How to make first contact with the girl?

[dispora]

Hello!

I have some issues how to contact a girl. She goes in my physics class and is 17 (while I'm 18).

I consider myself as a shy person because I stutter, I want to talk but I fail to encourage myself to do so. The problem is that if I stutter when I talk to her for first time, she'll just probably mock me away after the conversation.
Her friends on some similar site as call her shy and quite private. So we have a shy on shy thingy going on! :o

As she is always surrounded by girls in the class, the pressure its even bigger. I mean, I walk up there as a 'random', then I stutter on my first sentence.... Whoah, nice first impression! Even babies talk fluently, then a last year guy on school comes and stutter randomly on simple sentences.

So this weekend there was some Volleyball tournament and I kinda the sport, so I went to watch. To my surprise I see her on the field playing! I don't play it yet, just caught interest some weeks ago in the gym.

Now the problems arise, we're quite different :D
She is:
Sporty, social but shy, not so lazy, good on school, never on , checks this '' site once per 2. day and never in weekends.
- the typical 'always-doing-something' girl
and im the opposite:
Little slubby, not so social, kinda lazy, slack on school, on internet alot, always on !
- the typical gamer, but started to seriously train to get in better fit - for her

So my first initial breach seems to be face-to-face. I recently added her on , and waited whole saturday for her to come online! While I waited (15 hours or so) I was thinking what should I say when she comes online? I still got no clue what to say :p From my point of view using on first contact with a girl whom never is on , is kinda ... dumb.

So I need some advice what to do. I dont really know what to do, still waiting for her to come online and I might just throw another day away :p

[Blueberrypie]

Hey there! Not too sure if you've still been waiting on over the last few days but I suggest that you try to find out mroe about this girl first, liek what her personality is, if she's easygoing or not. Ifg she is a nice girl then I think you don't have to try so hard to be someone who you're not, if not then she isn't realyl worth it anyways. Just started by saying hi? Or just a smile could be nice too. Not to osure how guys go about these things but yeh, good luck!

[happy7117]

I got my own advice but am unable to share it because others think it's uselss and a waste of time:) Although my own advice has always worked, people would just bash at it.

Good luck with the chicks!! Others have scored, so can you!

[Vermillion]

stop putting the pussy on a pedestal

train for yourself, not for her

judging from your post, you have zero chance with this girl. adding a girl to and waiting 15 hours for her to come online is not cool, you sound like a stalker.

[nate]

Hello!

I have some issues how to contact a girl. She goes in my physics class and is 17 (while I'm 18).

So I need some advice what to do. I dont really know what to do, still waiting for her to come online and I might just throw another day away :p

i gotta jump in quicks! b4 they ruin u. Look u r only 18, dont listen to the sourpussys on here:D
Establish one thing. U want her. Not as a friend, as a girlfriend. Now go for it.
but to love anyone u need to love yself first bro. So here goes, feel good about who u r. inside and outside. Now think these thoughts:

U r a great guy. U R a great guy, u r a great guy.
She is a great girl.
U deserve a great girl because you r a great guy.
She deserves to be on a pedestal and so do u. u hope to share aforementioned pedestal. because u r great guy who deserves a great girl.

Get off the internet, go wash yo clothes, get a shave and a haircut, clean behind yo ears and everything, clean yo room, look presentable. if u r not great at school, its no problem, not everyone is an einstein, but sit down and try to find a purpose...today. tomorrow u will be a different man.

u will be able to think clearer and being clean always makes me feel better about myself. and keep thinking those thoughts. "getting some" is hard wired into everyman. u'll find the best way for u.
And keep thinking these thoughts:

U r a great guy. U R a great guy, u r a great guy.
She is a great girl.
U deserve a great girl because you r a great guy.
She deserves to be on a pedestal and so do u. u hope to share aforementioned pedestal. because u r great guy who deserves a great girl.

Cheers
Nate

[Stevey]

Lets see if one of my many posts will actually be accepted - still don't know why my topic on speech therapy was never accepted.

I'm a confident guy - if I see a girl I like, I will talk to her, be myself, make her laugh, get her number and walk away happy. I don't let my stutter get in my way, even if it tries to.

Just go for it :)

[happy7117]

It's that NIKE slogan: JUST DO IT!

[Jeff99]

it's simple start by saying HI talk to her
u can never truely like someone until you talk to them get to know her
then just ask her to casual things .

don't be like every other guy this is my tip. most guys do the whole moive dinner etc. do something u can talk and have fun i like bowling you can talk all night while having a good time.

[Count]

It's that NIKE slogan: JUST DO IT!

Hey Adam, why don't you follow your own advice?

[Count]

...and have fun i like bowling you can talk all night while having a good time.

Funny that you mention bowling. I just played GTA IV where you have to take your girlfirend to bowling as well and now I had the same idea, but this damn sport is not very popular where I live. So I'll need another try... :D

[Paranoid]

stop putting the pussy on a pedestal

train for yourself, not for her

judging from your post, you have zero chance with this girl. adding a girl to and waiting 15 hours for her to come online is not cool, you sound like a stalker.

