Dating

[Ainsley]

Hi,
I'm a 23 yr old female and I've never dated before (because of my stutter). I wanted to know how do other stammerer's date? I'm finding it really difficult, I chat to guys on the internet (it's the only way I can socialize) and when I say I have a stutter that stop talking to me.

Does this happen to anyone here?

Thanks.

[Box of Clocks]

On one hand it is good that you are telling them about your problem while still talking on the net as it shows that you want to be open and honest about stuttering and don't want to hide it. If everyone you speak to doesn't want to meet though after you tell them my advice would be just don't mention it. This way at least you will get to the point where you get to meet them face to face. If the stuttering bothers them and they don't want to meet for a second date that is a shame but at least it gives you some experience of dating/meeting people that you can use for next time.

[jamesm]

Honestly I think internet dating/chatting stuff is weird to begin with, you never know who really you are talking with, creepy. I would suggest friends of friends. Basically if your friends with someone, they may not really care that you stutter at all, they know the "real you" as the saying goes. So ask them to maybe introduce you to one of their friends. Because right off the bat you have something in common, your mutual friend. You probably have more in common as well, being that friends and friends of friends usually share some basic personality traits and or sense of humors, etc. Start by going to a movie, play or concert, simply because all the attention is focused not on individuals talking, but rather listening/watching. For instance, at a play you literally have to be quiet and cannot say anything. Every girl that has been somewhat of a romantic interest of mine I met through friends, only my present girlfriend is the only girl ive dated that I just met without knowing her from somewhere else (school, friends etc.), while at work at a coffee shop. So never give up Ainsley, you never know what life has to offer, as you sit there reading this, there is probably some guy right around the corner who you will bump into later today and he will ask you for a coffee or a drink, and not care that you stutter, and you will fall madly in love and forget you ever typed your initial post. :)

[ismaeel]

Well I am in a relationship. Its been 4 months now. It doesnt seem bad but Im finding it hard to talk to my gf about my stuttering

[Lenny]

you certainly should date someone who you feel comfortable with so that you stutter less......

[shorn]

I feel its good that you tell about your stutter, that you are not hiding anything.
There are many other things which matter in a relationship..they also need to work out.
Imagine what a burden it will be if one cant share the feeling about stuttering with their mate. Go on trying in your life..you will surely find someone for whom your stuttering will be cute.

[ptw]

I've went out with a good-looking girl for 6 months. We texted at first. The first couple times I saw her I didn't stutter at all. I just knew that I couldn't, or that's what I thought. When we were going out I told her all about my difficulty, and the pain I've gone through, and she said it didn't bother her.

Time moved on and we broke up. I just hope I'll be able to find someone else.

[ahhyes]

Okay... dating. I've been there done that.

First off, I want to say that if any person don't want to talk to you because you stutter than you are better off without that person. Whether it's a person you're trying to meet or anybody else. That person can or is probably immature that's why he stop chatting with you.

There will be some people in this world who are just uncomfortable with people like us who stutter. And that's okay. There are millions of other people who are not.

People or friends or family members should accept you for who you are!
No matter what! That's like saying your mother not wanting to talk to you because you stutter. Or if you were some how dis-able in another way.

No... No... No...
Your true friends and family members don't care about that. They care that you are a good person. Another example is, let's say you meet another stutter in a crowd. Do you care if he or she stutters?

None of my friends care that I stutter. They understood and even the girls that I went out with. They even tried to help with it instead of ending the relationship.
I remember girl that I went out with in the past and she would allow me to try to order at restaurants, get movie tickets, and so on. If I felt like not doing it because I had a bad day then she would do it. I ask her if it bother her and she said 100% no. She didn't mind at all.

Final note:
If any girl or guy can't accept it then move on. Try not to take it so hard and be stuck on ONE person. Remember there are many other people out there who don't care and WILL accept you no matter what.

I'm sure all the married couple out there like myself would agree to what I'm saying.

[Bessie]

Hey - I've dated a lot and been a in a few long-term relationships. They get to know you and realize that the stuttering does not define who you are. In a few cases, men actually find it cute;-)

It always helps me to have a drink or two before I got on a first date if I've met them online. I know that doesn't sound good, but alcohol makes me more relaxed and I stutter less during the first meeting.

