my story

[Silent]

I was teased big time about my stuttering in elementary school, so I tried to hide it, first by substituting words, then by pretending to be shy, or not having anything to say, or not interested in interaction. It quickly became a habit, and something that took priority over everything else, rule #1 so to speak...

The toughest time was when I was 21 and I got obsessed about a girl who had a crush on me too... It was frustrating to have to act like I wanted her to p*** off while in fact I wanted the opposite :( She was determined in courting me but I was even more so in warding her off in the rudest of ways and she finally gave up. I felt like shit from the 'withdrawal' and contemplated suicide. That's when I first sought therapy and found out my problem was stuttering. I had some success with therapy but she moved to another continent and I never saw her again. It took 3 years for my infatuation to wear off completely.

I'm starting another therapy course next week, this time my motivation is more rational :)

[Box of Clocks]

Why did you feel you had to act like you were not interested in her? If you were really having a problem talking to her and couldn't explain your trouble with speaking, maybe you could have written it down? Granted she may have lost interest after knowing you couldn't talk very easily but at least you would have let her know that you were intersted in her.

I guess it is easy to look back now though and think of things you could have done but at the time perhaps the decision wasn't so straightforward.

[Silent]

It was not my "style" to let others know I had trouble with speaking, I had a habit of hiding it at all costs.

[JDRow]

I can completely relate to being rude to people so you won't have to talk, even though you really want to interact with them.

Did this girl know that you stuttered?

[Silent]

Did this girl know that you stuttered?
She did suspect there was something wrong with my speech.

While this "being rude to people so you won't have to talk" attitude may be quite common among stutterers, I don't think many fluent people would ever guess what's going on.

[nate]

She did suspect there was something wrong with my speech.

While this "being rude to people so you won't have to talk" attitude may be quite common among stutterers, I don't think many fluent people would ever guess what's going on.

i gotta ask...y b rude? i mean how does that help anything? perhaps in your culture, being quiet is being rude...i mean u dont have to be effussive but etiquette is easy enough.
in fact many times rudeness is portrayed primarily by your body language rather than what you say (or dont).
sorry i dont get it but its been mentioned a few times lately.
in my culture...being quiet, or introverted is just that. it can also be a sign of thoughtfulness and an introspective nature. how is it that u come across (or feel that u come across) as being rude?
Nate

[Silent]

i gotta ask...y b rude? i mean how does that help anything? perhaps in your culture, being quiet is being rude...i mean u dont have to be effussive but etiquette is easy enough.
Well, if you don't say thank you when you're supposed to, isn't it rude?

[agantx]

I was teased big time about my stuttering in elementary school, so I tried to hide it, first by substituting words, then by pretending to be shy, or not having anything to say, or not interested in interaction. It quickly became a habit, and something that took priority over everything else, rule #1 so to speak...

The toughest time was when I was 21 and I got obsessed about a girl who had a crush on me too... It was frustrating to have to act like I wanted her to p*** off while in fact I wanted the opposite :( She was determined in courting me but I was even more so in warding her off in the rudest of ways and she finally gave up. I felt like shit from the 'withdrawal' and contemplated suicide. That's when I first sought therapy and found out my problem was stuttering. I had some success with therapy but she moved to another continent and I never saw her again. It took 3 years for my infatuation to wear off completely.

I'm starting another therapy course next week, this time my motivation is more rational :)

I know completely how you feel. When I was in middle school some girls had crushes on me or wanted to be my friends and I completely tried to ignore them no matter how hard they tried. To this day even though my stuttering isn’t as severe as yours, it’s preventing me from making friendships easily and get closer to people. That’s because I believe that for a friendship to exist, there has to be significant communication from both people and not from just one. Has it been like this with you? Also did you despite all odds manage to make true friends? If yes can you tell us how you managed to form these friendships and can you also describe your friendship with them? How are they different from friendships of people who don’t stutter? I believe this information will help other severe stutterers to form friendships and end their isolation.

PS: If you want to, you can share a lot more of your story about that girl who was very determined to court you with us. For example you can go into details and give us examples of things she did to get closer to you and the ways you used to ignore her or reject her. You can also tell us how long she tried to court you before finally giving up. I think your story will help all of us, teach and tell us not what to do when meeting girls. If you don’t want to go into complete details we understand… ;)

[nate]

Well, if you don't say thank you when you're supposed to, isn't it rude?

that's why i say "Ta"...or just nod politely with a slight bow. I still think that rudeness is mainly potrayed by nonverbal communication rather than verbal.
nate

[TenaciousD]

I was teased big time about my stuttering in elementary school, so I tried to hide it, first by substituting words, then by pretending to be shy, or not having anything to say, or not interested in interaction. It quickly became a habit, and something that took priority over everything else, rule #1 so to speak...

