I just realized, I am completely petrified of any real social contact...

[ForeverYoung]

And what makes it worse, I think, is that it's not just a simple cut and dry situation.


Like, I have a handful of friends. I have a job, and I talk to most of them there. The problem is, is that it's my comfort zone. I've worked there for 3 years and know everyone worth knowing.

The problem is, outside of that. I don't hang out with anyone. Worse of all, I never really have. I've even found myself being scared (completely sad, I know) when a friend from work has been suggesting we hang out someday.

I don't have a . I don't use . My self confidence is non-existent. I'm 20, a virgin and have never kissed a girl. It's sort of a vicious cycle. I am in this situation because I was like that, and now I am staying in these situations because I am still like that.

I mean, I was just always like that. I've always been down on myself because of my stutter, and thus never really developed socially. Even though, I think, I am a fairly un-awkward guy who can decently hold conversations in non-threatening situations. I'm not an obese, smelly ogre. I was, I clean, I like sports and don't do weird things.

What to do? What are some original, creative ways to get pass this? I know it'd probably be best to jump right in, and it'll probably come down to that. But right now I just need some piece of mind.

[Rkanjl]

I don't have a . I don't use .

Perhaps starting with these more 'detached' social situations (not face-to-face) might help you to ease into a more active social life?

[Box of Clocks]

I guess if you want to change the situation and get a girlfriend etc then you are just going to have to try your best to get past the fear and go out with your friends from work if they offer to take you.

Failing that you could join a dating site as this makes it a bit easier to meet girls. As you initially approach them online it is not as nerve wracking and there is no fear of stuttering online obviously. A word of warning about the dating sites though is that they can often be very frustrating. I believed that is is something that works very well for attractive women but is a lot tougher for men. It can be difficult to actually talk to someone long enough to get to the meeting in the flesh point so it is not a perfect way of meeting girls by any means. Sometimes I can go for months at a time without even getting a single reply to messages that I'm sending out. If you don't want to use a full on dating site you could try myspace instead and browse for single people near you.

[stutteringgirl4]

I think most stutterers are like this though cause you don't want people to know you stutter cause they'll think your weird. But I hang out with friends and it took a while for me to get comfortable chatting with them and stuff but eventually I did. Maybe just try to involve yourself in non- talking situations first and work yourself up. I know its much harder than it sounds but just do baby steps. Good luck ;)

[chris2112]

I would say just be yourself. Rely on who you are, what you've experienced and what you've learned that made you who you are today. I think worrying about how other people see you is a complete waste of life, even though I do catch my own self-consciousness taking over at times lol. I think all that matters is how you view yourself and your goals. It's much easier for people to like who you are and see your good qualities if your comfortable in your own skin and let who you are out, without the restricting self-resenting self-consciousness .

[Jjake]

Im in the same boat as you. The last few weeks i have been working out just about every day, i just plain and simple feel more confident, and getting compliments from people at work, asking "have you been working out, are you getting bigger"? doesnt sound like much but is a huge confidence boost. In turn with that confidence helps me in conversations, and also with my stutter..

[thatCALIdude]

welcome to the club, a sucky club

[jaissal]

I have had some of the problems above. i'm turning 20 this saturday, am getting upset because, i haven't been in a relationship, haven't kissed a girl. If you workout like someone said above, it really can help lift your confidence. it worked with me.

[nerrad]

I pretty much right there with you. I really don't like talking on the phone, but lately when people call me i've been answering and talking. I guess I am making progress. And I am just sick of living a depressing lonely life like this. So yesterday I invited a friend to see HP with me today. I'm REALLY nervous about going, but I know if I don't I'll feel like crap about it later. I'm determined to not back out this time. I need to get out of my social fears. I'm really tired of not having a life like every other normal teen.

[Jeff99]

i suggest small steps.
i was in the same boat
then one day i just got sick off and thought i need to change i'm not happy and i hate being scared. action is the solution do something push yourself what i did was took up team sport i play footy it. it helped me just take small steps

[nerrad]

UPDATE: Well, my friend was unfortunately unable to go to the movies or to kings dominion with me. But I am proud of myself for pushing myself to atleast follow through with it. I am going to my friends grandmothers house with her today and later I'll try to invite another friend to the movies.

[rheno0789]

i here ya,im 27 and only have had a few females and my social life has always been non-exsistant.i also have no family so its kind of been hard and fustrating.

