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DisfluentGirl
01-23-2011, 08:39 PM
Hi I'm Andrea. I live in the Seattle, Wa area. I'm 26 years old and I've been stuttering since about age 3. Then it went away around age 5 only to come back around age 12. It went away around age 14 then came back around age 16. Ever since then every year it gets worse and worse. It's also way worse when I speak spanish!

I now consider myself a severe stutterer. I have very long blocks and face contortions. I repeat the word um alot. My stuttering is full blown when I'm around my family and close friends. It's like the more I get to know someone, the closer I get to them the more my stuttering comes out.

I avoid so many situations like visiting certain family members that live out of town that I haven't seen in years. All because I don't want to be made fun of or feel uncomfortable. I have my family and close friends make phone calls for me.

I'm a massage therapist. At work no one really knows I stutter, for some reason I can hold it off more. But it's exhausting because I have to do alot of word substituting or not say certain words. It's weird how this only works in the workplace and not around my family and friends.

Lately it's gotten a bit worse. I used to not stutter at all in public or around people I don't know, but now it seems to be happening when I order food or ask for assistance. It's been slipping out when I speak to my clients too.

Being a stutterer has affected me in many ways. I have very low self esteem and I get depressed often. I'm a very anxious and nervous person. I can have a bit of a temper. I feel helpless and I isolate myself. I feel like I'm in a prison inside my own head. Sometimes I feel like I just want to die.

Regular people don't know what I go through or what this feels like. They take for granted being able to speak without thinking or worrying about their words. I feel so envious of them. It's not fair! What did I ever do to deserve this? I wouldn't wish stuttering on my worst enemy.

People dream about being successful, rich, beautiful, finding a soulmate etc. I dream about being able to speak. I'd do anything to be fluent. I feel like stuttering is robbing me of my personality and dreams. How the hell can I start my own business if I'm scared to death of something as simple as making a phonecall??

I've tried speech therapy, devices, past life regression hypnosis, the vasalva method, meditation, qigong, reiki, affirmations and nothing has worked. It seems to actually be getting worse.

However I am not giving up. I refuse to. Next on my list is the Mcguire Program in March, The Spicer method by Laura Spicer which involves NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), also I am going to try a different types of hypnosis.

Oh and call me crazy but this summer I am going to Peru on vacation and I will make it a point to to go see some shamans and ask them for help!

Well this is getting a bit long so thanks for reading and I hope to get to know some of you!

Box of Clocks
01-25-2011, 03:40 PM
Welcome to the forum. As fellow stutterers I'm sure we can all relate to your story and your feelings. It sounds as if you let it get you down a bit too much at times but on the other hand you seem commited to improving your situation so that is good. Hopefully those Shamans in Peru will yield the answer.

MrMungo
01-25-2011, 07:17 PM
Sad to hear you struggle so much, Andrea.
I hope either the McGuire program or the Shamans yield some success for you. Sounds like you deserve some success!
Let us know if it helps. I may have to take a trip to Peru if it's successful! ;)

DisfluentGirl
01-26-2011, 12:50 AM
Thank you! Yeah I can get pretty down because of my stutter, but deep down I refuse to give up!

Don't know if you were being sarcastic about the shamans but I'm dead serious lol I'm a spiritual type of girl and I believe that a shaman can help me :-)

Sam1
01-27-2011, 04:39 AM
Hey Andrea, welcome
Just an idea, but perhaps you perceive your stuttering to get worse the closer you get to someone because you want to do less substituting and avoiding and want to present the real 'non-substituted' Andrea as much as you can? That's how it some times works with me.

And another idea that I try to spread around, it shocks me some times how many stutterers aren't aware of this. Studies have shown that a decent percentage of stutterers experience a 'carry-over fluency' when they take advantage of the choral effect via DAF/FAF. A few years ago I spent a good half a year doing approx 5 hours of DAF/FAF a day. I read a lot, so I just read stuff that I would anyway out loud. I noticed a huge improvement in my fluency. The science is really quite interesting, actually. Some studies show that there are certain neural correlates of carry-over fluency, i.e. those likely to benefit from DAF/FAF in a long-term way show certain patterns of activation when choral effecting. (I'm a nerd). And yeah, you can download a DAF/FAF program from the net.

DisfluentGirl
01-29-2011, 05:19 AM
Mungo, I will let you know if the shamans help me,

Sam, that's pretty interesting about the DAF. I think I'll start using mine again. Thanks for the info.

spanglishfly
01-30-2011, 08:08 PM
Nice to meet you and welcome Andrea. I sometimes speak fluently in spanish than english, but it just depends on the kind of day I'm having, but its nice to be able to switch over to spanish or english when I'm having difficulty speaking in one or the other, hence my blogger name! Of course I can't use that on everybody, the other person has to be bi-lingual as well, so when I'm stuck on english, than I revert back to substituting words to get the word out. I thinks it's great that your a Massage therapist! I kind of wanted to do that back then, but thought I wouldn't be able to with my condition. So good for you! I also experience the same mysterious fluent speaking in certain situations, some better than others, and certain people tend to trigger my stutter worst than others! Funny how it all works! I guess I would describe myself as a situational/depends-who-you-are-stutterer! There are those rare days when you would never guess I was a stutterer, but are short lived. I also envy fluent people when I hear them having a wonderful conversation without blocking or prolonging words, it's a beautiful thing, and something I wish I could do without getting nervous and worrying how my words are going to come out. I'm proud of all your attempts towards fluency and your courage to find that mysterious cure some where out there! I wish you luck in Peru and definitely let us know if the shamans does any good for you! Don't forget to try some of their hard liquor they call PISCO!