The toughest time was when I was 21 and I got obsessed about a girl who had a crush on me too... It was frustrating to have to act like I wanted her to p*** off while in fact I wanted the opposite :( She was determined in courting me but I was even more so in warding her off in the rudest of ways and she finally gave up. I felt like shit from the 'withdrawal' and contemplated suicide. That's when I first sought therapy and found out my problem was stuttering. I had some success with therapy but she moved to another continent and I never saw her again. It took 3 years for my infatuation to wear off completely.

I'm starting another therapy course next week, this time my motivation is more rational :)

Damn........... I feel for you man:( .......... I had a similar situation when I was 18......but in this particular situation the girl's effort paid off and I eventually opened up to her and exposed myself.....flaws and all......... before we started dating I would only talk to her when I had feelings of spontaneous fluency ( so that was all she really knew).....for the first a week or so, she seemed okay with everything..... but within a few weeks of dating she broke it off.......... and I actually cried...... it hurt so bad....cause I know with out a doubt that the reason why she broke it off is because of my speech........ Not because of the physical manifestion of the stuttering......but because of how stuttering shapes the way I communicate...... when we'd go on dates, or go and hang out with her friends...I had a really difficult time carrying on simple conversations.... When I was dating her it wasn't like the times we had spoken before we were dating.....I just couldn't be smoothe or charming like when I had spontaeous fluency..... stuttering effects the way I communicate and as hard as I tried to make her laugh or sweep her off her feet with quick witty remarks....it just didn't happen.....and when it did the timing was so bad because of the long stutters....... It was a disaster........ A part of me wishes that I never would of dated her:( But then again..... The world is filled with pain, the sooner we get used to it.....the less the world with hurt.

[chris2112]

I was teased big time about my stuttering in elementary school, so I tried to hide it, first by substituting words, then by pretending to be shy, or not having anything to say, or not interested in interaction. It quickly became a habit, and something that took priority over everything else, rule #1 so to speak...

The toughest time was when I was 21 and I got obsessed about a girl who had a crush on me too... It was frustrating to have to act like I wanted her to p*** off while in fact I wanted the opposite :( She was determined in courting me but I was even more so in warding her off in the rudest of ways and she finally gave up. I felt like shit from the 'withdrawal' and contemplated suicide. That's when I first sought therapy and found out my problem was stuttering. I had some success with therapy but she moved to another continent and I never saw her again. It took 3 years for my infatuation to wear off completely.

I'm starting another therapy course next week, this time my motivation is more rational :)

Im going through the same thing :( . Iv had girls interested in me and all I did was basicly ignore them. Im basicly silent and only use minimal responses when hanging out with people I dont know. The isolation and embarrasment definatly made me depressed and even contemplate suicide. In that state of mind I shifted the way I think about my existence and Im starting to not care so much about how my stuttering looks. If Im fearful and anxious about my stuttering, it shows, and I notice it makes other people uncomfortable. I think its a billion times easier for people, even of the opposite , to accept your stuttering if you do.

[Silent]

That’s because I believe that for a friendship to exist, there has to be significant communication from both people and not from just one. Has it been like this with you?
Exactly. If the communication is one-sided it just can't work out.

Also did you despite all odds manage to make true friends? If yes can you tell us how you managed to form these friendships and can you also describe your friendship with them?
I've tried to, but it always seemed like the cost was too high, i.e. I had to give much more to be as 'good' a friend as a fluent person would, and they turned out not to be true friendships in the end.

[Violet]

Well, if you don't say thank you when you're supposed to, isn't it rude?

i hate that so much.. i always block on thankyou, and if im getting a lift home or something or there is something which will happen where i know i will need to say thankyou i mentally prepare myself before hand and start silently trying to secretly say it like a minute before or something, so that by the time the moment comes where i need to say thankyou it finally comes out without anyone noticing that i was struggling to say the word. :p

haha if people knew that i put in so much effort into saying thankyou for the littlest things they would be like WTF? hahaa

[DanMad44]

I think its a billion times easier for people, even of the opposite , to accept your stuttering if you do.


So true. One of the greatest contributors to stuttering, in my experience, is worrying about others' discomfort when you're trying to speak. If we just didn't care, we might be able to get it out easier. But we all know it's not that easy.

I have a good friend who's got Tourettes syndrome (yeah the one where you curse spontaneously sometimes). Along with it comes a variety of nervous ticks and vocalization difficulties that sometimes behave just like stuttering blocks. We make quite a pair. The difference between him and me though, is he's great at making light of the whole situation. He's got a great sense of humor, so when he makes fun of himself (and me when I'm with him), it makes others laugh, encourages them to either join in, or at least feel comfortable asking him questions about it. Does wonders on relieving the tense awkwardness that surrounds people with disorders. I still haven't gotten to where I can comfortably do that yet, but if you can, I think it'll only be beneficial.