Exactly, weight lifting or any other form of training is beneficial to ones self-esteem, especially that of a stutterer. I would recommend "all" stutterers to engage in some form of recreational sport/training.

Believe in yourself!

But dont shy away from stuttering devices as well :) take advantage of modern technology if you "can"...

[Paranoid]

It's that NIKE slogan: JUST DO IT!

BEST SLOGAN EVER!

[John Woo]

We are on the same boat. I have no courage to chase girls. I am scared that they will find my stutter. And I have tried several times with the same result that I was been refused.:p But I will never give up.

[Silent]

Why are so many stutterers fixated on girls, relationships, marriage, etc.?

Not all people were created to follow the same life pattern. Accept your limitations and do what feels right and within your reach, not what society expects you to do.

[Count]

Why are so many stutterers fixated on girls, relationships, marriage, etc.?

Not all people were created to follow the same life pattern. Accept your limitations and do what feels right and within your reach, not what society expects you to do.

A strange comment, Silent. Don't you want a relationship? I think that lies in the nature of mankind.

[emily445455]

Seems to me just about everyone is fixated on the opposite sex, relationships, marriage, etc....not just stutterers.

[Silent]

Don't you want a relationship? I think that lies in the nature of mankind.
I don't want a relationship as long as I stutter. It would be a burden to me. Kind of like yet another job, school or any other kind of everyday chore that would steal my time and energy.

I've never wanted a relationship, excepting the 2 times I was "in love" as they call it.

[emily445455]

It's not a burden at all IMO. It's actually really great to have someone who will just listen and won't judge, or make comments, or finish what I'm trying to say....it's relieving.

Or did you mean just having a spouse is a chore in itself? I guess in a sense it is...it takes work to make a relationship last, but the effort is very rewarding and well worth it.

[BenLZ]

Maybe you should start playing sports and begin asserting yourself a little.

[Mullen]

I think it's a matter of temperment and authenticity.

[sst]

I agree, everyone wants to feel loved, even stutterers. People shouldn't rush it, it will happen when it's meant to.

[Count]

I don't want a relationship as long as I stutter. It would be a burden to me. Kind of like yet another job, school or any other kind of everyday chore that would steal my time and energy.

I've never wanted a relationship, excepting the 2 times I was "in love" as they call it.


Sorry, Silent, but may I ask how old you are? Have you ever taken the thought into your considerations that you are might going to stutter forever? I don't mean that negatively. Most stutterers will have to face their impediment for many decades. Will you spend them alone without guidance, without someone who motivates you? I've heard of so many severe stutterers who got married and were happy. Besides recently a woman told me that it's a myth that stuttering disturbs a relationship. Men think women dislike that speech problem, but actually every woman and girl I talked to didn't care at all and treated me like everyone else. It really were just the men and other boys who laughed at me. I count that as a positive sign.

[BenLZ]

Count, I love your optimism but you have to understand that women are rarely truthful when discussing relationships and sex.

[emily445455]

Count, I love your optimism but you have to understand that women are rarely truthful when discussing relationships and sex.

How so? How did you get to that conclusion?

[Silent]

Have you ever taken the thought into your considerations that you are might going to stutter forever?
Till the end of this life - yes.

Men think women dislike that speech problem, but actually every woman and girl I talked to didn't care at all and treated me like everyone else.
They may not care but I do.
I care about the pain I go through when I speak. Whenever I talk to anyone, my only wish is for the conversation to end.

I don't think I'm mature enough. I don't even understand why people talk to each other when it's not necessary for their survival.

[BenLZ]

They tend to give the safe answer rather than the real one. For example, when they say they want a nice guy who will be there for them, I know that that is pretty much a blatant lie. I guess my reasoning is derived from both personal experience and intuition. My guess would be if you asked a man what he looks for in a woman, and this man actually cared what you thought of him, you would get some bullshit answers along the lines of her "personality" or her "sense of humor." In general, I find, men tend to be more direct.

[Mullen]

Here's an interesting (though a bit sad) article on the effect of stuttering on intimacy.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0825/is_n3_v64/ai_21114853/pg_1

The important thing is to face up to one's situation and not to take it too personally.

[Silent]

Here's an interesting (though a bit sad) article on the effect of stuttering on intimacy.


Shears and Jensema (1969) reported that people who stutter severely were rated as acceptable marriage partners by only 7% of the participants

I'd say that's a very positive result, but their notion of "severe" is likely more inclusive than mine.

[Mullen]

Over the years I've become too grounded in myself to really need someone else to redeem my existence: I'd rather deal with my stutter myself rather than draw someone else into my situation. I tend to feel worse when my stutter has embarrassed a friend that I'm with than when I have to face my stutter alone.

[John Woo]

[QUOTE=Silent;27859]Shears and Jensema (1969) reported that people who stutter severely were rated as acceptable marriage partners by only 7% of the participants QUOTE]

Is that ture? only 7% ?

