Icky Experience!!

[happy7117]

I was at the grocery store today, waiting
for the bus to take home..

Two girls that came up to me that knew me
because I frequent the restaurant they work at--
said "Hi" and chatted with me...

I started stuttering- and my jaw locked up-
and mouth opened and no sound came out---
it was very weird and freaky!!!

I had no idea what they were thinking when that block happened!!

They are very nice and very pretty too!!
Gosh, did I feel like an idiot-- that stuttering
made me feel like a fool in front of them!!

2 extremely nice girls I could have gotten to know better- and I stutter in front of them---
after they walked away-- I was very angered at
the stuttering part of me that happened-- and
cursed at myself!!!

[Standingtall]

Happy, my friend, you need to develop an sense of humor. Your way too serious. They must know you stutter if you are a regular at the resturant they work at. When you have your block, trying smiling or laughting and say something silly. How long have they been talking to you, couple of minutes maybe more. Take that as a positive if they can come up to you and start chatting with you. At least they didn't act you werent there. I had that happen many times. Good luck and I hope it happens again, girls chatting with you of course.

[happy7117]

Happy, my friend, you need to develop an sense of humor. Your way too serious. They must know you stutter if you are a regular at the resturant they work at. When you have your block, trying smiling or laughting and say something silly. How long have they been talking to you, couple of minutes maybe more. Take that as a positive if they can come up to you and start chatting with you. At least they didn't act you werent there. I had that happen many times. Good luck and I hope it happens again, girls chatting with you of course.

They know I stutter sure- but I never want to make a girl feel uncomfortable by me stuttering...!!!

Actualy my sense of humor comes after a bad experience---!! I usualy make a joke about it--
I'm not sure if joking about a bad experience
after it happens will make it better!!!

[Standingtall]

If you feel uncomfortable, then they are going to pick that up and feel uncomfortable too. Don't even think about that next time when you are talking to them again and they will find you easier to approach.

Humor or laughter will make anything easier to handle and more approachable. Joking around I good too. I make fun of my bad experiences and get people laughting, then making fun of someone else. Just food for thought.

[studentdoc]

Good girls won't judge you on your stuttering. Don't stress too much. If anything, it filters out the bad people. Keep on smiling... although I can relate to your feelings when I'm down. There are brighter days :)

[BenLZ]

I completely disagree. I know we, as stutters, like to believe people don't care or mind, but that attitude is only for people who can't handle reality. And no, it does not filter out the bad people. Maybe if they laugh at you and are absiolute s it might, but that rarely happens. Your stutter does matter, I can accept that, and I don't have very many friends (although I do have loads of acquaintances who will exchange greetings with me in the hallway). The only thing I do hold close is my grasp on reality which a lot of stutterers seem to be in a state of denial about. Think, if you were fluent and went to talk to some girl and she stuttered insanely with facial expressions and everything, would you get closer to her? It's a normal human reaction to avoid something that is uncomfortable. Sure, you might say hi to her to be polite, but that's about it. To end on a positive note, breathing excersizes can help, I eliminated a lot of facial expressions I use to have by breathing techniques. There's one solution for a stutterer and that's first identifying that you have a flagrant issue and it's imperative that it be solved as soon as possible. I unfortunately blew this oppurtunity by attending an intensive clinic while going into middle school by not taking it seriously enough.

[studentdoc]

There is a guy that I know since high school who is admired by every girl that I have spoken to who knows him (many of them). And has dated a girl with a SEVERE stutter and doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I don't think a genuinely good person would be driven away from another person who they would be with - because of their speech. Just my 2 pennies.

[BenLZ]

There is a guy that I know since high school who is admired by every girl that I have spoken to who knows him (many of them). And has dated a girl with a SEVERE stutter and doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I don't think a genuinely good person would be driven away from another person who they would be with - because of their speech. Just my 2 pennies.

I see your point, and I don't usually just flat out disagree with people and openly phrase it the way I did. I'm just in sort of a bitter mood, and in my opinion your friend is a rare breed. I don't know anybody who would do that personally, and even my parents admit I'm at a huge disadvantage relationship-wise.

[studentdoc]

I see your point, and I don't usually just flat out disagree with people and openly phrase it the way I did. I'm just in sort of a bitter mood, and in my opinion your friend is a rare breed. I don't know anybody who would do that personally, and even my parents admit I'm at a huge disadvantage relationship-wise.
I'm so sorry to hear that your parents refer to your speech impediment that way. But honestly, from my experience, it hasn't had a negative impact on relationships other than me getting frustrated. I think the reason a lot of people who stutter are single is because they avoid situations and their emotions get involved after a stutter. I am a victim of doing such many times, but I don't let it stop me either. Granted the world is full of bad - and those people might not receive a stutter as they should. But, there are good people in the world who cherish you as a person, for your drive, and even for becoming who you have become even with a speech impediment. To better days.

