OK with being a loner?

[TK421]

I have a large group of friends that I see every week, and live with 3 close room mates. But when it comes down to it, I still consider myself a loner. I don't go out of my way to make plans, and rarely accept invitations unless my wing-men are present. There are many days when I spend hours just doing my own thing, and when the time comes to be social again I am often reluctant to pull myself away. I enjoy my alone time, and am usually very productive during that time.

The part that confuses me though is that I'm not entirely convinced it's my stutter that causes it. When somebody invites me out and I decline, the fear of stuttering isn't always what immediately comes to mind. Usually it's the desire to just continue sitting here minding my own business! Do you think that's just a subconscious result of the anxiety surrounding stuttering? Or am I using my stutter as an excuse, thus contributing to my perpetual stuttering? Or am I just over thinking the whole thing?

I guess I'm just curious to hear others opinions on being a loner. Do you consider yourself one? If so, is it something you enjoy or do you resent it? Do you blame it on your speech?

[Box of Clocks]

I'm most definitely a loner and perhaps part of that stems from my problems with speech. I very much like my own company though and like spending a lot of time alone. I'm not really someone that needs other people around me.

[DekHog]

I guess some would consider me something of a loner - I've never really had male friends; more like acquaintances. I quite enjoy my own company, really, and although like you, I've often been invited out places, I've most often declined - not due to my stammer, but simply because I couldn't be bothered, or wanted to do something else.

Most of my friends have been female, strangely enough, but I've always quite enjoyed the company of women rather than men, but I'd say that's nothing to do with my stammer, just a preference thing and who you happen to meet that you get along with.

I don't consider myself anti-social, or a 'loner' in the strictest sense of the word; just someone who chooses who he wants to socialise with and when he wants to do it.

[chris2112]

I've been thinking the same thing! Most of the time I decided to stay at home and do my own thing instead of accepting invitations to hang out with people. The fear of stuttering used to be why I did that but now, I really just think I grew into enjoying being productive alone. Now it really just seems its not the fear anymore, I really find (the majority of the time) hanging out with people not very mentally stimulating for me haha. Maybe I just need to find friends with more similar interests to be productive with me lol.

[Thecoherentman]

It is OK with being a loner with a lot of compassion.

[WhiteLatinoBoy]

yeah seriously, i feel that if my stutter was never there. i would in speaking situations anyway and the stuttering doesnt make it any better, lol. so having a stutter almost seems like an excuse for me. i feel like a loner as well. i just have a few close friends but thats about it. and over the years with this anxiety i have its still hard to go out there and talk to people like in school or something but i am gonna try and change that this fall semester. i guess we are just stuck in that habit of keeping to ourselves all the time

[nerrad]

If you call yourself a loner, I don't know what you'd call me. Ever since high school I've become a huge recluse. I don't go out at all. When I ask someone to go somewhere, they end up not going. And when someone asks me to go somewhere I decline. I barely have any friends. I spend my life in my room. Sometimes it really breaks me down being so lonely but I usually find joy in hiding from the world in my room. I figure I'll have my fun in college. I don't really like teenagers anyway

[BenLZ]

I wouldn't be surprised if it is a subconscious result of the stuttering. We've all stuttered for such a long time, had so many horrible social experiences as a result of it, that I believe that for the more severe stutter it has definitely had a subconscious impact. Think about it, if you were guaranteed that you wouldn't stutter would you go out? Of course you would. The stutter is only the tip of the iceberg. I believe there is definitely a subconscious effect it has on the speaker, and I don't think you're using your stutter as a weak excuse.

I do consider myself a loner, even though I have friends, like you. I resent it and blame my speech. I can't express myself, I can't make jokes, I can't flirt. I've been socially castrated.

[franchise]

I'm a loner, but I feel that stutter made me into one. I have some friends, but they hang out with loads of new people every time and besides I hate speaking in a group because my stutter slows down the flow of the conversation.

[jamesm]

First of all, lets remember that there are plenty of people in the world, who DO NOT stutter, who are loners, choose to stay in, hardly express themselves, never like to be the center of attention, dislike social gatherings, choose not to talk that much, don't have many friends, etc etc etc. BUT I do think that stuttering does play a role in our adventurousness regarding the world. Like BenLZ said, if we were guaranteed fluent speech we may be inclined to be more adventurous in this life but again, everyone is different.

