Can't take it anymore!

[Milan]

Hi

I am new on this forum (18 years old male from Sweden

I just got back home after seeing my father, and I just can’t take this anymore. We were eating at a restaurant and he wanted me to explain something, and I just couldn’t get a word out, was trying so hard and the pauses felt like an eternity. One of the worst feelings I’ve had in my life, even though I’ve stuttered since I was like 3-4 years old, this experience today was one of the worst. The thing that makes it so bad is that I’ve NEVER spoken about my stuttering to my father, maybe that’s because I don’t see him so often. Anyway he didn’t say anything about it, like everything was alright, when at that time I couldn’t say more than 5 words in like 1 minute. Somehow I want him to say something about it, so I can get the will to explain everything for him.

But that’s not the real problem, the problem is of course the stuttering which have come to a point that I’ve rather kill myself then live like this my entire life. The feelings inside me are so hard to describe in words and the fact that I am not English makes it even harder. What makes me so frustrated is that I am good looking, well trained, smart (IQ over 125 if that says something) etc but when it comes to the most important part, speaking, I feel like I am in some way retarded, that something is wrong with my brain. But I am perfectly normal in every other way and a master to disguise my stuttering so people who don’t know me good thinks that I am a normal guy like everybody else. But closer friends, even though they don’t say anything about it I am sure they know that something is wrong.

Most people think of stuttering like “ch-ch-ch-aaair” that type but when I get my blocks they would rather think I’ve lost air or if it’s a really long and a hard block that I am retarded in some way. Like I said people see me as any other normal guy, but they don’t see the eternal struggle inside of me that’s been going on for all my life and has been affecting my life so bad. So bad that I’ve taken the road away from good grades, job interviews, seeing girls, going to clubs, hanging out with my friends. It’s horrible to know that you’re smart and can get excellent grades, but the depression and will to not speak / answer questions in class makes me unable to achieve that. As long as I stutter so bad, and can’t speak in phone, order what I want, speak in class, ask questions, talk to my father and friends, explain stuff, tell story’s etc like everybody else, I don’t see the point of living. It makes me so sad that god turned me out to be like everybody else but gave me this curse, invisible for the eye, to torture me for the rest of my life. Believe me on this I’ve rather be handicapped with 1 arm or leg and be able to speak fluently than having perfect looks and body but having this kind of speech disorder.

I am so depressed that I can’t do all these stuff I’ve said and so tired to substitute words when I get a block or saying that I’ve forgot what to say. I can’t do this anymore, I need to find a cure somehow or being more realistic to decrease the stutter so I at least can achieve 80-90% fluency and be able to do all these things I’ve said for the first time in my life and maybe for the first time to finally start enjoying life.

I got many questions and own thoughts / theories about stuttering that I would like to share and learn from others, even though I could write a book about this I feel that I’ve wrote to much and would now hope to get some response from people in a similar situation like me.

Regards
Milan

[takinyede]

I was in your shoes for like 7 yrs. I was always a stutterer but then I went to therapy and was told to modify my speech this way and that way and before I knew it I was almost mute. I could not get a sentence right. This went on for like six yrs when my mates appled for promotion I was too scared to even try. My self esteem fell apart and my relationship went south. I thank God that I am finding my feet again after I made up my mind to "just speak." My secret is to just speak "slowly" but with "Authority." Carry a little note in your pocket to remind you if you will but never be "conscious of your speech." Looking at a note everytime will drive you nuts but do it daily in the morning and before important speeches. You can do it with some acceptance, faith and dedication you will live and function as a member of a worldwide society. Goodluck.

[hafidmetal]

Man you arent the only one....i feel exactly the same way..but just accept the fact that u are a stuttere and try to live with it and seruiosly beleive me,whining and tinking about ur stuttering all the timeis not gonna help you,,its a just a waste of a preciuos time..just live ur life as a stutterer..try to find a gurl who will love u and support you cus it helps a bit and just try to go out and have fun with ur friends and just stutter as much as u want..YEAH IM A STUTTERER WHO GIVES A SHIT..wish u the best my friend and heads up..stuttering is not YOU

[nate]

Man you arent the only one....i feel exactly the same way..but just accept the fact that u are a stuttere and try to live with it and seruiosly beleive me,whining and tinking about ur stuttering all the timeis not gonna help you,,its a just a waste of a preciuos time..just live ur life as a stutterer..try to find a gurl who will love u and support you cus it helps a bit and just try to go out and have fun with ur friends and just stutter as much as u want..YEAH IM A STUTTERER WHO GIVES A SHIT..wish u the best my friend and heads up..stuttering is not YOU

so true.
welcome and we all feel for you bro, and we've been there at one time or another.
Hang in here with all of us, and help us to help you make it better. even just a little bit:D

[happy7117]

How about another patented sermon on device usage to help your nasty stuttering from yours truly to cheer up:D

But seriously, stuttering is big trouble and causes us nothing but anger, embarrassment, and frusteration.

