Failure, depression, and finding a purpose

[Jaked85]

I am in my early 20s

I've been real down as of late and need someplace to vent, please lend me your ears, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I've been out of school for a 1 year and a half now, during this time I've been worrying about what I am going to do with the rest of my life. Trying some business ideas out, running a small record label, getting ready to start a t-shirt business. Though they all seem like childish dreams, and that its time I should grow up and go to college and get a real job.

Also during this last year and half, I have rekindled a couple of old friendships, before that, I had no social life. Though now that September is rolling around again, everyone is moving or leaving for school. Iam feeling left behind again, the same way I felt when the same thing happened when I was younger. I fear losing everyone again.

I've recently had the chance to work as a graphic designer and have been doing so, the pay is great but there's not a lot of work. This is though a family member and it makes me feel like a child. I really want to do something on my own, be a man, an adult. Yet I know am way behind in that regard.

I've tried getting a couple of jobs, but I end up panicking and escaping from it some way. Overwhelmed by simple things like picking up an application.

I am lonely as hell, so badly need a women in my life, but only seem to be able to get close to girls who have boy friends/husbands. Thinking maybe I do this subconsciously to protect myself. Even if I did manage to find a lady friend, I highly doubt that I would be able to sustain it.

I am depressed a lot of the time, too much time alone, thinking too much. I try to distract myself from these feeling by watching a ton of movies all day, playing video games, and so on. Though I never get anything done record label wise. I get mad at myself when I watch movies, or play video games, telling myself that this is my life, this, but I lack the courage and motivation to do anything about it. I am just escaping the feelings, and not doing anything to fix it.

I need to be a functioning adult, I need a significant other, I need a career, I need to be independent, I need a purpose.

I feel like a 23 year old boy.
Friends are getting married, buying houses, buying cars, having kids. I live with my parents, have no real job, have no eduction, no women, no future.

Sorry for whining so much, had to vent a little.

[Jeff99]

hey mate
i'm not cling to have been in your situation but i think i've felt kinda how you are felling.
i'm 23 years old all my school freinds have gone on to do other things we have drifted apart etc. i use to just sit home playing game, watching movies etc then gettging mad at myself for not being more proactive about things, i haven't dated in about 2 years. i would say i was feeling low, angry, lonely etc.

then i don't know one day i thought thats it i'm sick of being this baby i want to be a man, i looked on the internet for something i found the Mcguire program went on that i did things i would never have done felt alot better about myself etc got a good job tho i'm still single which kinda suck but i'm working at it.

now i'm not saying just take the Mcguire program the course isn't for everyone an cost a few thousand dollars but it's what worked for me. what i'm saying is do something proactive take little steps and in no time you will have walked a mile.

i would recommend a book to everyone tho it's called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers it's a great book about as the title hints at being scared but doing it anyway. living like i did putting everything off talking the talk but never backing it up with actions is no way to live. in the end you'll never now how strong you can be unless you try. the first steps are the hardest but after a while you will feel better about yourself an you life will be better for.

(sorry bout the grammer an spelling i'm dislecsick but hey would you love me any other way :)

[ak47oooo]

I'm really glad I found this forum, 'cause I'm inside similar situation and feel just like you.

I'm 23 also. I went to a college and then transferred to a 4-year university. I've been out of school for about a year and haven't done crap with my life. Since leaving school, I've worked at target for 3 months, and then at a farm market for maybe 2 months.

Right now, I'm panicing because I want to find a job that I can use my degree with (computer art) but the two categories with that degree are pretty much animation (think pixar) or with video games, and both are near-impossible fields to get into, and I'm admittedly not that good of an artist anyway. So wtf am I supposed to do, go back to school and study something new? Or work at walmart until I die?

And my parents are hinting they want me to move out, or at least find a permanent job. I'm thinking about joining the army or something, but my brother who's currently serving has told me that I wouldnt be able to take it, because my stuttering would cause conflict or something like that. What a nice brother.

[nate]

I'm thinking about joining the army or something, but my brother who's currently serving has told me that I wouldnt be able to take it, because my stuttering would cause conflict or something like that. What a nice brother.

