Mom of 10 year old who stutters

[Valerie14]

Hi all,
Our 10-yr-old son stutters. Sometimes he can barely get a word out, and then at other times, he doesn't stutter at all. Right now he is playing with some Rokenbok remote control cars, and he is "announcing" a play by play as he goes. He isn't stuttering at all!

He is the youngest of 4 children. The oldest is 19. Our other children don't stutter at all. I believe that I stutter just a little. My younger sister had speech therapy when she was young, but she didn't stutter. She mispronounced her "r" and "l." My family tends to talk really fast, so I'm wondering if our youngest just feels stressed to try to get a word in edgewise.

I've noticed that during stress and when he's on the phone, he tends to stutter more. He is home schooled. We had him tested by a speech person back when he was 5 and they thought he'd outgrow it, since it isn't constant. He used to go for weeks without stuttering, and would suddenly start again. Is it possible it's to get attention?

My husband and I have both been in education, so we have done what we were trained to do... we are patient and don't finish sentences for him. We try to slow down and talk calmly.

Well, I hope I get some good ideas here.

[emily445455]

My stutter isn't constant either. This week is HORRIBLE for some reason, next week I may not stutter much at all, etc etc. I don't really have any advice for you, you could take him back to an speech therapist now that he's older. Good luck to you :)

[howeee]

Hi all,
Our 10-yr-old son stutters. Sometimes he can barely get a word out, and then at other times, he doesn't stutter at all. Right now he is playing with some Rokenbok remote control cars, and he is "announcing" a play by play as he goes. He isn't stuttering at all!

He is the youngest of 4 children. The oldest is 19. Our other children don't stutter at all. I believe that I stutter just a little. My younger sister had speech therapy when she was young, but she didn't stutter. She mispronounced her "r" and "l." My family tends to talk really fast, so I'm wondering if our youngest just feels stressed to try to get a word in edgewise.

I've noticed that during stress and when he's on the phone, he tends to stutter more. He is home schooled. We had him tested by a speech person back when he was 5 and they thought he'd outgrow it, since it isn't constant. He used to go for weeks without stuttering, and would suddenly start again. Is it possible it's to get attention?

My husband and I have both been in education, so we have done what we were trained to do... we are patient and don't finish sentences for him. We try to slow down and talk calmly.

Well, I hope I get some good ideas here.

Children dont stutter to get attention, that is absurd. Thats the last thing a stutterer wants is to be noticed for his stuttering. We hide, change words, avoid situations just not to be noticed.

As a person who stuttered since 5 and parents tried everything. I will tell you what I wish my parents and teachers didnt do and what I wish they would of done.

I wish they didnt pull me outta the middle of the my class making me look different. I wish they didnt make such a big deal that I went to so many useless therapies that made me feel like a failure.

Instead I wish they would of accepted that as of now I have a stutter and then made sure I had activities and training that would of made my self esteem better. Like music lessons, art lessons, sports.

This is how stuttering therapy works( I have been to well of 20), first thing they tell you its all up to you. They never tell you that they have a success rate close to zero. So then when the inevitable happens and the therapy fails , like it has for probably 95% of their clients you blame yourself. After this happens many times over you feel like a big peice of crap. You are so obsessed with your stuttering that you gain secondary symptoms that are worse than the stuttering. Pursing your lips,blinking your eyes, subsituting words after you started one,slapping your leg, using what you think are starters such as like,um, yaknow.

So looking back I wish I had support in my school work, support in gaining other skills and the emphasis on my stuttering mostly overlooked.

About the age of 40 I looked back on all therapy I had, saw that it only complicated my speech. Talked to other stutterers my age that had almost the exact experience. Then I accepted myself as a person who stutters, swore off all therapy.

16 years later I have gone from a moderately severe stutterer, to a mild to moderate stutterer, with 95% of the secondary symptoms gone.

I just hope my story gives you a better perspective about stuttering and helps you make the right choices for you child.

[Bill Hargis]

Are you near a university that has a good speech therapy program, sometimes a child can be cured if you get them into a diversion program at an early age. Do it before he gets any older!

[prao]

Hi Valerie, Welcome to the forum. First a discler - Many people stutter differently. The way a person stutters might also change over time. Therefore, what works for one person, might not necessarily work for everyone else.

I grew up as a shy kid in a family that speaks very fast and loud. Looking back , I now think that it might have had something to do with the pressure to keep up.

I personally don't think your son is stuttering to get attention, as stuttering is mostly involuntary.

[Nemo]

Hi all,
Our 10-yr-old son stutters. Sometimes he can barely get a word out, and then at other times, he doesn't stutter at all. Right now he is playing with some Rokenbok remote control cars, and he is "announcing" a play by play as he goes. He isn't stuttering at all!

