travisleexo
08-13-2008, 03:45 PM
I know it's obnoxious to title a thread so ambiguously, but I thought it would be appropriate to lead in with a block, followed by the obligatory wordblock defense of awkward filler. Anyway, this is my first post, so hello. I'll likely just be a lurker, but I may post occasionally.
I stumbled across this forum while Googling for articles/self-help about stuttering (a compulsive habit I'm sure that most here are familiar with), and have been slowly combing through the thread history in this main section over the last couple days. I've never known another stutterer in my actual life, and the pain & frustration being exchanged on the forum struck an all too familiar chord with me; so many of the embarrassing moments, etc. seemed pulled straight from my life, and it is comforting to know I'm not alone.
I try to describe it to people like this: Every time I speak I feel like I'm on a tightrope. Will I make it to the end of the sentence? From a very early age, I began internalizing this fear, and emotionally associating most social situations with self-conscious dread and perceived rejection. I think I can trace my depression, social anxiety, and low self-esteem back to this, but then again, I guess it's a chicken/egg type of conundrum.
I would definitely classify myself as the secondary type of stutterer, and struggle more with wordblocks, sentence-starting, etc. than what is traditionally perceived by the world as a "stutter." Yes, I'm a collection of cliches defining the closet stutterer. I carry around the obligatory inner-Thesaurus, which I use to scramble for synonyms when I sense a particularly difficult word coming up in conversation; I pretend to be deeply reflecting on someone’s comment when, in actuality, I'm blocking; etc., ect., ect. It’s unfortunate there is no convincing deception or synonym available for when I block on my last name (which is often). “No, just the one name, like Prince” doesn’t go over so well in a formal setting.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I know I have it a lot easier than a very severe stutterer, and I would never have the audacity to pretend to know that pain. Really, the point is, I just wanted express my appreciation to everyone for keeping this forum active, and providing a place of mutual understanding, as well as a place to come for non-clinical advice. We all know how isolating stuttering can be, and most of us probably live in our heads, rather than in moments. There aren't a lot of people that understand (not their fault, just a inevitable lack of perspective on their part, to be fair). How to explain to a non-stutterer that I had to order steamed vegetables as a side dish during dinner because the prospect of getting through the phrase “macaroni & cheese” was simply too daunting?
“I thought you hated broccoli, Travis?” Heh.
Anyway, I wish everyone the best of luck in this ever elusive pursuit of fluency, and thank you. xo.
---
http://www.myspace.com/travisleexo
I stumbled across this forum while Googling for articles/self-help about stuttering (a compulsive habit I'm sure that most here are familiar with), and have been slowly combing through the thread history in this main section over the last couple days. I've never known another stutterer in my actual life, and the pain & frustration being exchanged on the forum struck an all too familiar chord with me; so many of the embarrassing moments, etc. seemed pulled straight from my life, and it is comforting to know I'm not alone.
I try to describe it to people like this: Every time I speak I feel like I'm on a tightrope. Will I make it to the end of the sentence? From a very early age, I began internalizing this fear, and emotionally associating most social situations with self-conscious dread and perceived rejection. I think I can trace my depression, social anxiety, and low self-esteem back to this, but then again, I guess it's a chicken/egg type of conundrum.
I would definitely classify myself as the secondary type of stutterer, and struggle more with wordblocks, sentence-starting, etc. than what is traditionally perceived by the world as a "stutter." Yes, I'm a collection of cliches defining the closet stutterer. I carry around the obligatory inner-Thesaurus, which I use to scramble for synonyms when I sense a particularly difficult word coming up in conversation; I pretend to be deeply reflecting on someone’s comment when, in actuality, I'm blocking; etc., ect., ect. It’s unfortunate there is no convincing deception or synonym available for when I block on my last name (which is often). “No, just the one name, like Prince” doesn’t go over so well in a formal setting.
Anyway, I'm rambling. I know I have it a lot easier than a very severe stutterer, and I would never have the audacity to pretend to know that pain. Really, the point is, I just wanted express my appreciation to everyone for keeping this forum active, and providing a place of mutual understanding, as well as a place to come for non-clinical advice. We all know how isolating stuttering can be, and most of us probably live in our heads, rather than in moments. There aren't a lot of people that understand (not their fault, just a inevitable lack of perspective on their part, to be fair). How to explain to a non-stutterer that I had to order steamed vegetables as a side dish during dinner because the prospect of getting through the phrase “macaroni & cheese” was simply too daunting?
“I thought you hated broccoli, Travis?” Heh.
Anyway, I wish everyone the best of luck in this ever elusive pursuit of fluency, and thank you. xo.
---
http://www.myspace.com/travisleexo