Shame

[Thomkatt]

I've tried quite a few things but still experience shame when it comes to stuttering. Albeit much less than in the past, it never seems to go away. what do you guys think is the one best way to deal with stuttering shame/embarasment issues. Stuttering on purpose seems to work best for me.

[DisfluentGirl]

I self talk to myself. I tell myself that its not the end of the world and tell myself how much I love myself unconditionally. I think about things I am grateful for.

When I'm at my lowest and feeling very shameful, I just let it all out. I go off on my own, take a drive or go to a quiet room, put on some sad music and just cry. I cry it all out. I also write things down. I have a diary. Or I write things on here. You see, repressing emotions is the cause of a lot of physical and emotional ailments. I notice that when I repress emotions about my stuttering, my speech gets worse. I'm not saying that stuttering is caused by repressed emotions, but I do know that I feel better after I let it all out.

Then afterwards I listen to some uplifting music, with happy lyrics and beats, or I go on YouTube and watch motivational videos about the law of attraction. I like the Abraham Hicks teachings and other law of attraction stuff. This stuff makes me feel better.

[amey]

Thomkatt, I am right there with you. The shame comes and goes with me. I do what you do, I just make sure to show my stuttering and I DONT change my behavior. I think this is the healthiest way to deal with the shame. i surely cant start to hide my stuttering.-- Put on a brave face and keep on truckin'!

[Thecoherentman]

I've tried quite a few things but still experience shame when it comes to stuttering. Albeit much less than in the past, it never seems to go away. what do you guys think is the one best way to deal with stuttering shame/embarasment issues. Stuttering on purpose seems to work best for me.

You are correct. You must reject your perception of being a stutterer as being a loser and see yourself as a winner when you stutter with ease and openly.

Shame is a feeling. Feelings are imaginary, illusions, not real, and only the interpretation of our doings, things we struggle to do, and things we have learned or instinctively programmed to do. Fear is the interpretation of our tendencies to run for a shelter or to attack an enemy, for self preservation. Shyness is the interpretation of our struggles to hide ourselves so to cover our disharmony with our environment and to avoid the possible unmet expectations from others. Shame is the pain that is the interpretation of our needs to position ourselves as winners and not to be caught as losers and unloved.

IF we are frustrated with shame and see no way out we try to get some satisfaction with satisfying our needs for harmony with our environment and accept a submissive role to bullies who are around us. The manifestation of being submissive and perceiving to be a loser is exactly as not being empowered to talk.

We must define being a winner by if we are doing the correct things and not by the outcomes. People who plan and act to win are the winners even if they lose most of the times. Gamblers are losers even if they win. When confronted with bullies we must exercise our will to talk or to pause. We can get our satisfaction of being harmonious to our bullies by letting them wait for when we want to talk and how long we want to let it take for us to talk, and with ease, no hurry, and with openness.

[srdonjuan]

It's not easy. It took me a long to really even face the fact that I am a stutterer and most people who first met me identified me as "the guy who stutters". Like most I wanted to not stutter more then ANYTHING so I guess I felt some shame that I was not normal and could not perform a simple thing like speaking. I would almost try and hide form myself. I would try and pretend it wasn't happening and would never talk about it with others. That was a mistake.

I think stuttering on purpose and forcing yourself to view videos and listen to recordings of yourself stuttering is a good way to come to terms with it and then you can build from there.

I'm just starting the building process but I'm already less self-conscious then I was before I was when I wasn't willing to subject myself to reality.

[Jamesthe1st]

While i am just as guilty of feeling ashamed at times, you must remember that having a stutter doesn't diminish who you are as a person.

Furthermore it isn't how you say something but more importantly what you say.

[kwazi00]

The best way for me to get over an embarasing stuttering incident is to just accept that it happened, analyse what I did wrong (feeling too nervous, not using techniques properly or whatever) and try to make up for it the next time i speak.

In the past, i found it hard to deal with shame and embarasment but learning to keep a positive frame of mind is much better than beating myself up about it

[Rich]

I've tried quite a few things but still experience shame when it comes to stuttering. Albeit much less than in the past, it never seems to go away. what do you guys think is the one best way to deal with stuttering shame/embarasment issues. Stuttering on purpose seems to work best for me.

I think all stutters feel embarrassment and shame at some points in their lives. When I feel shame I realize that at the end of the day what matters is the kind of person you are and how you lead your life. Is stuttering really so horrible that you have to feel shame about it? Lying is something to feel shame for. Being a jerk is something to feel shame for. Not stuttering.

[Jimmy169]

Just don't think about it. I know it sounds impossible but the more you consider the shame the worse it is. The funny thing is, if you put yourself in the other persons shoes, I don't think they would be ashamed of you. Just carry on, if your stuttering hard say pardon my stutter or sorry for my stutter, they'll feel bad, they'll understand and so far 100% of the time they said "oh don't worry about it man."

You have nothing to be ashamed about, what are you doing that's "bad" when you stutter? Are you stealing? Burning down a house? Just think about it, you have nothing to be ashamed about, we live in a world where people know that no one is perfect, everyone has an imperfection. People are used to it, and as hard as it is to believe, people are understanding.

[Woody]

My stuttering gets worse if I smoke cigerets, eat junk food or am overweight.
30 years ago I had stoped smoking, lost 50 lbs and then tried the airflow method
and I was stutter free for a year or so. I had a new network of friends who never
new I stuttered. I started back smoking and found the airflow method no longer worked for me. I was to ashamed to tell my new friends what had happened and just more
or less became a hermet. I believe Swartz tells his patients to tell people that they
stutter I wish I had done that now. Now I don't try to hide my stuttering.