Yet another Vent Fest

[GoodGuy]

Ok people, prepare yourself for tonight's vent station. Seat belts are advised.

Anyways, I've been feeling pretty down lately, constantly on the verge of depression. But I've told myself that getting depressed won't solve my problem or do anything productive, so I've been OK for a while. Anyways, it's dawned on me that my life is going to be somewhat of a complete shithole.

I'm a young guy, very young actually, (Ok I'm 14) and it's about time for me to start thinking seriously about my future. I realize that getting a job is going to be difficult for me, but I eventually know that I'll get one sooner or later. It may not be the job I wanted, but as long as I can pay the rent, I'm fine. I'm clueless about what I actually want to be when I grow up, as I think that my stutter is somehow clouding my judgment and preventing me from becoming the person I want to be, or meant to be, whichever way you put it. My friends always ask me "what do you wanna be?" and I'm always just standing/sitting there with a blank expression on my face. If I try to think about it, I just always come back to the same conclusion: "Who the hell would take someone who stutters in their business?" Ok, I know that's complete bullshit, as most people here have a job, so there's no need going down that road. But what I'm really saying is, that I'm lost. I don't know who I am, or what I will become.

However, that's not the thing I was actually wanting to say here. The main problem in my life now, is the whole 'acquiring your significant other' thing. This may be a phase in my life, as I'm going through puberty if you haven't noticed, but I just can't see myself getting a girlfriend! Stuttering is NOT appealing to women, I know for sure. I know that some women are open minded, but what are the chances of me actually meeting them? It would be like trying to find one grain of rice in a beach full of sand. My friends have very active social lives, as they normally engage in extra curricular activities, such as going to various clubs and such. But I'm just left in the dust, sitting on the bench, or more specifically, sitting on this chair by my computer, idly typing a way like some guy with no life. Even if I do somehow manage to get a girl to like me back for who I am, I'd kind of reject her, because I won't be able to give her what she needs! I'm not sure that I'm a guy worth being with. Why should she have to go through hell, just to be with me? I'm not worth it, and I never will. Other people my accept me, but I will NEVER accept myself. Marriage and continuing my father's legacy by reproducing sounds like a fairytale to me. I will NOT let anyone else in my family experience the shit I'm going through. It's like plain murder. I'd be destroying their social life, on purpose. My baby sister stutters, and every time she has trouble saying words just makes me wonder whether she'd be as ed up as I am. I wonder if she gets bullied at school, and whether she'd be able to deal with the BS that I'm going through.

I always question myself, why the hell am I living? Why bother waking up the next day, knowing that everything i'm trying to be is a complete facade. Then of course, the suicidal thoughts kick in, and try to tempt me to having an overdose of paracetamol or something. I know that life constantly revolves around communication. It's the foundations of living a good life. If you know how to speak well, then you've pretty much got your life sorted out. But I have nothing. I don't know who I am anymore, I've lost it, everything. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just a ticking time bomb. Eventually I'm going to have to face the inevitable truth.

Everything about me, is crumbling apart, I've lost my faith and beliefs (don't try to re-convert me to God again, I'm sick of that), I've lost my sense of self-worth and my self-esteem has pretty much gone down the drain. And, I've been thinking, "it's just a phase, you're interest in girls has increased and etc etc" but I can't ignore the solid facts here. Later on in life, I'll be the 40 year old virgin, assuming I don't kill myself till then. THAT JUST SUCKS? is out of the window, finding love is a complete no no for me, and girls will just blow me off because I can't even say hello without losing my breath trying to get the word out.

Right now, I'm scared of continuing because this may just be 3 pages long, so I'm going to sum it up.

1. My love life is going to a complete up and everything concerning just gives me yet another reason to bury my head into my pillow and never come up for air.
2. My identity is a question mark to me
3. I'm questioning my will to live.

I don't want to be rude or anything here, but I'm fearing that I just might become what some of you are, pissed off, angry, and jaded about life for god knows how long. Just give me some kind of help please? Just another good reason for me to continue existing, in this harsh world that we live in. Yes, these thoughts may be irrational and this all may just be the depressive phase of puberty, but I thank it, it made me open my eyes truly for the first time, and allowed me to see what the world really is like. It's grey and ugly, and everything about it just makes me remember what a complete up up i am, and will be. I know I'm just too young to be thinking about these harsh thoughts, but when you're a PWS and you're only in your young teens, it forces a sudden maturity on to you.

[Keyo]

Dear GoodGuy,

First of all I would like to tell you that I feel you, and I think we all (stutterers) do feel what you're passing through because we've passed through the same times aswell... speaking for myself, being a teenager was really really REALLY a pain in the a** for me, too many bad and depressive moments i've passed through (including suicidal thoughts)...

However, think about it for a second, you're still 14, no offense but you still didnt see ANYTHING in this life, and you know that what you're passing through is only for the current time, but some time later you'll get over all of this and will be living a normal life never even thinking that you used to stutter one day and YOU know it, maybe in a couple of weeks, months or even years... do u see thats its not worth the wait just because u cant get what u want in the current time?

