My stuttering situation

[Mike1020]

Hi,

I've been browsing the forums for about half a year now, but never really had the guts to open up to someone, even posting this on a forum makes me feel kinda nervous ;x

My stuttering started about a year ago. I'm 20 years old atm, so I've been stuttering since I was 19. I never stuttered before, and my stutter only consists of blocks, and I'm a mild stutterer. There is only 1 person in my close environment who knows that I stutter, and I only talk about it very ocasionally, because he knows I took meds for stuttering a while back, I never really opened up to him. I tried, but then again, I can't expect a non-stutterer to know how I feel, so it wasn't really comfortable talking about it.

As I mentioned, it all started last year. After a day of only 3 hours of sleep, I was going out for dinner with about 8 friends. When I wanted to tell them something, I noticed that I couldn't say it. I tried to say it about 15 times, and after I couldn't say anything at that moment, I realized that I stuttered. I don't even think one of them remembers that moment though, and they all don't really know I have a stutter. It felt REALLY strange, but it didn't make me feel as it does today.

Back then, I was working at a callcenter, 20 hours/week. The next couple of weeks where kind of strange, because in a 4-hour shift, I blocked about 3 or 4 times. There were times I just couldn't say anything at the phone, so the customers hung up after about 10 seconds. It took about 2 weeks before I realized this job wasn't right for me at the moment.

It all started to add up, and I start feeling down/?depressed? until now. At christmas last year, I stayed home, and told my family I had a fever. That was the time I started taking zyprexa. It made me feel better, but the stuttering was still there, so I decided to stop taking it, since I felt some side-effects from the zyprexa.

I'll try to keep the story short, because I wanna write way too much :P The last few months, I've been thinking a lot about how my next few years are going to be, and it includes alot of negativity. When I go home to my parents in the weekends, I ride the train/bus, and when I'm in my hometown, I feel so many good memories, and peace. It all reminds my of the time where I really could say I was a happy man. I can't stop thinking about how great my life was, and if it can ever be that great again. It really kills me from the inside.

Last week, there were alot of people staying over for the week, including some girls. After a while, everyone was going out except for 2 girls and a friend of mine. We all went to the same high school, so after a while, we started sharing stories about high school. 3 hours later, I looked at my watch, and I realized we've been talking for about 3 hours, and I only blocked inside my head. After a year, I've learned to anticipate on my stutter, so I didn't block out loud (kind of a strange way to describe it, but you know what I mean :P). I can't describe that feeling, but I think it qualifies as 'hope' :)

So the next day, when we were talking, someone said that I wasn't open at all, but of course, the girls disagreed. It made me feel the way I've been feeling for the last 6 months, a feeling or moment where you just wanna explain people so badly that this is not who I am, that I'm a much more open person than I am with my stutter.

But somehow, even after a year, I still cannot cope with stuttering AT ALL, and it makes me feel weak inside. I don't even know if I'm depressed. Most of the day, I have a big smile on my face, and I'm able to enjoy and appreciate every little thing. When I compare my life with 2 years ago, I see that EVERY single aspect of my life has been better. I can't wish for better roommates, friends, and family. School is going well, and I feel like I have so much more ambition than before. Even though I find myself being unhappy at the moment.

Any feedback would be appreciated :) Sorry for the long story, didn't know where to start :P

btw, I've been in speech therapy for half a year, right after the first time I stuttered, but my therapist didn't really know how to handle a case like me. I didn't stutter while talking, I had to read out loud so she could see me stutter.

Anyway, thanks for reading :)

Cheers

[Box of Clocks]

Thanks for sharing your story. It seems like you have quite an unusual type of stutter. I find it particularly surprising that you developed it so late. It doesn't seem to be effecting you too much though so I guess things could be a lot worse. Having said that it is obviously not want you want and it is far from an ideal situation to be in so it is a problem. One thing that you have in your favour though I suppose is that because you developed a stutter quite late you didn't have it as a problem during the time you were at school. In my experience it is during school/college that stuttering can be a major issue.

[Mike1020]

Thanks for sharing your story. It seems like you have quite an unusual type of stutter. I find it particularly surprising that you developed it so late. It doesn't seem to be effecting you too much though so I guess things could be a lot worse. Having said that it is obviously not want you want and it is far from an ideal situation to be in so it is a problem. One thing that you have in your favour though I suppose is that because you developed a stutter quite late you didn't have it as a problem during the time you were at school. In my experience it is during school/college that stuttering can be a major issue.

Thanks for the reply. As you mentioned, I'm happy that I didn't stutter through high school, but I just want to focus on my future, and I'm affraid that I will always look back on 'the better times'. But I think I still need some time to get there ;x

[nikita]

Hi,


My stuttering started about a year ago. I'm 20 years old atm, so I've been stuttering since I was 19. I never stuttered before, and my stutter only consists of blocks, and I'm a mild stutterer.
As I mentioned, it all started last year. After a day of only 3 hours of sleep, I was going out for dinner with about 8 friends. When I wanted to tell them something, I noticed that I couldn't say it. I tried to say it about 15 times, and after I couldn't say anything at that moment, I realized that I stuttered. I don't even think one of them remembers that moment though, and they all don't really know I have a stutter. It felt REALLY strange, but it didn't make me feel as it does today.