It is a throughly bad news.

I hope I am in the 7% and marry a pretty, thoughtful and virtuous girl.

[Mullen]

I hope I am in the 7% and marry a pretty, thoughtful and virtuous girl.

By the time you get down to 7% there aren't many pretty ones left.;)

[BenLZ]

Well, the data is a bit old (1969) and there's always the chance for improvement with the leaps and bounds science as advanced. Maybe there could be good side effects to something like that too, such as routing stuttering out of the gene pool.

[Derek181]

theres nothing anyone can say or any advice that is going to make you talk to her. you have to get their on your own. someday you will realize that you just gotta go out there and chat it up and not care. but your young still and i know how i was at that age ..... i could barely talk to a girl and just it takes time and now i can actually talk to them. as for stutterers being the ones so infactuated with relationship .... i think its because it is something that is so difficult for us and me personally i always want the things i cant have or always am more interested in the things that i may not be as good at. is it just me or do a lota stutterers come off as desperate. i ve met quite a few stutterers and they were all desperate. desperateness is a good way to scare off girls lol

[NCStateGuy]

I've noticed I stutter less on first time meetings than when I become comfortable around someone. It is probably a subconscious thing that alters the way I sound/enunciate. This has always helped me in this situation.

I say go for it, you aren't in middle school anymore, people react differently when they mature. She seems like a mature girl.

[Count]

Count, I love your optimism but you have to understand that women are rarely truthful when discussing relationships and sex.

But it's true, dude. Most women don't mind stuttering in males. Ask some women and you'll see I'm right.

[BenLZ]

But it's true, dude. Most women don't mind stuttering in males. Ask some women and you'll see I'm right.

I'm sure if I asked some I'd get similar answers you got. But suppose a woman asked you if you would date someone with pretty bad tourettes - would you say 'no' and come off looking like a jerk?

Maybe I shouldn't be trying to convince you, it'll just rub you the wrong way. Whatever, it's my view, take it or leave it.

[Count]

Here's an interesting (though a bit sad) article on the effect of stuttering on intimacy.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0825/is_n3_v64/ai_21114853/pg_1

The important thing is to face up to one's situation and not to take it too personally.


Well, this article is just a big piece of trash. You don't even know the kind of people that participated in that test. I hate such crap news, they are all unbelievably retarded and fill people like us with useless negative emotions.
You know, there are so many kinds of males and females out there. You have the average people, the sophisticated, the highly intelligent, the withdrawn etc. etc.
You know, pretty girls/women can belong to each of these kinds, and even as a severe stutterer you truly find one if you go out and try your luck.
Well, I have a cousin I am distantly related to and he is a severe stutterer and married a pretty woman. So I don't know what such crap tests have for a meaning at all. And I don't even stutter severly, so if anything I don't belong to this mysterious 7% of people that are mentioned.

[nate]

Well, this article is just a big piece of trash. You don't even know the kind of people that participated in that test. I hate such crap news, they are all unbelievably retarded and fill people like us with useless negative emotions.
You know, there are so many kinds of males and females out there. You have the average people, the sophisticated, the highly intelligent, the withdrawn etc. etc.
You know, pretty girls/women can belong to each of these kinds, and even as a severe stutterer you truly find one if you go out and try your luck.
Well, I have a cousin I am distantly related to and he is a severe stutterer and married a pretty woman. So I don't know what such crap tests have for a meaning at all. And I don't even stutter severly, so if anything I don't belong to this mysterious 7% of people that are mentioned.

Chill quasimodo!
Any article is an opinion, even research is more often than not slanted to support some sort of hypothesis. And if u dont stutter severely then good for u. i do and i am with a beautiful woman, smart, intelligent, loving and just a good person at heart. I didnt get lucky. I deserveher.

[Derek181]

you know iam wondering.... a lot of you say you found a pretty woman. but are they really pretty or are you just lowering your standards so much because you dont think you could get a gorgeous girl that your attracted to. the only one i know from this forum who has an attractive wife is agofcr!!! i dont know how he did it haha!!! me personally, i have had chances to make relationships and stuff but it was with girls i wasnt even remotely attracted too.

[Silent]

i have had chances to make relationships and stuff but it was with girls i wasnt even remotely attracted too.
I have had chances to make relationships with girls I was attracted to, but I was scared off by the pressure to speak that would come with it.

[NCStateGuy]

when you get older your standards change... not lower just change

[Derek181]

well how old are ncstateguy? i think a girl has to be physically attractive. how could it work out if you dont find them physically attractive, obviously they have to stimulate me intellectually and emotionally as well but if they dont have that initial first attraction, it just wont work out. theres a few pretty ones id like to ask out but i just gotta grow some balls first haha!!!

[Mullen]

...theres a few pretty ones id like to ask out but i just gotta grow some balls first haha!!!

The pretty ones are usually pretty for a reason: they take their social image seriously. There are of course the pretty and sweet ones, but even they ultimately idealize about being the feminine half of a socially appealing couple. Their self worth is determined by how others see them.