He is the youngest of 4 children. The oldest is 19. Our other children don't stutter at all. I believe that I stutter just a little. My younger sister had speech therapy when she was young, but she didn't stutter. She mispronounced her "r" and "l." My family tends to talk really fast, so I'm wondering if our youngest just feels stressed to try to get a word in edgewise.

I've noticed that during stress and when he's on the phone, he tends to stutter more. He is home schooled. We had him tested by a speech person back when he was 5 and they thought he'd outgrow it, since it isn't constant. He used to go for weeks without stuttering, and would suddenly start again. Is it possible it's to get attention?

My husband and I have both been in education, so we have done what we were trained to do... we are patient and don't finish sentences for him. We try to slow down and talk calmly.

Well, I hope I get some good ideas here.

Stuttering is stress-related. Your son is not stuttering to get attention; he will stutter when he is under some stress (and stress can take many forms). I would suggest that you get him to a good therapist specialising in fluency techniques, so that he can learn a good one such as passive airflow. He is still young and the disorder is not so firmly established. When younger it is also easier to learn and apply a fluency technique. With a fluency technique, blocks can be eliminated or reduced.

A fast rate of speech results in speed stress for a person who stutters, so he should really slow down and so should the whole family, otherwise it will put lots of pressure on him to speed up too. It will definitely help him if you and your husband talk slow and calmly.

When my son started stuttering at age 3, I taught him the passive airflow technique, which is the technique I myself use. Because he was so young he learned it very well, and it did wonders for him. Today he enjoys debating in class, and he seems cured.

[amey]

Hello! It sounds like your son is a person who stutters. First, he is going to be o.k. -Stutterers can lead happy successful lives.
Stuttering comes and goes in severity, in different situations. Some situations are harder for people who stutter, like talking on the phone, which makes their stuttering more severe. The stress makes the stuttering more prominent, but is not the CAUSE of the stuttering.
There are therapies that work and your sons school is required to provide him with those services. Unfortuantely, a lot of these programs lean toward pushing the client to be fluent. Which may sound like the right thing to do, but science is pointing to stuttering as being neurologically based and there is really no cure. Stuttering can be managed though. Your son can learn speech techniques that will help him smooth out his stuttering and make speaking a little more easy for him.- - Talk to his school and see what they can offer. This is going to be alright as long as you dnt push for a CURE. At this age, it is evident that your on is a person who stutters. Take care and keep encouraging him. He is going to want to hide it and that is when the REAL problems start.- - -good luck. amey

[Valerie14]

Hi all and thanks for the input. I came here to get some ideas, but I don't appreciate being called "absurd." I have been told by a speech therapist, actually, that the youngest child sometimes uses techniques like stuttering to get attention. Our son LOVES being the center of attention. He has a great sense of humor. He loves to do plays for us, friends, and relatives, and fights his sisters to answer the phone. He sings in front of people, including in front of a church congregation. He's not shy. Maybe because he is homeschooled and we don't make a big deal out of it, he isn't self-conscious of his stuttering.

We live 3 hours from the nearest town in the middle of the Navajo Reservation, so there isn't much chance to get him to any specialists. I homeschool him and I am very low-key. I took him out of an online school because they required him to read 100 words a minute, which he couldn't do. Otherwise, they would have put him in special ed., which is ridiculous because he is VERY intelligent and I don't want him being labeled.

My husband and I both have teaching degrees, but no special training in stuttering. I think my best option is to find out the technique that several of you suggested- passive airflow. Amey, thanks for the support, that this can be managed.

We had our oldest son leave the home recently, and not under good conditions. He was very mean and hurt the other children very badly. After that, our younger son really started stuttering. After about 3 months, it let up quite a bit, and now it's almost gone again. I can see how stress exacerbates the condition.

I do understand that this is a life-long issue he will have to deal with. I'm not a person to freak out about something like this. I taught 6th grade for 12 years in the public school, and I was given ALL of our learning disabled kids because I work well with them. (And I'm NOT the special needs teacher!) I had expectations and accepted each child for their weaknesses and strengths, so year after year the principal had me work with these kids. I loved it.

My son really is the sweetest kid you'd ever meet and we love him to death. I'm glad I'm getting some input on how to deal with this now, rather than later!

[emily445455]

Are you near a university that has a good speech therapy program, sometimes a child can be cured if you get them into a diversion program at an early age. Do it before he gets any older!

I agree that children stutter for different reasons and sometimes it will go away on it's own or with speech therapy.

However, don't be discouraged or think there's something wrong with your child if they stutter for their entire lives. :) Sometimes it just can't be "fixed".

[Bill Hargis]

I personnally know of young children who have been cured through therapy. sometimes therapy does work on some people. I was not one of them. Give the child every chance, therapy may work for him or he may be doomed to a life of stuttering. Try every available resource.