[Anthony]

that didn't really sound that bad.afterall they knew you stuttered and they probably genuinely didn't care.the vast majority of people really don't care despite what we think.we tend to imagine the worst.

[happy7117]

I'm so sorry to hear that your parents refer to your speech impediment that way. But honestly, from my experience, it hasn't had a negative impact on relationships other than me getting frustrated. I think the reason a lot of people who stutter are single is because they avoid situations and their emotions get involved after a stutter. I am a victim of doing such many times, but I don't let it stop me either. Granted the world is full of bad - and those people might not receive a stutter as they should. But, there are good people in the world who cherish you as a person, for your drive, and even for becoming who you have become even with a speech impediment. To better days.


That's the reason I may be single too!!
My stuttering makes me afraid to talk to girls-
and making a fool of myself-- therefore I shy away
from meeting even the nicest girl..it's the fact
that the stuttering makes me very apprehensive
to meet others--

[studentdoc]

That's the reason I may be single too!!
My stuttering makes me afraid to talk to girls-
and making a fool of myself-- therefore I shy away
from meeting even the nicest girl..it's the fact
that the stuttering makes me very apprehensive
to meet others--
Speaking from experience, good girls won't look at you as a fool. They will actually give you love and support. You will find somebody understanding only if you try. So get out there and if someone doesn't accept it, you can realize it's their bad and their loss. Don't let their ignorance get YOU down.

By the way, I say this and I often get down and frustrated and hopeless but I get up the next day and start over. Don't be discouraged when you feel down, realize the next day is a brand new day with a brand new start and you will run into new people who you can interact with.

[happy7117]

Speaking from experience, good girls won't look at you as a fool. They will actually give you love and support. You will find somebody understanding only if you try. So get out there and if someone doesn't accept it, you can realize it's their bad and their loss. Don't let their ignorance get YOU down.

By the way, I say this and I often get down and frustrated and hopeless but I get up the next day and start over. Don't be discouraged when you feel down, realize the next day is a brand new day with a brand new start and you will run into new people who you can interact with.

That's a very powerfull response!!--if only
I wasn't so afraid of rejection!!

[BenLZ]

Yeah, I seem to feel almost afraid of change. My life has become a pattern of being anti-social due to the stutter and I'm not growing socially. I find a lot of the effects of stuttering are mental. It's really isolated me, and the sad part is it's my own fault.

[happy7117]

Yeah, I seem to feel almost afraid of change. My life has become a pattern of being anti-social due to the stutter and I'm not growing socially. I find a lot of the effects of stuttering are mental. It's really isolated me, and the sad part is it's my own fault.

To me, I always though anti-social meant
mean and snobish towards others--and not talking to others!!

A person should not have to feel anti-social cause they stutter--in fact if the person who stutters
stays quiet because they stutter--it's the fear
of stuttering that makes them quiet...

If a person is very quiet --it could be they
don't want to feel embarrassed by doing something foolish...

But if someone says "Hi", and the speaker brushes you off by not saying anything-that's anti-social....

A stutter who does not talk much or is afraid
to talk is not anti-social, but more apprehensive!!

A fluent person who ignore others when they talk to you is anti-social!!!

If people know you well and think the best of you,
even if you are very quiet because of the stutter
thing, they will not think of you as anti-social...
but rather watching out for yourself!!

They don't allow me to talk at work---maybe they
do it so they don't give the company a bad reputation,

I love to be around people, but I would never
brush off people!!

[Igby]

i think this poses a very good question that i too struggle with: Should we go out of our comfort zone? For example i often feel uncomfortable in loud crowded bars in particular when i have to order a drink. If i put myself in that situation and i stutter i feel terrible. Should i not put myself in those challenging situations and stay to situations when im in my comfort zone and less likely to stutter? Or should i try and challenge myself to improve and be less apprenhensive in such situations?

[claragazza]

There is a guy that I know since high school who is admired by every girl that I have spoken to who knows him (many of them). And has dated a girl with a SEVERE stutter and doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I don't think a genuinely good person would be driven away from another person who they would be with - because of their speech. Just my 2 pennies.

Well, I would like this to happen more often... Exactly how severe was her stutter? Can you describe?

[claragazza]

I completely disagree. I know we, as stutters, like to believe people don't care or mind, but that attitude is only for people who can't handle reality. And no, it does not filter out the bad people. Maybe if they laugh at you and are absiolute s it might, but that rarely happens. Your stutter does matter, I can accept that, and I don't have very many friends (although I do have loads of acquaintances who will exchange greetings with me in the hallway). The only thing I do hold close is my grasp on reality which a lot of stutterers seem to be in a state of denial about. Think, if you were fluent and went to talk to some girl and she stuttered insanely with facial expressions and everything, would you get closer to her? It's a normal human reaction to avoid something that is uncomfortable. Sure, you might say hi to her to be polite, but that's about it. To end on a positive note, breathing excersizes can help, I eliminated a lot of facial expressions I use to have by breathing techniques. There's one solution for a stutterer and that's first identifying that you have a flagrant issue and it's imperative that it be solved as soon as possible. I unfortunately blew this oppurtunity by attending an intensive clinic while going into middle school by not taking it seriously enough.