The stutterer on the otherhand has to take a defensive position. He tends to (or at least tries to) disregard how society sees him. He has a keen sense of his own self worth but it's subjective, all bottled up inside him, quite apart from how others see him.

It's been said that opposites attract, but if the above musings have some merit I can understand how it is that stutterers usually have to compromise a bit when it comes to relationships. But aren't compromises a part of any meaningful relationship?

[Derek181]

the pretty ones are pretty for a reason.... that makes no sense. people are born with looks, there isnt no reason for them being pretty other than their mommy or daddy! taking your social image seriously, isnt there anything wrong wtih caring about how you look and taking care of yourself??? then for your feminine part of a couple... well i would sure hope any female would want to be the feminine one in the relationship. most stutterers dont care how society perceives them.... correct me if iam wrong but i think a lota stutters do care. so what are you saying stutterers need to comprimise with looks.... mullen all in all your post was a load of shit, just trying to use these deep meaningful sentences that are waaaay off. read that again and listen to yourself there buddy

[Mullen]

What I'm saying is that most attractive girls are concerned about how others see them: it's a source, a major source of their self esteem. They try to cultivate their sense of self based upon how others perceive her.

Now given the way society perceives a stutterer if he did that he'd be really messed up. As a defense mechanism he does his best to convince himself that society misjudges him, that its opinion of him is misguided and insensitive.

There's a disconnect. We're all of course concerned about how others perceive us, but for some its a blessing, for others a curse.

[Mullen]

Whatever happened to the edit link?

[Derek181]

most attractive girls are confident and dont worry what others think. its usually the un attractive girls that are worried about their self image and how others percieve them. ive met quite a few unattractive girls, overweight and stuff and they are very insecure always worried what others think. man i hate to come off so shallow but its just what ive experienced in life, you have to find someone your attracted to. there is somebody for everyone out there.

[Count]

most attractive girls are confident and dont worry what others think. its usually the un attractive girls that are worried about their self image and how others percieve them. ive met quite a few unattractive girls, overweight and stuff and they are very insecure always worried what others think. man i hate to come off so shallow but its just what ive experienced in life, you have to find someone your attracted to. there is somebody for everyone out there.


Keep in mind that appeal lies in the perspective of the observer. There were many pretty women I felt attracted to, but my friend back in school said I have a weird taste in females. He couldn't understand why I found those pretty.
Theres a huge difference between love and sex. I personally wanted to sleep with quite many attractive women, the emphasis lies on having sex. But I never wanted relationships with them. And that's how all men think. You see a hot woman and wish to get horizontal with her soon. But do you really want her as a girlfriend? So in most cases it's just my male instinct that drives me, but I know falling in love is much more complicated.
It is about one year ago that I really was in love for the last time. I wish I had talked to her more and maybe I would have made it. But I was too self-conscious and stupid. She was quite attractive, but didn't seem to be self-confident at all. She also didn't spoke that much. I know it because I worked with her for some time, it was in a hospital.

[Count]

the only one i know from this forum who has an attractive wife is agofcr!!! i dont know how he did it haha!!!

I think agofcr works in the military and women LOVE guys from the military, no matter if they stutter or not.

[tb1223]

Why are so many stutterers fixated on girls, relationships, marriage, etc.?

Not all people were created to follow the same life pattern. Accept your limitations and do what feels right and within your reach, not what society expects you to do.

I don't want a relationship as long as I stutter. It would be a burden to me. Kind of like yet another job, school or any other kind of everyday chore that would steal my time and energy.

I've never wanted a relationship, excepting the 2 times I was "in love" as they call it.

Till the end of this life - yes.


They may not care but I do.
I care about the pain I go through when I speak. Whenever I talk to anyone, my only wish is for the conversation to end.

I don't think I'm mature enough. I don't even understand why people talk to each other when it's not necessary for their survival.

You remind me of myself up until about a year ago. I had developed a pretty existential, almost nihilistic world view, in which I essentially considered myself isolated from society because of my stuttering. I had basically given up on trying to live a normal social life, and instead turned my attention to pursuing solitary interests and contemplating philosophical questions relating to the concept of the self. I still hold these views to some extent, but I think an important thing I've come to realize is that, like it or not, I'm a human just like everybody else. I'm hard-wired to desire companionship and other things associated with normal human society. While I'm here, I might as well do my utmost to rise to the challenge and try to make something of myself.

[Be YOURSELF]

If you do not know what to say to this girl or how to approach her then your problem has nothing to do with stuttering. If you know what to say and can approach but scared of doing it cos of the stutter then its a stutter issue.

Couple of members have already said this but I will say it again "JUST DO IT" its quite simple. you see her, walk up to her and start talking. talking about stuttering is an excellent icebreaker. People have some misconceptions about stuttering, and its good for us to correct or add to whatever they know.We are our own enemies. Nothing to loose but everything to gain. You loose out on something to gain by not attempting

If you know what you want to say then nothing should stop you from going up to her. Unless you start thinking what ifs and buts, excuses excuses excuses.

