Going to college: Update

[Kunbo]

For those of you who are familiar with my previous thread on going to college, this is an update to let you know what's been going on so far. I've been at this university now for about three almost four weeks and I'm starting to hate everything in general about myself. To start off, the first few days here were great: I met my roommate, who turned out to be a good person, met some people on my floor, and got to participate at a volleyball event. When school started the following Monday, that's when I believe everything started to fall apart. I felt like my roommate and the people I had met during the first few days didn't want anything to do with me. It's been hard as hell to just to start a conversation with someone because I can't even say my own name without stuttering. For example, I attended an event, the Friday before school started and I tried to introduce myself to someone who lives on my floor. I basically stuttered on my name and he gave me a weird look like he wanted nothing to do with me :mad:

As days continued to go by, I've met a few people, but I wouldn't consider them (or they won't consider me) as a friend. I get really frustrated when I see people hanging out in groups and having a merry time with one another while I'm in the background looking like a loser who can't even talk. I even remember saying to myself the day I first came to this college that I wanted to change, but I guess this is just going to be a big repeat like my old college where I could barely talk to anyone. Seriously though, I'm getting so angry with myself that I'm basically going to just give up with trying to make friends and just focus on my academics. There's nothing positive to look forward to and I feel like I can't talk to anyone who would at least give me a chance.

[Derek181]

yah i know what you mean man but dont let those people get you down. just carry on being outgoing to everybody, its the only way theres ever a chance to make friends and stuff. my problem is i meet people usually have a good conversation maybe stutter a little but then if i see them the next day iam too shy to be the first one to say hey hows it goin

[Jimmy169]

Ah screw them! Don't let what other people think get you down. When you were in highschool did you think the same thing? And does it matter now what those high schoolers thought, do you even see them anymore? Same thing in college, soon enough you won't even see them again, so who care's. Do your thing, focus on yourself, if you feel like someone give's you the cold shoulder, F it who needs em. Think back to high school, you don't care what those people think now right? You won't care what these people think when you're out of that dorm.

[BenLZ]

Jimmy, I hate to call you on it, but that's not a good attitude. I know you're trying to be helpful, but you're giving the wrong advice. Maybe the whole 'I'm tough, I don't need other people, and I can support myself' works on some people, but that's a select few, if any. Humans are social creatures, and what Kunbo should be doing is giving it his all and getting out there to try and meet people. People may be cold at first, but you need to get over that "hump" where the stutter becomes a secondary thing for your listeners.

Do me a favor and don't follow Jimmy's advice, just keep grinding and pushing. Don't switch colleges. It's not the people, it's you.

[Derek181]

also you gotta really put yourself out there. iam in dorms right now too sorta..... its like apartment style dorms i dont have a room mate so i gotta really putmyself out there and start up conversations.... also if your college has social events go to those.... those are great for meeting people.... i talked to so many people at like games nights or movie nights its great. maybe some might look at you at first like your weird but i find its a bit better if you look them in the eye with confidence while stuttering and keep a happy expression on your face and people wont care. but yah just try to always go to social things...

[ak47oooo]

I'm with Jimmy on this one. You don't need friends to live. You're at college to learn and get a degree. I'm not implying "give up", I'm saying life goes on, and whether you make 0 friends or 100 friends the world still turns.

And don't forget people may also talk to YOU just by attending an event so take advantage of that. And if feel you're doing something wrong, ask your roommate or dorm mate or whatever for their perspective on the situation.

[Derek181]

nahhh dude.... dont listen to those guys. you need friends you need to have a social life. or else you will be unhappy always thinking about it and feeling down and it might in turn affect your studies. like you should just get to the point where your like it who cares what anyone thinks go out there and talk to as many people as possible, dont give up man. everybody needs some sort of social interaction in their life. you know what my dad said to me that really hit home for me.... i was avoiding calling my friends because i would stutter like crazy on the phone asking for them and then their family would laugh or something..... and my dad said derek you cant let this get in the way of friends and meeting people or else you will live a very lonely life and i thought hard about that .... and i dont wanna live a lonely life so i started to just say to heck with it...and called my friends and iam slowly meeting new people

[ak47oooo]

Yeah, don't listen to me! ...wait, what just happened?

[nate]

nahhh dude.... dont listen to those guys. you need friends you need to have a social life. or else you will be unhappy always thinking about it and feeling down and it might in turn affect your studies. like you should just get to the point where your like it who cares what anyone thinks go out there and talk to as many people as possible, dont give up man. everybody needs some sort of social interaction in their life. you know what my dad said to me that really hit home for me.... i was avoiding calling my friends because i would stutter like crazy on the phone asking for them and then their family would laugh or something..... and my dad said derek you cant let this get in the way of friends and meeting people or else you will live a very lonely life and i thought hard about that .... and i dont wanna live a lonely life so i started to just say to heck with it...and called my friends and iam slowly meeting new people

Derek...for the first time i agree wi' u. No man/woman is an island unto themselves.

People are what makes this life worth it...Friendship and love are what make life worth it. And the social experience fo college is something i missed out on and regret deeply. You are there, yes to earn a degree...but also to make lifelong friendships, and connections, and learn life skills that will go a long way in helping you out even more than that college degree.
In college you get an education...but you also get a schooling in the ways of the world that is priceless. Make friends, make enemies, make love...
Nate

[nate]

Well, it all depends on what you want to achieve:
friends for the sake of having friends, or friends who will value you for who you are, and not take the pi$$ out of you behind your back.

The former will come through time and patience.

The latter are not worth knowing.

Please avoid getting angry with yourself; this will only give off "bad vibes". Join clubs that you have an interest in. Perhaps ask somebody next to you in class for help, even of you don't need it.

Or just sit back, observe and see who is worth getting to know.

You never know - I bet you see others doing exactly what you are doing!

Most of all, just enjoy your time there. If you want to become a new (hopefully better) person, then do so. By thinking like that new person, you will become that new person.

Regardless of your speech.

Good luck.


Just a quick correction, the former are not worth knowing, the latter will come thru time and patience...
:D

And yeah dont think what u dont want to be, think of who you want to be, visualise it, act as if u already are that person, feel the feelings of joy that come with being that person.

imagine u r vigilante...:D

oh god what've i done?

[thatCALIdude]

sorry to hear about that bro, same thing happened to me when i first left home for a university. its going to be a lonely time for you, you need to find other things to fill your time besides studying. i just lifted weights and played basketball to kill time even though i hated every min of school.