whenimgone
06-12-2010, 02:52 PM
Hi everyone. I'd been reading the forum like forever, & glad im actually posting one. I'm a mild stutter- IMO. I'd been stuttering since when i was like 8? around there. Life was dreadful. I basically spoke repetitively when i was younger & that kinda cease when i grew up (i'm hitting 20 btw). I'm facing blocks in almost every conversation & that kinda hit my confidence level rock bottom back every single time. Like for instance, i had no problem purchasing movie tickets but right now, my heartbeats quicken whenever i gotta start speaking for the number of tickets & there you go, my block surfaced even before i started speaking. i felt ashamed and ridiculous. Sometime, i think i've grown dumb because i have always substitute words and speak randomly whenever i try to avoid from stuttering out. Damn, i hate myself for goodness sake. I loathe the way i spoke & suicide options kept flashing across my mind. But i just couldn't bear to leave my family.
Music were my motivation ever since i'd gotten so depressed about the way i speak. I began so self-conscious and that always get in the way. Before i spoke to someone, i just kept thinking 'should i talk? what if i stutter? what if my words just couldnt come out. what if i opened my mouth and i just couldnt spoke. i would just be a laughing stock. just kept my mouth shut will be the best'. and then i just wouldnt want to speak. I often get away with blockage by substituting fillers. It was annoying when i kept saying er er er before i actually began speaking the first word. damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. ): I became so depress but somehow listening to music kinda hit me back home without a need for me to pour my heart out.
My life was just so messed up. I'd been avoiding social life, just staying home. I even gotten social anxiety disorder and visited the psy. My bffs probably gotten so sick of my blocks, she said" could you just speak properly". i got so upset because hello, its not like i wanna speak like that. do i have a choice? In conversations, people would just move on without waiting for me to speak because i just took too long. anyone else facing this? sigh.
Every single time i read this forum, i feel motivated because i felt we are really friends and those points stated were honestly helpful. I know acceptance is important, but it is hard to actually do it. I just cant stand the way people judge about me. some help? I just feel so lonely.
Music were my motivation ever since i'd gotten so depressed about the way i speak. I began so self-conscious and that always get in the way. Before i spoke to someone, i just kept thinking 'should i talk? what if i stutter? what if my words just couldnt come out. what if i opened my mouth and i just couldnt spoke. i would just be a laughing stock. just kept my mouth shut will be the best'. and then i just wouldnt want to speak. I often get away with blockage by substituting fillers. It was annoying when i kept saying er er er before i actually began speaking the first word. damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. ): I became so depress but somehow listening to music kinda hit me back home without a need for me to pour my heart out.
My life was just so messed up. I'd been avoiding social life, just staying home. I even gotten social anxiety disorder and visited the psy. My bffs probably gotten so sick of my blocks, she said" could you just speak properly". i got so upset because hello, its not like i wanna speak like that. do i have a choice? In conversations, people would just move on without waiting for me to speak because i just took too long. anyone else facing this? sigh.
Every single time i read this forum, i feel motivated because i felt we are really friends and those points stated were honestly helpful. I know acceptance is important, but it is hard to actually do it. I just cant stand the way people judge about me. some help? I just feel so lonely.