Who would want to talk to a stutterer...?

[ForeverYoung]

That's sometimes how I feel.

Its very hard to get down on life when thinking like that.

I feel it's true, cause sometimes, even I don't like speaking/my attempts at speaking/my stuttering, so why should someone else?

[grantM]

Hmm I find that lots of people want to speak to me, get to know me and engage with me ........ because I guess I am interesting, easy to get along with and am also a good listener. If you let them in past the stutter then you will do fine.

[Keyo]

i find the same thing somehow... i agree with grantM

[nik037]

i actually do not like talking to other stutters...it is hard to pay attention to what they are saying bc i, as a stutter, focus so much on their stuttering. it reminds me constantly that i look like that when i talk, sound like that, and assume that non-stutters feel that way about talking to me. seeing other people have a hard time talking is like forcing myself to realize that i stutter, and it sucks.

[ptw]

NJ ay? What county are you from?

[Violet]

i actually do not like talking to other stutters...it is hard to pay attention to what they are saying bc i, as a stutter, focus so much on their stuttering. it reminds me constantly that i look like that when i talk, sound like that, and assume that non-stutters feel that way about talking to me. seeing other people have a hard time talking is like forcing myself to realize that i stutter, and it sucks.

oh yeah me to!
it's so damn depressing :mad:

i don't mind talking to people who have a stutter equal or less than mine, but i find it super awkward listening to people who stutter really badly. gosh i am such a bad person. :o

[Zachary]

I agree with Nik and Violet. I don't think we're inconsiderate, or somehow view other stutterers as lessers. Its the insecurities that are mirrored. It just sucks to have those little fears (the facial contortions mostly for me) verified as actually existing.

I don't know. I guess ignoring the issue helps me.

[Jaykon]

i actually do not like talking to other stutters...it is hard to pay attention to what they are saying bc i, as a stutter, focus so much on their stuttering. it reminds me constantly that i look like that when i talk, sound like that, and assume that non-stutters feel that way about talking to me. seeing other people have a hard time talking is like forcing myself to realize that i stutter, and it sucks.

yeah for me its painful

[Fieldsy84]

I don't know any people in my area who stutter so I don't run into this...

[emily445455]

I have the "who would want to talk to me" feeling a lot too.

[Derek181]

gee i never thought id see the day where other stutters say they dont like listening to other stutterers. ive met a lot of severe stutters in my life and i still listen to them respectfully and have no problems talking to them.

[ForeverYoung]

NJ ay? What county are you from?



Mercer County

[Toney]

I feel this way alot of times.

Over the years, I've always wondered why people invite me out to social gatherings. On top of the stutter, I also speak really fast and mumble a-lot.

I guess im just there to make up the numbers.

[GoodGuy]

It's funny. I myself am quite social, and is deemed quite outrageous and funny by others, but I view myself as something completely different. In the end, people who stutters always have friends, and there will always be people who want to talk to us, as long as you allow them to see past your stuttering.

[grantM]

It's funny. I myself am quite social, and is deemed quite outrageous and funny by others, but I view myself as something completely different. In the end, people who stutters always have friends, and there will always be people who want to talk to us, as long as you allow them to see past your stuttering.

I totally agree. People quickly look past the stutter. Apart from our speech we also should work on our personalities. People are drawn to them and are interested in them. Also if you enter a speaking situation with a closed front then people will be aware of it and coversation will be less coming

[Rkanjl]

I totally agree. People quickly look past the stutter.

I read this recently, and not only did it stick with me, it seems relevant here...

'Habituation, a term used...to indicate when differences are so familiar that they become part of the listener's comfort zone'. At least in my case as a listener, it happened surprisingly fast!

[BenLZ]

People don't quickly look past the stutter. They usually tolerate it, but they rarely accept it internally. It's often very uncomfortable for the listener to have to listen to someone strain so much when they speak.

[grantM]

People don't quickly look past the stutter. They usually tolerate it, but they rarely accept it internally. It's often very uncomfortable for the listener to have to listen to someone strain so much when they speak.

I disagree totally but it is from my own personal experiences. I think they do look past fast but we are so hinged on the fact that we believe they do not. We are looking for reasons and excuses. If you have a story/message to tell then they quickly look beyond the method and towards the content. Yes it is uncomfortable at first until the realise what the issue is, the same can be said for bad breath or poor dental care

[Fieldsy84]

I have the "who would want to talk to me" feeling a lot too.

me too and its why I don't like meeting new people :(

[Mullen]

"Thus Guy de Chauliac (1363) lists among the certain symptoms of leprosy in addition to loss of hair and swelling of the lips, 'stinking breath, raucous voice and a fixed and horrible stare', which are indeed probable consequences of Hansen's disease but must also depend a good deal for their identification on the perceptions and even preconceptions of the observer. Guy goes on to name among sixteen 'equivocal symptoms', along with the wasting of muscles and skin, insensiblity at the extremities, an oily appearance when water is dropped on the skin, bad dreams, a short temper and a tendency to impose oneself on the company of others." (from "The Formation of a Persecuting Society" by R.I. Moore)

Now why would a 'tendency to impose oneself on the company of others' be considered a symptom of leprosy?