I never thought of suicide before, but I have thought of drinking laundry detergant to see if that would hurt more than stuttering does.

If you are looking for therapy that is useless with short term effect, go for the traditional fluency shaping stuff.

For longer lasting more benefecial help, try a device.

I sound like a commercial:o

BTW.. accepting stuttering??

Accepting the fact we can barely be able to communicate effectively is wrong and messed up

[happy7117]

YEAH IM A STUTTERER WHO GIVES A SHIT..

The people who stutter give a shit because it's something that effects them daily. We can't just blow off stuttering like it's no big deal because it is.

It effects are day to day life in every way. I know it does for me. But even if stuttering may not effect you, it still is there for you to wrestle with.

How will a girl accept any stutterer like us who can barely communicate with them??

Relationships involve communication and getting to realy know each other, and nasty stuttering makes that too damn complicated or impossible in getting to know girls aka chicks:)

Just being truthfull and telling it like it is.

[Milan]

Hi guys!

I knew these kinds of replies would come and I respect them. It’s a hard thing to do, to accept stuttering and those who did have come a long way. But trust me there is people that can’t do that, everybody is different. I am one of them. Like Happy said finding a girl is not an option, I mean would she really support me when she saw how bad I stuttered, when she could get one of those other 99% guys that’s fluent. I am sure there is a girl that would support me, but finding her would take years of searching. So that’s why I want to get as close to fluent there is before I start to live normal again. Nothing is impossible right? Why should this be.

I’ve read about treatments and fluency programs and such but I am not sure if it’s the best way to tackle it. I think the solution lays in something like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdFJOcaVDYU&eurl=http://thestutteringbrain.blogspot.com/ or some kind of medicine. But that technology in the link will take a couple of years I think before we can be treated with it. So I am wondering if any of you know a good way to eliminate most of the blocks and get closer to fluency. I don’t mind if it’s a program / technique that takes months of training, I am ready to do whatever it takes. Or maybe there is a new medicine coming out that could help too.

[nick1991]

Hey man, i know EXACTLY how you feel and believe me, your not the only one. I know it's tough but you just got to hang in there and get through this sticky patch becuase there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel.

[Derek181]

only advice i can give you is go to an intesnive therapy program or maybe buy a self help book on stuttering and stick with it. personally me i went to a intensive clinic and it was the best choice i ever made without it i would be stuttering so bad today.

[nate]

Hey man, i know EXACTLY how you feel and believe me, your not the only one. I know it's tough but you just got to hang in there and get through this sticky patch becuase there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel.

i can add to that, you have to frist get into the tunnel to see the light.
Nate

[Derek181]

he is already in the tunnel though metaphorically speaking. hes in a dark and down time and soon enough he will see the light at the end.

[peebee]

You know I don't think I've ever seen someone describe exactly how I felt about my stuttering and how it changed my life as well as your post Milan. I went through and am still going through EXACTLY what you're going through in school.

Right now in my marketing class my prof said straight up on the first lecture, if I know your name at the end of the semester because you participate in class you will get 10% on participation, if I don't you get 0. I come to class, sit at the back, do the readings before hand and I know 75% of the answers, yet I just sit around, fake sleep, browse the web/ etc... Even on simple 1 liner answers that I know for a fact I won't stutter on I still don't say anything because i'm paranoid. I think that maybe i'll be asked to give an example or explain my answer and than i may or may not block for a few seconds explaining myself.

Sometimes when I'm put on the spot my heart will just go CRAZY and I won't be able to think clearly.

A few suggestions I can give you are to practice talking as much as you can. Also another thing that helps me is that usually when I block it will be early in the sentence and then I can get the rest out after.

So for example if I was going to tell someone about something I saw on youtube...

"Yeah, I saw this crazy thing on youtube the other day *2-3sec block* uhh.. *look at the person and smile, twitch, laugh or something until it passes* this guy ate a live tarantula"

Another thing I noticed is a lot of the time when someone fluent is talking and they're still composing what they're trying to say they'll repeat a word 2 or 3 times before finishing their thought. I try and mimic that as well

Hopefully what I said to you makes sense! :)
Cheers

[Milan]

Right now in my marketing class my prof said straight up on the first lecture, if I know your name at the end of the semester because you participate in class you will get 10% on participation, if I don't you get 0. I come to class, sit at the back, do the readings before hand and I know 75% of the answers, yet I just sit around, fake sleep, browse the web/ etc... Even on simple 1 liner answers that I know for a fact I won't stutter on I still don't say anything because i'm paranoid. I think that maybe i'll be asked to give an example or explain my answer and than i may or may not block for a few seconds explaining myself.