As box of clocks says, if they meet you and they don't like the fact that you stutter, that he's not worth it anyways! :-)

[Scottishstammer]

just be yourself and if they dont like you for your stammer there not worth dating any way its what your like on the inside that counts :)

[bobyb]

Hi,
I'm a 23 yr old female and I've never dated before (because of my stutter). I wanted to know how do other stammerer's date? I'm finding it really difficult, I chat to guys on the internet (it's the only way I can socialize) and when I say I have a stutter that stop talking to me.

Does this happen to anyone here?

Thanks.
I feel your pain
As i am very scared to talk to female as i have a bad stutter
But i was in a relationship befor...It didn't bother her one bit

But if a meet a female stutter would be unbeliveable as we would be the same

But I realy don't think any guy would even mind if you stutter

Just be yourself

[berrylicious]

Hi,
I'm a 23 yr old female and I've never dated before (because of my stutter). I wanted to know how do other stammerer's date? I'm finding it really difficult, I chat to guys on the internet (it's the only way I can socialize) and when I say I have a stutter that stop talking to me.

Does this happen to anyone here?

Thanks.

I feel your pain! I also feel like my dating life is very limited by my stuttering. Its like I'm wasting the precious years of my 20's while everyone around me is out having fun or getting engaged/married/pregnant. Meeting people through large groups is the hardest bc thats where I'm most likely to block, and because of that I usually dont say much. I really admire how you continue to put yourself out there, think of it as weeding out the douchbags.

[Tinkabell]

From experience, most people judge the book by its cover and that's the truth. If you talk to people online, then start out as friends and get to know the person first. When you feel confident that you want to meet them. Make sure it's somewhere crowded with people so that you both feel safe. If the person likes you already intellectually, they will see pass your stuttering. I met my first boyfriend online (long story and in such a weird way) and he is now my husband.

I'm a happy bunny because I couldn't ask for anyone better. I didn't even get a chance to tell him I stuttered, he noticed it and said "I think your stuttering is cute".

[Bruce]

From experience, most people judge the book by its cover and that's the truth. If you talk to people online, then start out as friends and get to know the person first. When you feel confident that you want to meet them. Make sure it's somewhere crowded with people so that you both feel safe. If the person likes you already intellectually, they will see pass your stuttering. I met my first boyfriend online (long story and in such a weird way) and he is now my husband.

I'm a happy bunny because I couldn't ask for anyone better. I didn't even get a chance to tell him I stuttered, he noticed it and said "I think your stuttering is cute".

you might want to think about this one...

if your stuttering is mild then perhaps it can be cute...

but if you think it is more than just mild then how can this be cute and what is with this person to think that and what problems do they have that you don't know about worse than your stuttering???

[thatCALIdude]

Hi,
I'm a 23 yr old female and I've never dated before (because of my stutter). I wanted to know how do other stammerer's date? I'm finding it really difficult, I chat to guys on the internet (it's the only way I can socialize) and when I say I have a stutter that stop talking to me.

Does this happen to anyone here?

Thanks.

female stutters have it better then male stutters thats for sure

[MrMungo]

female stutters have it better then male stutters thats for sure

Bit of a sweeping statement! I'm not sure either way. Communication is so key to a large % of the female population that I think it can be harder if they are really concerned about their speech.
A lot of guys aren't that talkative. Whether they have a stutter or not.

I think most people who have done the online thing have experienced a few "riff-raffs" shall we say. I once got talking to a girl. She asked me for my answer. I obliged. She called me, we were talking for a few minutes, then I stuttered and she hung up! I was not impressed. It wasn't even a big block either!

It happens to us all Ainsley, so try not to worry too much about it. There's several bad apples online, but there's also some genuine, decent people about too.

I, too, find dating very difficult. The act of walking up to a cute girl and striking up a conversation is something I always find difficult. To be honest, I avoid doing it far too much.

As a consequence, I have done online dating for quite a while now. With limited success! Some success, just no (un)lucky bride yet!

