Obsessed with speaking

[JohanZombie]

I would say im about 90% fluent. But still I think of stuttering all the time.
Every time i open my mouth I think of stuttering, and every time I have said something I think about stuttering. This has become a total obsession of mine.

Even If I'm fluent for days, I think about stuttering. Its like my subconscious always has the focus on stuttering.

When I watch TV I tend to analyze the way they speak instead of listening. When Im hanging with people my focus is on how they speak instead of what they say. This makes me very unsponteanous, stressed out and anxious and triggers my pretty mild stutter.

I always have to prove to myself that i dont stutter. But it dosnt matter how much I talk without stutter, I never succeed in getting the feeling that I'm OK. Never.

I am so ing sick of thinking of this and Im so ing sick of not feeling OK as a person. I feel so imprisoned. So limited. If I date a girl i never get caught up in the moment because I think of the way I talk all the time.

I always thinks that my dates gets horrible, but for some kind of reasen the girl usually contact me with a wish to meet again. But I ing never understand this. I'm always sure that I will get ditched, but I never gets.

Instead I ditch it when it becomes to personal cause im afraid of bounderies.

The stuttering isnt really the big problem here, the problem is me thinking of the stuttering all the ing time. And Im sure that if i stopped thinking of it it would become less and less but I am more than happy with just getting rid of the anxious thoughts that goes on automatically.

Just felt that I had to write some...

[nerrad]

Yeah I think about it a lot too. It stresses me out. Everytime I want to say something, I have to stop and think, "am I gonna stutter?". And sometimes I don't say what I want to say, sometimes I do. It is life consuming and keeps you from making and keeping friends because you feel like ur gonna make a fool of urself. Well, that's why I can't get close to people. I don't really have any happy days either. I might have two good days out of a year but that's it.

[JDRow]

Sometimes I think about stuttering a lot, sometimes I don't. A lot of it depends on what I'm doing. I do think about it a lot when I think I might have to talk to people who don't know I stutter or who I think will judge me for it. There have been way too many times when I've been in class and haven't heard a single thing the teacher said because I've been so worried that I was going to get called on or we'd have to pair up or get into groups. Over the holiday when we're busy at the store where I work, I'd have nights where I couldn't sleep because I was so stressed that I might have to help cover the registers the next day (or sometimes in two or three days). It's really tiring.

I think I've gotten better about obsessing about things after the fact, though. Once in a while something will happen where I just keep thinking about it after, but most of the time if I was stuttering really badly or somebody was a jerk, I can just be like, "Yeah, that sucked," and move on. So when I do start thinking obsessively about stuttering it's almost always before a situation, and worrying about how awful it might be, and not after.

I just try to remember that it's unlikely that whatever happens is going to be something I can't handle. What's the worst thing that will happen? Somebody will laugh at me or mimic me? I won't be able to say anything and people will think I'm weird or retarded? Somebody will say something mean? I'll have a really bad block and get embarrassed? I've had those things happen, lots of times, and I got through it. And that was when I was younger and didn't have friends or a job or any self-esteem at all. If I could get through it then, I can handle it okay now, so there's no reason to stress out about it. Whatever happens will be something I can handle. It doesn't completely stop me from worrying, but if I can remember that it does usually help.

[freedive]

JD, I admire your attitude man. I agree though that it's a lot tougher to stop obsessing over it before the fact.

[spacebow]

Johan, i think you are a spot-on reflection of me. I am also a mild stutterer. I am very conscious about my speech, and I also think about stuttering a lot. It is this constant nervous and anxious state of mind that causes me to stutter. If you can find anyway to distract yourself from thinking about stuttering, by all means try it. I know it is disrespectful in certain situations, but I always play music into one of my ears through my ipod when i socialize with people. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But just so you know, you are obviously not alone.

[Violet]

When I watch TV I tend to analyze the way they speak instead of listening. When Im hanging with people my focus is on how they speak instead of what they say. This makes me very unsponteanous, stressed out and anxious and triggers my pretty mild stutter.

Lol! i do that to :p well i used to do that like ALL the time, but now its more when i'm stressed about stuttering i analyze the way that they speak and breath in unison to them as well. But yeah i do that when watching TV heeps.. and omg, because when im doing that i most of the time already know what the TV people are gonna say, cause seeing as i plan my words ahead when i am stressed about stuttering, i subconsciously plan their words ahead for them as well.. and it ALWAYS catches me off guard when they use a word that i would never ever choose instead of the easier option.. and then that just makes me feel like crap because they dont even think about that stuff :(

I am so ing sick of thinking of this and Im so ing sick of not feeling OK as a person. I feel so imprisoned. So limited. If I date a girl i never get caught up in the moment because I think of the way I talk all the time.

