobby and put your best foot forward, there are many ways to deal with your anger. If it helps, think of what triggers your stutter and figure out how you can help yourself to calm it down. For example, I find that speaking a lot slower helps because knowing what I want to say and speaking too quickly to get it over and done with just makes it worse.

Take care!

[nate]

Nate, check out Pink Floyd's song 'Another Brick in The Wall'. They're a very good band and this is one of my favourite tracks from them.


Whatever you do dont listen to this song!!!

Eish man, its hopeless!:D

Listen to UPLIFTING music. Like Leona, Jordin Sparks, Lil Wayne 'L-l-l-l-like a lollipop' (i love this song), Yahoo top 100 videos. Follow the rest of their advice though. Its only music these two dont know kak about. (Kak means shit in Afrikaans):D

Just kidding
Trying to lighten things up abit.

Nate

[Mcnutters]

Eh never much into rap, What ever mood im in. Pretty much every song from pink floyd, Guns n roses makes me feel better. pink floyds awseome Shine On You Crazy Diamond,Keep talking,Dark Side of the Moon any of that real slow stuff to get your mind of things

[Ayman]

dont listen to emo music man, that stuff makes u depressed, go listen to nelly country grammer lolz, and bro hang in there, no use in giving up. and yeah lighten up, find a good friend, find a good hobbie, find a girlfriend etc etc

studies show that:

increase in mood = decrease in stuttering

:P

[climberszen]

I encourage you to go to my personal blog, www.stutteringstories.com

I am in the process of writing stories about my life as a stutter. I expect you will find (as well as other readers) that out stories are not unique and our coping mechanisms are all similar.

[Mcnutters]

Pink floyd is not emo buddy