advice pls.. stessful situation..

[nicola]

Hi everyone..
Im taking my ex-boss to the ccma here in south africa... (commission for concilliation mediation and arbitration).. for a number of things such as, short payments, no payslips, no unemployment fund, dangerous working environment, smoking indoors, no ventillation, no safety equipment.. harrassment.. i sustained 2nd degree burns on my hand and wrist due to using broken equipment.. and the list goes on and on.. anyway, my meeting is next week,
it is a con-arb, concilliation and abritration after each other (if concilliation fails it'll go straight to arbitration.)

I feel I have a strong case, I am able to have my lawyer with me, however.. i obvisiously need to do some talking.. and as I stutter, I am really stressed and scared.

Most of the time I will be reading from pages, and this is even worse for me as I find when talking off the top of my head my speech isnt that bad however, reading word for word is always more messier for me.

I did have a speech therapist when I was younger, but for some or other reason I stopped going..

I am now 23, and I need some basic tips on how to calm myself and just something to give me a bit of confidence.

I will be speaking in front of my lawyer, my ex-boss and his representative (if they pitch) aswell as the commissioner.

I really need to voice my case in as clear a way as possible.
Thanks guys.. any advice will really be appreciated I can already see myself losing sleep over this whole thing.

Whenever I think of having to speak to people.. about a specific thing, such as having to explain something to someone, having to read out aloud etc (something that is not completely informal and casual) I freak out. I get so anxious.. I cant bare the thought.
At school, i always did my orals outside the class with just my teacher, I avoid phone calls.. I take my brother with me when i want to hire dvd's because the thought of saying my name in order to rent the dvd is like, ..its just impossible for me. My boyfriend orders my food at restaurants.

My speech isnt Bad, but I feel that I self preserve, if you know what I mean by hiding it, in other words, its far easier on my self esteem and confidence to avoid situations where I have to speak, so I never saw a problem with this besides become dependent on those closest to me. I dont think I have accepted my stutter even though I have stuttered since I could basically speak. However, I think I have accepted the complexities of hiding it.. and have incorporated all my little tricks etc quite effectively in my life.

BUT, there's no hiding in a court of law. There's things that need to be said and explained and no-one else is going to hold my hand and say it for me.

Any little tips would be great
Thanks guys..

[Nemo]

In Johannesburg there is the SpeakEasy support group at the speech therapy department at Wits University, so if you are in the J'burg area that could help.

You are what is called a covert stutterer - when I was 23 I was exactly in your position. Sooner or later stuttering catches up with the covert stutterer. You have situation fears, and these should be tackled gradually, starting with low levels of tension-creating situations and then working upward toward more difficult situations. These situations can be tackled with the aid of fluency techniques such as Passive Airflow technique, Slowed Speech technique and / or Prolonged Speech technique, all combined with stress management.

Unfortunately learning stuttering management is a long-term project - maybe too late for your court action. I can only advise that you be open about the disorder. Court officials need to take into consideration and respect a recognised disability such as stuttering, so they are bound to respect you and assist you in any way possible - maybe they should give permission for a partly written submission instead of oral, for medical reasons. You should definitely mention your problem to all the individuals concerned, it will certainly reduce your own concerns and put everybody more at ease, even if you find it difficult to be open about your problem. Many people stutter and it's not a sin and nothing to be ashamed of, it's a well known speech and communication disorder and for many people it's a real disability.

Also try to work on your stress levels at the time, try to reduce your stress as much as possible, perhaps by meditating or working out or relaxation techniques - there are so many ways to relax (stuttering is stress-related). Focus on being assertive - you have rights that have to be respected by all. Also try preparing VERY WELL for the hearing, the more you know what you want to say, the lower your stress may be and the easier it could be. Best of luck!