View Full Version : meeting new people.....something I am horrible with
Fieldsy84
05-18-2009, 05:33 PM
My girlfriend, friends, people in general...like going out and talking to new people and having a good time. I feel like I hide out when this happens. When people introduce themselves I walk away or act like I didn't hear them. This doesn't happen all the time, but I notice it sometimes. The older I get I feel like this battle with stuttering I am losing. I am feeling bitter and I feel like thats not who I am. I used to be really funny and feel like I was so much fun to be around. Lately I just feel like I am in the backseat while everyone else is enjoying each others conversations and time.
Does anyone feel this way? I know the answer to this is to just suck it up, but its so hard and frustrating. I'm tired of this feeling so much and I feel like I could be a better friend and boyfriend.
nickcin08
05-19-2009, 04:08 AM
i can definitely relate to that. i just finished my first year of college, something that involved meeting lots of new people and talking about myself on numerous occasions. i did my best to avoid these situations for fear of blocking, but i know if i hadn't i would have had the opportunity to get to know people much better. i never really had this problem until i got to college and no one had any previous knowledge about my life. i'm still working on this problem though.
thatCALIdude
05-19-2009, 10:23 AM
at least your have a girlfriend
John Woo
05-19-2009, 10:25 AM
Hey, dude. I have the same experience with you. I think we must face straightly with the fact that we block sometimes. Stutter is not a shame. Never try to hide this. Otherwise the situation would get worse. I recommend that you can try to talk with new guys positively. Just take it easy. You don't know these new guys and there is every chance that you will never see them again, so why are you scared to talk with them?:D
ForeverYoung
05-20-2009, 06:46 AM
at least your have a girlfriend
Hm, this is the first thing that popped into my mind as well.
Not just social situations are affected, business matters, family matters. For me and for most who shy away from speech, will be affected in pretty much any situation that involves communicting with other people so although it sucks, you're certainly not alone.
I'm not so sure if I'd like to know or not just what my 'alternate' life would be like right now if I'd answered every phone call, made more of an effort speaking to people, chased up possible business deals etc.
emily445455
05-20-2009, 02:57 PM
I know the feeling. I avoid situations where I have to meet new people or talk to people I don't know too well.
The others are right though, at least you have a gf to talk to and vent to. If she's understanding that is. My husband is so great...he is so understanding and supportive...IDK what I did before without him. Oh yeah...I was covert :o:(
cjm555
05-20-2009, 04:06 PM
introductions suck... if your lucky you have friends that know you hate them and they will introduce you. i have a few friends that are like that :P but realy they way i see it is... the best you can do is (like in my case) work on saying your make decent and hope things go good from there. i have met alot of understanding people and once i am not nervous to talk to them it gets alot better
Fieldsy84, i feel what you're going through.. no doubt almost all the stutterers here went through the same thing someday.. and am one of them, i always hated stuttering for forcing me to be not social with people, although my charachter deep inside is very social, i like to talk with new people, i like to have fun, tell jokes all the time.. etc.
I always hated that stuttering is driving me somewhere that i dont wanna go there.. which makes new people to have a totally wrong idea about who i am really are... but trust me, the more u give it your concern the more bad it will be and the more u will hide from people... there is no need to hide from new people, u have nothing to be shy of.. just be yourself and accept yourself the way you are... if people doesnt accept you the way you are, then they dont deserve to be your friends anyway..
I hope you got my point ;)
and by the way whats wrong with having a girlfriend?
why do u guys think that it is that a difficult for us stutterers to have a gf? geez...
emily445455
05-20-2009, 05:31 PM
introductions suck... if your lucky you have friends that know you hate them and they will introduce you. i have a few friends that are like that :P but realy they way i see it is... the best you can do is (like in my case) work on saying your make decent and hope things go good from there. i have met alot of understanding people and once i am not nervous to talk to them it gets alot better
My husband almost always introduces me...it's great. 'Emily' is one of the hardest things for me to say. So he'll go "Hi I'm Jeremy, and this is my wife, Emily." Yay!!
emily445455
05-20-2009, 05:32 PM
and by the way whats wrong with having a girlfriend?
why do u guys think that it is that a difficult for us stutterers to have a gf? geez...