[Silent]

If you do not know what to say to this girl or how to approach her then your problem has nothing to do with stuttering.
Stutterers often don't know what to say because they lack the conversational skills they would have learned if they had not stuttered.

When I gained a new fluency in therapy and I was able to say anything I wanted, I found I didn't have much to say in social situations. It's not only about skills, it's about the way of thinking stutterers develop which is extremely introvert. Answering questions felt good but I saw no point in communicating my own thoughts to others and most of those thoughts they probably would not have been interested in anyway, as they were not created with the intent to be shared. I would be happy to still have this problem :)

[Be YOURSELF]

Stutterers often don't know what to say because they lack the conversational skills they would have learned if they had not stuttered.

When I gained a new fluency in therapy and I was able to say anything I wanted, I found I didn't have much to say in social situations. It's not only about skills, it's about the way of thinking stutterers develop which is extremely introvert. Answering questions felt good but I saw no point in communicating my own thoughts to others and most of those thoughts they probably would not have been interested in anyway, as they were not created with the intent to be shared. I would be happy to still have this problem :)

One can still learned and be a good conversationalist even with a stutter.Being fluent doesn't always make you a good conversationalist. its a skill that can be learned by anyone with or without a stutter. even though i have stutter i believe I'm a better conversationalist than most people fluent.

You point seems to blame lack of conversational skills on stutter.

[Mullen]

The human spirit is very dynamic and when someone feels shunned by society and turns inward his inner life can become just as satisfying if not more so than a life more integrated into society. Pain in life can actually be rewarding if it spurs one to think more deeply about the human condition. I'd rather be grappling with the nature of my own existence than be lost in a limited world of social complacency.

But it's important to maintain a sense of humor, one that is authentic and genuine, so as not to take one's situation too seriously.

[Derek181]

so mullen what your saying is you would rather be alone in life. pain can be rewarding because it makes you think deeper. thats called dwelling. "grappling the nature of your own existance" hahahha whatever that means .....lost in a world of social complacency..... do you know what complacent means ..... it means to be pleased with ones self...... so how can you be lost in a world of social complacency. mullen heres a piece of advice dont post big long sentences and words that you have not a clue what they mean .. if you disect your sentences they are rubbish and it makes you look like a fool.

[Paranoid]

so mullen what your saying is you would rather be alone in life. pain can be rewarding because it makes you think deeper. thats called dwelling. "grappling the nature of your own existance" hahahha whatever that means .....lost in a world of social complacency..... do you know what complacent means ..... it means to be pleased with ones self...... so how can you be lost in a world of social complacency. mullen heres a piece of advice dont post big long sentences and words that you have not a clue what they mean .. if you disect your sentences they are rubbish and it makes you look like a fool.

I agree, Mullen, you're insane in da membrain bro..............

[Paranoid]

Whatever happened to the edit link?


Whoever took this feature away is a real douche.

[Mullen]

so mullen what your saying is you would rather be alone in life. pain can be rewarding because it makes you think deeper. thats called dwelling. "grappling the nature of your own existance" hahahha whatever that means .....lost in a world of social complacency..... do you know what complacent means ..... it means to be pleased with ones self...... so how can you be lost in a world of social complacency. mullen heres a piece of advice dont post big long sentences and words that you have not a clue what they mean .. if you disect your sentences they are rubbish and it makes you look like a fool.

I don't want to be harsh towards you, but it's clear that you really don't have much of an intellect. I suppose all you have to fall back on is the acceptance of other people, and as a stutterer you come across as someone willing to grovel for it. Where's your sense of dignity?

[Derek181]

hahaha acceptance of other people.... i could care less if others accept me. and as for your comment about lacking intellect... well heres my responce.. your someone who clearly doesnt have a lota intellect like go back and read and disect your posts ..... its all rubbish. like you still didnt respond to my comments about my last post. your a wannabe thats what you are. and actually when i think about it maybe your trying to sound all wise and mighty to get peoples acceptance on this forum. wheres the meaning in your last post and the post before that you still havent backed up any of your posts. i bet most of the people on this forum dont even read your posts man. also to back up my intellect i will tell you that iam studying to become an electrical engineer. maybe theres some people who will read your posts and say ohhh this guy is deep and he must be so smart with his metaphors and what not but they dont have a clue what you mean. but me i can see right through it. as i said again it just makes you look like a fool. i dont need to try and act wise and smart with big words with words you clearly have no idea what the meaning is. like did you even know what the definition of complacent was? to get acceptance on a forum. dude all iam saying iam giving you advice, posts some posts with some meaning to them rather than a bunch of garbage meant to try and impress people.

[Mullen]

I'm not trying to impress anyone. I can just relate to what Silent in saying in his posts. Certainly solitude isn't for everyone, but that doesn't make it an inherently bad choice in life. As for social complacency, perhaps I was bit too judgemental, but for me marriage, raising a family, and dying just doesn't cut it.

