Significant Others

[GoodGuy]

So guys, I'm going to ask you a typical hypothetical 'What If' question, and I want you to answer it as truthfully as you can. Now, this doesn't mean that the question is related to my life in any way, it just came to me when I was lying in bed before I went to sleep.

"Let's say you were friends with someone, and you really hit it off together. You did activities with each other and there was some real chemistry with the both of you. However, the time comes when that someone sits you down, and confesses their attraction to you. What would you do?"

From my point of view, I'd feel awkward about it, and probably just turn her down. Even if I do reciprocate her feelings. I say this because:

1. I'm not sure I'd ever be ready for a relationship.

2. I'm not sure whether I'd be hindering his/her's social life. Dropping my own problems into his/her life would just make me feel bad. Really bad.

[Penelope]

If you don't feel ready for a relationship, that's up to you, but it's up to the other person if they want to get involved with you. Everyone has their problems and having someone to share them with is part of a relationship.

I think that when relationships don't work out it is because the desire to be together isn't sufficient to make up for the problems, but don't see that as failure. That's what dating is about. Eventually we hope to find someone with whom our shared problems seem insignificant compared to all of the good things.

You would be very lucky to find that perfect person from your first relationship, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth a go.

[emily445455]

This situation did happen to me sometime May of 2004...I didn't tell him anything....just said something like "awww and kissed him". Then in August 04, I knew I felt the same way about him as he did about me.

[nympfsue]

i have something to say :) i am a clutterer and my very good friend is a PWS. i have come to be very attracted to him physically and emotionally and finaly got the nerve to tell him that i want to take our relationship a step higher and out of the friendship realm. he doesn't want to :( but it's very complicated but i still feel hurt :(
anyways, for your hypothetical question, i say this, if that happened, you should be honest with the person and tell her how you feel and why. it's not fair to turn someone down without letting them know why, IMHO. you can end up hurting people (more so than even if you tell them why, yes, that could possibly be hurtfull but not knowing is usualy more painfull).

[GoodGuy]

i have something to say :) i am a clutterer and my very good friend is a PWS. i have come to be very attracted to him physically and emotionally and finaly got the nerve to tell him that i want to take our relationship a step higher and out of the friendship realm. he doesn't want to :( but it's very complicated but i still feel hurt :(
anyways, for your hypothetical question, i say this, if that happened, you should be honest with the person and tell her how you feel and why. it's not fair to turn someone down without letting them know why, IMHO. you can end up hurting people (more so than even if you tell them why, yes, that could possibly be hurtfull but not knowing is usualy more painfull).


nympfsue, I think that would've been a beautiful relationship. Fo sho! XD.

[Zachary]

So guys, I'm going to ask you a typical hypothetical 'What If' question, and I want you to answer it as truthfully as you can. Now, this doesn't mean that the question is related to my life in any way, it just came to me when I was lying in bed before I went to sleep.

"Let's say you were friends with someone, and you really hit it off together. You did activities with each other and there was some real chemistry with the both of you. However, the time comes when that someone sits you down, and confesses their attraction to you. What would you do?"

From my point of view, I'd feel awkward about it, and probably just turn her down. Even if I do reciprocate her feelings. I say this because:

1. I'm not sure I'd ever be ready for a relationship.

2. I'm not sure whether I'd be hindering his/her's social life. Dropping my own problems into his/her life would just make me feel bad. Really bad.

Boink the living daylights out of her. You're only like 15. There is no way it will progress into an actual relationship. And its not like you can be picky, you stutter. Boink it, like nao. Chicks dig guys with experience. You might ding a level off this one ;)

[cjm555]

i dont see stuttering as a "problem" realy... more of a hinderance (sp?) now i myself am realy... i guess you could say chicken.. when it comes to relationships. i hate being turned down so i wait till i can realy tell the person likes me :P but if somebody came to me and said they liked me i see it as they are ready to "deal with" my stutter... cuz after a while of hanging out with eachother its something that they will notice lol

[nympfsue]

nympfsue, I think that would've been a beautiful relationship. Fo sho! XD.

tell that to him lol ;)

[GoodGuy]

Boink the living daylights out of her. You're only like 15. There is no way it will progress into an actual relationship. And its not like you can be picky, you stutter. Boink it, like nao. Chicks dig guys with experience. You might ding a level off this one ;)

As I said before, this doesn't relate to my life in any way, I was just making a 'what if' question. Besides, I don't have time for girlfriends, I've got to sort out my education first.

[Iron Cable]

I had a similar experience about 2 years ago. Except I was the one to make the first move.
Of course, I did think of my stuttering and how it would effect her life, but I desided I wouldn't make the choice for her. I was walking her home one day, and I told her how I felt about her, after a brief moment of excruciating silence, she told me she felt the same way. We talked about it for several weeks, and it became aparent the she didn't care about my stuttering(as long as I conti to try and overcome it).