And that’s exactly how I feel in class, very graphic description.



I don’t know if you’ve heard about EFT, but yesterday I browsed the web and found www.emofree.com I read from the webpage that it cured many stutterers (not sure what kind of stuttering type they or if it was mild or severe). This healing type is something completely new for the 21st century and according to them, works where nothing else does. Here is a video explaining more http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75D56JICBRQ&eurl=http://www.emofree.com/splash/video_popup.asp I am very curious if any of you have tried this and if so, the results you got. For me it sounds very promising and I really believe in this. As soon as I get some money I am going to order the DVDs and start practicing the methods. I am really going to give it 100% so if it decreases my stuttering I can gladly share the news with you guys.

[Milan]

bumping my post.

I am really curious what you think about EFT. I want to know If someone have tested it or heared something positive about it for treating stuttering.

[Jamus]

Hi

I am new on this forum (18 years old male from Sweden

I just got back home after seeing my father, and I just can’t take this anymore. We were eating at a restaurant and he wanted me to explain something, and I just couldn’t get a word out, was trying so hard and the pauses felt like an eternity. One of the worst feelings I’ve had in my life, even though I’ve stuttered since I was like 3-4 years old, this experience today was one of the worst. The thing that makes it so bad is that I’ve NEVER spoken about my stuttering to my father, maybe that’s because I don’t see him so often. Anyway he didn’t say anything about it, like everything was alright, when at that time I couldn’t say more than 5 words in like 1 minute. Somehow I want him to say something about it, so I can get the will to explain everything for him.

But that’s not the real problem, the problem is of course the stuttering which have come to a point that I’ve rather kill myself then live like this my entire life. The feelings inside me are so hard to describe in words and the fact that I am not English makes it even harder. What makes me so frustrated is that I am good looking, well trained, smart (IQ over 125 if that says something) etc but when it comes to the most important part, speaking, I feel like I am in some way retarded, that something is wrong with my brain. But I am perfectly normal in every other way and a master to disguise my stuttering so people who don’t know me good thinks that I am a normal guy like everybody else. But closer friends, even though they don’t say anything about it I am sure they know that something is wrong.

Most people think of stuttering like “ch-ch-ch-aaair” that type but when I get my blocks they would rather think I’ve lost air or if it’s a really long and a hard block that I am retarded in some way. Like I said people see me as any other normal guy, but they don’t see the eternal struggle inside of me that’s been going on for all my life and has been affecting my life so bad. So bad that I’ve taken the road away from good grades, job interviews, seeing girls, going to clubs, hanging out with my friends. It’s horrible to know that you’re smart and can get excellent grades, but the depression and will to not speak / answer questions in class makes me unable to achieve that. As long as I stutter so bad, and can’t speak in phone, order what I want, speak in class, ask questions, talk to my father and friends, explain stuff, tell story’s etc like everybody else, I don’t see the point of living. It makes me so sad that god turned me out to be like everybody else but gave me this curse, invisible for the eye, to torture me for the rest of my life. Believe me on this I’ve rather be handicapped with 1 arm or leg and be able to speak fluently than having perfect looks and body but having this kind of speech disorder.

I am so depressed that I can’t do all these stuff I’ve said and so tired to substitute words when I get a block or saying that I’ve forgot what to say. I can’t do this anymore, I need to find a cure somehow or being more realistic to decrease the stutter so I at least can achieve 80-90% fluency and be able to do all these things I’ve said for the first time in my life and maybe for the first time to finally start enjoying life.

I got many questions and own thoughts / theories about stuttering that I would like to share and learn from others, even though I could write a book about this I feel that I’ve wrote to much and would now hope to get some response from people in a similar situation like me.

Regards
Milan

Hi Milan. There was a point in my life exactly like yours. I had thoughts of suicide before b/c of my stutter, but in the end I felt it was pretty ridiculous to think of ending my life over my disability. There are a million other ways we can be disabled that are a hundred times worse than stuttering. Trust me. I know you know this too.
What did I do? Yes, I hung in there. Like it has been said in an earlier posting, there IS light at the end of every dark tunnel of despair.
It's been about 10 years since I felt like you do now... hopeless and terribly despondent. And I am much more content with myself in my life now. I have made progress with my speech and my overall perspective of it. And that perspective has helped me so much.

As for therapies and techniques out there.. there IS something out there that can help you. Though it takes work to research and find something that works for YOU. Every person who stutters is different, so that means every person responds differently to the many, many kinds of therapies out there. What one person finds aid in , another does not. You have to go out there and be diligent. Work hard at finding what works for you. I promise you, there is hope for you out there. Not just through therapy, but most importantly through yourself.