Now I've got a question for you regarding a house that I'm currently wiring. I've got a 3800 watt hot water heater on a 12 gauge wire plugged into a 20 amp, 250v breaker. Does that meet code? Or should it be on a 10 gauge wire plugged into a 30 amp breaker? I figure if the water heater is under 4500 watts it should be okay. What do you think?

[Derek181]

hahah funny. first off most heaters in houses are connected to 120 volts. usually only ovens and big appliances are connected to 240 volts. then once you find out what voltage your heater is operating off of divide the power by voltage to give you current ( ohms law) then to figure out your awg wire size and breaker go to the tables of the electrical code book. oh and by the way breakers are rated in amps not volts. if you didnt know what a breaker is. its a circuit protection device to protect from overloads. again stop trying to act smart and quiz me i dont got time. the only voltages you can get in houses are 120 and 240. 2 lines and one neautral . by the way what do u do for a living or what do u sttudy so i can go on the internet and google some lame ass question.

[Mullen]

hahah funny. first off most heaters in houses are connected to 120 volts. usually only ovens and big appliances are connected to 240 volts. then once you find out what voltage your heater is operating off of divide the power by voltage to give you current ( ohms law) then to figure out your awg wire size and breaker go to the tables of the electrical code book. oh and by the way breakers are rated in amps not volts. if you didnt know what a breaker is. its a circuit protection device to protect from overloads. again stop trying to act smart and quiz me i dont got time. the only voltages you can get in houses are 120 and 240. 2 lines and one neautral . by the way what do u do for a living or what do u sttudy so i can go on the internet and google some lame ass question.

Answered like a true intellectual. ;)

I buy and rennovate old houses for a living. I don't "flip" them, but restore them to some semblance of their original beauty. It's sort of like dealing in antiques, only on a grander scale.

[BenLZ]

I don't want to be harsh towards you, but it's clear that you really don't have much of an intellect. I suppose all you have to fall back on is the acceptance of other people, and as a stutterer you come across as someone willing to grovel for it. Where's your sense of dignity?

It's really a shame that the intellect has nothing better to fall back on than nihilism and self-denial.

[Mullen]

It's really a shame that the intellect has nothing better to fall back on than nihilism and self-denial.

I'm interested in the Buddha's teaching of anatta as found in the Pali Canon which really shouldn't be interpreted as a form of nihilism. Perhaps it's my bent, but I've long been inclined to see romantic relationships as too precarious for my tastes: all bound up in social expectations and compromises that really don't lead to any ultimate answers in life. That's not to say that friendship and romance don't have their appeal, but I have to question whether it's worth dedicating my life towards achieving them.

[BenLZ]

I'm interested in the Buddha's teaching of anatta as found in the Pali Canon which really shouldn't be interpreted as a form of nihilism. Perhaps it's my bent, but I've long been inclined to see romantic relationships as too precarious for my tastes: all bound up in social expectations and compromises that really don't lead to any ultimate answers in life. That's not to say that friendship and romance don't have their appeal, but I have to question whether it's worth dedicating my life towards achieving them.

I'm just going to say right off the bat that I'm pretty much completely opposed to Buddhist thought. But this forum is a stutterer's forum, not a philosophy forum, and I do realize that we all choose different paths. Based on what you're saying, I have definite doubts concerning whether your path is the best one, but each to his own.

[Jjake]

Hey guys, first post here, saw this forum and noticed how encouraging some of you are. Anyways... Im an on and off stutter. Some days i'll stutter really bad, and some days i wont at all.

If you do not know what to say to this girl or
If you know what you want to say then nothing should stop you from going up to her. Unless you start thinking what ifs and buts, excuses excuses excuses.

My problem is i really dont know what the hell i would say. I see this girl every day at work, for about a year, and everyday i can't muster a god dam word to say to her. And everyday i kick my self for it. At best i can muster a "Hi" with no follow up whatsoever. She says Hi once in a while, i smile back, but thats about it.

Im 19, and i have had a bunch of girl friends when i was young up till about the 8th grade. I didnt start stuttering till late in high school. So i havn't had a a real relationship in about 5 years. I seem to have lost my confidence and dont have a whole lot to talk about.

I know people say just go and say "Hi" and hope a conversation sparks some how. But i know for a fact the word "Hi" the only word that will come out of the whole conversation and it will be completely embarrassing. Much more embarrassing than just sitting there everyday hoping she will come up to me. So i guess my real question here is, how do you gain that extra confidence needed? Iv'e always thought to my self as i age i will mature and that confidence will come naturally, but i know in the back of my mind that cant be true.

[ptw]

You just have to go talk to her there is no way around it. You don't need to know everything about her, and if you do that will be mad weird for a girl you never talked to! Take you're chances you can't hide that you stutter forever.

Hey there! Not too sure if you've still been waiting on over the last few days but I suggest that you try to find out mroe about this girl first, liek what her personality is, if she's easygoing or not. Ifg she is a nice girl then I think you don't have to try so hard to be someone who you're not, if not then she isn't realyl worth it anyways. Just started by saying hi? Or just a smile could be nice too. Not to osure how guys go about these things but yeh, good luck!


stop putting the pussy on a pedestal

train for yourself, not for her

judging from your post, you have zero chance with this girl. adding a girl to and waiting 15 hours for her to come online is not cool, you sound like a stalker.