Unfortumately our relationship didn't last, and we aren't as close as we were before:((but we still talk from time to time).

[stutteringgirl4]

So guys, I'm going to ask you a typical hypothetical 'What If' question, and I want you to answer it as truthfully as you can. Now, this doesn't mean that the question is related to my life in any way, it just came to me when I was lying in bed before I went to sleep.

"Let's say you were friends with someone, and you really hit it off together. You did activities with each other and there was some real chemistry with the both of you. However, the time comes when that someone sits you down, and confesses their attraction to you. What would you do?"

From my point of view, I'd feel awkward about it, and probably just turn her down. Even if I do reciprocate her feelings. I say this because:

1. I'm not sure I'd ever be ready for a relationship.

2. I'm not sure whether I'd be hindering his/her's social life. Dropping my own problems into his/her life would just make me feel bad. Really bad.





If someone isn't ready for a relationship then I think they should just tell the person that, " Its nothing against you or anything, but I'm not really dating right now." Its the truth and it lets them know that it has nothing to do with the person who likes them. I think a relationship should be natural and no one forcing anyone into anything.

This is just my opinion by the way :)

[GoodGuy]

I've asked myself this question many times, and I just can't help but to think "Pfft, why am I wasting my time thinking about things like this?". It's like that 'dream/fantasy' seems too surreal to be accepted into my reality, my life.

[stutteringgirl4]

I've asked myself this question many times, and I just can't help but to think "Pfft, why am I wasting my time thinking about things like this?". It's like that 'dream/fantasy' seems too surreal to be accepted into my reality, my life.

awww your way to hard on yourself. From what I've seen, anybody would be more than lucky to date you :)

[ForeverYoung]

Honestly.

If I ever had a relationship get that far then I'd be first in line in allowing it to become more.

Really I think that's a silly question, personally I'd pinch myself if I was lucky enough to get a girl to like me.

Then again as you can see I am pretty desperate and jaded.

[stutteringgirl4]

Honestly.

If I ever had a relationship get that far then I'd be first in line in allowing it to become more.

Really I think that's a silly question, personally I'd pinch myself if I was lucky enough to get a girl to like me.

Then again as you can see I am pretty desperate and jaded.

seriously guys, you need more confidence in yourselves

[GoodGuy]

You say that as if us guys can switch it on and off like a switch. Getting confidence is easier said than done, and being in a world where you already have predispositions to these kinds of things just makes getting some confidence a lot harder than ever.

[Rkanjl]

You say that as if us guys can switch it on and off like a switch. Getting confidence is easier said than done, and being in a world where you already have predispositions to these kinds of things just makes getting some confidence a lot harder than ever.

Then you'll just have to fake it until it becomes natural (which it will, the more you put yourself out there and see that maybe it's not such a bad thing)!

[GoodGuy]

Flying without wings? Now that sounds like a plan. XD

[Plucky Purcell]

That's almost my story!

I'm engaged now and have been with my fiance for 5 years. Before that we where friends for almost 5 years. I had given up entirely that I would ever find any love in this life when she decided I was the man for her. (I used to dream of a bedroom with windows on all 4 sides, a cool night breeze caressing the skin of whatever woman I was pining over and me as she lay with her head on my chest listening to the night. After enough heartbreak I decided I couldn't have dreams that involved more than me and just gave up that dream in favor of me and sailboat in the middle of the Pacific, far from any other human...) I had a hard time at first because I was planning on moving and didn't want to hurt her. She had to shanghai me with too much booze and a warm bed to get me to stay. I'll love her forever for that.

As far as dropping your problems on someone else, don't worry man! EVERYBODY has problems they bring into a relationship. I spend way more time dealing with my fiance's issues than she with mine. The trick is to also bring strengths as well. I endorse cooking. None of my female friends can cook worth a damn and everyone needs to eat!

There's only one thing that I truly know and understand about women and it's that all women are trouble. The trick is to find YOUR kind of trouble.

A note on confidence: You really do have to fake it until you believe it. I thought that just applied to me as a stutterer, but everybody is faking it. If you need a little inspiration, check out this, The Brag of The SubGenius (http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/classic/classics/The-Brag.html). My favorite line in it is my signature. If I need to get my confidence up I just say that to myself until I start believing it.:p I love the Church of the SubGenius stuff: it's a joke, but only if you take it seriously!

[Slider]

Flying without wings? Now that sounds like a plan. XD

Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Build your wings on the way down.