[whoiscece]

Valerie- I am so glad I read your post! You live on the Navajo Reservation? I live in Winslow! I am Cece, and I am 29. Your son sounds a lot like me. I didn't start till later in life. I was an only child and I homeschooled too. My hubby offered to help me to get into the speech clinic at NAU but I am just so scared to try and fail. It is pretty reasonably priced, however, the distance and cost of gas makes me afraid to start. I hope to see you around the forum.

[Valerie14]

I really appreciate the support and input!

I know that some people have a hard time thinking that there is anything "wrong" with their children. Not me. It's just part of who they are. One of our kids has asthma. I don't think any less of her for it, of course, but I do seek treatment and try to keep her comfortable. It's the same with stuttering. I know it will probably be life-long.. esp. under stress... but that it can be managed.

From all that I've read so far on the internet, stuttering isn't a result of any psychological problem. "Therapy" of that sort never seems to help a stutterer. Even Freud found he couldn't make an impact. Fascinating stuff.

Cece, I wish you luck. I read the book on passive airflow and I think that guy is really onto something. I've even done a couple small sessions with my son and it has helped. I know, though, that it needs to be practiced in order for it to become second nature. He's not motivated enough, yet, to practice because he doesn't even notice that he stutters.

Coming to this forum has helped me to get more focused on it. When he was about 5, we had a speech pathologist tell us that he would probably outgrow it... that a lot of "youngest" siblings stutter for awhile. The fact that he starts and stops for long periods of time added to her belief. I see now that it's not that abnormal! I grew up listening to Mel Tillis and hearing about him, so my misconception was of someone who stutters badly all of the time, except when they sing. Sometimes, even though you should know better, things from your childhood like that stick with you!

Thanks again!

[Sarah11085]

Hi Valerie!
I am 25 years old and I completely agree with what Amey said. Being open about stutteirng is the best way to go.

[Weswill99]

Valerie,

I understand that it must be difficult for you and your son. I have had a stutter for all of my life and it is always frustrating to greater or lesser extents.

As seems to be the case with your son, I am very outgoing and enjoy being the center of attention. My stutter goes from slight to extreme at the whimsy of the wind, it seems. As a child, it was very frustrating because it happens so inconsistently.

It s often difficult for non-stutters to understand just how frustrating it is, so I present this analogy to them: Imagine walking down the street just minding your own business and then spontaneously falling down because your legs give out. You get back up again and continue walking for a while and then you fall down again, but this time you can't get back up. Stuttering is like spontaneous temporary paralysis. This may put it into perspective.

The good news for your son is that stutters go on to achieve things and lead normal lives no matter how sever their impediment may be. I attended an ivy league school, acted in dozens of plays, and am in my final year of law school, all while having a stutter. I sometimes have a hard time in class or in conversation, but you just push through because you have to.

Just make sure your son knows that he isn't a failure because he stutters. Make sure he understands that he is as normal as anyone else. Don't try to tell him that everyone has something about themselves that they don't like; this is poor rhetoric.

Lastly, you may want to contact his speech instructor and see if she knows of any young adults who can come in and speak to your son during one of his sessions. It really helps to see someone older who is doing just fine.

Sorry for the long response. This is my first post.

All the best,
Wesley Williams

[Valerie14]

Thanks, Wesley. My son has no speech instructor. As I've said in other posts, we live 3 hours from the nearest town and I home school our children. I am a certified teacher. I was told by a speech pathologist that he would probably outgrow it, and he seemed to be until recent trauma in our family really set it off. I am just beginning to learn about some ways of helping him and intend to attend a seminar on passive airflow techniques in the near future. At this point, he doesn't even notice when he is stuttering. He notices when I am stuttering, though! lol! He likes to point it out!

He, too, goes for days and weeks without stuttering. He goes to the public school to chess practice, and the teacher says she has not heard him stutter at all. I've read that some children stutter more with their parents than with anyone else, or with authority figures. It is interesting observing and finding his "triggers."

We definitely have a positive mind set with him. I have been surprised at how many people seem to think it is completely psychological and that he needs "help." He is the most well-adjusted kid you'd ever meet; he just has muscles around his vocal chords that won't behave! I know that stress exacerbates it, so learning some techniques for dealing with stress may help.

Well, anyway, thanks, Wesley, for your kind input and best wishes to you and yours.
Sincerely, Valerie

[Zachary]

Your son will do just fine. Stutterers can lead very normal lives. However, there is something that has always offset me about bringing a young child's stutter to their attention and treating them differently for it, even if one's intentions are to "reinforce" and "support" him/her. Being a stutterer, I can tell you it is a vicious cycle. It almost seems as if this is where it gets kicked off for a lot of people. I feel that way about my own stutter anyway. I am most likely incorrect.

Also, therapy will help your kid a lot. I didn't realize until after high school that the benefit of speech therapy wasn't the actual fluency techniques being taught, but having someone I could actually talk, relate, and converse with. Speech therapy served as a great outlet for my pent up thoughts and emotions. As a stutterer, it helps to have someone who will take the time to listen and relate.