Vulgar, but accurate.

[vostro]

I don't want a relationship as long as I stutter. It would be a burden to me. Kind of like yet another job, school or any other kind of everyday chore that would steal my time and energy.

I've never wanted a relationship, excepting the 2 times I was "in love" as they call it.

I know what u mean. I'm 29 and am in love, but am helpless to follow thru as i think it will become a full stress thing esp. when say u gotta book restaurants, or buy movietix, or just do anything verbal for or while w/ ur partner. Basic tasks become so painful for me.

I wish it was like the movies where the underdog somehow gets the girl who likes him for him etc.. and things just work out regardless of his shortcomings

[drederick]

I know what u mean. I'm 29 and am in love, but am helpless to follow thru as i think it will become a full stress thing esp. when say u gotta book restaurants, or buy movietix, or just do anything verbal for or while w/ ur partner. Basic tasks become so painful for me.


How would it painful? All the girlfriends I've had did not care that I stuttered, so there was no reason to be stressed.

Would it be too stressful to have friends too? Is talking to your family too stressful? You are imposing that stress on yourself.

[purpleocean]

You remind me of myself up until about a year ago. I had developed a pretty existential, almost nihilistic world view, in which I essentially considered myself isolated from society because of my stuttering. I had basically given up on trying to live a normal social life, and instead turned my attention to pursuing solitary interests and contemplating philosophical questions relating to the concept of the self. I still hold these views to some extent, but I think an important thing I've come to realize is that, like it or not, I'm a human just like everybody else. I'm hard-wired to desire companionship and other things associated with normal human society. While I'm here, I might as well do my utmost to rise to the challenge and try to make something of myself.

this is one of the best quotes i have heard and reminds me of myself i think us stutters can be very wise psycologically

[vostro]

you are lucky :) girls have been ok to start with, but then they've got tired of the whole stuttering thing. of course,there are many out there who don't care esp. if they truly like u for u. I guess i just haven't been lucky enough to find one yet.

as im an extreme stutterer, yes, it actually is very stresful to even talk to family/friends. they are too nice to say anything, but when u take 3 minutes to get out a 30 secs sentence, it just gets tedious, esp. in social interactions.
Does that mean i don't talk, NO WAY! But I do limit the amount i talk since i don't want to continuosly ruin the flow of social converations.

ciao

[Aijur]

Hey there! Not too sure if you've still been waiting on over the last few days but I suggest that you try to find out mroe about this girl first, liek what her personality is, if she's easygoing or not. Ifg she is a nice girl then I think you don't have to try so hard to be someone who you're not, if not then she isn't realyl worth it anyways. Just started by saying hi? Or just a smile could be nice too. Not to osure how guys go about these things but yeh, good luck!
Others have scored, so can you!
stop putting the pussy on a pedestal

train for yourself, not for her

judging from your post, you have zero chance with this girl. adding a girl to and waiting 15 hours for her to come online is not cool, you sound like a stalker.
i gotta jump in quicks! b4 they ruin u. Look u r only 18, dont listen to the sourpussys on here:D
Establish one thing. U want her. Not as a friend, as a girlfriend. Now go for it.
but to love anyone u need to love yself first bro. So here goes, feel good about who u r. inside and outside. Now think these thoughts:

U r a great guy.

it's simple start by saying HI talk to her
u can never truely like someone until you talk to them get to know her
then just ask her to casual things .

don't be like every other guy this is my tip. most guys do the whole moive dinner etc. do something u can talk and have fun i like bowling you can talk all night while having a good time.

i read the first page and it sounds grate so read all pages in case you are looking for advice :D i heared this some time ago .. "if you score you get happiness , if you loose you are wise" , it might have been different but with the same result, good luck

[Jaykon]

Ask her if u can tap that

[alouis]

Let's read "The Game" by Neil Strauss and "The Mystery Method" by Mystery

Stutter, because of stress, acts as an AFC (Average Brustrated Chump)
--> Don't be "Bob the nice guy" !

[grantM]

make eye contact and smile

[MarkBulger]

And old thread, but someone revived it, so now others will read it.


I browsed through most of it, and didn't see what I think is the most important point. For guys, that is.

A woman has a right to say no.

Get used to it. Learn to accept it. It has nothing to do with stuttering. A woman has a right to reject you for 100 reasons, or no reason at all. She may not like your looks, or your car or your favorite band, or your politics. Whatever it is, she has a right to say no, and you need to move on. There are six billion (thousand million for you Brits) people on the planet, and half of them are women. You have no cl on any particular one of them.

Having said that, as a guy, you have a responsibility to give her the opportunity of turning you down, should she so choose. You have no right to get emotionally invested in her if you never even let her know you exist, much less make your interest known. It's your job to put yourself out there and take a chance, and it's her job to say yes or no. If you don't give her the chance to decide for herself, then you're denying her the opportunity to have some choice in her life. Times have changed - since I was a young guy - but they haven't changed that much.