GoodGuy, i dont wanna start any relegious topics but as far as i know, Suicides are strongly prohibited by all the relegions allover the world including Islam, Christianity and Jews.. so u should give that also a piece of your concern aswell... because I'm pretty sure that all people want to go to heaven, and YOU are one of those people, so by suiciding now do you possibly think that you'll end up in heaven by throwing away the most precious gift that god gave you?

I have to point also for another thing... Did you ever take a look around you oneday and saw other people and what kind of problems do they have? did you ever see that there are people out there that YOU can really pity them for what they are experiencing in their lives, yet these people are standing solid and still having hope for a better day to come, i dont think you need me to give you some examples about those people, that are really worse than us stutterers...

Now let me answer your 3 questions..
1. My love life is going to a complete up and everything concerning just gives me yet another reason to bury my head into my pillow and never come up for air.
- Having isnt the end of the world and sooner or later you'll have it but you'll have it with someone that really accepts you the way you are (as a stutterer) and not some random chick, you'll not end up a 40 y.o. virgin like u said (which is another topic i dont wnana open) i understand your rush as you see almost all of your friends living their lives without any obstacles.. but everyone gets his time, and its just not your time yet.

[Keyo]

Sorry, i submitted reply by accident... let me continue..

2. My identity is a question mark to me.
- Your indentity is burried as the current time because are ashamed of it somehow and dont wanna show your real identity to the people... once you overcome this you'll gain self confidence and your identity so clear to you and so clear for the people aswell..

3. I'm questioning my will to live.
- Your will to live is to enjoy the life that you're given with the tools you have including stuttering and make the best out of this life... coz the only life you'll ever have again is either in heaven or hell and you're the one to decide your own path.... Suiciding isnt a good path to take and it never solves any problems, its just a complete index to show how weak the person is and that he cant face his own problems like a man is supposed to...

I won't lie to you, i used to have many MANY suicidal thoughts aswell... but whenever i think about this, i look at the people around me and i say to myself that am not so bad afterall, and there is always hope to hold on to...

My grandfather always told me there are 3 things in life.. its impossible to take all those 3 things together... you can only 2 at a time... because god dont give people everything... the 3 things are:

1- Money
2- Health
3- A mind without constant worrying

I think i already have the 2 i need and am happy with them :)

I hope you got my point and sorry for my bad English.

[Crispy]

Ok people, prepare yourself for tonight's vent station. Seat belts are advised.

Anyways, I've been feeling pretty down lately, constantly on the verge of depression. But I've told myself that getting depressed won't solve my problem or do anything productive, so I've been OK for a while. Anyways, it's dawned on me that my life is going to be somewhat of a complete shithole.

I'm a young guy, very young actually, (Ok I'm 14) and it's about time for me to start thinking seriously about my future. I realize that getting a job is going to be difficult for me, but I eventually know that I'll get one sooner or later. It may not be the job I wanted, but as long as I can pay the rent, I'm fine. I'm clueless about what I actually want to be when I grow up, as I think that my stutter is somehow clouding my judgment and preventing me from becoming the person I want to be, or meant to be, whichever way you put it. My friends always ask me "what do you wanna be?" and I'm always just standing/sitting there with a blank expression on my face. If I try to think about it, I just always come back to the same conclusion: "Who the hell would take someone who stutters in their business?" Ok, I know that's complete bullshit, as most people here have a job, so there's no need going down that road. But what I'm really saying is, that I'm lost. I don't know who I am, or what I will become.

However, that's not the thing I was actually wanting to say here. The main problem in my life now, is the whole 'acquiring your significant other' thing. This may be a phase in my life, as I'm going through puberty if you haven't noticed, but I just can't see myself getting a girlfriend! Stuttering is NOT appealing to women, I know for sure. I know that some women are open minded, but what are the chances of me actually meeting them? It would be like trying to find one grain of rice in a beach full of sand. My friends have very active social lives, as they normally engage in extra curricular activities, such as going to various clubs and such. But I'm just left in the dust, sitting on the bench, or more specifically, sitting on this chair by my computer, idly typing a way like some guy with no life. Even if I do somehow manage to get a girl to like me back for who I am, I'd kind of reject her, because I won't be able to give her what she needs! I'm not sure that I'm a guy worth being with. Why should she have to go through hell, just to be with me? I'm not worth it, and I never will. Other people my accept me, but I will NEVER accept myself. Marriage and continuing my father's legacy by reproducing sounds like a fairytale to me. I will NOT let anyone else in my family experience the shit I'm going through. It's like plain murder. I'd be destroying their social life, on purpose. My baby sister stutters, and every time she has trouble saying words just makes me wonder whether she'd be as ed up as I am. I wonder if she gets bullied at school, and whether she'd be able to deal with the BS that I'm going through.

I always question myself, why the hell am I living? Why bother waking up the next day, knowing that everything i'm trying to be is a complete facade. Then of course, the suicidal thoughts kick in, and try to tempt me to having an overdose of paracetamol or something. I know that life constantly revolves around communication. It's the foundations of living a good life. If you know how to speak well, then you've pretty much got your life sorted out. But I have nothing. I don't know who I am anymore, I've lost it, everything. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just a ticking time bomb. Eventually I'm going to have to face the inevitable truth.

Everything about me, is crumbling apart, I've lost my faith and beliefs (don't try to re-convert me to God again, I'm sick of that), I've lost my sense of self-worth and my self-esteem has pretty much gone down the drain. And, I've been thinking, "it's just a phase, you're interest in girls has increased and etc etc" but I can't ignore the solid facts here. Later on in life, I'll be the 40 year old virgin, assuming I don't kill myself till then. THAT JUST SUCKS? is out of the window, finding love is a complete no no for me, and girls will just blow me off because I can't even say hello without losing my breath trying to get the word out.

Right now, I'm scared of continuing because this may just be 3 pages long, so I'm going to sum it up.

1. My love life is going to a complete up and everything concerning just gives me yet another reason to bury my head into my pillow and never come up for air.
2. My identity is a question mark to me
3. I'm questioning my will to live.

I don't want to be rude or anything here, but I'm fearing that I just might become what some of you are, pissed off, angry, and jaded about life for god knows how long. Just give me some kind of help please? Just another good reason for me to continue existing, in this harsh world that we live in. Yes, these thoughts may be irrational and this all may just be the depressive phase of puberty, but I thank it, it made me open my eyes truly for the first time, and allowed me to see what the world really is like. It's grey and ugly, and everything about it just makes me remember what a complete up up i am, and will be. I know I'm just too young to be thinking about these harsh thoughts, but when you're a PWS and you're only in your young teens, it forces a sudden maturity on to you.

Hey Goodguy I'm 15 and I know EXACTLY how you feel, I made an account just to reply to this.

When I was 13-14 I was very close to just killing myself by strangling myself slightly so not much oxygen would get to my brain then so i'd feel less pain then cutting my throat, I questioned my existence as I thought I wouldn't be able to live a decent happy life. I never had a girl friend, my grades were slipping due to depresssion, i'd never go out with my friends because my stutter was very bad then (probably due to negative attitude towards life) and everything was generally going downhill for me then.

But when i turned 15 and started my 5th year at secondary school, everything started to look up for me. I just thought "**** it" I'm not going to let this stupid little curse bring me down and I changed my entire attitude. I was more happy and I just forgot about my stutter, obviously i still do stutter but definetely not as bad as before, I feel more alive then ever before. The main way to get through what your going through is to not think about your stutter but learn to live with it, there are starving kids in Africa who have worse problems to think about, just be lucky that you have a home and food on your plate.

Winston Churchill, was Britains best (by opinion :P) Prime Minister and he stuttered. James Earl Jones (Guy who did voice for Darth Vader lol) got through his stutter by reading out loud to himself and generally being self confident by 'just doing it' despite his stutter.

Just don't let this little phase in your life get you down to much and seriously, and Please don't go as far as I did and actually write the suicide note and put the knife to your throat. That moment was probably my lowest point in life but is also what changed me, I thought at that moment "What the hell am I doing" I was about to end my life, a gift like non other for some stupid little problem that can be overcome by a simple positive attitude.

So just think to yourself "**** it" everyone has their problems in life and just brush it away. We simply have a problem where we find it hard to talk (and believe me, my stutter was Really bad).

[GoodGuy]

Wow, thanks for your reply Keyo. It really, well, made me rethink my current situation. Yes, I know this may just be a phase, and it may pass in a few months/years/days, but I'm not sure whether I'd be strong enough to stand tall and mighty each time. 13-15 is just the beginning of what seems to be a long downward spiral, 16-18 apparently is the worst. I'm weak, mentally and emotionally, and supporting myself each time I hit a low is just going to be extremely difficult.

What I need is someone to relate to, someone like me, and thankfully, there's the stuttering forum here. However, day by day, I'm going to be reminded all of this, all of my failures, and soon-to-be ones.

Suicide: a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Yes I know that, but I don't want to have this stutter for the rest of my life! Having an eternal burden was not on my to-do list! How the hell am I going to deal with my social inadequacies, when I myself have a low self-esteem? Where is my future going? I don't know what I want to be when i grow up! My life I'm constantly questioning myself, with never getting the answers I need.

[GoodGuy]

Thanks for replying Crispy, but to be truthful, I can't just say ' IT' just like that. A change of attitude is not like flipping a switch. My insecurities will still be there, as long as I still view myself as being different from them.

Yes, the people you mentioned did overcome their stutter, but I need some help, some support. someone to guide me in the rough times. But I don't have that. So, yeah, being positive can't be flicked on to ON/OFF. It's just not possible.

People have viewed me as somewhat as a pessimist, but I just say I'm being realistic. When you come down to it, their paths intertwine somewhere along the line. I've just realized that earlier than others.

[Zachary]

Heya! I'd just like to note that you're a REALLY good writer, GoodGuy. You have that going for you. Don't take it for granted. Our particular issue molds an environment that is conducive to producing excellent writers.

:D

Women dig guys who can express themselves.

[Zachary]

Er ... I mean express themselves through the written word. I didn't mean to throw water on a grease fire. Haha!

[GoodGuy]

Well I have always liked writing, and I can write creatively pretty well. I've always had fantasies where I'd be an accomplished novelist known for several best sellers etc etc. But the last time I checked, the equivalent of Bill Gates in the writing department doesn't exist. Money is also a great factor in life, so yeah..XD.

Thanks for reply Zachary, you've just spawned some hope in me. Maybe I should be a writer!!???

[WhiteLatinoBoy]

yeah zachary is right. you do write pretty good goodguy. english is my WORST subject. teachers hate my essays. lol

yeah i feel almost exactly as you do goodguy. i never see myself with a gf and i jsut always think why would people want to talk with me? whenever i see girls around school or just at a store i immediately feel awkward and i avoid them as much as possible. lol. and i mean thats good that you're looking into the future but at the same time u gotta go through wats going on now and take it slow. looking ahead will jsut further tense u up and make u feel worse. right now im 19 and i feel like im in the spot ur in right now. still single with no gf ever and still questioning wat i wanna do with me life. my daily focus has been trying to get better and finding my own personal ways in beating this stutter. honestly, talking slow does work. theres no need to run through the sentence fast cuz it just makes ur body tense and its just a mess. reading outloud to urself helps too. and im sure u've noticed that when u sing, u sound perfect. lol. try finding ur tone and tempo of ur voice and work with it. so yeah, basically we all have to learn to accept it because ITS THERE. and the only way to overcome it is to practice and try speech therapy. i mean sometimes i wonder why stuttering is such a bad thing cuz its just TALKING. the only reason why we feel like crap is cuz we are afraid wat people are thinking. i mean ya they'll think some stuff but i always try to picture it like "well im never gonna see them again, so who cares wat they think." and if u do know them, like a friend or something, then they should understand and accept you for who u are..

good luck man

[drederick]

Stuttering is NOT appealing to women, I know for sure. I know that some women are open minded, but what are the chances of me actually meeting them? It would be like trying to find one grain of rice in a beach full of sand.

In my experience, I think less than 20% of women would view moderate stuttering* as a dealbreaker. So it's more like: if you pick any random girl, chances are good that your stuttering won't be that big of a deal to her as long as you are confident.

*My rate of speech averages about 1 word per second.. results might be different for extremely severe stutterers.

[jak]

guys when you are 14 and 15 you are too young to be planing out the rest of your life you need to have fun not dwell on what could happen in the future ,14 is kinda young to be looking for a wife or a career ,it gets better as you get older

[BenLZ]

Just another good reason for me to continue existing, in this harsh world that we live in.

I'm 18, and we're really at the same stage here. Why do we live? Because we're afraid to die. You want to think about suicide? Think about actually doing it. You want to walk up to a bridge and jump? You think anybody can just do that? No, something really traumatizing needs to happen for you to do it. Trust me, I've been mulling over your 'What's the point in being here when nobody understands you?' question for a little longer than you.

There is no point in being alive. We apply that meaning, and for all I know that meaning could simple delusion. But 'Why am I alive?' is not the question so much as 'Am I actually willing to take myself out of this world?"

Think about the ways you can go. Pill overdose? Those can be excruciatingly painful if you take less than the required amount. Stomach problems for years to come. I know the mental anguish it takes for a sane person to walk towards his own death, as I have done it (only to peter out at the last second). Honestly, suicide is no easy feat for someone who is not completely, utterly, hopeless and depressed. You clearly have things you like. I have things I like. We hang on to these because we don't know how to kill ourselves. We are pathetic. We are human. Now get off this forum, it really just reminds most of us of our own impotence.

[Jaykon]

guys when you are 14 and 15 you are too young to be planing out the rest of your life you need to have fun not dwell on what could happen in the future ,14 is kinda young to be looking for a wife or a career ,it gets better as you get older

my thoughts exactly..

[GoodGuy]

yeah zachary is right. you do write pretty good goodguy. english is my WORST subject. teachers hate my essays. lol

yeah i feel almost exactly as you do goodguy. i never see myself with a gf and i jsut always think why would people want to talk with me? whenever i see girls around school or just at a store i immediately feel awkward and i avoid them as much as possible. lol. and i mean thats good that you're looking into the future but at the same time u gotta go through wats going on now and take it slow. looking ahead will jsut further tense u up and make u feel worse. right now im 19 and i feel like im in the spot ur in right now. still single with no gf ever and still questioning wat i wanna do with me life. my daily focus has been trying to get better and finding my own personal ways in beating this stutter. honestly, talking slow does work. theres no need to run through the sentence fast cuz it just makes ur body tense and its just a mess. reading outloud to urself helps too. and im sure u've noticed that when u sing, u sound perfect. lol. try finding ur tone and tempo of ur voice and work with it. so yeah, basically we all have to learn to accept it because ITS THERE. and the only way to overcome it is to practice and try speech therapy. i mean sometimes i wonder why stuttering is such a bad thing cuz its just TALKING. the only reason why we feel like crap is cuz we are afraid wat people are thinking. i mean ya they'll think some stuff but i always try to picture it like "well im never gonna see them again, so who cares wat they think." and if u do know them, like a friend or something, then they should understand and accept you for who u are..

good luck man

Thanks WhiteLatinoBoy, you're reply has some truth in it. Definitely positive ^_^.

In my experience, I think less than 20% of women would view moderate stuttering* as a dealbreaker. So it's more like: if you pick any random girl, chances are good that your stuttering won't be that big of a deal to her as long as you are confident.

*My rate of speech averages about 1 word per second.. results might be different for extremely severe stutterers.

The main problem in here is me getting the confidence to go up a to a woman and start a conversation? I have no balls in that department, I'm telling you. My friends and I were walking down the street one day, and a bunch of girls (friends of my friends) came running at us/him. If you were in my body, you'd feel the sudden increase in heart rate and the dread welling up inside me. I was like, standing there looking like a douche for five seconds or something, before instantly wanting to walk away and never look back. Yeah, that's really smooth.

guys when you are 14 and 15 you are too young to be planing out the rest of your life you need to have fun not dwell on what could happen in the future ,14 is kinda young to be looking for a wife or a career ,it gets better as you get older

I'm not looking for a wife at the moment, or a girlfriend. I'm just saying that if I wanted one, things would be extremely difficult. It may get better when I'm older, but until then, the anxiety will always be in me. And having fun? I'm boxed in at home for most of the week because I'm scared of going out with friends and meeting new people. Sure I have fun at school, but that's about it. I know I need to get out more, but there hasn't been any great chances for me to just delve into the world.

I'm 18, and we're really at the same stage here. Why do we live? Because we're afraid to die. You want to think about suicide? Think about actually doing it. You want to walk up to a bridge and jump? You think anybody can just do that? No, something really traumatizing needs to happen for you to do it. Trust me, I've been mulling over your 'What's the point in being here when nobody understands you?' question for a little longer than you.

There is no point in being alive. We apply that meaning, and for all I know that meaning could simple delusion. But 'Why am I alive?' is not the question so much as 'Am I actually willing to take myself out of this world?"

Think about the ways you can go. Pill overdose? Those can be excruciatingly painful if you take less than the required amount. Stomach problems for years to come. I know the mental anguish it takes for a sane person to walk towards his own death, as I have done it (only to peter out at the last second). Honestly, suicide is no easy feat for someone who is not completely, utterly, hopeless and depressed. You clearly have things you like. I have things I like. We hang on to these because we don't know how to kill ourselves. We are pathetic. We are human. Now get off this forum, it really just reminds most of us of our own impotence.

I'm not going to perform suicide. Every time I try to do something, like finally go up to my kitchen and gulping down 50 pills of paracetamol, something always holds me back, and I always question myself, what is it? What's stopping me from taking the plunge? To this day I still don't know. And I'm reminding you of your impotence? If you check the other threads here, I'm not the only one who's said things like this. Everything else you said were complete correct, but the last thing was extremely counter-productive.

[ricardo]

Sorry, but I just have to post this..

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"

Cookie for anyone who guesses..heheh :D

[BenLZ]

Everything else you said were complete correct, but the last thing was extremely counter-productive.

I know you're not the only one who has said things like this. It's forum wide, and frankly it shouldn't come as a shock to us when we're on a forum centered around our greatest weakness.

[Rkanjl]

I'm clueless about what I actually want to be when I grow up...I don't know who I am, or what I will become.

Stuttering is NOT appealing to women, I know for sure. ...I won't be able to give her what she needs!

...the inevitable truth.

Later on in life, I'll be the 40 year old virgin, assuming I don't kill myself till then. ... is out of the window, finding love is a complete no no for me, and girls will just blow me off because I can't even say hello without losing my breath trying to get the word out.



You seem to be making a lot of assumtions and definitive blanket statements here, but oh, sweetheart - nothing in life is set in stone! I'm twice your age and my identity and 'what I want to be' is fluid and ever-changing, and that's a wonderful thing! You can do anything, and don't ever think otherwise. Trust me, it's a much bigger deal to you since you are living with it and focused on it.

As far as relationships, I don't stutter, but I am in an exclusive relationship with someone who does and I am crazy about him - including his speech. It's all in the attitude (mine AND his). There are loads of girls out there who don't mind a stutter one bit, but who would not want to be with someone who is reclusive and down all the time. We are out there, you just need to get out of that chair, step out your front door, and find us!

!!*HUG*!!

[cosmotheander]

Goodguy,

You've got waay too much talent in writing to be feeling sorry for yourself. Seriously dude, if you didn't mention that you were 14 years old I would have thought it was an older guy writing. Ever consider a career in the literary field?

Back to the issue of babes, I remember my teenage frustrations of being dateless, going through my entire high school without a girlfriend just because I got cold feet in approaching them. I didn't even get to feel what it was like to get rejected by girls, because I never approached them in the first place. I remember being in college listening nervously to my peers relate their conquests of women, how many girlfriends they had, all the they were getting, and then they turned to me and asked me how many girls I had in the past. I would fake a number and quickly change the topic.

Anyway fast forward to my college graduation, academically successful but a complete nincompoop when it comes to wooing women. I decided I wasn't going to take anymore of my excuses and vowed to approach one of my female friends and ask her outright if she wanted to be my girlfriend (not the most slick opening line I admit but I was getting desperate). I could remember the fear, the TERROR, of that one moment and I realized then I've wasted all my years, the chances I had of learning the skills I needed at getting girls, and I felt utterly disgusted with myself. I realized then that what matters is not whether you get the girl the first time you approach, what matters is just approaching girls and getting over the fear, experiencing all there is to be, the successes and the failures. Even rejection is a success because it teaches you that something you did was wrong and you can fine tune your approach in the future. All of this trial and error was meant to be done in high school and college so that when you get out of school and enter "the real world" as the say, you've got all those lessons and experiences down pat and you won't screw up your chances when you meet "the one".

