Avoiding situations......Good or Bad

[helen85]

Dose anyone else avoid situations where they know they are going to stutter like ordering over a counter, or at a bar etc, and is it a good thing or bad thing to do so? :confused:
Thank You
Helen

[nate]

Dose anyone else avoid situations where they know they are going to stutter like ordering over a counter, or at a bar etc, and is it a good thing or bad thing to do so? :confused:
Thank You
Helen

YEP, LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!:p
No I try not to. It gets very old asking frinds to do its for you. And its even worse when you own the bar!!!!:D

[emily445455]

I do this all the time and I view it as a bad thing. I don't like not going to parties, talking to people, etc etc...but sometimes I just get too embarrased of the way I talk :(

[Silent]

Yes, I do avoid situations.
People say it's a bad thing, but then again, overwhelming yourself is not good either.
It's like lifting weights. If you push a bit above your current limit it will make you stronger, but if you try and lift way too much it can harm you.
It depends on how you deal with speaking situations though. If you come to the counter, block big time and stay paralyzed for 30 seconds in sweat, tremors, physical pain and 1000 thoughts on how to break out of it just to find the only way out is to give up speaking and either walk away in embarrassment or write down your order then I don't see a point in putting yourself in such situations over and over and repeating your plan B over and over reinforcing the 'wrong' reactions and feelings of defeat, embarrassment, etc. If it's just the freakin' meal you want, write it from the start, show it to the person taking orders and enjoy the meal!
That doesn't mean resign yourself to being unable to speak. There is time to work on your speech, but you don't have to challenge yourself every time you're hungry.

[Jimmy169]

If you want to avoid it, just don't think about it after. We all have to adjust, the trick imo is to not let it get to you after. Ok so you avoided a situation a few time's, you adjusted so what, gotta do what you gotta do, don't even think about it after! If the thought come's into your head focus on something else.

I think the bad part about avoidance is people get consumed by it after and it make's it worse, they remember how scared they were and etc, don't do that! Just move on, talk to the next person or w/e, don't dwell on it! ...I feel like a broken record, lol. But sometime's if it does really bother you it may be worth it to go for it, don't avoid it, get it over with and you realize it's not so bad, and even if you didn't do so good the brain will adjust next time. Sometime's I have a bad stutter but I feel better for letting it out after and I usually do better the rest of the day cause I'm able to move on from it and say ok I did this, moving on now...lol...

[JDRow]

I avoid a lot, but not as much as I have in the past. I don't think it's a good thing, but it's not something I'm going to feel terrible about, either. As long as I've avoiding less and not more overall, that's okay.

[needausername]

Lately, I have been trying to not avoid ordering at restaurants. My habit that I am trying to break is to not write down my order.

Just today, I placed an order at a fast food place. She had trouble understanding my order. After a few seconds of conversation she got my order right. My stutter was less severe than it is normally. I don't think we should avoid situations because there is a possibility we might stutter.

[Silent]

[QUOTE=needausername;24053I don't think we should avoid situations because there is a possibility we might stutter.[/QUOTE]
It's often more than just the possibility one might stutter.
There are all those tricks that you've learned to live with and made into a habit, such as word substitution, distractions, etc.

If you decide to go and make the order, make sure you're clear about your intent so you don't have to make that decision during the speaking experience when you're overwhelmed enough.
If you block and change it to something else to come out of the block, and get say beef instead of chicken, is it a success or another avoidance?
Adjusting your intent after the fact will only lower your self-esteem unless you can be really cool about it.

[Infinite]

I TRY not to...but idk...whenever I meet someone I never introduce myself by using my real name cuz I always stutter, so I always just tell 'em to call me by my nickname, which I can say with no problem.

I don't really know if that's a bad thing though because no one calls me by my real name...not even my parents.

[bathaluman]

Dose anyone else avoid situations where they know they are going to stutter like ordering over a counter, or at a bar etc, and is it a good thing or bad thing to do so? :confused:
Thank You
Helen

yes i avoid many situations where i am likely to stutter. This is what i'm trying to overcome. I want to challenge my self more because for the past years i have limited my self and i feel that i've missed out so much in life... there will be many more situations where i will stutter and many more times that i will be treated badly because of this, i know i will be hurt and will feel discouraged... i've been through this many times and i say... Bring it on!!!:D

[happy7117]

I thought avoiding situations where you will stutter makes stuttering worse because it is adding to the fear of stuttering in that situation.

But stuttering in a situation where you know you will makes one feel like crap also. The stuttering makes us avoid the situation in the future because we don't want to be embarrassed.

[nerrad]

Sometimes I HAVE to avoid situations because I get too nervous and have a panic attack. I went to the school psychologist, and I'm suppose to be making a decision right now whether to avoid my future presentations or just do them. I might just avoid them depending on the situation because I don't need that kind of stress right now.