[kanon]

People don't quickly look past the stutter. They usually tolerate it, but they rarely accept it internally. It's often very uncomfortable for the listener to have to listen to someone strain so much when they speak.

I may have to disagree also. You can ask any of your close friends and ask them what they have honestly felt when they first met you. Chances are they really don't mind it at all :)

[Stamr]

oh yeah me to!
it's so damn depressing :mad:

i don't mind talking to people who have a stutter equal or less than mine, but i find it super awkward listening to people who stutter really badly. gosh i am such a bad person. :o


Don't feel alone because I'm the same way... I went to speech therapy one time, and I felt super awkward around other stutterers. This is why I feel like no one would want to talk to a stutterer.

I know it's hypocritical... I'm not a shallow person by any means. It's just how I feel :S

[nympfsue]

hi everyone!
i'm new here so i'll introduce myself first
i thought that i stuttered but i wasn't sure what was going on because i noticed i did it only once every few months or so. so i joined this list, and after reading some posts i figured i'm a clutter... i googled it and after that i knew for sure. so i started paying more attention to the way i talk and it turns out i clutter every time i say anything, not just once every few months like i thought. a shocking revelation to say the least. why did no one ever tell me i talked like that???
anyway, my best friend stutters, severely at times, but i don't mind talking to him at all, it never has and never will bother me, i knew from the get-go that he is a sweet and intelligent and interesting person and i don't care what he sounds like when he talks, i only care about the context. i'd much rather talk to a person who has a stutter and is nice than to a fluent person who is a jerk.

[Stamr]

Don't feel alone because I'm the same way... I went to speech therapy one time, and I felt super awkward around other stutterers. This is why I feel like no one would want to talk to a stutterer.

I know it's hypocritical... I'm not a shallow person by any means. It's just how I feel :S

Let me reiterate, I would gladly be friends with a stutterer, it's not that I think we are all idiots... It's more so feeling badly for other stutterers. I hate to see other people go through what I've gone through.

[Violet]

Let me reiterate, I would gladly be friends with a stutterer, it's not that I think we are all idiots... It's more so feeling badly for other stutterers. I hate to see other people go through what I've gone through.

oh yeah me to! and i find its awkward cause i don't know how to react, and i find that i do the same things that other people do when they are listening to me stutter and i feel bad for reacting in ways which i hate people reacting in :o

[kanon]

yeah it's hard but it's not like we have any choice right? For certain we cannot change our disorder but we can indeed change our VIEW on it. At least, that's what I did. A few years back I was so conscious of it, "what if she notices my stutter?" "what if they see me as incompetent". Those were the things that keep on running in my head. But I changed my perspective on it, hey, as long as I talk about something interesting and worthwhile, they would want to keep on talking with me.

For you also, won't you prefer talking with Hawkins, rather than that bum across the street who does nothing all day but talk big and trash?:)

[grantM]

Exactly as i say quite a lot....people focus on the message and not the method

[9802008]

I hear what is being said about 'who would want to speak to a person who stutters' ... however:

- your stutter probably seems much worse to you than to the person you are speaking to. It probably bothers you way more than it does them. Its probably not a big deal to them
- speech is only one method of communication, so the other person may just enjoy your company, whether you speak or not
- hopefully they are considerate and want to be with you even if it takes longer to communicate

[mufaa]

True. When i was young, i cried and cried asking myself and others why those bullies at school are unable to accept my speech and laugh at it.

When i grew up, i realized that...it is indeed funny! :p Don't we all laugh at comedians who do weird things on stage (maybe even act as a stutter)? It is the same for others who laugh at us. I ask myself, if i was a fluent speaker, and came across a person who whistles out air, or moves his lips, head and eyes in weird movements while speaking, would i not laugh? Maybe i would.

They laugh at us because we are such a small number, they rarely come across someone like us. If stutter was 8 out of 10 common, it would be accepted as the norm. And nobody would laugh at it then.

That's how it is. As for the question...why wouldn't someone want to speak to a stutter? If you have information to give, or if they have information to give, upon request to pass information, both parties will have to speak to establish the transfer. There are some cruel people in word that look down upon you, but believe me, there are very few of those.

[takinyede]

I think its important to different light stuttering with some level of control from severe stuttering with no control whatsoever. I spent many years in stuttering groups and my stuttering varied greatly during those times as I was experimenting with diff techniques. I think for me, when I see severe stutterers that are making every mistake and just keep forcing their way along, I feel scared for my own speech so I tune out. In terms of strangers I really don't care what they think about me or my sturrering, my focus is on myself and trying to be a better communicator. I think if I can communicate and get my points across, I can care less if I stutter or not and I find that most people don't care too as long as I can say what I want to say.