How long should a listener be patient for a stutter to spit it out??

[happy7117]

Listeners are told to be patient for a stutterer?? But how patient should a listener be??

No one has extreme patience, and listeners cannot drop what they are doing to listen to a stutterer??

A listener easily loses track of a stutter because the stutterer is so misunderstood..

And it makes no sense to me why a listener should be patient with a stutterer who cannot spit it out...

Listeners are not mind readers, but to wait for a stutterer to say something they know they cannot say and not do nothing to help them is sick, and possibly makes the stuttering worse than it already is!

Like an ordinary day at work, I got a great job, but it's busy as usual, but none of the employees have time to drop everything to be totaly patient with what I have to say if I stutter...

They are busy and have work..they help me and interupt me at times if I have trouble..I don't blame them..it's not to be rude..but they cannot let a stutterer interfear with business..

And that's most likely why I get placed behind a cubicle, and not allowed to talk alot..because my stuttering is a darn interference...

So busy people like this do not have extreme patience to wait for a stutter to spit out something..

Time is money, I guess that applies for stutterers too!!

[Standingtall]

I agree, Don't waste time on anyone who is not willing to waste their time on you. Adam, I would wait for you to finish as long as you wait for me when I have my blocks.

[claragazza]

I know what you feel happy7117. I too stutterer quite severely and I often desperatly hope that people will help me when I speak so badly.
I also understand that, unless I tell them, people hesitate to fill in my words. It is perfectly normal that they are afraid to hurt me if they do so.
One thing I noticed is that people nearly never interrupt me when I am stuck in a repetition while they do it more easily when its a prolungation. This is all the more annoying than prolungations really kill me, and they can be very very long. Also, it is almost impossible to find a way to even tell people to help me out of prolungations. I mean, there is no way I can say this in an understandable manner.

[happy7117]

I agree, Don't waste time on anyone who is not willing to waste their time on you. Adam, I would wait for you to finish as long as you wait for me when I have my blocks.

Indeed I would wait for a fellow forum poster as well, but at the same time the need to want to jump in to fill in words in which one has trouble on would be greatly tempting and hard to hold back from doing..
....

As for me, I have a reasonable amount of patience, but too much patience wears me out!!!

But still having to listen to tremendous stuttering while trying to remain calm is extremely nervewracking, even for me myself...

The longer one stutterers, the more edgy the listener gets, and they often fill in because they are uncomfortable listening to this kind of stuff..

And one thing I hate is making listeners feel uncomfortable..and with stuttering that's one big thing that gets in the way...

If listeners interupt to help me or to fill in words, I say thank you very much, for helping me out, and for being so thoughtfull!!

I would never get mad or snap at them, because I know they are interested in what I am saying..if they do interupt to try to help me, they are showing they are interested in what I have to say, and us stutterers need all the help we can get in communicating ideas to others!!

[kestrel]

In my experience in New Zealand, where, as a nation, we speak flat out. One of my keys to fluency was to slow down & use soft contacts. While this was happening, approx 50% would wait & loose the thread of what I was saying; while the remaining 50% would interrupt. We in N.Z are brought up to not interrupt as it, in N.Z. is the height of rudeness. To that end, I'd rather struggle with the block, as we in N.Z. believe, that if you receive help, eg: someone filling the missing word in; has not done you any favours.
I don't know what frustrates me more: someone interrupting you & speaking over the top of you; someone who looses the thread of what you are saying, or the person who puts words in your mouth by helping you out.
If the listener knows you stutter, then they should be prepared to allow as much time as we need. If the listener does not know you stutter, advertise the fact by using "voluntary stutters", & letting them know that the conversation could take time.
As for how long should they wait. I feel they should wait for as long as it takes. I am a cabby & carry a lot of the blind. We have to help them by leading them to & from the car, no matter how long it takes. People should give us the same courtesy.

[happy7117]

In my experience in New Zealand, where, as a nation, we speak flat out. One of my keys to fluency was to slow down & use soft contacts. While this was happening, approx 50% would wait & loose the thread of what I was saying; while the remaining 50% would interrupt. We in N.Z are brought up to not interrupt as it, in N.Z. is the height of rudeness. To that end, I'd rather struggle with the block, as we in N.Z. believe, that if you receive help, eg: someone filling the missing word in; has not done you any favours.
I don't know what frustrates me more: someone interrupting you & speaking over the top of you; someone who looses the thread of what you are saying, or the person who puts words in your mouth by helping you out.
If the listener knows you stutter, then they should be prepared to allow as much time as we need. If the listener does not know you stutter, advertise the fact by using "voluntary stutters", & letting them know that the conversation could take time.
As for how long should they wait. I feel they should wait for as long as it takes. I am a cabby & carry a lot of the blind. We have to help them by leading them to & from the car, no matter how long it takes. People should give us the same courtesy.

someone interrupting you & speaking over the top of you; someone who looses the thread of what you are saying, or the person who puts words in your mouth by helping you out.