[troutbum]

avoidence to me is bad thing. i've been in the same situations as all members have mentioned. i've avoided everything and anything where i had to talk or read aloud. especially making phone calls. admitting to youself that you stutter is the first step to overcoming this. "i am a person who stutters" is my opening line whenever i make calls or talking to strangers. people don't see you as we think they do. most are very understanding, considerate, and patient. my job requires that use i the phone, i am not as afraid of avoidence as once was.

[grantM]

Avoiding situation=bad
Tackling and understanding situation=good

[TreeBurst]

Avoiding certain situations was my primary coping mechanism back in my University days. Being an Engineering student, one needs to be active in professional clubs/meetings to develop contacts for the future. Not to mention the yearly job fair.

Never went. Made up excuses. Long story short, I now fix radios for the military.

It is difficult to control my fear and instinct for self-preservation when they scream at me to avoid most social situations.

Our species thrives on communication and social interaction. If not being able to do either isn't a handicap, I don't know what is.

[Khanon]

I avoid certain situations, such as participating in Law school classrooms. Avoiding situations is definitely bad, but its just so damn hard to not avoid them. I guess it takes a certain amount of courage and willpower, I just don't posess those two attributes yet, in terms of stuttering :(

[grantM]

Avoidence is bad and leads to even more avoidance which is worse. Avoidance leads to the dark side

[amey]

Avoidence is bad and leads to even more avoidance which is worse. Avoidance leads to the dark side

FUNNY! -- I would rather stutter hard than avoid a situation, knowing where the avoidance would eventually lead me...The dark side! I have lived there and will NEVER return.

[Asgb]

I think we avoid situations because of fear, I don't think this is good. Rather, I think its negative. When we avoid those situations, We feed our fear. Thus; on the next occasion, we're even more afraid to speak. On the contrary; if we take use of the opportunities that we have to speak, We will get used to it and it will gradually become a less fearfull experience.

God bless and I hope everything goes well for all of us.

[Miko]

I did it when I was younger, but it did not help at all, I was even more scared from these situations. Then I decided not to avoid anything anymore...

[bobyb]

Dose anyone else avoid situations where they know they are going to stutter like ordering over a counter, or at a bar etc, and is it a good thing or bad thing to do so? :confused:
Thank You
Helen
Yes i sometimes do this
I just tell who i am with what i want to order
As its much easyier to talk to a friend than someone behind a counter

[adamo]

badd, would you like to coast through life without change? The point of life is to take risks to feel pure satisfaction and happiness. Us stutters worry about so much useless stuff that only make things worse. Of course it's easier said then done.

A problem is a chance you have to do your best*

[Zilaem]

I try not to as much as I can. In fact, I cant really remember when was the last time I stopped doing something over fear of my stuttering.

[BrettB]

I use to avoid situations a lot. I still do a little bit, but it's not as bad as it use to be.

I still somewhat avoid introducing myself because I block when I try and say my name. Now that is embarrassing...

[stutterers]

Hello,

I haven't read all the responses but according to my speech therapist, the more you avoid, the more your fear about that specific situation will increase and it will make your stutter worst in the future because you will develop so much fears.

But if you push yourself and stutter through it, it might feel bad at the given time but later on if you do it a lot your fear will decrease; therefore, your stuttering will go down.

When you start not avoiding, your stutter my increase at the given time but in the long term it will help decrease fearful situations which will help decrease your stutter.

[Dion]

Avoiding that situation to me would only increase the fear of it and worsen the stutter. Mine is answering the phone. God, I used to dread speaking at the phone or even calling an unfamiliar person. I am still working on it though. Try practice the ordering with a friend often.

[RazorThought]

Avoidance is probably the worst thing a stutterer can do. Avoidance increases anxiety and anxiety increases stuttering. Take a breath, remember your speech techniques, and tackle the situation head-on. Even if you stutter while doing so, you will vent some fear/anxiety of that situation, and that's ALWAYS a good thing.

[Goatsy]

Avoiding situations is a bad thing...period.

Over the course of my school years, I was seen by countless speech therapists, and I chewed up and spit out every one of them.

The reason their "techniques" do not work is because they are trying to train you to AVOID stuttering. This doesn't work...at all.

Think of it like this: You lose your arm to a shark bite, but the treatment is to tell you that you didn't lose your arm. With stuttering, as with all problems in life, avoiding the problem does not make the problem go away.

In my experience, the more I let people know that I stutter, the less pressure I am under, and the more my stuttering is reduced.

Rather than avoidance techniques, stand in front of the mirror, and tell yourself you are meaningful, worthwhile, and what you have to say is important. Then, when you leave the house, carry those words with you, and believe in them.

What you have to say is important, and dammit, people can just sit down, shut up, and wait until you're finished!