These were the things that went through in my head at that time, all the regrets I had, but better late than never. So I got the courage, went up to her, and said "I have a crush on you (name). There, I said it. Now what you do with that information is your problem. As for me, I'm a free man baby." :cool:

She took it with goodhearted humor and, after an hour of talking, I got my first girlfriend and my first kiss all in one hour. It was a miracle i couldn't even comprehend immediately. I remember lying in my bed that night, feeling the RAW POWER course through me, feeling totally masculinized for the first time in 20 years of being a dateless wonder. And I am still a stutterer. It is possible.

So what I'm saying here is try not to wait until you're a 40-year old virgin (like I almost did) before you start approaching. I know it's pretty shitty and embarrassing with stuttering but I can tell by your way of writing you've got a good sense of humor and a fun personality and those are qualities sought after by girls. Try to get the rejections too. Ironically, the more girls dump you the better you get.

It's a tough road we walk on man but we have to continue walking even with the cuts and bruises on our feet. Good luck to you my friend.

[GoodGuy]

You seem to be making a lot of assumtions and definitive blanket statements here, but oh, sweetheart - nothing in life is set in stone! I'm twice your age and my identity and 'what I want to be' is fluid and ever-changing, and that's a wonderful thing! You can do anything, and don't ever think otherwise. Trust me, it's a much bigger deal to you since you are living with it and focused on it.

As far as relationships, I don't stutter, but I am in an exclusive relationship with someone who does and I am crazy about him - including his speech. It's all in the attitude (mine AND his). There are loads of girls out there who don't mind a stutter one bit, but who would not want to be with someone who is reclusive and down all the time. We are out there, you just need to get out of that chair, step out your front door, and find us!

!!*HUG*!!

Thanks Rkanjl, you really made me smile! Perhaps I'm being way too stereotypical about things, and start doing something about myself

Goodguy,

You've got waay too much talent in writing to be feeling sorry for yourself. Seriously dude, if you didn't mention that you were 14 years old I would have thought it was an older guy writing. Ever consider a career in the literary field?

Back to the issue of babes, I remember my teenage frustrations of being dateless, going through my entire high school without a girlfriend just because I got cold feet in approaching them. I didn't even get to feel what it was like to get rejected by girls, because I never approached them in the first place. I remember being in college listening nervously to my peers relate their conquests of women, how many girlfriends they had, all the they were getting, and then they turned to me and asked me how many girls I had in the past. I would fake a number and quickly change the topic.

Anyway fast forward to my college graduation, academically successful but a complete nincompoop when it comes to wooing women. I decided I wasn't going to take anymore of my excuses and vowed to approach one of my female friends and ask her outright if she wanted to be my girlfriend (not the most slick opening line I admit but I was getting desperate). I could remember the fear, the TERROR, of that one moment and I realized then I've wasted all my years, the chances I had of learning the skills I needed at getting girls, and I felt utterly disgusted with myself. I realized then that what matters is not whether you get the girl the first time you approach, what matters is just approaching girls and getting over the fear, experiencing all there is to be, the successes and the failures. Even rejection is a success because it teaches you that something you did was wrong and you can fine tune your approach in the future. All of this trial and error was meant to be done in high school and college so that when you get out of school and enter "the real world" as the say, you've got all those lessons and experiences down pat and you won't screw up your chances when you meet "the one".

These were the things that went through in my head at that time, all the regrets I had, but better late than never. So I got the courage, went up to her, and said "I have a crush on you (name). There, I said it. Now what you do with that information is your problem. As for me, I'm a free man baby." :cool:

She took it with goodhearted humor and, after an hour of talking, I got my first girlfriend and my first kiss all in one hour. It was a miracle i couldn't even comprehend immediately. I remember lying in my bed that night, feeling the RAW POWER course through me, feeling totally masculinized for the first time in 20 years of being a dateless wonder. And I am still a stutterer. It is possible.

So what I'm saying here is try not to wait until you're a 40-year old virgin (like I almost did) before you start approaching. I know it's pretty shitty and embarrassing with stuttering but I can tell by your way of writing you've got a good sense of humor and a fun personality and those are qualities sought after by girls. Try to get the rejections too. Ironically, the more girls dump you the better you get.

It's a tough road we walk on man but we have to continue walking even with the cuts and bruises on our feet. Good luck to you my friend.

I'd love to write for a living XD, and it sure sounds promising. But what exact profession in the literary field suits me? I have no idea. I'll start googling straight after this post.

Anyways, you're completely right. The fact that you did all those things in an hour made me chuckle, and I just thought, WOW. Maybe I can be like you, scoring so precisely like that. I know that 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. The rejection of course, will be like a hard punch to the face, but if I can get back up from that, I know that I can do it again, and will do it again. Until, I meet 'the one' as you say.

