Does anyone get pissed off at non-stutterer's advice?

[Vermillion]

Well, I am. Everyday my dad or brother says something about my stuttering:

"Just talk to yourself in the mirror"
"Just change your voice"
"Don't get scared"
"Dont be nervous"
"Don't be shy"
"I bet I can cure your stutter"
"Just don't think about stuttering"

Then when I try to explain stuttering to them and show how its a difficult thing to overcome, they still don't listen and give me the same stupid advice that I didn't even ask for. If it was that f**king simple as "talking to myself in the mirror", would I still be f**king stuttering?

People need to shut their mouths about things they don't know shit about.

Sorry about that, needed to vent.

[Standingtall]

If you do not walk a mile in my shoes you will never experience the first-hand, up-close and personal impact of stuttering!!! :mad:
Amen my brother.

I had a guy last night, stopped at a garage sale, put his face in front of mine and tell me. "Don't be scared, just say it." I was at a start of a block. I was very annoyed, but using some of my training, I had him laughting on a totally different subject. I could have made him tap out. Don't be scared, just say it.

[Anthony]

how about "just spit it out" ? :rolleyes:

[sheesh]

While I must admit that I used to have a major problem when people said stuff like that to me when I was younger, what I realized (and I think we all should), is that the very fact that these people are giving you advice (regardless of how frustrating or irrelevant and misguided it may be) means that they care about you and your fluency. They just don't know any better; to them they think they're sincerely trying to help you. My best advice is rather than letting it rile you up and just add to stress levels in your life (which might even make your stuttering worse), let them think they're right. You know that you're right on the inside and that their advice isnt founded in anything factual, but just a simple 'oh really? i'll try that.' or 'thanks for the advice' will make them feel better about themselves and keep you from working yourself up. That's just my outlook on things, who knows, maybe I'm just too much of a pacifist; seems to work well for me though.


- sheesh

[Standingtall]

Good Advice Sheesh. It looks like you and I have similiar thinking. I am learning that the best advise is taken when it is asked. I usually smile, but when it is aggressive like this guy was, I change the subject off me unto something else and joked around with him. I'm big enough to make him tap out or say 'uncle'.

Most of the time, i just smile, sometimes, I say. "Tried it, didn't work". Or "Doesn't work for me". Do any of you guys, say anything back to the friendly advice we are so fond of getting?

[BenLZ]

Nobody has ever advised me.

[happy7117]

While I must admit that I used to have a major problem when people said stuff like that to me when I was younger, what I realized (and I think we all should), is that the very fact that these people are giving you advice (regardless of how frustrating or irrelevant and misguided it may be) means that they care about you and your fluency. They just don't know any better; to them they think they're sincerely trying to help you. My best advice is rather than letting it rile you up and just add to stress levels in your life (which might even make your stuttering worse), let them think they're right. You know that you're right on the inside and that their advice isnt founded in anything factual, but just a simple 'oh really? i'll try that.' or 'thanks for the advice' will make them feel better about themselves and keep you from working yourself up. That's just my outlook on things, who knows, maybe I'm just too much of a pacifist; seems to work well for me though.


- sheesh

What a perfect response!!

[happy7117]

I just ignore the advice-or pretend I did not hear it..!!!

Good advice is not always the right advice!!!

[Jeff99]

Look people are just trying to help us. But it piss me of when i was really stuck on a word or something but it the same thing as people trying to finish our words for us nad that it make us fill less than them like we are under them. what we need to laern is that they are trying to.tell them it not helping have you say that. once your told them you can relax which help you speak

[Becca]

"just stop take a deep breath and THINK about what your going to say" used to naff me off all the time!!! damn mothers!!!

[owenhargreaves]

haha my dad is insisting he can cure me using his homeopathic techniques...he has failed so far :p

[Hans]

haha my dad is insisting he can cure me using his homeopathic techniques...he has failed so far :p

Owen, would you like it if he succeeded?

[Hans]

I just ignore the advice-or pretend I did not hear it..!!!

Good advice is not always the right advice!!!

As a past stutterer, i of all people should know better than to give advice. But no one is immune to thinking he/she has THE answer.

[JDRow]

the very fact that these people are giving you advice (regardless of how frustrating or irrelevant and misguided it may be) means that they care about you and your fluency. They just don't know any better; to them they think they're sincerely trying to help you.

I think it depends on who's giving the advice. It doesn't bother me if somebody I don't know well tries to give me advice, because I figure they're trying to help and don't know any better. It does embarrass me that they brought it up, but it doesn't upset me, and I'll just nod and smile and that's pretty much it.

But I'm not sure that people who know somebody well and still give that advice are really trying to be helpful. My parents and some of my siblings are always doing that, and I can't believe at this point that they think telling me to take a deep breath or start over or think about what I want to say or (my favorite) stop stuttering is really going to help. Or, that they think that after 20 years of stuttering I've never thought to try any of those things.

I think that sometimes it's that people feel uncomfortable when somebody is stuttering, so instead of just listening they want to say something/anything. But honestly if somebody keeps giving me advice like that (I'm not talking about an occasional thing, but if they do it on a regular basis), I tend to take that to mean that they're more interested in how I'm talking than what I'm saying, and I'll limit how much I say to them.

[happy7117]

I think it depends on who's giving the advice. It doesn't bother me if somebody I don't know well tries to give me advice, because I figure they're trying to help and don't know any better. It does embarrass me that they brought it up, but it doesn't upset me, and I'll just nod and smile and that's pretty much it.

