catfishingdude
09-07-2008, 05:58 AM
Hello everyone. My name is Zeb and I am a stutterer. I have gone through many ups and downs in my life and I have stayed strong through all of them. However, I believe my biggest obstacle is right around the corner, overcoming my stutter. I have been seeing a speech pathologist recently and he gave me some really good tips on how to stop stuttering. However, then I did not have enough determination to follow through on them outside of his office. I was happy where I was, so to speak. I have recently started school this year and A LOT of things are different then when “I was happy where I was.” New environments, new people, and a new school. All of these things kind of just slapped me in the face at once and said, “Hey, you chicken, every time you open your mouth you are going to stutter so just shut up!” There have been MANY opportunities for me to meet new people and to make new friends but yet I just shut up and walk away like I did not see that chance to possibly make a friend. I even had lunch with a girl and before she said she was nervous about meeting me and I haven’t heard from her since. Another girl I told her I would call her, but guess what, I didn’t because I was afraid. My whole life I have been in a “comfort zone,” surrounded by my parents, friends, and teachers whom I talk to on a regular basis and know that I would stutter. I was in my comfort zone. Now however I am in a brand new environment, over 18,000 new people and teachers, and also hoping to maybe get a internship within the next few months at a radio station. From NOW ON, I will be encountering new people everyday. I am not in my comfort zone anymore. I am my own person. I watched video on youtube today about a guy that stuttered and people left comments making fun of him and others who felt his pain. I feel his pain because I am a stutterer. I go everyday wondering if I am going to have to speak up in class when 50 other people were listening…I am afraid…I am not afraid to attempt it. I am afraid 1. That people will laugh at me and 2. That I won’t make as many friends, better yet, get a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend. All my friends are getting married, starting their lives together and where am I, I am in a corner someplace hoping I don’t have to talk in a large group of people! This really hurts but I am…well…letting life pass me by because I am afraid. I got to thinking about “being afraid of stuttering” and I thought to myself, “I am afraid of not getting a girlfriend…well how am I going to get a girlfriend without going up to her and asking her out? I am afraid of not getting friends…well…if I don’t introduce myself to them and start talking….I won’t get any friends. I am afraid people will laugh at me….Is it really that you are afraid that people will laugh at you or are you afraid about the way you will feel about yourself afterwards (what did all those people think??)…EVEN if they do not laugh (Also for those that do laugh…screw them, they don’t deserve your friendship to begin with!). What if I say something that could change a person’s life? What if I say the right answer to a question no one else knows? What if at that very moment a girl says, “hmmm, he’s cute, I would love to go out with him? What if I don’t even stutter one bit? I have to believe in myself. If I don’t, I will not go anywhere in life. I am not in my comfort zone anymore. I am around strangers, whom I will meet every day for the rest of my life. My speech therapist can give me all the tips and tricks in the book but it is 100% up to me to put them into action, I have to be my own therapist and come up with tricks and techniques that will work for me and only me. Everyone is different and not everyone can be fluent with the same technique, you have to figure out what works best for you. I am going to war and no it’s not to Iraq. It is a war that I will face every single day for the rest of my life and I have been in this war all my life, only now, I am ready to fight. It is not going to be easy, it will be downright hard. There will be days that I will lose the battle but I will not back down until I win the war. I will strive everyday to win. As I am typing this right now, I am thinking to myself, “what are you doing, you are never going to be able to be 100% fluent so why even try.” If I don’t try, what will I lose….I will lose parts of my life that could have been different if I would have tried. If I do try what would I lose nothing….but I will gain confidence! I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t think I could be fluent. I am not going to be afraid anymore. There are a lot of other things in this world to be afraid about besides something as small as this. I pledge to myself, anyone who reads this, and God that on this day, Sunday September 7th, 2008 at 12:40 am that I will start believing in myself that I can be fluent, have the determination to accept failure and to get right back up and that I will fight the hardest I know how to overcome my stuttering. I know with God I can do anything. “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”
Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading!