The Listener Reaction Thread

[DFedison]

What I wanted to know was . . . has anybody had any positive reactions from listeners that they can think of? People who you didn't expect would react that way to your speech? (This could be any sort of positive reaction; typically the ones I get relate to body language, or lack thereof) If you have, and if you feel moved to do so, could you please describe them in detail?

I'll start it off.

I worked at my local library for a while, and I had never displayed my stutter around my boss. At one point, about a month ago (and this was after I had stopped working there), I went in and said hi to her. For some reason, I felt okay with talking normally to her, not covering up my couple of blocks.

So we spoke for five minutes or so, and I had a one or two obvious repetitions. I could have avoided those words, but I didn't. I said them. When I did, she didn't appear to care. She just went on normally with the conversation. It was a great feeling, I've got to say, because I didn't know what to expect going into the situation . . . .

[amey]

In my past life, thinking my stuttering was a secret, I thought that ALL listerner reactions were negative. I interprettated reactions through the WARPED filter I had created since I was very young. I found even nice reactions as patronizing and condescending.-- Because of this, I had develped the skill of SELECTING people I thought were SAFE.-- I was assuming I KNEW what others felt.---anyway, coiming out and showing my stuttering was not enough for me. I had to RELEARN social cues.-- I had to analyze MY reaction to listeners reaction.-- I WAS creating ALOT of this through my own fear, my expectation of other people.---- So, I have had devestating listener reaction in my life. some so horrific, I believe it changed who I was.--- BUT, I have also had "good" reactions. In the process of accepting myself, I learned that most people are just trying to get through their day, too. My stuttering is just one moment in their day and most people dont care. They may look at me strange, lose eye contact, wiggle with discomfort, but that is not to say they are laughing at me.-- It would be lying if I didint say that I love when I run into those certain people who seem to "see" me through my stuttering. It feels good.---I guess, for me, the important thing is to focus on my MY reaction to the listeners reaction.

[DFedison]

Fascinating stuff ... as far as our speech and how we perceive--or, in your case, used to perceive--other peoples' reactions, I think we have a lot in common. In fact, I think our cases of stuttering may be remarkably similar in nature.

I have a lot of questions, but my main one, I would say, is this: What would you say was the best help for you in reducing those doubts about what people were thinking? You use the words (to paraphrase) patronization and condescension; that's what I feel I'm getting when I stutter noticeably in front of people, especially adults. Not always, but a lot of the time. I want to get to a point where these reactions don't bother me, but it's tough for me not to warp even subtle gestures or facial expressions into something negative. (I, too, have developed a habit of selecting certain "safe" people with whom I feel most comfortable communicating with. I also feel I'm ready, as I'm sure you did at some point in your life, to step outside my comfort zone.)

So, I wanted to ask you ... what was the most important thing you did in reducing these feelings? How did you get to a point where they weren't at the forefront of your mind during conversations? I've been trying to get over them for several months now, ever since I decided to take my stuttering a bit more seriously, and try to regain some control over my feelings toward it. I think I've made a lot of progress with the help of my speech therapist and a trusted family member, but I also think that some advice from you (if you wouldn't mind), a fellow stutterer, could be of great help to me on my path to acceptance.

Thanks.

[amey]

I think it is all a process, one which I am STILL going through. The truth is that I have been FEAR driven for longer than I have been overt with my stuttering. I am just going on 9 years of being overt and up front and I am 35 years old. -- For me, the key to conquering this is conquering MYSELF. Meaning, no matter how I feel in the moment, I DO NOT change my behavior. Believe me, there are times I am reading the listener and I dont like what I see. Those are the critical moments! I have a choice, do I run or do I stutter. What I do is aquire some arrogance and stand there and MAKE them watch me stutter. Sounds crazy, I know. Maybe arrogance is the wrong word. I become STERN and FIRM in my stuttering.-- I create the stuttering situation that I want. I have to block out what the listener is doing or what I THINK they think.-- There are ALWAYS going to be some negative reactions to our stuttering. We have to learn to block it out and carry ourselves through out our day doing what we need done.--any advice I have for you would be to analyze YOUR reaction to the listerners reaction. Look for the flaws in your thinking. and remember, DID I do what I needed to do. If the answer is yes, then you have succeeded, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU STUTTERERED. We ARE stutterers and that is what we do, we STUTTER! :)-- You wont always feel great aboout the interaction and the listeners reaction, but with practice it gets easier and you wont be so fear driven, with the hair trigger reaction to speaking. --- I have come to terms with the idea that my feelings toward my speech will always fluctuate. I will nevrer completely hit the ending point and that is o.k.-- As long as I put myself out there as a person who stutters, I am going to be alright!

[DFedison]

Wow, thanks! The word you're looking for, I think, would be audacious. xD

Now, I'm wondering ... where are you in terms of speech therapy? Are you currently using any speech tools? Have you in the past?

See, I'm trying to implement skills I've been taught, skills that help me to some degree. At the same time, though, I'm trying my damndest not to use "techniques," "behaviors"--whatever you want to call them--to avoid stuttering. I've always done this to some extent, though I wouldn't classify myself as being totally covert. If you have a conversation with me, you probably recognize within a few minutes that I stutter. I just tend to avoid any more noticeable blocks.

[amey]

I use prologation techniques along with some negative practice ( Bouncing first letter of word I am going to stutter on), and I tell people that I am talking to that I stutter so they know what to expect and it takes the stress away.--- Or I just let the stuttering out. I combine all of this and it works for me. believe me, I am still stuttering a lot. I am a severe stutterer and that is that. -- The difference is that I say EXACTLY what I am thinking. If that means I run intto a hard block, that is what I have to do. I can no longer pick and choose my words because it is a slippery slope for me. Feels good in the moment but then just a little bit of fear comes back. In the end, it is not worth it.

You sound like you are on the right track. Doing what you need to do. that is awesome. It takes courage because how easily we can change a word or try to hide. It is a decision, I think. The stuttering is not going to go away, but we can choose how to deal with it.--- The neext time you feel a block coming, just stutter or block. Dont run, just wait it out. Deal with how you feel and then move on. It gets easier with time and you will tap into a strength that you may not even know you have.---

[Sarah11085]

DFedison,
I think your question is a very interesting. It's rare that I get a positive listener reaction. As Amey put it "people who seem to "see" me through my stuttering" it's really awesome! I think the best listener reaction is when the person keeps natural eye contact and waits patiently not seeming to bothered by the stuttering.