Last Hope

[couture57]

Hello, everyone - I just joined over the weekend, and I'll start off by saying that I haven't read through the entire forum yet. But judging by the thread titles, it looks like there are a lot of discussions here that may help me, so I'm looking forward to reading. I'm also looking forward to getting to know you all better.

I am a 51-year-old female, and I have stuttered severely all my life. My father had an articulation disorder, but other than that I don't know of anyone before me who stuttered. However, my 24-year-old son also stutters, and his is just as bad, or worse, than mine is.

I came to this forum because I am so frustrated that I am ready to give up. I am just so TIRED of this struggle. I have fought this thing for as long as I can remember, and I just can't do it any more. I had years of therapy, which only helped a little bit. I was able to achieve some fluency within the therapy setting, but could never seem to "transfer" what I had learned, to everyday speaking situations. About 25 years ago, when DAF devices were relatively new, I used one in therapy for a couple of years, but the idea was never to use it for everyday speaking - it was a therapy tool to teach stutterers to use the slow and smooth speech necessary to mask the stuttering. Again, it worked in the therapy setting, but not in practical use.

Anyway, here I am, a grown woman with a husband and almost-grown children (I also have a 16-year-old son, who thankfully does not stutter), and I am ready to throw in the towel and quit trying to speak altogether, or just put myself out of this misery. I also suffer from bipolar disorder and chronic clinical depression. I've been on meds and regular therapy for that, for many years. I don't believe that the depression is caused by the speech impediment (many family members have also suffered from mental illness) but it sure doesn't help. My speech gets marginally better when my mental state is better, but I think it's more a case of being able to try harder to struggle to speak when I feel better mentally. When my depression is out of control, as it is right now, I just can't seem to come up with the inner "push" necessary to force myself to communicate.

I came to this forum in the hopes of getting some ideas to help me regain that drive to try to communicate. And the idea of "talking" to others who understand what I live with is very comforting to me. I am active on a lot of other Internet forums (related to other interests - in fact, I own and run 4 websites with forums on them) and I am very comfortable with this method of communicating. I joke with people that I can type faster than I talk. :) Yes, I can talk with my son about it, but he is struggling just as much as I am, and I don't want to burden him with my own problems too much.

Thanks for reading this long post. I tend to post long missives like this, so just skim through and ignore me if you wish. :)

[Box of Clocks]

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to read about the recent difficult time you have been experiencing.

[Jimmy169]

Always remember it may be a brighter day tommorow, you don't wanna miss it! I always try to ask myself if I'm depressed, whats the point in being depressed, I mean we are depressed because we can't communicate well right, because we worry what the next person will think when they hear it, I mean otherwise we'd take our time and let it out and not care what the person thinks, but because we care, we get depressed. If you are thinking of ending your misary, then ofcourse you won't be there to care what they think, but then what is the point in carring what they think in the first place. Ya know what I mean, so stutter, stutter all you want, who care's, if you are that depressed and thinking the worst, then just think why care now what they think, why not forgo the worst, keep living, but let go of the fear of giving a damn what anyone else thinks, just take the days as blessings, I mean it could be worse, you could be without eye site, or limbs or who knows what, or we could be at war and you could be living on the edge outside just barely eating looking for food every day. Ya know what I mean, try to remember the good things you have that is taken for granted, screw what anyone else think, stutter if you must, who care's, stutter on purpose! Seriously that actually helps as well, because once you accept you are a stutterer and don't get as nervous about stuttering, it'll be easier and easier. I try my best not to care, and what happens is I stutter, I pause and try some more and I know they are looking at me but I don't care, and eventually, the words do come out. And then as you get used to it the pause is less and less and you stutter less and less to the point where you don't even remember how much you stuttered in the day because you just don't care, your mind fills with other things instead of looking back on your stutter, anytime you wanna think of your stutter, ignor it, try your best to focus on something else.


It honesly helped me, I actually stopped going on this forum for a long while because I wanted so badly to ignor my stutter, not to make such a big deal out of it, so I'd stutter and try my best not to think about it after, and think of something else, hell if you can't control it then why worry about it ya know, it doesn't make sense. And the more comfortable I got with my stutter the less I stuttered, and then I came back on here to see how everyone was doing because I was comfortable with it now. Good luck with everything, but my best advice would be to just let it be, stutter freely and your vocal cords and the tension in you will relax more and you will stutter less the less you worry about it.