[Rkanjl]

Has anyone met up in person with other boardies from this forum? I would think that it might help to have social interaction that's a little more in your comfort zone (maybe?). There seem to be people from all over the world here, but just on this thread alone there are people from DC, MD, PA, and NJ...all a few hours drive from one another(theoretically). Maybe someone could organize a few casual meet-ups in different areas?

[nowayout]

Ya I agree ... we should organize some meetings in coming days .. It surely will be nice to meet some guys from here

[TK421]

I'm 22 and have recently found myself falling into that same mindset. Even worse, I've grown uncomfortable even around my closer friends. I rarely answer my phone, and have started turning down invites to social gatherings in fear of running into somebody I don't know.

It really is quite silly I have this fear, because when I actually am in that situation and have to introduce myself to somebody new, I usually do just fine. But it's the nerves that keep me from getting around to actually asking out the girls I like.

The strange part is that it wasn't always like this. I had girlfriends in high school and even managed to get laid my first year of college. Since then I've had pretty much zero intimate relationships, and my speech has gone downhill.

Just this week I started taking vitamins, eating healthier, and biking every day. It doesn't seem like much, but hopefully it will succeed in improving overall confidence in myself and maybe give me something to talk about.

[Rkanjl]

Hmmm...what are the odds y'all want to make a trip to the Nation's Capital? ;)

[UnknownMan]

I was a bit like you back in the day, Heres what to do and all you need is some money. Your probably over 18 i guess, anyway:
(1) Go to a Shop
(2) Try go to a shop where you don't need to ask the shop assistant for an item.

(3) Pick up some alcohol (reccomended: 10 budwiser)

(4) Go to the counter and say: "Hi" (with a smile) then put the budwisers on the counter.

(5) If they ask for Identification show it them, (They wouldn't ask for DOB if you look over 18, If they do say "Oh Forget it" and leave the shop")

(6) Purchase the alcohol

(7) Go home drink all the beers

(8) Get on on public transport (reccomended: Bus, so no stranger conversation)

(9) Go to a bar

(10) start conversation's with stangers (when your drunk you start conversaitons off with anybody, doesn't matter if your low confident or stuttter like me)

(11) if everythings going ask them would you like a smoke and carry on the convosation.

(12) if feeling sober, go to shop nearby and get some more beer. (Reccomended: If feeling happy + confident go to the bar and ask for a beer thats easy to say)

I DO THIS EVERY WEEKEND, AND IT'S WORTH IT. I SOMETIMES GET GIRLS AND A FREE DRINK :))

TRY IT, IT'S WORTH IT.
TRY BRING A FRIEND WHO CAN ORDER ALCOHOL AT BARS SO YOU DON;T FEEL SCARED TO GO UP YOURSELF.

[nowayout]

@Rkanjl ... no chance :D .. too far for me ...

Man US is so big !!!

[UnknownMan]

Read that guide above everyone

[Noel]

You know what's sad: When i drink too much, I stutter even more. It almost defeats the purpose of even drinking. I don't even have any personality when I am drunk (according to the people who are around me when I'm drunk).

Its cool to not stutter but if you don't have any personality or whit or even any sort of charm then you are in an even worse situation that you are when you stutter. I just have come to realize that people will like you for who you are. For a lot of people on this forum, stuttering is a part of our makeup. It isn't who we are but it is what we do and what we deal with on a daily basis. A lot of people are shallow as hell and if you didn't stutter are you so sure you would get the girl? For someone like that you could have the wrong hair color or say you like a certain band and they would be turned off by those simple facts.

All in all its about being you. If someone doesn't like you for you, then that person doesn't deserve to be in your life and its better that they are shallow. Its like diving in a spit puddle. Will you survive the 100 foot dive? A lot of people won't.

Just keep talking to different girls and see what happens.

Personally, I have almost no luck meeting girls at clubs or bars. First: bad lighting. Second: too much noise. Third: you have to repeat something 3 times for someone to hear you. Its not really the type of environment to meet a girl. At least not for me. Meeting them online is cool but usually the girl has this perfect image of you and that image gets crushed when you actually meet the person. Its happened 8/10 times. Girls who blow up my phone and my IM before we meet; then when we do hang out, they all of a sudden stop talking to you.

Yet again, its them either being shallow or simply its not meant to be.

Dating is annoying. You will go through 30 women before you even get 1 to first base. Then you'll go through 10 more to get to 2nd base. If you are lucky they will like you. Those are the girls you keep talking to even if you don't like them.