Can I get your opinions on this one?

[AstralMystic]

People who guess what we are trying to say next. I'm sure most stutterers have encountered them at least a few times in life. Say, for instance, the clerk at Walmart. You ask where you can find the large boxes of industrial garbage ___ ... she says "bags? Isle seven." Now personally, this does not usually bother me, considering of course that her guess was logical and makes sense for the situation. Industrial garbage bags is a very logical thing to be looking for, but if an attempt to guess what I need were to turn into something like say, 'large boxes of industrial mayonnaise' I would be like, "huh?" :confused: I know however that I have heard of many stutterers who don't like people to finish their sentences and guess their words. Of course I fully understand where all of you who don't like it, are coming from as well. I just feel that it helps them out, because it saves them time. Also, I think they think our lives will be made easier if we don't have to speak as much. I wonder however, because I am not bothered by it, but I know that others are, should I still try to get them to not do it, even to me. What if the next person they met, who stuttered was one who was really dead set against it. maybe, because the last time it happened, (with me) it was okay, that clerk, who doesn't know any better, will have no idea that it's not always good to do that.

[cjm555]

i have that problem every now and then and i guess i am ok with if if the person doesnt know me well. if it is somebody i know that always is doing it i will tell them to please stop. what i hate is kinda like what you said, when they guess something wrong and keep guessing until they get the right one... that realy bugs me.

but i guess i'm not realy sure what i would do, ive never thought about it. i guess it would all depend on the persons atitude toward it. if they acted like it was a problem to them then i wouldnt say anything and let the next one yell at them... if they delt with it nicely i would pry let them know nicely and hope i dont come off as an ass

[chris2112]

How I feel about people finishing my blocks varys. Sometimes it makes me mad like when my parents do it, its like Im trying to practice talking with you because you know I stutter you can have some patients lol. I also dont like it when its not obvious and they guess wrong lol. Sometimes my friends guess something funny that starts with the sound im blocking on, I laugh, and it usually helps me get out the word after. Overall it can be helpful, but when it makes you feel rushed because the other person is impatient, it gets annoying.

[grantM]

People may finish my sentences for me but I always continue on to finish them myself also. They are just trying to help you. The public need educating but then again not all stutterers may dislike the action.

[Silent]

People may finish my sentences for me but I always continue on to finish them myself also.
Sometimes I do that too... so we end up speaking both at the same time... and then they say "Why are you interrupting me?" or "Please let me finish my sentence, I can't be talking and listening at the same time".
But I kind of like it... If they guess right, I can say it without stuttering, since they already know what I mean so there is no pressure anymore.

[grantM]

Sometimes people ask me if they should finish for me. I say well you can do but I will also :)

[JDRow]

It depends. Sometimes I really appreciate it, if I'm having a really bad block and the person is trying to help me. In a situation like you describe with the store clerk, I'd completely understand and it wouldn't bother me. It does bother me, though, if it's somebody who knows me and knows that I stutter, and is just finish words because they don't feel like listening to me. To me it makes a difference if somebody is finishing a word or sentence for me because they can tell I'm having a lot of trouble and want to help me, or if they start guessing at words the moment I start talking, just because they don't like hearing me stutter.

[emily445455]

Personally, I hate hate hate hate hate it when people finish what I am saying for me. Hate it.


Did I mention I hate it?

I never really say anything...sometimes with family I'll say "I don't need help" or "I can say it" or things like that, but with strangers I don't react.

[marktb68]

Look within and figure out why it bothers you so much. Most likely its because you an "outkast", you are different and they know it, your secret is out. They are doing out of love and you should try to receive as love. They less you give these situations power, the more they die.

[happy7117]

A thread after my own heart!

I'm to tired to post a long winded story right now, so I'll wait till tomarrow or saturday.

[JDRow]

Look within and figure out why it bothers you so much.

While it doesn't always or even usually bother me, I can understand why it bothers other people, and to act like it's a problem with them is just insulting. People with all sorts of disabilities become annoyed when people try to do things for them that they can do themselves. Having other people treat you as if you are incapable when you aren't is frustrating and annoying, and rightly so.

Most likely its because you an "outkast", you are different and they know it, your secret is out.

