Helping other stutterers with what they are trying to say!!

[happy7117]

OK-- we all know that were not supposed to interupt
stutterers, or help them, or even fill in words when they are stuck..we are also told to wait patiently when a stutterer is trying to spit out something..
wheather it be food, saliva, or yes even words..!

But what about extreme stutters who just take forever to say the simplest things--are the listeners
supposed to be patient in a situation where
a stutterer just cannot say it??

When a stutterer has the word on the tip of the tongue, and just downright cannot say it,
should the listener jump in to help him??

For extreme stutterers- the thought of
someone waiting for you to say something you know you just can't say is horrifying- yet the listener
just waits patiently for the stutterer WHO KNOWS he needs help on what he's trying to say...

My point:: The idea for a listener to not help a
stutterer when he is having extreme frusteration
is balogne, and horrifying!!

It's like the listener knows exactly what the stutterer
is trying to say- but stays quiet waiting for the stutterer to say the intended message when
he knows he can't..yet the listener does not help the
stutterer...helping the stutterer by simply answering what the stutterer is trying to say...the words may not be all out- but the listener should easily be able to answer based on what the stutterer is trying to say----

For the listener to listen to a stutterer
go on for minutes struggling is extremely
nervewracking- and unfun---yet they are told
to wait patiently for a stutterer....and not help
him---

The stutter keeps going- and the listener is told not to help him, and the listener gets turned off by the stuttering of course--yet they don't help the stutterer...!!! It's BS--(pardon the language!!--
people who don't fully understand the crap we go through daily make me MAD!!)

It makes no sense!! Not to mention it's
torture for the stutterer, and mean on the
listener's part!!

Just once I would love to hear one of my family members stutter badly so they can experience
the hell we grow through (with me fluent
of course!!)!!!

[nbakunda]

AMEN!!!
nathaniel

[claragazza]

happy7117, I completely understand what you mean.
I have a very bad stutter myself, so I recognise my feelings in evey word you say in your post.

For me, each sentence I pronounce is a painful process, where I have to struggle to force each word out. So I try to avoid speaking as much as possible. When I speak, I feel like being in tunnel. After each word I manage to get out I hope that the person I speak to will indeed understand what I mean and help me out, even if that also makes me ashame.
But, as you say, this happens very rarely, and most of the times, on the opposite, when I come to the end by myself, they ask me to repeat...

[happy7117]

happy7117, I completely understand what you mean.
I have a very bad stutter myself, so I recognise my feelings in evey word you say in your post.

For me, each sentence I pronounce is a painful process, where I have to struggle to force each word out. So I try to avoid speaking as much as possible. When I speak, I feel like being in tunnel. After each word I manage to get out I hope that the person I speak to will indeed understand what I mean and help me out, even if that also makes me ashame.
But, as you say, this happens very rarely, and most of the times, on the opposite, when I come to the end by myself, they ask me to repeat...

Indeed that is torture--they should jump in and help!!
For them not to help is mean and disrespectfull!!
Maybe they would not have to ask you to repeat
if they helped you with what you are trying to say!!

[happy7117]

This issue varies from person to person, as some stammers hate having sentences finished for them, and others are grateful.
I prefer to plough on and finish things myself.

Here is a scene which I was presented with a couple of weeks ago.

Somebody came into my premises, and I noticed he had a very slight stammer. Fair enough.
I watched how he coped with it. Fine.
He then had a major block. What now? Help him out? Or let him keep on trying?
Luckily, his wife was there, and distracted him enough for him to finish the sentence. Had his wife not been there, I would have asked him what he prefers - sentence finished or not?

I totally understand and completely agree about wishing that some family members could experience what we live through each and every day, and how a simple thing like having a bit of diffculty talking ( a stammer in it's simplist sense) can affect every tiny part of our existence, should we allow it to.
How would they cope being totally fluent one day, and not thinking anything of being fluent, to coping with blocks, repetitions, being unable to breath, having to substitute words, planning way ahead what you're gonna say, standing there going bright red whilst other people turn round to look at you having trouble, and having a huge bag of nerves having to ask for a simple thing like a train ticket?

I just wonder how they would cope?

Because each and every one of us copes with it. Every day of our lives. And that makes us stronger people for it.

Having an easy stammer-- let him say what he
wants--having a nasty stammer with long blocks-
jump in and help him--but we should never have to let a stutter struggle!!

[Standingtall]

I have learned people are not mind readers and they don't have a clue what we are going to say. Unless your married and your wife can anticipate you doing something stupid, but she hasn't stopped me from saying anything stupid.

I guess i don't really mind my friends or family helping me out once and awhile. I have one brother who does that a lot and the other family members let me finish. I get annoyed when other people finish my sentences for me, how many times have I said, 'No that is not what I'm saying'. I think it is respectful that other people let you finish your own sentences.

My wife's friend has a severe stutter and she is 10 years older than I am. I have observe nobody interupts her.

[happy7117]

I have learned people are not mind readers and they don't have a clue what we are going to say. Unless your married and your wife can anticipate you doing something stupid, but she hasn't stopped me from saying anything stupid.

I guess i don't really mind my friends or family helping me out once and awhile. I have one brother who does that a lot and the other family members let me finish. I get annoyed when other people finish my sentences for me, how many times have I said, 'No that is not what I'm saying'. I think it is respectful that other people let you finish your own sentences.

My wife's friend has a severe stutter and she is 10 years older than I am. I have observe nobody interupts her.

But for nasty stutterers, it is so temping to want to help-- and the stutterer should feel grateful, not mad!!