I kinda thought u were in the army already, yo user name is AK 47000, and u have a crew cut, and u just look like a marine man.
Maybe u should join the Army anyay, DR G is a soldier. And maybe yo bros just jealous u'll look better than him in uniform and get all the chicks. :D

ANd Jaked, Everybody goes through that stage, nobody transitions smoothly. its a big change, I wnet thru it at 25 almost. getting out of that comfort zone is what is called growth, U'll be fine...then even when u have a good job, u'll want a better one...its totally normal.

[ak47oooo]

maybe yo bros just jealous u'll look better than him in uniform and get all the chicks. :D


lol. AK are my initials (my name's Alex, btw) and I have a crewcut 'cause it's easier to take care of. Like I never have to comb my hair or fix my hair in the morning.

[Jaked85]

Thanks for the comments and stories everyone

I am glad I made this topic too, thought I was alone with this, sad and glad to see others are/have also gone/going through it.

Regarding the army:
I went to a stuttering conference last year, there was a guy I met who was in the army. He was working for the government when I met him. I talked to him a fair bit, fore I also have been considering the armed forces as a adulthood jump start. He said some people gave him a hard time, but he "took care of it", he wouldn't tell me what he did though, even after some pestering.

Feeling better already.

[milknbutter]

I guess it depends on what other advantages you have. If you are ugly and you also stutter, that would be a , if you are a midget, ugly and have a severe stutter then I would say...it is ok to have illusions about committing suicide.

[nate]

I guess it depends on what other advantages you have. If you are ugly and you also stutter, that would be a , if you are a midget, ugly and have a severe stutter then I would say...it is ok to have illusions about committing suicide.

In the Eastern Africa theres actually a tribe of midgets, the TWA. Well.... we call them pygmies. there are over 80000. I'm sure in some circles they may be viewed as unnattractive...and i am sure that they have in their ranks PWS (ok i'm not sure but i'm assuming).
eh, just an FYI, i forgot where i was going with this.:D

[vigilant3]

I am in my early 20s

I've been real down as of late and need someplace to vent, please lend me your ears, any advice would be greatly appreciated.



Hi Jake

Hopefully I can help with this. I'm a full-fledged stutterer who has hardly any trouble with women, runs a successful corporation, and owns two homes all at 25 years of age. That should make you feel GREAT, not sad, because i'm sure I have or have had as much of if not a greater stuttering problem than you :)

So how is it done? Well, everyone is different but in my case I woke up one day and realized the world wasn't that complicated. Remember when George Bush was elected as president of the most powerful nation on the planet? Yah, they basically had an old man with Down's Syndrome in charge of the most nuclear nation on earth.

Focus on that. How does that make you feel? This guy doesn't stutter, but he can't speak. He's the President of the United States of America :)

When we realize that the world has a lot to offer, and not THAT many obstacles to overcome to get it, we can and will succeed. Answer these questions for me, and let's go from there:

What are your top 5 best traits?
What is your one major skill?

[CCB]

Have you thought about strengthening your relationship with God (or starting one)?

[CCB]

Vigilant

I think the down's syndrome comment is a little offensive. Regardless on yours or anyones feelings about the President, I have a loved one who has down's syndrome. I am sure others do as well.

[bignick]

Have you thought about strengthening your relationship with God (or starting one)?

How will this help Jaked85 in his current predicatament.

[vigilant3]

Vigilant

I think the down's syndrome comment is a little offensive. Regardless on yours or anyones feelings about the President, I have a loved one who has down's syndrome. I am sure others do as well.

Hi CCB

It seems all too common that people are somehow offended by basic facts. If you re-read my comment, I said nothing offensive towards a child with down's syndrome, I merely said it would be ridiculous to allow him or her to run a nuclear state.

You love your child i'm sure. Would you want him/her to lead a country? If you answer that with a yes, you're being emotionally biased towards your family member, and aren't answering rationally.

So again, I never attacked a handicapped person. People, please read what I write, i'm very specific.

[nate]

I had these feelings a good few years ago in my early-mid twenties.

I felt that I had achieved nothing with my life, had nothing to my name, lacked a goal and a purpose with my life. And this was with a job (albeit one that was going nowhere), and I had broken off with a long term girlfriend.