I seriously doubt it. My future father-in-law has cerebral palsy, it's quite obvious he is disabled and so it's never a "secret," and yet he is bothered when people treat him as if he can't do things he can do. It has nothing to do with being ashamed of people knowing his "secret" but about being treated as if he's not capable. I don't see why the situation with stutterers is any different.

Most people here have said that when strangers finish words, it annoys them less than when people who know them well, like family members, do it. So it has nothing to do with being upset about a secret being out.

They are doing out of love and you should try to receive as love.

It's not always done in love. I don't think people here are stupid, and we're capable of knowing when somebody is acting lovingly and when they aren't. I certainly think that people should be gracious when others are trying to be genuinely helpful, but some people finish words for reasons other than wanting to help.

[Mullen]

Look within and figure out why it bothers you so much. Most likely its because you an "outkast", you are different and they know it, your secret is out. They are doing out of love and you should try to receive as love. They less you give these situations power, the more they die.

I agree with you to a point. Often times people do sense that you are in an embarrassing situation and out of compassion and consideration try to finish your statement to bring the situation to an end. But unfortunately the long-term effect leaves the stutterer with a lowered self-image and a feeling of defeat.

There are times, however, when I'm engaged in some sort of project with someone else and he or she will finish my statement to facilitate the of bringing the project to fruition. It's a shared experience, and my individuality is subordinated to our doing something together. That doesn't seem to bother me at all.

[emily445455]

Look within and figure out why it bothers you so much. Most likely its because you an "outkast", you are different and they know it, your secret is out. They are doing out of love and you should try to receive as love. They less you give these situations power, the more they die.

I know the reason why it bothers me: I just want to talk dang-it!! Let me talk people! I want to be heard for what I have to say, not for what other people help me say!

[marktb68]

JD, can your father-in=law be free of CP when alone, singing or reading in unison?

Be honest with yourself. YOu are different, but not less than. YOu and me both stutter b/c on some level we are ashamed of it and try NOT to. Your father-in-law cannot control his disease, we can cure ours.

Do you not ever finish fluent speaker's sentences or fill in words? Think about that. I bet you do. Why do we do that, even if they have no problems speakiing? It makes US feel important. It has nothing to do with them. Other people do it b/c it MAKES THEM FEEL BETTER 'KNOWING' THEY ARE HELPING US. Let them think that. Thank them for helping you. Surely, you aren't too proud are you?

My stutter is dying. Soon, I will be fluent in all situations. The moment stutter enters your mind, let it, don't acknowledge and just view it as a passerby. YOu don't think twice about it again. Soon, its a distant memory.


People do things out of love or fear. Why would someone finish your sentence out of fear? YOU REACT b/c of fear. If you came from a place of love, you would have a different mindset. If you think they aren't coming from love, then you yourself need to change. not them. No one else needs to change but you and me. The center of everything is YOU.

Mark

[happy7117]

People who guess what we are trying to say next. I'm sure most stutterers have encountered them at least a few times in life. Say, for instance, the clerk at Walmart. You ask where you can find the large boxes of industrial garbage ___ ... she says "bags? Isle seven." Now personally, this does not usually bother me, considering of course that her guess was logical and makes sense for the situation. Industrial garbage bags is a very logical thing to be looking for, but if an attempt to guess what I need were to turn into something like say, 'large boxes of industrial mayonnaise' I would be like, "huh?" :confused: I know however that I have heard of many stutterers who don't like people to finish their sentences and guess their words. Of course I fully understand where all of you who don't like it, are coming from as well. I just feel that it helps them out, because it saves them time. Also, I think they think our lives will be made easier if we don't have to speak as much. I wonder however, because I am not bothered by it, but I know that others are, should I still try to get them to not do it, even to me. What if the next person they met, who stuttered was one who was really dead set against it. maybe, because the last time it happened, (with me) it was okay, that clerk, who doesn't know any better, will have no idea that it's not always good to do that.

I see absolutely nothing bad about helping out stuttereres when they are having trouble.

We should always be looking for those that want to help us, no matter what disability or problem we may have.

We should not be mad at those trying to lend us a hand while talking either.

I think the Wal-Mart employee was in fact being very helpful. He saw you were having trouble, and he wanted to help you to get what you wanted to say out.

