With stuttering, all the improvements you can make are almost worthless...

[ForeverYoung]

The way I've seen it is ... everyone can get a special someone. Working in a grocery store for 4 years and walking on campus, I've seen all kinds of people with girlfriends/boyfriends. Fat people, ugly people, hot people, athletic people, Polish people, people with bad fashion taste, people with terrible hair.

I've seen hot girls with ugly guys and ugly girls with hot guys. The one thing in common I have seen is the communication. They know each other and like them for who they are.

Which of course gets us to stuttering. It is a very humbling affliction. I feel like I can improve in ways. I can get rich, dress better, or work out. I can try a different hair style. But you know what? I will always stutter. And I think that holds me back more than anything else.

Communication becomes an issue. Each minor relationship milestone; from first contact to asking out to first kiss, is a mount Everest of physical, mental and emotional obstacles.

So it is very hard to be optimistic sometimes.

[Zachary]

Hmmm...

I initially though stuttering would affect my relations too. However, I eventually realized it didn't really impact me as much as I thought it would. There are a lot of really good women out there who would be willing to give you a chance and look through your stutter. Though we can't really improve our stuttering, we CAN improve our attitudes. One of the major turn offs for women regardless of the man is a negative attitude. So basically, try to stay positive and confident when you speak to women. Don't let a cynical perspective get in the way of your relationships. If you possess a positive perspective the woman (along with everyone else) will begin to admire you for your resilience in the face of hardship. Women dig positive perspective, confidence, and resilience in a man.

Also, though somewhat unrelated to stuttering; I was single for quite a while due to the fact I didn't realize I had NOTHING in common with the women I pursued. All they were for me was a way to project the "normal" life I wanted. What I need and what I wanted were two different things though. What I wanted was a normal chick, what I needed was an assertive and courageous woman who had gained such traits from the adversity she had faced in her life. On these grounds we could relate and establish a foundation for a relationship. So maybe you're looking for the wrong type of woman? Once I realized this I changed my demo and saw a lot of improvement with my game. Just a thought.

[jawad]

i sorta agree with that rather i feel alike when it comes to " I can get rich, dress better, or work out. I can try a different hair style."

But your tone is so sour...heads up man, dats not end of the world @ Young

[Bill Hargis]

Don't give up, there are many ladies out there who are looking for someone who works and brings the paycheck home, they don't care if you stutter. I married a beautiful lady, she ordered for me at restuarants and made my phone calls for many years. I'm not handsome either.

[dream431ca]

Your right. Communication is vital, however, what also is vital is people realize that we have stuttering. I said this before in another thread a long time ago, but if you have a positive attitude and people know you stutter, they will look past your stuttering and see you, not your stutter. Be open about yourself and people will accept who you are.

[Benhoor]

"I will always stutter"

That's simply not true. You don't know about the future. You might have always stammered so far but it doesn't mean it will last forever.

Try this and you will see that you won't stammer:

Put your fingers in your ear so that you can hardly hear anything, then start speaking. You stammer 70%-100% less!

...

We have this challenge in our lives and we should use it as a push for our growth.

[Geoff]

I do agree, it is frustrating. Communication between two people is the core of a relationship I suppose, and overrules other things like looks, fashion etc. I also try working out, buy nice clothes, all that kind of thing to try and look good. But at the end of the day communication is what defines our personalities and shows our character. If we can't even show our true personality because we're being held back all the time, then it makes it extremely difficult to create a lasting impression.

Sorry for the slightly pessimistic post, but I'm in a bit of a 'down period' at the moment. No doubt my mentality will change again in a few days, it always does.

[hipperman5]

Ya it's hard, but you can still do it. I've had two long term relationships already and I'm only 20. It's not bad if you don't focus on the stuttering too much, otherwise it'll really get in the way. I used be fine and didn't worry much, but in recent years it's gotten a lot tougher to talk to girls and I'm having trouble being optimistic too. I just keep reminding myself that I've succeeded before and can do it again, and so can everybody else.

[dalagirl]

Hey there! I have been married for 10 years now to someone who has stuttered his whole life. Trust me, there ARE women out there who truly don't care if you stutter or not. I think women just want someone who is honest, intelligent and stable. I had been married previously to a very abusive man and trust me, I didn't care one tiny bit that my current husband stuttered. So what?! The very first thing that attracted me to him was his very obvious intelligence. I think that maybe because of his stuttering, it made him an even better LISTENER and every woman wants to think that their BF/husband really and truly listens to their cares & concerns. I certainly feel that he does.

So be a little more positive and hopeful. There truly are women out there who honestly don't care that you stutter.

[stewartburn]

I am a moderate to severe (to mild, totally fluctuating) stutterer and I had one of the hottest/cutest girls I've ever met. I used to work at an auto shop and I had to get everyone coffee every morning (cruel thing to make the stutterer do, I know). I came in with a list every time if I couldn't say the order, which was almost always 4 coffees and 6 muffins. But I was just a nice, smiling, happy guy and the baristas LOVED me at the cafe. No one cared that I stuttered and could hardly even order some days...I just smiled, laughed it off, and said "sorry, here's the list" or something.

Anyway, every guy who came in there did so just because of this one barista girl. She was amazingly cute, bubbly, total extrovert, basically a perfect 10. I thought she was miles out of my league--forget my stutter, I didn't think I even looked good enough to be with her. I used to sweat my ass off walking up to the cafe and trying to think of something nice to say to her each day. And guess what? After a couple months of seeing her so often, SHE asked ME out. She never had a problem with the stutter and we only discussed it if I brought it up. I went out with her for about 4 months and it was a pretty big learning lesson, in a lot of ways.

I learned there's no such thing as leagues. Anyone can be with anyone, stutterers included. Just be a nice person. It's that simple. And the hot girls at the bank I had to always go to for work loved me too. Just be a nice guy. Smile.

As dalagirl said, I was a great listener :p. We used to hang out in my ex's apartment and just talk all night.

I know it can be hard to be a happy person when you stutter. I'm having trouble with that right now in my new job as a news reporter. Honestly, I've spent all day crying. This job absolutely rips me apart and makes me feel completely incompetent. But screw it. Tomorrow's a new day. And so is the next.

Good luck, my friend and brother. I feel your pain. I feel all stutterers' pain. I feel an incredible bond with you people and I wish you all the best.

[skyblue]

"I will always stutter"

That's simply not true. You don't know about the future. You might have always stammered so far but it doesn't mean it will last forever.

Try this and you will see that you won't stammer:

Put your fingers in your ear so that you can hardly hear anything, then start speaking. You stammer 70%-100% less!

...

We have this challenge in our lives and we should use it as a push for our growth.

You are either a recovered stutterer, or a persistent one. It is highly unlikely for a person older than 15 to all of a sudden stop stuttering.

And the trick is not very practical when you are talking to people face to face!