Its nice to think that if we all didn't stutter each and every one of us would have a million friends, phenomenal careers, wonderful relationships and our lives would be perfect, but realistically that just isn't the case.

As for me, I have several friends and what not, but I think its the bond of the friendships that is affected by my stuttering. I feel less attached to people in my life perhaps than I should. Some people, if not most people, in my life I feel like if I never saw them again I would be completely fine, not sad a single bit. Maybe this is normal, or just my personality but maybe my stuttering has played a role. All through my childhood, high school and college I didn't really give the people in my life the benefit of the doubt for acceptance of my stutter. I would see people who I felt really close with smiling sometimes when I would be stuttering, or overhear close friends making fun of me behind my back, I honestly had a teacher would would f*cking laugh when I would stutter in front of the class, people who would straight up tell me that I wasn't invited somewhere by another person because i stuttered. So for those reasons no matter how close I got with someone I wouldn't allow my self to completely trust them and or care about them fully. I guess in my mind I just wait for the day they show their true colors. For example, I have a best friend who I have known for 14 years. Once about 10 years ago when we were around 16 yrs old we had an argument and he said, "AT LEAST I CAN TALK!", which really hurt me, ya know. SO, ever since then, we have still been friends but deep down I know that he is "THAT" kind of person, a person who thinks he is better than me simply because he is not a stutterer. Kids, immature, ignorant people can be very cruel.

But the older I get the more people I meet who ARE accepting of people who stutter and could care less if we stutter or not. The more you give people a chance the more you will find they will give you a chance. Not all the time, but I have found this to be true most of the time.

[vastsands]

NO.
Go out your room.Pull your body out.You should change your lonely state!Everyday you should communicate with other people.You should often attend party.You should often make friends with stranger.You should smile before other people


go, go, go
ale, ale, ale
go
go
go
go



Other thing you should notice :
http://www.stutteringforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3738

[nerrad]

I'm positive my stuttering has to do with me being a loner. That's most of my problem. If I was outgoing I'd be welcoming to more people. And I'd be able to keep friends I already have.

[thatCALIdude]

im afraid of social situations because of the embarrassment factor of stumbling

[agantx]

You're much better off than me. I don't have any friends and it's almost impossible for me to have a meaningful conversation with new people because of my severe stuttering. Also people/humans are social creatures. This means we get enjoyment from communicating with other people and can't live without it. If a person is prevented from communicating with others, then he will go crazy. In prisons they use this method to punish bad behavior. That's why being a loner is unnatural and never ok. Stuttering should never stop us from being social butterflies. That's why we must do our best to get free from the dominance of our stuttering and just live our lives like normal people do. May God grant all of us big success in this department in the near future... :)

[chris2112]

There's nothing wrong with being a "loner". If you are happy with your life thats all that matters. It becomes "not okay" when your unhappy with it, thats when you know its the fear holding you back from being social. Some people, stutter or not, enjoy thinking on there own and don't find having conversations with many people very fulfilling, its just how some peoples brains work.

[Elansar]

I'm a loner as well, but even if i did not stutter I would most likely still be a loner. I like being alone and not have to worry about other people around me. At college I have some friends, but really I like being alone there and doing my homework. It would be nice to open to more people in my classes, but stuttering makes me not want to.

[ricardo]

I think that every stutter can relate to what has been said and its a fact that stuttering causes loneliness, it affects all of us, some more some less. In my case I'm not the social person that I could be, because if I was cured tomorrow, I would definitely be a lot more talkative and more social than I'm now. Being able to express without any blocks just causes an inner-sense feeling of well being.

Stuttering is not all bad too, I think it made me a more conscious, friendlier and stronger person but enough is enough.. a cure is what I want now or at least see some progress in the stuttering medical field.

[Rav22]

i stutter a lot and i hate it so much. So when i go out with people it is usually with a lot of people so its not like 1 on 1 where i am pressured. even just asking a friend to come with me helps out. I find it easier for me to respond to questions rather than ask them myself. I wouldn't consider myself a loner because i try my best to go out with friends all the time. i try to have stuttering not hold me back, but hey it happens.