Nothings wrong with it. Sometimes it's hard to stutterers to go out and meet people, especially people of the opposite . Stuttering can also be akward for a potential gf/bf who has never been exposed to stuttering and knows nothing about it. So sometimes it's hard to make one... :)
Nothings wrong with it. Sometimes it's hard to stutterers to go out and meet people, especially people of the opposite . Stuttering can also be akward for a potential gf/bf who has never been exposed to stuttering and knows nothing about it. So sometimes it's hard to make one... :)
You are right, i admit its difficult for stutterers.. but to be honest, if we lived with that attitude of '' i can't have a gf/bf because i stutter'' we'll never get one.. matter of fact, thinking about our stuttering all the time that its the reason for everything is what pulls us down the road.. thats why am trying not to give it even my attention and not to direct any problem in my life to ''blame my stuttering'' although in some situations it is...
Box of Clocks
05-20-2009, 10:49 PM
I don't think people were saying that there is anything wrong with having a girlfriend Keyo. Rather I think they were just making a point that things are not all that bad because at least the thread starter is in a relationship and as a result not as alone as perhaps other stutterers on the forum might be.
grantM
05-20-2009, 10:49 PM
The "I can't" attitude is very self defeating and is self programming for disaster. The fact is....YOU CAN......
nickcin08
05-21-2009, 01:19 AM
to be honest i feel as though sometimes things such as this forum are my number one reminder of the fact that i do stutter. that and the fact that i have to order food for myself almost every day...
emily445455
05-21-2009, 05:01 AM
The "I can't" attitude is very self defeating and is self programming for disaster. The fact is....YOU CAN......
Of course we "can". It's a question of..."do we really want to go through it right now?" Sometimes it's yes for me, most times it's no.
emily445455
05-21-2009, 05:02 AM
to be honest i feel as though sometimes things such as this forum are my number one reminder of the fact that i do stutter. that and the fact that i have to order food for myself almost every day...
That makes sense...considering that's the topic of this forum :p
cjm555
05-21-2009, 05:41 AM
My husband almost always introduces me...it's great. 'Emily' is one of the hardest things for me to say. So he'll go "Hi I'm Jeremy, and this is my wife, Emily." Yay!!
doesnt that suck not being ablet to say your own name :P i have a hard time with all words that start with "c" and ofcorse my name is Curt :P i struggle with it most of the time
StutteringJack
05-21-2009, 02:36 PM
Until you can get some speech therapy and then start on the road of refining what you have learned so that it works for you and then working out how much practice you need to maintain that technique, can I suggest that you understand that the negative judgemental thoughts that you feel others have when you stutter are really your own thoughts. Learn to be less judgemental of others and you will be less judgemental about yourself. Learn to love yourself and love others and you will find that introducing who you are to to others will come much easier. Learn to see the good in others and drive out that fear and judgemental mistrust of others and the anxiety will become less and as a consequence your stuttering will reduce to the point where you have a stutter not a stuttering problem. Always smile when you are meeting people and that will alleviate a lot of the anxiety. If this doesn't make sense to you now read it everyday until it does and sign up for my blogs where I telk about this a lot.
SJ
The "I can't" attitude is very self defeating and is self programming for disaster. The fact is....YOU CAN......
Thats what i meant... Thanks grantM :)
WhiteLatinoBoy
05-21-2009, 08:20 PM
doesnt that suck not being ablet to say your own name :P i have a hard time with all words that start with "c" and ofcorse my name is Curt :P i struggle with it most of the time
it sucks not saying ur own name! its like we are further cursed with our stuttering that makes us not say our own name. lol. M's are the worst for me and my names Michael. ugh.
Fieldsy84
05-23-2009, 11:49 AM
thanks everyone for all the replies....it feels so good I am not the only one who feels like this.