I think girls and guys are very different, but I try and be honest before meeting up. I think honesty is always the best policy with things like this. The when is tricky. I personally try and get to know someone quite well before meeting up. It makes me feel more comfortable when the time comes to meeting up.
Whilst you are getting to know each other, I tend to bring it up then.
Usually by trying to squeeze it into a conversation instead of making a big deal of it.

[Tinkabell]

you might want to think about this one...

if your stuttering is mild then perhaps it can be cute...

but if you think it is more than just mild then how can this be cute and what is with this person to think that and what problems do they have that you don't know about worse than your stuttering???

Why do you think there is something wrong with my husband? I found a person that loves me for who I am and not based on whether I stutter or not. No one is perfect and not everyone is shallow and judges a person by their speech or problems.

We are happily married for 6 years now, I find myself not stuttering with him because we have build such a deep emotional understanding. I know he feels my pain when I stutter because there's nothing he can do to help me but he always make me feel better and stands by me.

He said "it's cute" at the time to make me less nervous and it caught me by surprise. By him saying that, it took the pressure off me to tell him I have a stutter and at the time that was very hard for me to do. In my opinion, that was the nicest thing anyone could have said about my stuttering. He turned my worst attribute into something that is good.

[Steven]

Why do you think there is something wrong with my husband? I found a person that loves me for who I am and not based on whether I stutter or not. No one is perfect and not everyone is shallow and judges a person by their speech or problems.

We are happily married for 6 years now, I find myself not stuttering with him because we have build such a deep emotional understanding. I know he feels my pain when I stutter because there's nothing he can do to help me but he always make me feel better and stands by me.

He said "it's cute" at the time to make me less nervous and it caught me by surprise. By him saying that, it took the pressure off me to tell him I have a stutter and at the time that was very hard for me to do. In my opinion, that was the nicest thing anyone could have said about my stuttering. He turned my worst attribute into something that is good.

well then if you don't stutter with your husband then this proves (listen up all you brain experts) that there is a strong emotional component to stuttering...

[cjm555]

Why do you think there is something wrong with my husband? I found a person that loves me for who I am and not based on whether I stutter or not. No one is perfect and not everyone is shallow and judges a person by their speech or problems.

We are happily married for 6 years now, I find myself not stuttering with him because we have build such a deep emotional understanding. I know he feels my pain when I stutter because there's nothing he can do to help me but he always make me feel better and stands by me.

He said "it's cute" at the time to make me less nervous and it caught me by surprise. By him saying that, it took the pressure off me to tell him I have a stutter and at the time that was very hard for me to do. In my opinion, that was the nicest thing anyone could have said about my stuttering. He turned my worst attribute into something that is good.

i'm not commenting on anything about your relationship because, honestly, i haven't read any of the posts up until now. but i always hated the "I think its Cute" comment ive gotten it a few times. i think mainly cuz they think im just nervous around them. even if its partialy true its not the only reason.

anyways i dont have alot of dating experience, honestly my longest relationship to date has been 5 months. i grew up in a small town(and by small town i'm talkin about 500 people) close to a few other small towns so everybody i was friends with knew about it and if somebody wasnt i had people to help me make them ok with it.

I'm 22 now and the way i see it is if people have a problem with it then i dont need to know it

[Jeff99]

just be yourself

ive always told them up front i tend to relax more after i tell them so i speak better
the main thing is to keep meeting people

you might get 10000 no's but all it takes is 1 person to say yes and it can change your life for the better in 10000 ways

[Steven]

just be yourself

ive always told them up front i tend to relax more after i tell them so i speak better
the main thing is to keep meeting people

you might get 10000 no's but all it takes is 1 person to say yes and it can change your life for the better in 10000 ways

THis is good advice but it does not help a person who wants to do things in their life, do a certain kind of job, go for a certain degree, date a certain person.

if a person is ambitious then all the advice you gave does not help enough for a person to accompish something......right?