[Derek181]

stutteringgirl4 Re: Significant Others
seriously guys, you need more confidence in yourselves

you dont understand, guys will go out with anything. so for you it may be very easy to find a relationship or a guy that shows interest in you. then there are girls who are extremely picky and who have at least like 10 other guys who are interested at them at any given time. so most girls dont pick the stutterer out of 10 other guys who are fluent. i remember a post on here a while back about a survey surveying woman and it said most woman will not go out with severe stutterers. male stutterers are pretty hopeless when it comes to the romance department! iam coming to terms with the fact that i may be single forever and its not because iam just burying myself in self pity, its just the reality of it. i had this friend and he was single and i watched him get laughed at, get shut down, and have girls just turn their back on him because he stuttered so bad.

[ForeverYoung]

Its hard to give off confidence without opening your mouth.

And its hard to give off confidence whilst stuttering. Its not about what you feel, its about how others react. And most don't react well to stuttering.

[Rkanjl]

...there are girls who are extremely picky and who have at least like 10 other guys who are interested at them at any given time. so most girls dont pick the stutterer out of 10 other guys who are fluent.

Possibly true, but no fair with the blanket generalizations! I picked the stutterer :D

Its hard to give off confidence without opening your mouth. And its hard to give off confidence whilst stuttering. Its not about what you feel, its about how others react. And most don't react well to stuttering.

Most, but certainly not all, so when you do find the one(s) who accept(s) you - embrace it! Hard to give off confidence without opening your mouth? Then open your mouth. The point is, anyone can speak and seem confident, but for someone to open their mouth, stutter, and still be (seem) confident is so much more genuine, and will garner much more respect than the jerk who is fluent, but just runs his mouth unnecessarily.

[nympfsue]

you need to keep in mind there's alot of shallow people in the world, but some people chose their significant other based on personality merits and not on physical attributes. these types of relationships, built on the basis of personality rather than physical things, take longer to find and to build, but in the end they are much stronger (and better) relationships. i have found in life that when i go for a guy only cause he's 'hot' i end up getting very disapointed because he ends up being a jerk (99% of people are jerks to one degree or another). finding a person who cares about you as a person is harder than finding a person who cares about your hairstyle or color of eyes or how you talk or how you dance (because people who arent shallow are rare). relationships are hard for everyone. but if you try not to focus on it, and sit back and relax, everything will likely fall into place with time.


you dont understand, guys will go out with anything. so for you it may be very easy to find a relationship or a guy that shows interest in you. then there are girls who are extremely picky and who have at least like 10 other guys who are interested at them at any given time. so most girls dont pick the stutterer out of 10 other guys who are fluent. i remember a post on here a while back about a survey surveying woman and it said most woman will not go out with severe stutterers. male stutterers are pretty hopeless when it comes to the romance department! iam coming to terms with the fact that i may be single forever and its not because iam just burying myself in self pity, its just the reality of it. i had this friend and he was single and i watched him get laughed at, get shut down, and have girls just turn their back on him because he stuttered so bad.

[jamesm]

Couldn't agree more nympfsue! Nicely put.:D

[stutteringgirl4]

you dont understand, guys will go out with anything. so for you it may be very easy to find a relationship or a guy that shows interest in you. then there are girls who are extremely picky and who have at least like 10 other guys who are interested at them at any given time. so most girls dont pick the stutterer out of 10 other guys who are fluent. i remember a post on here a while back about a survey surveying woman and it said most woman will not go out with severe stutterers. male stutterers are pretty hopeless when it comes to the romance department! iam coming to terms with the fact that i may be single forever and its not because iam just burying myself in self pity, its just the reality of it. i had this friend and he was single and i watched him get laughed at, get shut down, and have girls just turn their back on him because he stuttered so bad.

I didnt say it was easy for me to find a relationship because its not. I have never been in a relationship. I have been turned down tons of times because I stutter. Every time It was fine until I opened my mouth. But not all guys are like that and not all girls are like that. Everyone is different and you just gotta keep looking till you find that person whos different and likes you for who you are.

[chris2112]

finding a person who cares about you as a person is harder than finding a person who cares about your hairstyle or color of eyes or how you talk or how you dance (because people who arent shallow are rare). relationships are hard for everyone. but if you try not to focus on it, and sit back and relax, everything will likely fall into place with time.

Completely agree, this is exactly where I'm at. I may or may not ever find that significant other, but dwelling on it will do nothing. I think the best thing to do is to focus on your relationship with LIFE first lol, focus on finding comfort and happiness with yourself, then I think the truly special relationships just happen, without you expecting it or worrying about it.

[GoodGuy]

Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Build your wings on the way down.

Now that's the best piece of advice and metaphor I've heard in years.

[Slider]

Now that's the best piece of advice and metaphor I've heard in years.

If only I'd thought of it. Full credit goes to Ray Bradbury for that gem.

But yeah, one of the truest things I've ever heard.