[Jamus]

Hi there!
I can only imagine what you've been through having to deal with not only yourself but raising a son who stutters as well.
You can certainly find insight on here if you look. A lot of us like to complain but there are even more who are serious about our stutter. Hope you find some peace in here. :)

Jamus

[couture57]

Thank you all for the kind words of welcome. I'm going to continue reading here, and I'm sure I will join in some of the conversations.

[Standingtall]

Welcome. I have twin daughters that stutter and they are so happy girls. I am looking forward in getting to know u and don't be afraid to write whatever u want. We do read better than we can talk. :D Talk to u soon.

[couture57]

Thanks for the kind welcome, everyone. I have been reading some of the threads in this forum, and it really helps me to be able to see that there are others out there who struggle with some of the same issues my son and I have.

I have tried to post replies to some of the threads, but this seems to be a moderated forum, and none of my posts are showing up yet. I hope they will be approved soon. :)

[Count]

Hello, everyone - I just joined over the weekend, and I'll start off by saying that I haven't read through the entire forum yet. But judging by the thread titles, it looks like there are a lot of discussions here that may help me, so I'm looking forward to reading. I'm also looking forward to getting to know you all better.

I am a 51-year-old female, and I have stuttered severely all my life. My father had an articulation disorder, but other than that I don't know of anyone before me who stuttered. However, my 24-year-old son also stutters, and his is just as bad, or worse, than mine is.

I came to this forum because I am so frustrated that I am ready to give up. I am just so TIRED of this struggle. I have fought this thing for as long as I can remember, and I just can't do it any more. I had years of therapy, which only helped a little bit. I was able to achieve some fluency within the therapy setting, but could never seem to "transfer" what I had learned, to everyday speaking situations. About 25 years ago, when DAF devices were relatively new, I used one in therapy for a couple of years, but the idea was never to use it for everyday speaking - it was a therapy tool to teach stutterers to use the slow and smooth speech necessary to mask the stuttering. Again, it worked in the therapy setting, but not in practical use.

Anyway, here I am, a grown woman with a husband and almost-grown children (I also have a 16-year-old son, who thankfully does not stutter), and I am ready to throw in the towel and quit trying to speak altogether, or just put myself out of this misery. I also suffer from bipolar disorder and chronic clinical depression. I've been on meds and regular therapy for that, for many years. I don't believe that the depression is caused by the speech impediment (many family members have also suffered from mental illness) but it sure doesn't help. My speech gets marginally better when my mental state is better, but I think it's more a case of being able to try harder to struggle to speak when I feel better mentally. When my depression is out of control, as it is right now, I just can't seem to come up with the inner "push" necessary to force myself to communicate.

I came to this forum in the hopes of getting some ideas to help me regain that drive to try to communicate. And the idea of "talking" to others who understand what I live with is very comforting to me. I am active on a lot of other Internet forums (related to other interests - in fact, I own and run 4 websites with forums on them) and I am very comfortable with this method of communicating. I joke with people that I can type faster than I talk. :) Yes, I can talk with my son about it, but he is struggling just as much as I am, and I don't want to burden him with my own problems too much.

Thanks for reading this long post. I tend to post long missives like this, so just skim through and ignore me if you wish. :)



I noticed that you are from the US. Have you ever attended HCRI therapy in Roanoke, Virginia? I heard that it shall be awesome, they've helped so many stutteres of all kinds. I'm not from the United States, and unfortunately this therapy is just available in Virginia. Anyways, I would go there if I was American.

[Jimmy169]

Thanks for the kind welcome, everyone. I have been reading some of the threads in this forum, and it really helps me to be able to see that there are others out there who struggle with some of the same issues my son and I have.

I have tried to post replies to some of the threads, but this seems to be a moderated forum, and none of my posts are showing up yet. I hope they will be approved soon. :)

I haven't noticed any moderators, it's one of the things that annoys me, you can't edit and no moderator to help you wanna you wanna ask them to delete something personal. I'm not sure why your posts wouldn't show up, maybe it's not loading right when you hit reply?

[couture57]

On my first several posts I was getting a "your post will not show up until it has been approved by a moderator" kind of message. Then it was taking a couple of days before it actually showed up here. But now that I have more posts, they seem to be showing up immediately.

