Those that stutter but arn't shy

[Jimmy169]

How do you do it! I'm really greatful for what I have, I'm not a bad looking kid, and am lucky to be in the situaton I'm in, going to school, and having a decent job. But I am really shy, and I am getting loanly and would love to have a girlfriend. I'm trying to give up my car hobby and focus on more important things, and here's the thing, I always tell myself when I meet girls not to worry, be myself, break the ice, if I stutter and she doesn't like me then hey I don't need that kinda girl. But then push come's to shove, and I'm quiet, dieing to say something to break the ice but I don't. Sometime's I do but then there's that awkward quiet moment, and I wanna say more but can feel that I won't be able to without stuttering. And as much as I tell myself it's no big deal, it doesn't work when push come's to shove I've noticed, and I've always pushed it back for later, I'd think to myself ok next time I'll say something, lol. And again and again I'd keep pushing it back for later and I'm starting to worry I'll never find someone this way, I'm too shy, too scared to talk, self conscience I guess, way too self conscience.

I've read some things on confidence and how important it is, but again push come's to shove, no matter how much I motivate myself inside, it never goes anywhere.

How do you guys do it. I wanna let go and not care...but I can't help it I do care and I am self conscious (sp?)...any help would be greatly appreciated.

[DKoz]

I would say the best way is to have a "wingman" or a bunch of buddies with you to increase you confidence when talking to a group of girls. I'm not saying a bunch of you should approach one girl cause that will intimidate her, but like you and a friend approaching a couple girls. That will increase your confidence and when there is more people around it is easier to keep a conversation going.

[Jimmy169]

I would say the best way is to have a "wingman" or a bunch of buddies with you to increase you confidence when talking to a group of girls. I'm not saying a bunch of you should approach one girl cause that will intimidate her, but like you and a friend approaching a couple girls. That will increase your confidence and when there is more people around it is easier to keep a conversation going.

Good point! Thanks for the advice.

[DKoz]

Good point! Thanks for the advice.

No problem!:D

[Manofsteel18765]

yeah meeting in a group would be better and she could get to know you a little better and know that you stutter. One of the big things is trying to hide it. I still do it too at times, but recently been more told more people, even though they know i don't speak like I should. atleast you can put yourself more at ease and the other person too.

[Be YOURSELF]

dude, just be your self, you know who you truly are, dont try to hide the stutter. let it all hang out, you hidding it frustrates you because you dont feel like you are being your true self.

One of my ice breakers with girls " what do you know about stuttering?"

[Shaz cackles]

I found that if I went out with girls louder than me, then I would hide away, and become the "dumb blonde" no-one talked to.

My advice would be to go out with people quieter than yourself, and just be yourself. That way, you become the one who initiates conversations, and the one who guys......sorry, girls, well, might be guys ;)...... will approach to chat up.....with.....:D

And you get more action too :cool:

I would avoid opening up with the speech thing. Just my take as a gal who has heard more chatup lines than, well, I've heard quite a few. Having said that, almost of them work on me............or that might just be the alcohol!

[tb1223]

One of my ice breakers with girls " what do you know about stuttering?"

Haha, I like this idea.

"Hello, I stutter. Is that going to be a problem for you?"

[Jimmy169]

Thanks everyone, it's interesting to read advice like this from other stutterers like myself.

[happy7117]

The word for me is USED to be not shy but stuttered.

From the time I started stuttering which was 7 0r 8 up to age 21 or 23, I stuttered alot yes, but I was not shy or spoke my mind.

But ever since the accidental misuse of a device to help my stutter decrease, my stutter has gone to nasty whole hell, that's it's made me not want to talk

Ever time I try to talk I stutter like hell, and I do not have any patience.

So yes, I am shy and because of the stuttering garbage.

[Jimmy169]

What device was it? I've had time's when my stuttering was horrible and it'd put me into that stuttering mood for month's until something took me out of it and boosted my confidence.

[nate]

What device was it? I've had time's when my stuttering was horrible and it'd put me into that stuttering mood for month's until something took me out of it and boosted my confidence.

Stuttering Mood???
Elaborate please!

Nate

[jak]

Iv been married for many years but I went through this also ,I learned you must de-sensitize yourself to your speech because the fear of rejection is what holds you back from talking to girls ,we put up these walls so others cant get in ,if you ask out 100 girls and 1 says yes does the other 99 matter what they think of you ? you said"I'll never find someone this way, I'm too shy, too scared to talk, self conscience I guess, way too self conscience. " you may be all these things but If you consider that life is very short and you could be dead tommorow so would you rather try to have the best life that you can or do you wana wake up latter in life all alone wishing you had tryed harder,its up to YOU,I gave up all of these fears then I got married

[Jimmy169]

Stuttering Mood???
Elaborate please!

Nate


Well, I remember there were time's when I would feel confident, having a good mood, and didn't stutter much. Then there were time's where I'd stutter one time, and it would cause this chain reaction where I could hardly talk. I kinda thought of it as my stuttering mood, some time's I'd stutter lightly but move on and not think back to it, other time's a stuttering moment could have been severe enough to cause me to think back to it and I would be in that stuttering mood for month's even. It's weard, and I think it's why some people think it really is all in ur head. I mean I still stutter from time to time, but when I'm not in that bad stuttering mood where I'm nervous and thinking about one time where I stuttered bad, it's not as severe, and I'll move on easier after the stutter ya know. I would have my stuttering moment but then start to be fluent because I wouldn't focus on that moment as much. While other time's, that one moment could impact my whole mood, and could effect the way I talked all day. It's as though some days it's easy to move on, while other's it's like every other word I'll stutter...lately it's been easy to move on, I've really tried to put the mentality in my head that who give's a shit if ya stutter once or twice u know, and it helps, it has helped me move on after stuttering and not get cought up in it.

Hope some of that made sense, it's really hard to explain.

Thanks for the responses to the last 2 posts, I aspecially like that comment about if 99 girls say no and 1 says yes, do the 99 really matter anymore, that's an awsome way to think about it!