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View Full Version : Help Needed...


tatlock
01-22-2009, 03:35 AM
Hi. I'm in a bit of a pickle regards my situation, and could do with some advice if anyone can offer any.

Basically, i'm in my mid-twenties and have had speech problems since around the age of eight. I rarely actually stammer now, but over the years i've got into habits of never saying words i'm unsure of. Sometimes when i was much younger, when reading aloud in school, i'd stammer, and since then i've been going to more and more extremes to avoid speaking. Until the last year i've been able to hold down jobs of sorts, nothing decent unfortunately, but enough to bring in a wage. But over the years i've found myself becoming more and more unsociable. I guess, to put it finely, i've grew out of the habit of speaking.

Now then, i find it impossible to use a telephone, or to simply ask for help in a shop, or a ticket on a bus, etc. I avoid going out as much as possible too, incase friends bring friends, and i'm put on the spot and mess up. Rather than me stammering, it feels more like the cat's got my tongue, i literally can't force words out. Anyhow, the problem's got more severe this last year, to the point that i don't socialise at all. I find interviews, even just approaching someone i don't know, really difficult, near impossible, and with there being less jobs about i've not been able to get back into employment. Since April i've managed to survive financially by moving back into my parents home and buying and selling stuff on Ebay for money to get by on. Now, though, i'm absolutely potless.

I've recently started a CBT course for anxiety, and am on waiting lists for speech therapy and counselling, but in the meantime i need some sort of financial help, which i've never looked into before. I've been told that i'd qualify for either an Incapacity Benefit, or Job Seekers Allowance. In truth, i'd like to cl the latter, at least then i'm still looking for work, and something might come up that i'm able to do, and getting back into regular work and patterns would be a positive step. Trouble is, with not being able to use the telephone, or even go into my local Job Centre and ask if they have a Textphone, i've no idea where to start. I was wondering if anyone knew of a service that might be available for people with speech problems to arrange a cl for benefit; say an email service, or forms by post?

Apologies for the long-winded nature of all this. Thanks in advance for any advice, either directly related to this problem, or broader.

annalisa7
01-28-2009, 06:17 AM
As someone that has dealt with social anxiety too, I can tell you honestly that I know exactly how you are feeling and it's a terrible place to be. It can feel really hopeless...like you're a trapped animal...

As much as I understand how you are feeling right now, I can tell you also that it is so important and CRITICAL for you to resist your tendencies to hide and run away and avoid.

From your post, it seems like your speech isn't bad, but you have run...and run..and runned away until you have no place to hide anymore.

I sincerely hope that you can find it within yourself to take some small steps to regain control of your life.

One thing I do to mentally psych myself up, when I know I must do something that I don't want to do, is consider the things that you are giving up when you CHOOSE not to make that call or go see that person. Every choice made to retreat is a choice made to not be independent. Even if you are embarrased at least you can respect yourself and know that you tried. If you do make a step forward, that will at least increase your odds of success. Not trying = No success.

What I did was make a goal of calling 3 people a week and I mentally chose not to be critical of myself, but to emotionally seperate myself from the act of calling people. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, but there's a point when things simply must be done and you get sick of putting your life on hold and your fear of being helpless overwhelms your fear of speaking...

It doesn't mean that you won't be afraid, you WILL BE AFRAID, but choose to do it even though you are afraid (that's courage).

I'm not saying I don't have fear anymore, I'm afraid all the time too, but I take solace in the fact that I am making progress, even though it seems slow at times.

Fears tend to get lower and lower the more you challenge them. Don't to be fearless, to do it anyway! Getting ride of fear works in reverse, you have to step out first before it gets better - it won't get better first...

I wish you the best...don't give up...