Like you, I felt I needed a career, a woman by my side, a car, security, just something to say to the world "Here I am, can you see me?"

I kept on telling myself to start to think about my future, yet I was too inward looking to look to the future.

Now, I look back on those days with gratitude. That dark time gave me the purpose to move forward with my life, and gave me the experience to now know how to deal with times when I feel a little down.

This time will pass, and (hopefully) you will look back on it like I do and realise that it was a turning point in your life.

Hang on in there.


perfectly put... i just thought of something...
Maybe depression and feelings of "lack" actually give us the impetus we need to find that which we seek. if u want something you'll go get...if you are miserable that you dont have it, u'll go get it faster.

[vigilant3]

perfectly put... i just thought of something...
Maybe depression and feelings of "lack" actually give us the impetus we need to find that which we seek. if u want something you'll go get...if you are miserable that you dont have it, u'll go get it faster.

I guess it depends on what type of person you are, whether you are motivated by praise or by criticism. My brother fails miserably at anything for which he feels he is not doing well at or someone has criticized him for, whereas I am the opposite. Some people need to be encouraged a little to improve, and others just want to get up and fight harder when someone puts them down (or life puts them down!)

[CCB]

How will this help Jaked85 in his current predicatament.

It will help him in many ways. One way being a change in perspective with regards to his current.

[Jaked85]

I had these feelings a good few years ago in my early-mid twenties.

I felt that I had achieved nothing with my life, had nothing to my name, lacked a goal and a purpose with my life. And this was with a job (albeit one that was going nowhere), and I had broken off with a long term girlfriend.

Like you, I felt I needed a career, a woman by my side, a car, security, just something to say to the world "Here I am, can you see me?"

I kept on telling myself to start to think about my future, yet I was too inward looking to look to the future.

Now, I look back on those days with gratitude. That dark time gave me the purpose to move forward with my life, and gave me the experience to now know how to deal with times when I feel a little down.

This time will pass, and (hopefully) you will look back on it like I do and realise that it was a turning point in your life.

Hang on in there.
I agree, this was perfect, made me feel better.

[Jaked85]

What are your top 5 best traits?
What is your one major skill?

Honest
Smart
Caring
Sensitive

Graphic design is the only thing I ever really excelled at. Used to work a seniors home, enjoyed that work greatly, but think it would be difficult dealing with crummy situations everyday. I am wanting to do some social work related. Though I don't think I could deal with it, it would get to me.

I pray to God from time to time when I near the breaking point.

Sorry for the delay in my replies folks.
This thread has already helped me greatly.

[CCB]

I think that is great that you turn to God for strength. If you ask God for anything in faith, he will grant it to you (provided it is what is best for you). I ask God pretty much daily to take away my fear of stuttering and if it is His will, to help me speak more clearly.

[vigilant3]

Honest
Smart
Caring
Sensitive

Graphic design is the only thing I ever really excelled at. Used to work a seniors home, enjoyed that work greatly, but think it would be difficult dealing with crummy situations everyday.

Well you have the perfect mix right there Jake. I run a graphic design company and the money is more than great. Even my employees are paid more than enough, so there's no implication that you have to get into business.

So now that we know you can make the money you need to get by, and not even have to talk to people much, all you have left are the other important things in life which are finding a mate, and finding a tether or something that simply makes you happy and always will when you're feeling down.

Getting a girl might be easier than you think. You have to make a few mistakes on purpose almost at first, but in the end you'll get the hang of it. If you feel your stutter is just uncontrollable, then I don't know if it's a good suggestion but maybe a girl that stutters too might make you feel better? I know i've always wanted to meet one with a mild stutter... would make me feel way more comfortable!

As for what will keep you happy, don't shy away from the social work! It sounds like you really enjoy giving of your time to those in need. Yes you may have to deal with real hardships, but what's the point otherwise? Would you prefer to help people who don't even need it? If a hero never has to face a villain, is he really a hero? I'd say keep graphic design as your occupation and work for a large firm that can pay you well, and do some volunteer work or paid social work part time to fulfill your life.

What better feeling could you have every night knowing you spent a couple of hours that day making someone smile, and it was all because of you? I think it will work wonders for your feelings of depression.

