goatmule
05-28-2006, 07:35 AM
Hiya
I'm new to any sort of forum but became curious about whether there was one on stuttering.
I have been stuttering since I was about 3 or 4, but it wasn't until I was about 10 that it became a constant occurrence. Before that, it seemed to be that only once a year it'd appear, and I remember when I was about 6 thinking "Uh oh, it's here again. I hope it doesn't last very long this time", and then a few years later when it started again, it just never went away.
I do find certain times are worse than others but I don't really know why. I'm no more stressed than any other time of year, but right now it's the worst it's been for a long time.
I hate it, and can't really use any tips or things to stop it happening. I've tried many things all my life, from simply avoiding certain words, to saying "the" before everything (which sounds idiotic a lot of the time) to get the words out, to speaking REALLY quickly (which I've been doing since I was about 10 as well to try and hurry through the words and so nobody will notice I have trouble) and then just not speaking at all.
I tend to blab a lot in writing (like right now, lol) and am extremely talkative and personable in writing and online etc,but in person I'm the complete opposite, not because I'm that shy or reserved (people think I am), but because I just have eventually after years of constantly having to focus more on HOW I say things and how I'm GOING to say things rather than WHAT I'm saying, simply stopped thinking naturally of things to say to people.
I find a lot of conversations, unless I know the person very well and am comfortable with them, very awkward and I just can never think of anything to say because my brain shuts off. It's just too difficult to speak easily and I'm so preoccupied with thinking of how I'm saying things and how to avoid words or whatever, that I just don't have the mental space and/or time to think of the content of what I'm saying.
And it's not that I'm even that bad. I mean, generally I'm ok. I never have the long drawn out sounds or big pauses or noises or twitches or whatever, but I just HATE that it's even a bit difficult and find it so embarrassing.
I went to a speech therapist when I was about 10 but she focussed more on the speed of my speech as opposed to the stutter, and this thus didn't fix anything. This was most likely because I try to hide it or downplay it as much as possible with people I don't know. I don't want anyone to know I have this problem. As soon as I "fail" and stutter, I feel mortified and then thereafter just try and ignore it completely, and then say even less than before because for me, it's like as soon as I get comfortable and start talking "naturally" (thinking more of what I'm saying and not being so preoccupied with how I'm going to say it), it gets worse.
I've tried breathing techniques, they don't work. And it's not even specific letters either I have trouble with, it's just random and changes. My friend has trouble with Ds and actually calls another friend a different name, as her real name begins with D. I find this interesting. I can't do this for me though. Also, sometimes I'll say something and it's fine but for whatever reason I have to repeat it cause it wasn't heard, and THEN I'll stutter. Or it'll happen the other way around.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have lived together for 3 of those. She is fantastic and we basically talk about everything, but we've never discussed this. It would just embarrass me too much. She's aware of it though, as sometimes she'll laugh at me (which may sound bad or rude, but it's the best way for me I think, as it embarrasses me the least of any reaction I can think of, and she's such a caring and gentle person she'd never do it in a malicious way) and compare me to Stevie Nicks (who we both love, and who does NOT stutter, but does at times fall over her words in her rush and excitement to get them out) so I don't know whether she knows how much of an issue this is for me.
Anyway, you see how I talk and talk online? In person, were I to introduce myself, you'd have heard, "Hi, my name is Michelle" and that's it.
I'm new to any sort of forum but became curious about whether there was one on stuttering.
I have been stuttering since I was about 3 or 4, but it wasn't until I was about 10 that it became a constant occurrence. Before that, it seemed to be that only once a year it'd appear, and I remember when I was about 6 thinking "Uh oh, it's here again. I hope it doesn't last very long this time", and then a few years later when it started again, it just never went away.
I do find certain times are worse than others but I don't really know why. I'm no more stressed than any other time of year, but right now it's the worst it's been for a long time.
I hate it, and can't really use any tips or things to stop it happening. I've tried many things all my life, from simply avoiding certain words, to saying "the" before everything (which sounds idiotic a lot of the time) to get the words out, to speaking REALLY quickly (which I've been doing since I was about 10 as well to try and hurry through the words and so nobody will notice I have trouble) and then just not speaking at all.
I tend to blab a lot in writing (like right now, lol) and am extremely talkative and personable in writing and online etc,but in person I'm the complete opposite, not because I'm that shy or reserved (people think I am), but because I just have eventually after years of constantly having to focus more on HOW I say things and how I'm GOING to say things rather than WHAT I'm saying, simply stopped thinking naturally of things to say to people.
I find a lot of conversations, unless I know the person very well and am comfortable with them, very awkward and I just can never think of anything to say because my brain shuts off. It's just too difficult to speak easily and I'm so preoccupied with thinking of how I'm saying things and how to avoid words or whatever, that I just don't have the mental space and/or time to think of the content of what I'm saying.
And it's not that I'm even that bad. I mean, generally I'm ok. I never have the long drawn out sounds or big pauses or noises or twitches or whatever, but I just HATE that it's even a bit difficult and find it so embarrassing.
I went to a speech therapist when I was about 10 but she focussed more on the speed of my speech as opposed to the stutter, and this thus didn't fix anything. This was most likely because I try to hide it or downplay it as much as possible with people I don't know. I don't want anyone to know I have this problem. As soon as I "fail" and stutter, I feel mortified and then thereafter just try and ignore it completely, and then say even less than before because for me, it's like as soon as I get comfortable and start talking "naturally" (thinking more of what I'm saying and not being so preoccupied with how I'm going to say it), it gets worse.
I've tried breathing techniques, they don't work. And it's not even specific letters either I have trouble with, it's just random and changes. My friend has trouble with Ds and actually calls another friend a different name, as her real name begins with D. I find this interesting. I can't do this for me though. Also, sometimes I'll say something and it's fine but for whatever reason I have to repeat it cause it wasn't heard, and THEN I'll stutter. Or it'll happen the other way around.
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have lived together for 3 of those. She is fantastic and we basically talk about everything, but we've never discussed this. It would just embarrass me too much. She's aware of it though, as sometimes she'll laugh at me (which may sound bad or rude, but it's the best way for me I think, as it embarrasses me the least of any reaction I can think of, and she's such a caring and gentle person she'd never do it in a malicious way) and compare me to Stevie Nicks (who we both love, and who does NOT stutter, but does at times fall over her words in her rush and excitement to get them out) so I don't know whether she knows how much of an issue this is for me.
Anyway, you see how I talk and talk online? In person, were I to introduce myself, you'd have heard, "Hi, my name is Michelle" and that's it.