For very mild stutterers who have any easy time of getting their words out, I might be against help from others but THAT"S ONLY BECAUSE MY STUTTER WOULD NOT BE SEVERE OR VERY SEVERE. It's in caps for emphasis--it's very important to remember that I think it all depends on severity of the stutter.

If our stutter is very severe as mine is, I welcome people to help me out, finish etc. because I already am having a of a time trying to talk.

If they(a listener) can make my time eaiser to talk, then I thank them alot and welcome that.

If our stutterer is modeate or mild, and we can get our words out fairly easily, I reccomend not to help a stutterer.

I also think a listener helps us out, and should help us out if they feel under time pressure.

That is very understandable also.

If we take a long time trying to talk, and listeners are in a hurry or don't have a whole lot of patience, they will cut us off or try to help us.

I do not see that as rude or inconsiderate. Listeners may be in a rush YET they still want to know what we are trying to say at the same time so they try to make our lives easier by filling in our words.

It is life for people to get short with us WEATHER WE STUTTER OR NOT which and that will happen to stutterers wheather we like it or not--people will get impatient that is--we should learn to get used to that.

Some moderate or mild stutterers who feel they can say words on their own despite their stutterer should let a listener know they would prefer to say things themselves BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY CAN SAY IT ON THIER OWN.

Severe nasty stutterers may not be able to get words out no matter how much they try like me. Those are the types of stutterers who should welcome help from others.

If stutterers can't say things on their own, they should NOT BE MAD at people who help them.

I would never refuse help in a tough situation to be eased out of it. And that goes for stuttering too.

[happy7117]

Sometimes I do that too... so we end up speaking both at the same time... and then they say "Why are you interrupting me?" or "Please let me finish my sentence, I can't be talking and listening at the same time".
But I kind of like it... If they guess right, I can say it without stuttering, since they already know what I mean so there is no pressure anymore.

My parents often tell me to stop interupting them when they start to talk. In a way, they are right, but in another way they are wrong also.

It is rude to interupt a person if they are talking, and that should only apply to fluent people who don't have trouble talking. With fluent people, we can easily understand them.

But with stutterers, we will get interupted because it seems to listeners we are taking far too long in trying to talk. Many don't have the patience and listening strength to try to figure out what we are trying to say.

I find it very helpfull to talk as soon as someone else starts talking to me. Ever heard of DAF, or talking along while someone else is talking to help us sound better and fluent.

People like my parents STILL don't understand why I interupt them. It's not to be rude at all. They see it as rude, when I see it as helpfull to get my words out easier.

If I'm NOT interupting them when they are talking, I struggle my butt off stuttering, and they are having to wait for me KNOWING I can't say what I want unless I talk along side them first.

As a stutterer, my only way to speak clearly and easier is to interupt someone when they are talking and talk along side them.

It's known as the choral effect. And that choral effect is another person talking for me to interupt them and talk witht hem.

As stutterer's we should ignore those that say it is rude to interupt them.

A listener will never understand what it's like for a stutterer like us, and why we interupt them.

We should do what we think will help our own speech to make it easier to communicate.

We are not fluent speakers and we can't be easily understood like a fluent person can be.

So people should not assume we can say stuff on our own, because many stutterers like me can't without their help. By help, I mean talking along side them, or a listener filling in when we seem to having great trouble talking.

[chris2112]

Thats why Im fluent when I interupt people! lol I thought my stutter was just rude haha.

[happy7117]

Personally, I hate hate hate hate hate it when people finish what I am saying for me. Hate it.


Did I mention I hate it?

I never really say anything...sometimes with family I'll say "I don't need help" or "I can say it" or things like that, but with strangers I don't react.

With mild stutterers or moderate stutterers, they probably can say alot with somewhat of a problem but can still say what they want. In this case where they can still say what they want, I can probably see why they hate being helped or filled in words. They already know they can say what they want.

But for some like me, we may not be able to say what we want no matter how hard we struggle. We should appluad people that help us when we know we just can't say what we want. For severe or profound stutterers like me, we should not get mad at those trying to help us.

If people can make our lives easier, why get mad at that! We should be glad that people want to know what we are saying to us nasty stutterers, so they help us to try to better understand us.