[vigilant3]

I think that is great that you turn to God for strength. If you ask God for anything in faith, he will grant it to you (provided it is what is best for you). I ask God pretty much daily to take away my fear of stuttering and if it is His will, to help me speak more clearly.

It doesn't sound like God has been too kind to you considering what we know of your life already. When will people like you stop praying to something you can't see and actually take the reigns and gain control of your own life? It saddens me to see people depend on something other than themselves. You have power, you are a "somebody". Do something with that!

[sst]

Hey everybody I'm new here, well actually I've been reading this site for awhile now, but I've never wanted to post until now.

I think that is great that you turn to God for strength. If you ask God for anything in faith, he will grant it to you (provided it is what is best for you). I ask God pretty much daily to take away my fear of stuttering and if it is His will, to help me speak more clearly.

Why does God have to be a "Him"? Why can't it be a "Her" or an "It"? This is why myself and many people are atheists. I just can't wrap my head around an invisible thing having male or female parts. I'm not interested in a lengthy religious discussion, but I just had to say that. I'm also going through a bad, uncertain time. If someone in the real world told me to "strengthen my relationship with God", I would laugh in their faces. For once I wouldn't be the fool who was talking.

About George W Bush, it is true. He is a fraud, a morally bankrupt, vile, intellectual moron. He should never had the chance to run for president, let alone governor. But of course, he didn't actually win in 2000. Let's take some comfort in that. :D

Anyways, this site is interesting. There seems to be a lot of 23-25 year old stutterers. I'm 23, and I don't know anyone else in the real world who stutters. JakeD and Vigilant, I also love graphic design. It is the only thing I am really good at, since I'm a pretty artistic person. It just interests me more than anything ever has. That is cool to see other people interested in it.

[vigilant3]

Hey everybody I'm new here, well actually I've been reading this site for awhile now, but I've never wanted to post until now.



Why does God have to be a "Him"? Why can't it be a "Her" or an "It"? This is why myself and many people are atheists. I just can't wrap my head around an invisible thing having male or female parts. I'm not interested in a lengthy religious discussion, but I just had to say that. I'm also going through a bad, uncertain time. If someone in the real world told me to "strengthen my relationship with God", I would laugh in their faces. For once I wouldn't be the fool who was talking.

About George W Bush, it is true. He is a fraud, a morally bankrupt, vile, intellectual moron. He should never had the chance to run for president, let alone governor. But of course, he didn't actually win in 2000. Let's take some comfort in that. :D

Anyways, this site is interesting. There seems to be a lot of 23-25 year old stutterers. I'm 23, and I don't know anyone else in the real world who stutters. JakeD and Vigilant, I also love graphic design. It is the only thing I am really good at, since I'm a pretty artistic person. It just interests me more than anything ever has. That is cool to see other people interested in it.

I guess it's no wonder we gravitated towards computers. Have you ever realized how useful computers are for stutterers? It's ridiculous what we can do now that we never could before. I feel terrible for stutterers that were around in the pre-tech era.

Post more often sst, it's good to hear new voices!

[sst]

I guess it's no wonder we gravitated towards computers. Have you ever realized how useful computers are for stutterers? It's ridiculous what we can do now that we never could before. I feel terrible for stutterers that were around in the pre-tech era.

Post more often sst, it's good to hear new voices!

Thanks! I never usually post on message boards because I never have anything to say. But today I did!

[CCB]

It doesn't sound like God has been too kind to you considering what we know of your life already. When will people like you stop praying to something you can't see and actually take the reigns and gain control of your own life? It saddens me to see people depend on something other than themselves. You have power, you are a "somebody". Do something with that!

Considering one of the icons of Christianity experienced this: "Five times at the hands of the Jews I (St. Paul) received forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I passed a night and a day on the deep; on frequent journeys, in dangers from rivers, dangers from robbers, dangers from my own race, dangers from Gentiles, dangers in the city, dangers in the wilderness, dangers at sea, dangers among false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many sleepless nights, through hunger and thirst, through frequent fastings, through cold and exposure."