[Rkanjl]

I'd love to write for a living XD, and it sure sounds promising. But what exact profession in the literary field suits me? I have no idea. I'll start googling straight after this post.


I'm curious to hear what you came up with in your searching. Anything strike your fancy? :)

[GoodGuy]

Well I came across a pretty nice site. It's a questionnaire kind of thing, and after you've gotten your results, it allows you to see which careers best match your personality.

Here's a brief list of my possibilities:

Marketing specialist - HELL NO.

Doctor/health care - Maybe, but the site of blood makes me squirm.

Business Analyst - Don't like business.

Librarian - I have the stereotypical image of an old pissed off person shouting at kids to keep the noise down.

Artist/actor - I'm a good actor, as people say, but I jsut can't see myself anywhere big. Plus I'm going to have to sort out a lot of my personal issues before going anywhere near that department. I'm currently in a play, and I blocked badly during the read through, but when I was actually engaged in the character, and on the stage, I was like...60-80% of the time fluent. In other plays it always varies from 60-100% lol. So being an actor sounds possible to me, but...i'm apprehensive.

Researcher - Researching what? Yeah sure it's interesting. XD

Entrepreneur/self-employed - HELL NO. Just can't see myself doing anything in business.

Forces - Well anything like going on the front lines and holding a rifle in my hand scares me. Doing a job that's behind the scenes, like some sort of counter-intelligence expert etc etc, that sounds like something I can do.

Careers/occupational
advice/therapy - I can see myself as a psychiatrist/psychologist. Studying the human mind interests me deeply XD/

Scientist/biologist/
physicist/chemist - I can also see myself as someone doing something in the science department of life. I've always loved science.

Homemaker - Do I really need to say anything?

Administrator - Of what? If it involves computers im up for it.

Sales - No.

Assistant - Doesn't sound very fulfilling.


As you can see, I'm interested in a lot of areas, so how the hell do I choose?

[WhiteLatinoBoy]

Well I came across a pretty nice site. It's a questionnaire kind of thing, and after you've gotten your results, it allows you to see which careers best match your personality.

Here's a brief list of my possibilities:

Marketing specialist - HELL NO.

Doctor/health care - Maybe, but the site of blood makes me squirm.

Business Analyst - Don't like business.

Librarian - I have the stereotypical image of an old pissed off person shouting at kids to keep the noise down.

Artist/actor - I'm a good actor, as people say, but I jsut can't see myself anywhere big. Plus I'm going to have to sort out a lot of my personal issues before going anywhere near that department. I'm currently in a play, and I blocked badly during the read through, but when I was actually engaged in the character, and on the stage, I was like...60-80% of the time fluent. In other plays it always varies from 60-100% lol. So being an actor sounds possible to me, but...i'm apprehensive.

Researcher - Researching what? Yeah sure it's interesting. XD

Entrepreneur/self-employed - HELL NO. Just can't see myself doing anything in business.

Forces - Well anything like going on the front lines and holding a rifle in my hand scares me. Doing a job that's behind the scenes, like some sort of counter-intelligence expert etc etc, that sounds like something I can do.

Careers/occupational
advice/therapy - I can see myself as a psychiatrist/psychologist. Studying the human mind interests me deeply XD/

Scientist/biologist/
physicist/chemist - I can also see myself as someone doing something in the science department of life. I've always loved science.

Homemaker - Do I really need to say anything?

Administrator - Of what? If it involves computers im up for it.

Sales - No.

Assistant - Doesn't sound very fulfilling.


As you can see, I'm interested in a lot of areas, so how the hell do I choose?

Homemaker for sure

[Derek181]

haha.. iam 22 years old, fairly attractive, and never had a girlfriend!! i did finish post secondary education but now lets see how hard it is to find a good career job. i think if you looked at the single male stuttering population, its pretty high. if you have a severe stutter, i totally beleive that its pretty damn hard to find a girl that wants to spend time with you. also i have had interviews where they pretty much thrown my resume out the window based on the sole fact that i stuttered pretty badly during the interview. in life, its all about how well you can communicate. my question to all those severe stutterers out there with girlfriends is, how the hell do you do it? ive gone out with girls, had a positive outlook on everything, smiled laughed. then as soon as i stuttered the girl would become uncomfortable and feel awkward. dude PREPARE to be single FOREVER , its destiny for us stutterers hahaha!!!!!! oh by the way i enjoyed reading your post, you are a really good writer!

[Rkanjl]

haha.. iam 22 years old, fairly attractive, and never had a girlfriend!! i did finish post secondary education but now lets see how hard it is to find a good career job. i think if you looked at the single male stuttering population, its pretty high. if you have a severe stutter, i totally beleive that its pretty damn hard to find a girl that wants to spend time with you. also i have had interviews where they pretty much thrown my resume out the window based on the sole fact that i stuttered pretty badly during the interview. in life, its all about how well you can communicate. my question to all those severe stutterers out there with girlfriends is, how the hell do you do it? ive gone out with girls, had a positive outlook on everything, smiled laughed. then as soon as i stuttered the girl would become uncomfortable and feel awkward. dude PREPARE to be single FOREVER , its destiny for us stutterers hahaha!!!!!! oh by the way i enjoyed reading your post, you are a really good writer!