I'm not worried about it - a lot of forums put new members on moderation until they have a certain number of posts, so that's probably the way it is done here.

Count, I have heard of the program in Virginia. It has been around for a long time - I remember someone telling me about it several years ago. The problem is money, of course. Also, I have heard that the retention is not real good. Apparently a lot of people are helped by the program and get immediate results, but are not able to retain what they have learned over the long term. Sort of like when you discontinue traditional therapy for whatever reason; even if it helped you, eventually you go back to your "normal" way of speaking unless you can get "refresher" sessions every once in a while. At least that is my experience.

[Count]

On my first several posts I was getting a "your post will not show up until it has been approved by a moderator" kind of message. Then it was taking a couple of days before it actually showed up here. But now that I have more posts, they seem to be showing up immediately.

I'm not worried about it - a lot of forums put new members on moderation until they have a certain number of posts, so that's probably the way it is done here.

Count, I have heard of the program in Virginia. It has been around for a long time - I remember someone telling me about it several years ago. The problem is money, of course. Also, I have heard that the retention is not real good. Apparently a lot of people are helped by the program and get immediate results, but are not able to retain what they have learned over the long term. Sort of like when you discontinue traditional therapy for whatever reason; even if it helped you, eventually you go back to your "normal" way of speaking unless you can get "refresher" sessions every once in a while. At least that is my experience.


Ok, it's just because I saw some vids on the web showing people who attended the HCRI therapy for a month and they all spoke perfectly fluent.
But I think they interviewed these people directly after they had finished the program and of course after a 30-days-long intensive speech therapy everyone would be fluent in his speech. I had just one therapy in my life and was pretty fluent after that, but today, 4 years later, stuttering once again unnerves me and causes me trouble.

[couture57]

Yeah, that's always been a big problem for me. Every time I've had therapy, my speech was a little better, but I could never seem to "keep it going". The problem is that this is my "natural" way of speaking, and I revert to it eventually without the constant reinforcement of therapy. I don't know about you, but I couldn't afford to take therapy 1, 2, or 3 times a week for over 45 years. :(

[easyonset]

Yeah, that's always been a big problem for me. Every time I've had therapy, my speech was a little better, but I could never seem to "keep it going". The problem is that this is my "natural" way of speaking, and I revert to it eventually without the constant reinforcement of therapy. I don't know about you, but I couldn't afford to take therapy 1, 2, or 3 times a week for over 45 years. :(

Hi Couture. Welcome to the Forum!

You nailed it in saying the problem is not being able to "keep it going."

I went through a couple rounds of therapy and nothing seemed to stick past a few months.

What finally helped break through was "normalizing" my speech therapy speech into my everyday life.

One big problem I had, actually, is with using my "new" speech at home with family. I felt so self-conscious and weird using this "new" speech with people who known me my whole life! My family just kinda expected me to come hom cured, for good. They had no idea that this is more like on-going management of your stutter, which made it harder for me to transfer.

Lucky for your son that you know exactly what is involved and hopefully you can help each other out!

I think there are some useful strategies you can use to reinforce your therapy techniques and hopefully we'll all be able to share some.

[couture57]

Yes, it was always that "transferring what you have learned into real life situations" that was my downfall every time. Face it, this is our "normal" wasy of speaking, and any therapy techniques we learn are only ways to mask it, they will never "cure" it. I always found myself concentrating so hard on the techniques that I would lose my train of thought and not be able to focus on WHAT I was saying, as opposed to how I was forming the words. So when I was trying to get an important thought out, I would revert to stuttering. It was always easier on the short, one sentence stuff, except when you feel pressured to answer quickly, like when some asks "do you want fries with that? ". :)

It always seems to come back to the question of, are you upfront about the fact that you stutter, or do you gain a little fluency but are more embarrassed by the occasional bad block that always happens, anyway. I know just what you mean about dealing with your family. The thing I hate the most is when some family says "oh, your speech is SO much better! Good job! " and then it makes me self-conscious about it and I feel pressured knowing they are conscious of it, and I stutter worse than ever.

Sometimes I find myself intentionally stuttering a little bit when I am talking to a stranger, even in one of those rare fluent periods, so people will see it right off and not be so surprised when the next real block inevitably happens. Not really a problem, my "fluent" periods are so rare.