I think I agree. Maybe if you stutter mildly, people might not mind, but if you stutter a lot, if becomes definitly unpleasant for any normal person.

Of course, noone will tell it directly in front of you, but I have been faced a countless number of times with persons clearly displaying their relief after having ended a conversation with me.

[bignick]

i think this poses a very good question that i too struggle with: Should we go out of our comfort zone? For example i often feel uncomfortable in loud crowded bars in particular when i have to order a drink. If i put myself in that situation and i stutter i feel terrible. Should i not put myself in those challenging situations and stay to situations when im in my comfort zone and less likely to stutter? Or should i try and challenge myself to improve and be less apprenhensive in such situations?

Put yourself out of the comfort zone, challenge yourself and you might find how good and free you feel if you dont stutter as much in a difficult situation, anyway if you stutter, walk away with your head held high as you have tried it, brush yourself down and try again. A stutter shouldnt stop you from doing what you want as you will see from this forum, there are people who are high ranking in the armed forces, people who do live TV and radio appearances, people who are married with families and people who have reached their goals and on a daily basis use the phone and take meetings and interact with people each and every day.
My stutter isnt going to stop me from doing what I want to do in life and we should all take heart in the positive comments and experiences on this forum.

keep on smiling.

[Standingtall]

We all have comfort zones. I didn't take leap of faith, but rather start taking steps until my comfort zone started growing and now it is a challange to stay ahead of my comfort zone. Sooner or later, you are going to get tired of your comfort zone and you may not realize it, but many of you have taken that step. I took one of my steps by joing this forum. I have shared my thoughts and my experiences and maybe some of them you can blackmail me with. Well, that's my 2 cents.

Happy, you have made progress when those young women approached you, instead of the other way around. You done something right, now what are you going to do next.

[BenLZ]

I think I agree. Maybe if you stutter mildly, people might not mind, but if you stutter a lot, if becomes definitly unpleasant for any normal person.

Of course, noone will tell it directly in front of you, but I have been faced a countless number of times with persons clearly displaying their relief after having ended a conversation with me.

That's what really gets to me, when you can see people cringe when they listen to you. This is particularly a problem if you have a serious stutter and although you know they're uncomfortable and peeved you can't speed up the sentence. After that they just ignore you. This is what happens with about 9 out of every 10 people I've spoken to through my own experience.

[happy7117]

That's what really gets to me, when you can see people cringe when they listen to you. This is particularly a problem if you have a serious stutter and although you know they're uncomfortable and peeved you can't speed up the sentence. After that they just ignore you. This is what happens with about 9 out of every 10 people I've spoken to through my own experience.


Iv'e had instances where I feel I wish I could
just spit out the sentence as soon as I have a big
stutter or stoppage--and although I cannot
see it on their faces, I can sort of sense one
is not listening when I have long stutterings--
and you are indeed right BenZ!! After a minute
or so of long stuttering-- they sort of stop
listening to you, and act like you are half- there-
or like you said they ignore you after a few minutes!!

It's definately nerveracking, angering, and a big
nuisance to us...

I'm sort of PO'd that after so many years
there is not a definate treatment to take us all out
of our hellish misery!!

Stuttering- especialy nasty stuttering
is brutal..

[Jeff99]

look it not like you can just click ur fingers and the stutter will go (if only) so why be so hard on ur self this sort of stuff happens all the time to non stutters to a good looking person talks to them they have a mental blank and say nothing. the best way to fix this as such would be to go back to the restaurant and talk to them try again until your happy with it or until the call the cops what evercomes first. the most important thing is not to talk everything to heart. made a mistake big deal.

[studentdoc]

Well, I would like this to happen more often... Exactly how severe was her stutter? Can you describe?
She stutters on about every 2nd or 3rd word and does not try one bit to conceal it. She will struggle with that letter until it comes out. And hasn't had a problem. She just got into law school too.

[Standingtall]

She stutters on about every 2nd or 3rd word and does not try one bit to conceal it. She will struggle with that letter until it comes out. And hasn't had a problem. She just got into law school too.

I know a woman like that, she is one of my wife's friends. When I first met her, she didn't hide anything, when she was stuck on a word, she would fight it through.

Her stutter is pretty bad, I almost feel fluent around her. She don't seem to have a problem with dates, she usually says, I'll see if this guy is worth keeping. It sounds like she is more interested in what this guy is like. I admire her for that.