Cheers


I did a little research and I got everything from a Cerebrovascular accident (stroke) to depression.
A few bizzarre things:
1. Very late and sudden onset.
2. No history of ever stuttering.
3. Immediately Blocking (most stutterrs are developmental and progress from hesitations and repetitions, to prolongations then to blocking which is the severest form with associated anxiety.

Its highly unethical to give a diagnosis over the internet, and this is not a diagnosis Michael. I just think that theres alot more to this. Perhaps you had a mini stroke, its alot more common than one might think. Or a seizure. Or are developing a seizure disorder. Strokes and seizures can be triggered by lack of sleep, alchohol use, tiredness, its very common in college students who are away from home for the first time, are not eating well or sleeping well and burning that midnight oil repeatedly, studying and partying and playing Video games... talk to your GP about it.

You also seem very quick to get medical help, you went to a therapist right after, got on a drug like Zyprexa:eek: immediately, Not advisable. You could be developing hypochondria which is also very dangerous.
I dont mean to scare you, I'm just trying to think. Another thing is depression, depression does cause difficulty in speaking. You feel that its hard to speak but it may be unnoticeble to others.
Talk to a GP.

If you did have a minor stroke it might be impossible to tell. But perhaps you have other symptoms, poor hand eye coordination, deteriorating vision in one eye, perhaps one side feels a smudge weaker than the other, short term memory problems. Slight Aphasia can seem like a stuttering block, you know what you want to say but just cant.

Also it may be nothing serious, and it may just pass. You seem to have gone through alot of changes lately and you just might be feeling a bit stressed out and pressured and feeling a bit unable to express yourself. Maybe you need a break from it all. Take a vacation. And try to wean yourself over any medication, even Vitamins, eat and sleep better, see if that helps. Get a routine.

[Mullen]

I just think that theres alot more to this. Perhaps you had a mini stroke, its alot more common than one might think. Or a seizure. Or are developing a seizure disorder...

You could be developing hypochondria which is also very dangerous...

I dont mean to scare you

If you did have a minor stroke it might be impossible to tell....

...:rolleyes:

I recall that zerocool79 came down with a stutter late in life -- I think when he as about 19 or so. He maintains a blog and I believe he still posts on this forum every now and then.

His blog is at: http://stutterstories.blogspot.com/

[Mike1020]

I did a little research and I got everything from a Cerebrovascular accident (stroke) to depression.
A few bizzarre things:
1. Very late and sudden onset.
2. No history of ever stuttering.
3. Immediately Blocking (most stutterrs are developmental and progress from hesitations and repetitions, to prolongations then to blocking which is the severest form with associated anxiety.

Its highly unethical to give a diagnosis over the internet, and this is not a diagnosis Michael. I just think that theres alot more to this. Perhaps you had a mini stroke, its alot more common than one might think. Or a seizure. Or are developing a seizure disorder. Strokes and seizures can be triggered by lack of sleep, alchohol use, tiredness, its very common in college students who are away from home for the first time, are not eating well or sleeping well and burning that midnight oil repeatedly, studying and partying and playing Video games... talk to your GP about it.

You also seem very quick to get medical help, you went to a therapist right after, got on a drug like Zyprexa:eek: immediately, Not advisable. You could be developing hypochondria which is also very dangerous.
I dont mean to scare you, I'm just trying to think. Another thing is depression, depression does cause difficulty in speaking. You feel that its hard to speak but it may be unnoticeble to others.
Talk to a GP.

If you did have a minor stroke it might be impossible to tell. But perhaps you have other symptoms, poor hand eye coordination, deteriorating vision in one eye, perhaps one side feels a smudge weaker than the other, short term memory problems. Slight Aphasia can seem like a stuttering block, you know what you want to say but just cant.

Also it may be nothing serious, and it may just pass. You seem to have gone through alot of changes lately and you just might be feeling a bit stressed out and pressured and feeling a bit unable to express yourself. Maybe you need a break from it all. Take a vacation. And try to wean yourself over any medication, even Vitamins, eat and sleep better, see if that helps. Get a routine.

Thanks for the advice.

But the strange thing is that I´m 100% sure that I wasn´t depressed when I first stuttered. I was having some time off from school (because I had to wait half a year in order to start with my study), and I really enjoyed my part-time job. I slept well (a short night now and then, but no sleeping problems or such), and I really feel at home where I'm living right now. My therapist also thought it was strange, since there's no sign of any kind of depression.

Moreover, I don't suffer from any symptoms you mentioned (about short-term memory, deteriorating vision etc.).

I also thought this could just be a period, and I still see my future this way. Right now, I don't know want to think about my future this way, my goal is to be fluent again, or deal with it in a decent way. And because I have no idea/not much experience with the latter, I just pray it will go away.

It doesn't really affect me much though, but I'm alot more silent than I used to be, and I don't dare to tell any long stories anymore. That's why I tried the zyprexa, but after a while I realized that I didn't want to use those kind of meds. I just was a little depressed about the future, and I really didn't know what to do.

[Hyleck]

Do you want to speak "fluently" or would you rather be able to express yourself effectively and eloquently?

[Fredrick]

speaking fluently IS speaking eloquently and expressing yourself..

however if you can learn to effectively switch words this will work too!!