Point is, if you don't have the courage to take a chance on rejection, don't blame her. And when she says no, it's not the end of the world - it's just time to move on to the next one. If you get 10 nos before you get a yes, that's a yes. Just like if the first one had been a yes. And yes is what you want. So don't take no as some kind of lightning strike - it's just a girl being a girl and making a choice she has every right to make. When you reach the one who says yes, the nos will be forgotten very quickly. Believe me. Girls have that power. :D

[Zilaem]

Stop putting the pussy up in a pedestal.

It might sound clicle.
It might remind you of 40 years old virgin.
It might sound cold.

But it's the truth. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will be able to be more confident.

[dani]

rag + chloroform

[jawad]

timing is every thing....n dats da part where we stutters give way 2 others.... right words at the right time, whether in a stammering note r worth some...

[Ranley]

Hum the Jaws theme and creep up behind her.

[N9NEstein]

Hello!

I have some issues how to contact a girl. She goes in my physics class and is 17 (while I'm 18).

I consider myself as a shy person because I stutter, I want to talk but I fail to encourage myself to do so. The problem is that if I stutter when I talk to her for first time, she'll just probably mock me away after the conversation.
Her friends on some similar site as call her shy and quite private. So we have a shy on shy thingy going on! :o

As she is always surrounded by girls in the class, the pressure its even bigger. I mean, I walk up there as a 'random', then I stutter on my first sentence.... Whoah, nice first impression! Even babies talk fluently, then a last year guy on school comes and stutter randomly on simple sentences.

So this weekend there was some Volleyball tournament and I kinda the sport, so I went to watch. To my surprise I see her on the field playing! I don't play it yet, just caught interest some weeks ago in the gym.

Now the problems arise, we're quite different :D
She is:
Sporty, social but shy, not so lazy, good on school, never on , checks this '' site once per 2. day and never in weekends.
- the typical 'always-doing-something' girl
and im the opposite:
Little slubby, not so social, kinda lazy, slack on school, on internet alot, always on !
- the typical gamer, but started to seriously train to get in better fit - for her

So my first initial breach seems to be face-to-face. I recently added her on , and waited whole saturday for her to come online! While I waited (15 hours or so) I was thinking what should I say when she comes online? I still got no clue what to say :p From my point of view using on first contact with a girl whom never is on , is kinda ... dumb.

So I need some advice what to do. I dont really know what to do, still waiting for her to come online and I might just throw another day away :p


hey dude, couple things u should REALLY pay attention to, dealing with girls at least...(ive studied ATON on male/female relations)

one is dont put all your eggs in one basket-in that, defintely dont give all your attention to one girl...this is amplified 100 times in importance when a stutterer does it...cause youll be unconciously thinking that this is your one chance, dont mess it up, what if this happens, etc...and when your in that mindset, and ur a stutterer, rarely, if ever, things go ok...frustrating as it is that its ok to think like that for a non stutterer, its still reality

second would be...NEVER NEVER NEVER add a girl on or myspace, or whatever, BEFORE you talk to her in real life, this is like trying to build a 1000 ft house and before you even start, you dig an 1000 ft hole 1st...

Word of mouth for girls is SOOOOOO IMPORTANT i cant even explain it...(what her preconcieved notions are about you, BEFORE you guys meet) Ive seen some crazy stuff, in that if a girl has heard things about you that are good, like her freinds saying "oh yeah, hes just a great guy" or "hes so funny" etc...YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING TO HER when you meet!!! it wont matter, honestly. you can be the most stern, non humerous person possible, and shell still be eager to laugh at what u say, thinking that your just kidding etc...

but its a double edged sword, bigtime...If she has BAD preconcieved ideas of you...you really have almost no chance...Lets say she has heard that "oh i dont know, hes shy, not confident" or the biggest kick to the balls i think "oh hes WIERD" "hes kinda odd"....., something w the word "wierd" i think is just a huge killer ive found...THEN, you could meet her, and be the most NOT WIERD person ever, or be the most NOT SHY person ever...you could have perfect game, say the perfect things, and it honestly isnt going to do anything...This is kinda why pussy attracts pussy, if youve ever heard of that before

Word of mouth though for stutters is usually not on our side however >:O haha...cause BAD word of mouth, over powers GOOD W.O.M. ive found...and stutters usually have some good and some bad, but it doesnt matter that much, cause if you come up in a convo or seomthing, and one person has a good opinion to say about u, and 1person hasa bad one, the negative usually changes the positives persons view of you...So it kinda s but i mean, theres like a million reasons why stuttering is torturous...it just adds on the list

but hope this helps man, im not an expert but i am really interested in social interactions/relationships so i like to think i know what im talking about for the most part :P btw- im gonna make a thread about why ALL stutterers should be, not confident, but arrogant haha...u should check it out...good luck dude, keep that head up :P