I have it easy compared to Paul. Suffering is only a burden for a selfish person (which I have been my entire life). The selfish person only thinks about their pain and only cares about their pain. For instance, think about how much better the worst stutterer has than a person who is deaf. Usually, the speech of a very severe stutterer is superior to that of a deaf person. In addition, the deaf person cannot hear.

God has been TOO kind to me in my life. I don't deserve anything from God except hellfire and brimstone. It is God's grace that I can talk at all considering how many people who are better than me stutter worse or cannot even speak.

[CCB]

Why does God have to be a "Him"? Why can't it be a "Her" or an "It"? This is why myself and many people are atheists. I just can't wrap my head around an invisible thing having male or female parts. I'm not interested in a lengthy religious discussion, but I just had to say that. I'm also going through a bad, uncertain time. If someone in the real world told me to "strengthen my relationship with God", I would laugh in their faces. For once I wouldn't be the fool who was talking.

God is not referred to as "Him" because He has male body parts. There is not a pronoun in our language that can accurately describe God. The masculine is the best to use since the world has always been and even is still somewhat patriarchial.

Anyway, I know of no athiest who lost their belief in God because they could not fathom why people refer to Him in the masculine tense.

[sst]

CCB, no offense, and I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think sometimes people use things as crutches to get by. They take things too seriously. Religion is one of them. It's nothing to be ashamed of. But too many people in this world use religion for evil, and not it's supposed "good" uses.

It's funny you went straight into suggesting to JakeD find his "Christian God" and not suggesting he look into the spiritual side of things. There are untold numbers of "Gods" out there, why do you assume that everyone should believe in yours? Are the others not equal to yours? Because most other beliefs would respect yours. I'm an atheist but even I acknowledge there are too many beliefs out there to say one is correct.

I think this is the wrong site to proselytize, we're here to talk about stuttering, not about relying on "God" to help you through your bad stuttering day. I could pray to anything laying around my house, it doesn't mean it's going to help me not stutter.

[vigilant3]

God has been TOO kind to me in my life. I don't deserve anything from God except hellfire and brimstone. It is God's grace that I can talk at all considering how many people who are better than me stutter worse or cannot even speak.

Your God has been cruel and kind to everyone. It's called happenstance. It's the balance of life. There probably isn't any super overlord that created you, and if there were, there might be two of them, or there might be a mega overlord that created your God for all you know. The point is you dont know, so please don't speak to us as though you do.

There's no evidence for or against your cls (no real evidence of any value), so let's just agree to disagree. You have your relationship with God which strengthens you, and we have our relationship with whatever empowers us.

[CCB]

The young man commented that he was feeling depressed. There are millions upon millions who have come to a better life with a purpose by seeking God with their hearts. I happen to be one of them (by the grace of God). I don't think it is unreasonable the advice that I did. Just because you don't like the advice does not make it bad advice my friend.

[sst]

God is not referred to as "Him" because He has male body parts. There is not a pronoun in our language that can accurately describe God. The masculine is the best to use since the world has always been and even is still somewhat patriarchial.

Anyway, I know of no athiest who lost their belief in God because they could not fathom why people refer to Him in the masculine tense.

Yes, one of the many reasons why I'm an atheist is because some thing in the sky being called a "He", just doesn't make sense. Don't you suppose "God" is called a "He" is because males were the dominant gender when the bible was created? Men owned women. It makes quite a bit of sense.

Anyways, I agree with Vigilant, let's agree to disagree. This isn't the site for these kinds of discussions. Whatever gets you through the day is fine by me, so long as it doesn't try to control other people's lives and pass laws that treat others like less than. Too bad this is not true of the country in which I live in.

[CCB]

Your God has been cruel and kind to everyone. It's called happenstance. It's the balance of life. There probably isn't any super overlord that created you, and if there were, there might be two of them, or there might be a mega overlord that created your God for all you know. The point is you dont know, so please don't speak to us as though you do.

There's no evidence for or against your cls (no real evidence of any value), so let's just agree to disagree. You have your relationship with God which strengthens you, and we have our relationship with whatever empowers us.

God has not been cruel to anyone. Cruel is usually a word used to denote some kind of injustice. It is impossible for God to be unjust since He is the author of justice.

