Ryoku
12-11-2010, 08:02 AM
I know that many people feel this way; probably all mild/heavy stammerers, some with other sorts of afflictions, some just regular people. Normally I'd feel like a self-pitying fool for even attempting to share my frustration over the internet, or in real life--- because lets be honest.. it's pointless. Nobody really cares; the worst part about spilling your guts for anyone to see is that the answer never satisfies. But it's gotten to a point for me where I feel like I've been left to drown in a pool of my apathetic endeavors. Yea I guess those two words are contrary, but for me it's been like I have all the ambitions to boot, yet something is missing that keeps me from seeing the truth. I'm stuck in this state between my love for art yet my underlying want for something else; between my religious upbringing and my logical way of thinking presently. Between believing I'm fine with my speech yet at the same time long to cure it---more than anything. But I know it's unattainable so I just tell myself to distance myself from the hope and embrace myself for everything. Someday I want to understand if there's a reason to all of it. Perhaps I won't know what that really feels like until I'm lying in my grave. Perhaps I'm only not free because I've convinced myself otherwise.