MakeItHappen
12-08-2008, 09:56 PM
Hi all!
I myself don't stutter but I have a friend who does, so I figured I'd join in the discussion as I had a few question.
a) First, a bit of my background. I know I will never understand what stutterers go thru, but I think I can relate in a way, as I myself have a shy bladder, and I find it to be very similar in nature. When you try to take a piss you can lock up if others are around you, and the harder you try and the worse you feel about it, the more likely you are to fail. I know it's not the same, but I feel in some way I can understand the "phobia" part that you guys probably experience. Oh I'm also a 22 year old male.
b) Something I wanted to say after I saw a grown woman make fun of my friend - she said "da da da can't you say it already?" I didn't think twice of it, but after reading these boards I realize how damaging it can be. I want all you to know that most (I hope most) people aren't like that. I could have a good 2 hour long conversation with my friend about things that I can't talk to my other friends about (who don't stutter), and at the end of the 2 hours I wouldn't remember a single time he stuttered, even though I know he did it a lot during the conversation. My point here is, a lot of people are concerned about what others think of their stutter (in the same way I'm concerned about what I think other people are thinking about me not being able to take a piss in front of others), but for me personally, that's not the case. During the conversation with a person who stutters, whenever they stutter, I'm not thinking "why are they stuttering" or "how long are they gonna stutter for" or "are they going to be able to say what they want"... Usually I'm either thinking of what they said before or what i'm going to say next. Didn't your momma teach you to think before you speak? :) Hope this helps in a way... I realize I'm speaking from a context of a "friend" and not a stranger, which must be 10,000 times harder, but just so you know, even when I first met that guy, I didn't have a single thought about his stuttering cross my mind.
c) Eye Contact. Does it help a stutterer if the person they're talking to maintains eye contact. I think it does because I noticed when I look him in the eyes while we're talking, instead of, say looking at whatever i'm doing at the moment (flipping thru a magazine, or shopping), he really seems to stutter less. What's your take on this?
d) Completing Sentences. Is it a + or a - if a person you're talking to completes your sentence (if you stutter on the last word that's obvious)? Or completes the words you're stuttering on? Personally I don't do it, but a lot of my friends do, so I'm not sure. Your thoughts?
e) Any other advice you can give on helping my friend? His stutter isn't bad, but he says he feels like it's keeping him from achieving a lot in his life. I think he's wrong and it's not the stutter, but the very belief is what's keeping him from achieving anything he wants to achieve. Until I read this forum I didn't realize that some of the things I said or done could've hurt him, so that's why I'm asking - how to be a better friend to a person who stutters?
Thank you!
I myself don't stutter but I have a friend who does, so I figured I'd join in the discussion as I had a few question.
a) First, a bit of my background. I know I will never understand what stutterers go thru, but I think I can relate in a way, as I myself have a shy bladder, and I find it to be very similar in nature. When you try to take a piss you can lock up if others are around you, and the harder you try and the worse you feel about it, the more likely you are to fail. I know it's not the same, but I feel in some way I can understand the "phobia" part that you guys probably experience. Oh I'm also a 22 year old male.
b) Something I wanted to say after I saw a grown woman make fun of my friend - she said "da da da can't you say it already?" I didn't think twice of it, but after reading these boards I realize how damaging it can be. I want all you to know that most (I hope most) people aren't like that. I could have a good 2 hour long conversation with my friend about things that I can't talk to my other friends about (who don't stutter), and at the end of the 2 hours I wouldn't remember a single time he stuttered, even though I know he did it a lot during the conversation. My point here is, a lot of people are concerned about what others think of their stutter (in the same way I'm concerned about what I think other people are thinking about me not being able to take a piss in front of others), but for me personally, that's not the case. During the conversation with a person who stutters, whenever they stutter, I'm not thinking "why are they stuttering" or "how long are they gonna stutter for" or "are they going to be able to say what they want"... Usually I'm either thinking of what they said before or what i'm going to say next. Didn't your momma teach you to think before you speak? :) Hope this helps in a way... I realize I'm speaking from a context of a "friend" and not a stranger, which must be 10,000 times harder, but just so you know, even when I first met that guy, I didn't have a single thought about his stuttering cross my mind.
c) Eye Contact. Does it help a stutterer if the person they're talking to maintains eye contact. I think it does because I noticed when I look him in the eyes while we're talking, instead of, say looking at whatever i'm doing at the moment (flipping thru a magazine, or shopping), he really seems to stutter less. What's your take on this?
d) Completing Sentences. Is it a + or a - if a person you're talking to completes your sentence (if you stutter on the last word that's obvious)? Or completes the words you're stuttering on? Personally I don't do it, but a lot of my friends do, so I'm not sure. Your thoughts?
e) Any other advice you can give on helping my friend? His stutter isn't bad, but he says he feels like it's keeping him from achieving a lot in his life. I think he's wrong and it's not the stutter, but the very belief is what's keeping him from achieving anything he wants to achieve. Until I read this forum I didn't realize that some of the things I said or done could've hurt him, so that's why I'm asking - how to be a better friend to a person who stutters?
Thank you!