[Timbo]

Dating can be hard for everyone, not just people that stutter. Through the years I have gone through many ups and downs that involve my stutter...jobs, girls, public speaking...and I realize one thing=stuttering is a part of me that I can't change and if ANYONE judges me, they are not worth one second of my time. I have tried to see if I could find a girl that stuttered as well, but there are many more men then woman. Maybe try and find a guy that stuttered as well? Or if thats not an option, keep being open and honest about it...when I have met possible partners on the internet I have built a solid foundation chatting via IM, email, or texting and then by the time we were ready to talk on the phone, they would so interested in me that it wouldn't matter!

Your personality will shine through, and when that happens, a good guy would be supportive and caring about your speech ;)

[Zilaem]

It's a pain in the ass. Im have never even bothered trying to get a girlfriend, but in the past few months ive started to give it a lot of thought and im beginning to think I need to get me a woman!

We'll see how it goes.

[BrettB]

The best thing you can do is just be open with your stuttering and if you're going to date other people, and they want to get to know you, let them know. If anything, by telling them that you stutter you are portraying confidence and it shows that you don't really care about what others think about the matter. In a sense, you're trying to stand tall and be strong. So be honest and be open about it.

[Melody]

I've been in 2 relationships already and I'm 23 years old. My last bf has been very helpful but stern. Whenever I whine abt my condition, he gives me a long lecture on pple he knows who stutter but are forging in their careers and personal lives. So you need to find one who is understanding and will push you to achieve your goals and overcome your fears. Stuttering is terrible and no human being should be inflicted with this speech impediment but i visit a home for physically challenged pple and I could say was ' thank you God for making me just the way I am'. at that moment i realised how I had made everything abt my stuttering. So dont worry u will find a person who will love u unconditionally. Kudos to you

[emily]

I have never had an issue with stuttering and dating. I'm 19 and I've been dating my boyfriend Jon for three years. I've had two other boyfriends during high school, which is probably the time when people get judged the most. If men stop talking to you because you stutter, then they aren't men, they're just assholes who aren't worth your time. Everybody I've been in any sort of relationship with has been incredibly understanding and chill about my speech patterns, and that usually played a big part in why I was dating them. My first boyfriend Nate would hold my hand every time it happened. I was so deeply in touch with my second boyfriend because he'd gone through a lot of shit in his life too, so we had that trauma and feeling of being paralyzed in common. Whenever I stutter in front of Jon he tries to guess what I'm about to say (which normally pisses me off if anyone else does it), but he guesses the least likely things so that I laugh, which usually makes it easier to speak. You just need to find somebody who is actually worth your time and won't judge you for something you can't control and which shouldn't define you as a person.

[jamesm]

nicely put emily

[Jeff99]

THis is good advice but it does not help a person who wants to do things in their life, do a certain kind of job, go for a certain degree, date a certain person.

if a person is ambitious then all the advice you gave does not help enough for a person to accompish something......right?

i disagree
if you want to do a certain thing keep trying that thing
what to date a certain type of person keep talking to that type of person


my message is don't let your stutter stop you from anything
some people judge you straight up more than likely not worth the hassle.

[balamba]

Dear Ainsley,

I am bala from India.. I don't feel weird if my friend stutter. Everyone stutter at some point of time.. so don't worry. I hope you had chat with crooked minded guy.. No one see the defect of their loved ones... so keep searching...I astonish that you are Australian who has not dated so far?.. Anyhow feel free to contact me.

[livelovelaugh]

I am a 20 year old girl and i have been in my relationship with my boyfriend for now 4 and a half years. I always hide my feelings about my speech from him but he always pulls it out of me and ask me to share them with him.... you know cry to him or take out my anger with him just basically not keep it all inside. I think you should just be open, speak to guys in person, i know it will be hard but thats the best way i guy will get to like you for "you".

Maybe they run away when you tell them that over the internet because they really dont get to know the real you through talking over the internet....i dont know if you understand what im saying. Its very different when you get to know someone in person. Dont let stuttering stop you from dating. If a guy really loves you he wont care about your stuttering he will love you for you.

[curtis]

Admit the fact that you stutter because you dont them to find out otherwise.If they cant accept that your not perfect then they dont deserve to date somone as great as yourself.Besides everyone got problems an if they cant look past or get over somthan like that they are not good dating,marriage material.