[CCB]

Yes, one of the many reasons why I'm an atheist is because some thing in the sky being called a "He", just doesn't make sense. Don't you suppose "God" is called a "He" is because males were the dominant gender when the bible was created? Men owned women. It makes quite a bit of sense.

Anyways, I agree with Vigilant, let's agree to disagree. This isn't the site for these kinds of discussions. Whatever gets you through the day is fine by me, so long as it doesn't try to control other people's lives and pass laws that treat others like less than. Too bad this is not true of the country in which I live in.

Your choice my friend. I did not initiate the theological dialogue with you or Vigilant, but I would be more than happy to continue via PM or email if either of you desire. I agree that we should not be taking over this thread by getting off topic.

[202]

God has not been cruel to anyone. Cruel is usually a word used to denote some kind of injustice. It is impossible for God to be unjust since He is the author of justice.

Didnt god command the israelites to commit genocide against any people they encountered in the "promised land"? Completely wipe them out, including women, children, eveh livestock.If thats not cruel, I dont know what is.I dont believe in the bible or god or any other nonsense, but if you want to, go ahead.

[sst]

Didnt god command the israelites to commit genocide against any people they encountered in the "promised land"? Completely wipe them out, including women, children, eveh livestock.If thats not cruel, I dont know what is.I dont believe in the bible or god or any other nonsense, but if you want to, go ahead.

The bible condones a lot of things. Christians pick and choose what suits their current hang up. :p

Slavery, preventing women from having any sort of rights, preventing s from having rights, abortion, polygamy. Name any war ever started, probably because of the bible. Didn't George W. Bush say that he "talks to God" and that God told him to invade Iraq? I'd call that schizophrenia, but I'm no doctor. :D

Funny how these things happen. If Christians focused more on helping the poor, the needy, the disadvantaged, the world would be a better place. Instead they think it's a "culture war", some thing that has to be won. What will happen if they win? That is scary. It's too bad the good Christians that genuinely make a difference are overshadowed by the cult of insanity we have here in the U.S.

I swore I wasn't going to get into this again, hehe. Jaked, I'm really sorry about taking over your thread! :o Even stutterers should be out partying on a friday.

[vigilant3]

The young man commented that he was feeling depressed. There are millions upon millions who have come to a better life with a purpose by seeking God with their hearts. I happen to be one of them (by the grace of God). I don't think it is unreasonable the advice that I did. Just because you don't like the advice does not make it bad advice my friend.

You're doing what most people do and becoming defensive when the truth is spoken. Don't be the next Bill O'Reilly.

Your relationship with God is your own, and I respect that relationship. Your preaching to us with no facts to support your cls is just silly. Especially when you clearly disrespect our views as all arrogant religious followers do.

[sst]

Yes, acknowledge that you have suffered, but don't make it your life. EVERYBODY suffers from/with something or other, so by understanding others pain and suffering I have understood and come to terms with mine and my past all the more.

I agree for the most part. It's good to use your past pain and bad times to fuel yourself and make your future better than what came before. Once you hit rock bottom you can't go any lower, so you have to work to get yourself back together. But it is easier said than done, and something like stuttering tends to overwhelm your mind and your self-esteem. It is hard to break through that, I'm living proof.

The past is what it is, there is no sense in dwelling in it. But I'm guilty of that myself, and in my current situation, I seem to be doing that. I never take my own advice! :o

[sst]

Definitely a journey worth undertaking IMHO.

I often think of just how long our lives are. I am 23, I mean how many years could I be alive. That's a lot of years left to dwell on my stuttering. But I suppose this age is a better time to get it out of the way, and dwell on it, rather than let it continue to ruin my life when I am older.

[Standingtall]

Honest
Smart
Caring
Sensitive

Graphic design is the only thing I ever really excelled at. Used to work a seniors home, enjoyed that work greatly, but think it would be difficult dealing with crummy situations everyday. I am wanting to do some social work related. Though I don't think I could deal with it, it would get to me.

I pray to God from time to time when I near the breaking point.

Sorry for the delay in my replies folks.
This thread has already helped me greatly.
Great to hear ur are doing better Jake. Successful people always know where they started from and how hard they have to work to get to the top and stay there. Keep us updated on your progress and we will support u.