I always thinks that my dates gets horrible, but for some kind of reasen the girl usually contact me with a wish to meet again. But I ing never understand this. I'm always sure that I will get ditched, but I never gets.

Instead I ditch it when it becomes to personal cause im afraid of bounderies.

The stuttering isnt really the big problem here, the problem is me thinking of the stuttering all the ing time. And Im sure that if i stopped thinking of it it would become less and less but I am more than happy with just getting rid of the anxious thoughts that goes on automatically.

I reckon you should tell them that you stutter, because
A) you have a very mild stutter, so they arnt gonna get freaked out about the stuttering issue and just think that its cute when you occasionally trip up, and then you wont be as scared and conscious about occassionally stuttering in front of them.
B) they will like you more because you confided in them and therefore at least appear to trust them.
C) if they dont want to associate with you because of that then those es can go themselves and hang with equally dimwitted people of their prefered :D

and i think from what you have said, that the problem isnt stuttering, it is your self esteem. and that is a alot easier to fix than stuttering so take steps to work on that .. although thats way easier said than done :p

[peebee]

I'm very similar. My speech right now is better then it has been my entire life. I can go days without stuttering and can be mostly fluent if I substitute words and use various other techniques. On the phone I'm almost 100% fluent and I can make smalltalk (1 or 2 sentences) really well. The problem is under high anxiety situations not only am I more prone to stuttering but also that's ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT. I'm terrible at job interviews because I have trouble articulating when my mind is moving so fast in order to prevent stuttering. Anything that's over 2 sentences I get super nervous about and start to block and stutter. When I'm in class, if I get called instead of actually analyzing the problem I am more worried about being fluent and I've said some pretty dumb things while not thinking straight.

I know people who have a mild stutter but are very very fluent and can articulate themselves well. I don't even think they realize they stutter, or don't care and i'm jealous of them. I often interrupt and speak out of turn when I know I'll be fluent and I know it is rude, but I do it anyways.

Honestly I'm almost 100% sure that if I forgot about my stutter I would be perfectly fluent.

[eva]

I would say im about 90% fluent. But still I think of stuttering all the time.
Every time i open my mouth I think of stuttering, and every time I have said something I think about stuttering. This has become a total obsession of mine.

Even If I'm fluent for days, I think about stuttering. Its like my subconscious always has the focus on stuttering.

When I watch TV I tend to analyze the way they speak instead of listening. When Im hanging with people my focus is on how they speak instead of what they say. This makes me very unsponteanous, stressed out and anxious and triggers my pretty mild stutter.

I always have to prove to myself that i dont stutter. But it dosnt matter how much I talk without stutter, I never succeed in getting the feeling that I'm OK. Never.

I am so ing sick of thinking of this and Im so ing sick of not feeling OK as a person. I feel so imprisoned. So limited. If I date a girl i never get caught up in the moment because I think of the way I talk all the time.

I always thinks that my dates gets horrible, but for some kind of reasen the girl usually contact me with a wish to meet again. But I ing never understand this. I'm always sure that I will get ditched, but I never gets.

Instead I ditch it when it becomes to personal cause im afraid of bounderies.

The stuttering isnt really the big problem here, the problem is me thinking of the stuttering all the ing time. And Im sure that if i stopped thinking of it it would become less and less but I am more than happy with just getting rid of the anxious thoughts that goes on automatically.

Just felt that I had to write some...

Have to ask, when you say you are fluent for days, does fluent speech come naturally to you? That you really are fluent, or is a fluent day a day when you have managed to avoid or hide stuttering?
This is by no means meant to sound like an offensive question, it's just that I wanted to say something helpful but got confused.

[JohanZombie]

Have to ask, when you say you are fluent for days, does fluent speech come naturally to you? That you really are fluent, or is a fluent day a day when you have managed to avoid or hide stuttering?
This is by no means meant to sound like an offensive question, it's just that I wanted to say something helpful but got confused.

A good and tricky question. I would say I am. Most of my days are "fluent" for the ear but with me thinking of my speech and "controlling" it. How do you know if you are controlling it or not? By thinking of how you talking? I think many people do that even without stuttering issues, but I may be wrong.

When I say fluent like some days are I mean not controlling and managing my speech. But since I think alot of the stutter, these days my focus is on my speech too. But I have the feeling that I can speak my mind spontenously without hesitation and blocks.

This is pretty complicated and confuse s-it, I would say.

[Jaykon]

I always have to prove to myself that i dont stutter. But it dosnt matter how much I talk without stutter, I never succeed in getting the feeling that I'm OK. Never.




i know this is an old thread, but try to accept that you are a stutterer and make it your goal not too achieve fluency but to stutter less or have tools and techniques (or pills! =) to have a sense of control over it.

when i tried to prove that I didnt stutter was the worse i ever stuttered