Just curious (as I know there's some debate about this...) - are you upfront with people about your stutter from the very beginning? For example, in these interviews, do you start off by 'forewarning' them about it?

[cosmotheander]

Well I came across a pretty nice site. It's a questionnaire kind of thing, and after you've gotten your results, it allows you to see which careers best match your personality.

Here's a brief list of my possibilities:

Marketing specialist - HELL NO.

Doctor/health care - Maybe, but the site of blood makes me squirm.

Business Analyst - Don't like business.

Librarian - I have the stereotypical image of an old pissed off person shouting at kids to keep the noise down.

Artist/actor - I'm a good actor, as people say, but I jsut can't see myself anywhere big. Plus I'm going to have to sort out a lot of my personal issues before going anywhere near that department. I'm currently in a play, and I blocked badly during the read through, but when I was actually engaged in the character, and on the stage, I was like...60-80% of the time fluent. In other plays it always varies from 60-100% lol. So being an actor sounds possible to me, but...i'm apprehensive.

Researcher - Researching what? Yeah sure it's interesting. XD

Entrepreneur/self-employed - HELL NO. Just can't see myself doing anything in business.

Forces - Well anything like going on the front lines and holding a rifle in my hand scares me. Doing a job that's behind the scenes, like some sort of counter-intelligence expert etc etc, that sounds like something I can do.

Careers/occupational
advice/therapy - I can see myself as a psychiatrist/psychologist. Studying the human mind interests me deeply XD/

Scientist/biologist/
physicist/chemist - I can also see myself as someone doing something in the science department of life. I've always loved science.

Homemaker - Do I really need to say anything?

Administrator - Of what? If it involves computers im up for it.

Sales - No.

Assistant - Doesn't sound very fulfilling.


As you can see, I'm interested in a lot of areas, so how the hell do I choose?

There's a strange psychology exercise to find out your mission in life in which you take a baby picture of yourself and look at your eyes in that picture, back when you were not influenced by any expectations coming from other people, and try to decipher what your career would be based on your expression, what you're doing in the picture, what seems to interest you back then etc.

I've tried it but it doesn't seem to work for me lol :D A more practical approach would be to ask what your hobbies are and find a career area that involves your hobbies. I wouldn't worry too much. Usually you can only tell what you'd like as a job when your already in your first or second year in college. That's why universities often give general subjects that all students are required to take in the first two years and only give the specialized subjects in the third year so that if you decide to shift to another course by the end of the second year you can still proceed to the third year without starting over.

It's nice to hear you're taking the time to think about your future at this time. It's gonna save you some heartache from choosing the wrong line of work.

[drederick]

ive gone out with girls, had a positive outlook on everything, smiled laughed. then as soon as i stuttered the girl would become uncomfortable and feel awkward. dude PREPARE to be single FOREVER , its destiny for us stutterers hahaha!!!!!! oh by the way i enjoyed reading your post, you are a really good writer!

Are you sure the girl was not uncomfortable because you reacted with uncomfortableness to your own stuttering?

One thing I've noticed is that when some stuttering guys do finally work up the courage to interact with women they tend to be very "nice" and approval-seeking. They desperately hope that the girl will like them due to their insecurity related to their stutter, which is usually a much bigger turnoff than the stutter itself.

[Derek181]

no i didnt forewarn them about it. it was pretty obvious that i stuttered as soon as i started talking. they either accept you for who you are or they dont. Interviews are all about how well you can communicate and essentially how well you can BS with the person. so many employers are looking for someone who can get along well with other coworkers and someone who can be social with them and as soon as they hear someone struggle they figure how is that possible. the employers hear a person start stuttering badly and they think how can this person survive when confronted with speaking situations, and there are lots of times where your needed to speak during your career. maybe like one in a thousand you might get an interviewer who understands and is compassionate, then you might have a chance in getting the job.

[Rich]

The main problem in my life now, is the whole 'acquiring your significant other' thing. This may be a phase in my life, as I'm going through puberty if you haven't noticed, but I just can't see myself getting a girlfriend!

A couple of things based on my 42 years of personal experience as a severe stutterer:
First, the high school years are not easy for us. It was the least happy and least satisfying time in my life. People in high school are not fully adult yet and still have childish tendencies that make them treat people who are different very poorly. I felt like an outcast, although I did have some very dear friends who kept me sane during his time. Trust me things will get better after high school.
About the girlfriend thing. You are absolutely right, stuttering is not y. It’s a strike against us in terms of ual attractiveness. But it’s only one aspect of what you are. So if you are really serious about finding a girlfriend you have to work on the other aspects of what might make you attractive. Work on your physical appearance. Go to the gym. Work out as much as you can. In addition to improving your physical appearance it is also great stress relief. Potential significant others are more likely to date a buff well dressed stutterer than an unathletic sloppily dressed one. You will find that it will be much easier to find significant others after high school for reasons mentioned in the first paragraph. But get a head start on honing your physical appearance. Trust me, if you do you will not have too much trouble finding a girlfriend after high school and maybe sooner.
My last advice is to just enjoy life. Do things that gives you pleasure. Because life is too short.