:) Hang in there friend.

Here are some links that might be helpful. Read up as much as you can. The first link here is a book that I read several years ago. Through correct breathing and tremendous patience, it has helped me improve my speech. Hope you get something out if it.

http://www.stuttering.com/book.html

http://www.nsastutter.org/

http://www.stutteringhelp.org/

http://www.friendswhostutter.org/index.asp

[Ayman]

i disagree with happy, accepting my stutter has nearly eliminated it, since its a non physical problem (sometimes) accepting it lowers ure stress and anticipation to the stutter.

the way i see it i think you should consider and try all options like i did:

-See a clinical psycologist and explain that you stutter when ure anxious/stressed and that you can anticipate the stutter which makes it even worse

-see a speech therapist

- see a larynologist (ear nose and throat doctor) just to confirm its a negative problem

- finally, see a GP to try out some anti anxiety drugs/propranolol etc to lower ure stress

-talka about it to your parents, lecturers etc, i talked about it to my lecturer and she told me that its alright and i dont have to do presentations (although i said to myself screw it, i will do them weather it takes me an hour or so, i didnt wanna be different from the rest of the class)

and always always think postitive

because happy/positive thinking/confident => increase dopamine => less stuttering

[Jamus]

Acceptance of your stutter does help you. For years I have fought against it b/c I looked at it as not being a part of who I was b/c I always thought it was a physical problem. Knowing that I have conditioned myself to stutter through fear and through accepting it as a part of me (not 100% who I am as a person - there is a difference), I see it now as part psychological, and it has opened up my view of it and my speech overall has improved.

I truly believe that your perspective of your stutter is a powerful tool in helping you deal with it.

[barrymcgee]

"Like Happy said finding a girl is not an option, I mean would she really support me when she saw how bad I stuttered, when she could get one of those other 99% guys that’s fluent. I am sure there is a girl that would support me, but finding her would take years of searching. "

Absolute nonsense, this is just something you've made yourself believe through many vicious cycles of negative thought.. 100% are many girls out there looking for soemthing more than a fluent speaker, nobody is perfect, everyone has their own little problems, some are more visible but the bigger ones are likely to be hidden.

It's all about how you pick yourself up, work with what you've been given and always strive forward for a long and happy life...

Positive happy people, comfortable with themselves and strong of character atract other people like bees to honey.

This is a crude example and i hate to use it but I feel it illustrates my point.. have you ever seen a burns victim get married to a "normal" guy/girl who they only met after their accident? Believe me, there is many, many of them.. I'm sure they thought when first looking in the mirror, who's gonna want me? But they picked themselves up and dealt with their problems..moved on..and met a partner who wanted to spend the rest of their lives with them...

It's not your stutter which is stopping you from scoring guys, it's your attitude! ;)

[andrewg818]

yer story about eating out w/ your dad...reminds me --- of an eml I found recently..that I sent in February '04 to my mom---w/ paragaphs of stuff I told her I wanted to explain to dad at dinner that night--but just couldn't get out--and was frustrated..Shortly after, I committed to the fact that I would absolutely become fluent--at any cost---by any measure--- A year later.. I had been fluent for months-- I haven't really stuttered much since late '04

Be hopeful. Love yourself,
Andrew

www.andrewgreenstein.com

[Milan]

yer story about eating out w/ your dad...reminds me --- of an eml I found recently..that I sent in February '04 to my mom---w/ paragaphs of stuff I told her I wanted to explain to dad at dinner that night--but just couldn't get out--and was frustrated..Shortly after, I committed to the fact that I would absolutely become fluent--at any cost---by any measure--- A year later.. I had been fluent for months-- I haven't really stuttered much since late '04

Be hopeful. Love yourself,
Andrew

www.andrewgreenstein.com

Hi Andrew!

That gave me motivation to keep going. I am really curious how you did it. To become fluent. Thats my goal too, and i have some ideas on how to get there. First thing iam going to do is to test EFT, order the DVDs. Ive read that many stutterers got cured by it.

[happy7117]

Positive happy people, comfortable with themselves and strong of character atract other people like bees to honey;

I thought pheromes did that:) But feeling good does help others want to be around you.

It's not your stutter which is stopping you from scoring guys, it's your attitude! ;)

Stuttering makes us feel shitty which in turn draws chicks away. If we could score with chicks just by stuttering, then I think our attitudes would be greatly elevated:D

If all babes in the world were to read your previous enlightening post, maybe chicks would give each and every stutterer the time of day:)

[Blueberrypie]

A good friend of mine basically told me to live my life the way I want to, to treasure it and defend it at all costs since this is the only life we'll ever have and our own lives are the most improtant to us. I'm still starting to get used to the concept *sigh*