[chris2112]

[QUOTE=DanMad44;31536]So true. One of the greatest contributors to stuttering, in my experience, is worrying about others' discomfort when you're trying to speak. If we just didn't care, we might be able to get it out easier. But we all know it's not that easy.[QUOTE]


Yeah I think the fear of stuttering is what makes stuttering so bad sometimes. If you really didnt care or think about your stuttering you would be more relaxed and speech would be much easier. It isnt easy to accept it, but in the end your life isnt about how people see you. I think when it comes to stuttering the only thing to fear is fear itself, not what might happen. I cant say I have completly accepted it yet but I think it could be possible with practice.

[Derek181]

you know, to be honest i dont feel sorry for you at all. obviously if you have a severe stutter then she knew you stuttered and she didnt care if she was trying so hard to court you. i was like that maybe when i was 14 to about 19. but now after al ittle maturing i dont care about stuttering. why not just stutter around her and if she dumps you because of it who cares. you will move on. i like to purposely stutter around people so i can tell what kind of person they are.

[chris2112]

you know, to be honest i dont feel sorry for you at all. obviously if you have a severe stutter then she knew you stuttered and she didnt care if she was trying so hard to court you. i was like that maybe when i was 14 to about 19. but now after al ittle maturing i dont care about stuttering. why not just stutter around her and if she dumps you because of it who cares. you will move on. i like to purposely stutter around people so i can tell what kind of person they are.

How do you let people know you stutter? Iv been avoiding people all my life so I dont know lol. Im starting to not care but Iv been thinking how annoying its gonna be to tell everyone "yeah I stutter" or something every time I meet someone. What do you do?

[Silent]

obviously if you have a severe stutter then she knew you stuttered and she didnt care if she was trying so hard to court you.
Yes, I had (and still have) a severe stutter. And NO, she didn't know I stuttered, neither did I.

[Derek181]

hahaha ...... i think you have a very mild stutter. like honestly what person with a severe stutter doesnt even know they stutter and anyone who talks to you would be able to point out you stutter. also iam sure you would have had people comment on it growing up and mention something about your stuttering. me personally i have an average stutter and people can easily pick out i stutter and have had people mention it while growing up. your just soo afraid of being different, you try and mask it by saying you have a very severe stutter ..... blah blah.....

[Derek181]

chris, i usually dont just straight out tell people i stutter. but recently when i enter into a nerve racking situation or meet someone new or anything, i make sure i stutter on purpose so they know. this girl ive been hanging out with these days; i hung out with her for a bit and stuttered all the time and then one day just braught it up in conversation. we were talking about dates and stuff and i said i went out on a date with a deaf girl once and then i said and it was an interesting date to say the least because shes trying to lip read me and i stutter so it was pretty funny. and she smiled and laughed. yah i understand how some people feel about hiding their stutter..... i tried to hide it when i was in highschool and i hated stuttering but now my perspective has turned completely around. i grew up with people and friends that viewed stuttering as theres something wrong with you. i always got slack from my friends and one friend even said once, i still remember this, he said what girl would date a guy who stuttered. but now i just act like myself....... stutter every now and then..... and poeple dont seem to mind they listen to me and everything.

[chris2112]

chris, i usually dont just straight out tell people i stutter. but recently when i enter into a nerve racking situation or meet someone new or anything, i make sure i stutter on purpose so they know. this girl ive been hanging out with these days; i hung out with her for a bit and stuttered all the time and then one day just braught it up in conversation. we were talking about dates and stuff and i said i went out on a date with a deaf girl once and then i said and it was an interesting date to say the least because shes trying to lip read me and i stutter so it was pretty funny. and she smiled and laughed. yah i understand how some people feel about hiding their stutter..... i tried to hide it when i was in highschool and i hated stuttering but now my perspective has turned completely around. i grew up with people and friends that viewed stuttering as theres something wrong with you. i always got slack from my friends and one friend even said once, i still remember this, he said what girl would date a guy who stuttered. but now i just act like myself....... stutter every now and then..... and poeple dont seem to mind they listen to me and everything.

thats awsome, its nice to see someone whos more experienced about being more open about there stutter. I think ill do that, stutter on purpose so they know, that way I wont be so afraid to really stutter because Im planning to do it on purpose anyway haha.

[Derek181]

yah man and it totally alleviates the anxiety or nervous feeling you get when you do any speaking situation.