But for mild stutterers or moderate stutterers who still can say what they want on their own, we should not snap at someone trying to help us. Just say "I appreciate it if you could let me say what I want because I know I can say it myslef".

Stutterers who cannot say words on their own, should thank others.

If our burden can be lessened in trying to talk and struggling, more power to us and the listener helping us.

[happy7117]

Thats why Im fluent when I interupt people! lol I thought my stutter was just rude haha.

Exactly. Goes back to my post. When we stutterers interupt people, we are fluent. It's no mystery folks. It's DAF, or delayed audio feedback. When we talk along side others as they speak, we don't stutter.

When we talk along side others that are already talking, we don't stutterer.

People need to understand that interupting for fluent people is rude because fluent people can say what they want without needing the voice of others to help them.

People need to understand that stutterers interupting another is often the only way we are able to talk right.

People need to know that interupting helps us because we need that 2nd voice to talk along with.

We are not fluent people, and fluent people need to realize that our ways of communicating our different that the average fluent person.

Respect and rules for talking with a fluent person and a disfluent person talking are totaly different, and people need to realize this and be warned.

[emily445455]

Adam, If you like it when people finish what you are trying to say...that's great, I don't. I'm not mean about it, I just don't like it and sometimes tell people that so they know not to do so in the future.

[happy7117]

While it doesn't always or even usually bother me, I can understand why it bothers other people, and to act like it's a problem with them is just insulting. .

It is a problem for nasty severe stutterers like me. We try so hard to try to get our words out, and words still don't come out. We should want the help when people help us.

For mild stutterers or moderate stutterers who know they can say what they want when they want should not have to rely on others, because THEY CAN ALREADY SPEAK ADEQUATLY ENOUGH WITHOUT AID FROM OTERS.

People with all sorts of disabilities become annoyed when people try to do things for them that they can do themselves. Having other people treat you as if you are incapable when you aren't is frustrating and annoying, and rightly so..

I applaud people that want to help us. Why be mad at people who only want to see us succeed:) If it takes hep from others to feel better about ourselves and to speak easier, we should go with it.

We are incapable of expressing ourselves in a clear way. So in a way people are right about us being incapable at speaking right.But if we stutterer mildly or moderatly where we can still get our words out without the help from others, then we shouldn't be feeling incapable of being able to talk right.

I seriously doubt it. My future father-in-law has cerebral palsy, it's quite obvious he is disabled and so it's never a "secret," and yet he is bothered when people treat him as if he can't do things he can do. It has nothing to do with being ashamed of people knowing his "secret" but about being treated as if he's not capable. I don't see why the situation with stutterers is any different. ..

Again, your your father -in-law sound like a might courageous guy to be able to accept no help from others. I don't have cerebral pulsy, so I don't know what it's like. I can only image it's a condition that should welcome help from others just like severe stuttering.

[happy7117]

I agree with you to a point. Often times people do sense that you are in an embarrassing situation and out of compassion and consideration try to finish your statement to bring the situation to an end. But unfortunately the long-term effect leaves the stutterer with a lowered self-image and a feeling of defeat.

This is all to opposite for me:) I feel without help from others, that the stuttering has won again and nothing came out because no one wanted to help, and that gives me a feeling of deeat.

[happy7117]

I know the reason why it bothers me: I just want to talk dang-it!! Let me talk people! I want to be heard for what I have to say, not for what other people help me say!

Enjoy the ability to express yourself without nasty horrible!! If you can talk with a fair amount of trouble, on. Mild and moderate stutterers who feel that can talk without the aid from others should be ready and willing.

But for severe nasty profound stutterers who struggle a ton, and can't get anything out at all, a little help from others will be of great benefit to those nasty stuttering situations.

God bless your own ability to be able to speak with less trouble than nasty profound stutterers who don't have any easy time.

[happy7117]

Adam, If you like it when people finish what you are trying to say...that's great, I don't. I'm not mean about it, I just don't like it and sometimes tell people that so they know not to do so in the future.

Not mean at all. It's an assertive and upfront answer! If we feel we can do stuff on our own, we should. But if not, render assistane from others who want to help.

[emily445455]

Agreed. Neither are wrong for feeling the way we do.