I am going to try to care less what others think and just be myself. I want people to see the real me.
btw....meeting girls for me wasn't so easy....2 I met in school and 2 online :)
online convos were my friend lol
Meeting new people is something I've gotten very good at. When two people mete they are usually both nervous. What you have to do is act very outgoing and feed off there nervousness. Like last week I went to a ceremony with a bunch of schools in our district. I randomly sat down and talked to them, made a bunch of friends. Still like 1/5 times I'll stutter badly and it will be awkward, but oh well what are they going to do, take the hit and move on.
One thing you have to know though. People ALWAYS want to talk to you. People are nervous when meeting new people because they do want to mete new people, and they don't want to screw it up!
Practice, it's the only way you'll get better. Start talking to people, and if you screw it up oh well don't let it get to you and continue talking.
Fieldsy84
05-25-2009, 01:44 PM
good advice ptw....I just always worry about how nervous I am like I am talking to a shark or something lol
Dinasaur
11-28-2009, 10:56 PM
i feel like that too. my friends are all hanging out talking, and i feel like i need to contribute to the conversation, but then i remember that my stuttering is bad and i cant, i used to be able to, but now i cant.
its the worst feeling. the only thing i cant think about is that with time, hopefully things will get better.
whoiscece
02-04-2010, 09:27 PM
I have a terrible time introducing myself, about 95% of the time. My husband is such a doll, he always introduces me. I love going to seminars or places where I get to wear a name tag. Life is good then! But then the goofballs at my table never seem to have their glasses on. Grrrr. :-)
Like everybody else, I also find myself drifting down the frustrating path of social seclusion. I love meeting people, only reluctant to introduce myself. It is quite unfortunate that I've made almost no new friends in the past year.
NPrasad
02-11-2010, 03:39 AM
I have the same issue, but it doesn't bother be quite as much because I was pretty quiet in school and such even before this problem came up - plus I'm a twin so that helps a lot too, and (sometimes) I like being alone anyways. Even without my problem I don't think I'd be the kind of person who goes out with friends every night, but I think I'd be more social than this.
Derek181
04-01-2010, 05:25 AM
I was thinking the same thing as well. At least you have a girlfriend and friends that you go out with. Give me some advice on how you got a gf and made friends. I have no friends, havent had any for a really long time like over 5 years. I have never had a girlfriend. Stuttering blows. I just started a new job and everyone at work is starting to avoid me and not talk to me. None of them innitiate conversation anymore. And when i try to say something they look at me like ohhh what does this guy want. I am a friendly easy to get along with guy. But when most people hear you stutter they dont want to be your friend. Please tell me how any of you do it?
'Lately I just feel like I am in the backseat while everyone else is enjoying each others conversations and time' - I can completely relate to this!
I was out with a few friends on Friday night, my stammer had been terrible during the week so I wasn't feeling that confident to being with. I was doing ok, stammering here and there, maybe a little worse than normal. I got to a point where, probably due the alcohol, I just sat there in silence, feeling bitter and envious that everyone else was talking 'normally' and so fluently.
It can be very frustrating being a stutterer, I have my good and bad times with it. Life can't always be peachy, I just carry on doing the best I can.
at least your have a girlfriend
yeah, at least you have a girlfriend. most of us don't because the only way to get a girlfriend is through communication...which we are not that great at.
i will never forget the time when i was at my friends surprise party with other people i don't know too well (different city). we were all sitting in a room waiting for my friend to show up...everybody talking and having a great time when one of the girls said "why don't you ever talk? what's wrong with you?". for about 3 minutes straight almost everybody in the room was making fun of me. how i display no emotions and how i never talk or never say my name to anyone. i didn't know what to do as i sat there for the rest of the night.
sorry i just had to vent a bit
Goatsy
09-08-2011, 09:56 PM
I started this technique years ago, and it works like a charm.
When my wife and I meet someone new, I take the lead, jump in, and say,
"Hi, my name is Garth, and I'm a stutterer. So, you're allowed to laugh, but don't finish my sentences."
This takes all the pressure off me, and they're put at ease by the little joke.
Also, my wife's name is Dianne, and D's are hard for me, but I always introduce her too. I don't always block up, but if I do, I just tell them that it's Dianne, with 12 D's and two N's.
Avoidance is the worst thing we can do to ourselves.
Garth
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