But I'm not sure that people who know somebody well and still give that advice are really trying to be helpful. My parents and some of my siblings are always doing that, and I can't believe at this point that they think telling me to take a deep breath or start over or think about what I want to say or (my favorite) stop stuttering is really going to help. Or, that they think that after 20 years of stuttering I've never thought to try any of those things.

I think that sometimes it's that people feel uncomfortable when somebody is stuttering, so instead of just listening they want to say something/anything. But honestly if somebody keeps giving me advice like that (I'm not talking about an occasional thing, but if they do it on a regular basis), I tend to take that to mean that they're more interested in how I'm talking than what I'm saying, and I'll limit how much I say to them.

After people who know us well know better than to give us well meaning but unhelpfull advice, one would think they would not continue giving it. I guess some people as you said WILL say stuff like that as a way to interupt us perhaps because they are uncomfortable hearing the stuttering.

[happy7117]

Or, that they think that after 20 years of stuttering I've never thought to try any of those things

Maybe it would make those people who give us that advice feel better if we told them something like "I have tried doing what you have told me many times already, but it's just not the answer and it truly does not help. If it did help, it would end the problem, but stuttering is just not that easy to solve with such simple advice. So I would appreciate it if you could keep that advice to yourself"

[bwelling]

tell them it's really tourettes - that shuts them up.

[Jeff99]

they all mean well the way i've started looking at (only in the last year or 2) is that only about 1% of people stutter in the world so most people don't know much about it or anything so because its not a common problem people don't know how to handle it so they say the common things for nerves eg slow down, take your time, relax

i use to get so mad at peopel saying stuff like that to me but i know they don't know what is is like they don't know the things we deal with but i know they are only trying to help.

Look at the postive side things they are trying to help that is always a good thing to know people will support you

[bluesboy95]

Yeah, I've had that lots of times.

But, as many people here have said already, they may give useless advice, but these are well meaning people. They don't want you to stutter more (or at least I don't think!), so they give you the not-so-wise "common wisdom" advice.

But I know how it is like, I get annoyed as well.

[nerrad]

I hate when people tell me to slow down. Slowing down is my problem--my mouth isn't moving! lol. I don't see how they think they are helping when they don't know what it's like to stutter.

[nowayout]

The most common advice is speak slowly .. I got tht advice so many times .. But really its hard to explain to them that I can't help ..
Stuttering just happens even if I try to speak slowly .. The moment after someone gives u an advice, is the most embarrassing moment with everyone looking at you...

[jaissal]

i also get this quite alot. like my mum always tells me to have a shot of alcohol! first of all ive tried it once, and it doesn't help me. and second of all it would just lead to more drinking. my brother sometimes asks me once i've stuttered, "why did you stutter?" you can't really answer that! it just happens. Always gets me annoyed at him. He doesn't say it anymore so its all cool.

[urbanmermaid]

Amen my brother.

I had a guy last night, stopped at a garage sale, put his face in front of mine and tell me. "Don't be scared, just say it." I was at a start of a block. I was very annoyed, but using some of my training, I had him laughting on a totally different subject. I could have made him tap out. Don't be scared, just say it.

omg LOL. How about saying to a blind man, dont be scared just look ahead of you it's so easy...
that really makes me laugh right now

[kwe]

"Does anyone get pissed off at non-stutterer's advice?"

I remember once getting advice to use profanity as part of sentences, to try to change my mindset when speaking to be more assertive. Totally ridiculous advice. Can you imagine going into a shop and saying "I'd ****ing like to buy some ****ing milk, you ****"? They'd be calling the cops.

[MoonWolf]

I can openly talk about stuttering with my friends, they tell me how they deal with it, I tell them how I experience it. They never give me advice tho, because they know that is what´s annoying me the most. My grandmother likes to finish my words or sentences, and I guess I respect her too much to tell her to shut up :P Not such a nice thigns to say to your granny. So no advice, only people finishing my words, which is is my opinion the worst what can happen to you.

~Moon

[MarkBulger]

I had the usual advice when I was younger - people don't offer old dudes advice very often. :D


The worst thing that ever happened to me that sort of fits "advice" was when I had a teacher in school who also knew me from a marching band I was in. I was in the seventh or eighth grade, so it was right when kids are starting to think about getting boyfriends and girlfriends, and what people think of you is really important. This teacher called on me to read in class. I never raised my hand in class, because I knew that I was guaranteed to stutter badly if I tried to speak in front of my classmates. So as soon as I started reading, I just locked up - as bad as it could be. I looked up at the teacher, and he just smiled and said "keep going." It took me about five minutes to get out a few paragraphs, and by that time I was in tears and just totally humiliated. It was the worst pain I had ever been throuigh stuttering, and probably the worst since - 40 years.

When I sat down, the teacher says "There, see, you can do it!" :mad: If I had a knife in my hand I would have put it through his skull. He decided that he knew what was good for me - without asking me ahead of time - which he could easily have done. I knew I could "do it" - if doing it meant having every shred of dignity crushed out of me.

[TreeBurst]

My father was the largest pain when it came to unsolicited advice. When I'd block, he'd get exasperated, roll his eyes, and say either "Just slow down", or "Just spit it out". With him, it worked. My temper is measured in mm concerning my disfluency, so I focused my anger and immediate hatred on him. I had to talk through my teeth, but it worked. Probably not what he was trying to accomplish. Ha.

Other than him...I've never had ANYBODY give me advice.