Only one of the 2 of the above frusterations you mentioned actualy I do not find rude or mean...I find it helpfull if a person is interupting or talking over me as I speak because it helps me get my words out, because we all know we don't stutter if we talk along with someone else--it's the choral effect...and when I just cannot start a phrase or I stutter horendously, I often need that extra person to interupt and start talking over me so I can speak along with them to get that choral effect....I hate it when people are told to be patient when the realy do not understand a stutter, especialy a treme stutterer like me...it helps me great;y if they talk over me to give me that choral effect to help me get my words out....

Someone who loses the thread of what I am saying happens to me all the time, and it's often because they wait patiently NOT helping me when I am having an extreme unfun time...they sit there having no idea what I am saying and listen to me stutter on for mintues not doing anything, but waiting for me...and then they say "Yes, or uh-huh" but deep down I know they do not know a thing I said..so I think the person to help the stutter is not mean at all, stutterers should except help when they get it from others...I would rather have certain words filled in for me when I JUST CANNOT say a word then someone listen for 5 minutes patiently not understanding....

And persons putting words in my mouth, I do not see why that would be mean or harmfull..there are some words that stutterers just get so stuck on that just want to say it, but they just can't say it...I would except a listeners help to make anything easier for me...

In extreme cases, listeners have the wrong idea...I don't think mild stutterers should be interupted or filled words in for because they know they can say it without much trouble...

But listeners to not interupt a stutterer to help them or fill in words especial when they are having a hellish time is insensative....

[kestrel]

someone interrupting you & speaking over the top of you; someone who looses the thread of what you are saying, or the person who puts words in your mouth by helping you out.

Only one of the 2 of the above frustrations you mentioned actually I do not find rude or mean...I find it helpful if a person is interrupting or talking over me as I speak because it helps me get my words out, because we all know we don't stutter if we talk along with someone else--it's the choral effect...and when I just cannot start a phrase or I stutter horrendously, I often need that extra person to interrupt and start talking over me so I can speak along with them to get that choral effect....I hate it when people are told to be patient when the really do not understand a stutter, especially a extreme stutterer like me...it helps me great;y if they talk over me to give me that choral effect to help me get my words out....

Someone who loses the thread of what I am saying happens to me all the time, and it's often because they wait patiently NOT helping me when I am having an extreme unfun time...they sit there having no idea what I am saying and listen to me stutter on for minutes not doing anything, but waiting for me...and then they say "Yes, or uh-huh" but deep down I know they do not know a thing I said..so I think the person to help the stutter is not mean at all, stutterers should except help when they get it from others...I would rather have certain words filled in for me when I JUST CANNOT say a word then someone listen for 5 minutes patiently not understanding....

And persons putting words in my mouth, I do not see why that would be mean or harmful..there are some words that stutterers just get so stuck on that just want to say it, but they just can't say it...I would except a listeners help to make anything easier for me...

In extreme cases, listeners have the wrong idea...I don't think mild stutterers should be interrupted or filled words in for because they know they can say it without much trouble...

But listeners to not interrupt a stutterer to help them or fill in words especial when they are having a hellish time is insensitive....

Hi, It just goes to show that some P.W.S. welcome a helping hand, where as I would rather go it alone. One thing you taught me is "The Coral Effect". They say you learn something new every day & I thank you for that. As for people that loose the thread, I reckon that they are concentrating on how we are saying something, & not on what is being said. To be quite frank, I can't be bothered with them & treat them with the contempt they deserve. But that's just me. On the flip side of the coin, Ive had P.W.S. & S.L.T. telling me to lighten up & don't be so hard on myself. If I do, I find that I can't be as "pigheaded" as I am, or be "unbending" in my views. The last thing I want to do is to upset someone, as I find debate has being healthy.

[happy7117]

Hi, It just goes to show that some P.W.S. welcome a helping hand, where as I would rather go it alone. One thing you taught me is "The Coral Effect". They say you learn something new every day & I thank you for that. As for people that loose the thread, I reckon that they are concentrating on how we are saying something, & not on what is being said. To be quite frank, I can't be bothered with them & treat them with the contempt they deserve. But that's just me. On the flip side of the coin, Ive had P.W.S. & S.L.T. telling me to lighten up & don't be so hard on myself. If I do, I find that I can't be as "pigheaded" as I am, or be "unbending" in my views. The last thing I want to do is to upset someone, as I find debate has being healthy.

I'm glad I told you of the DAF or choral effect..it's been around for a long time...

I also hate stuttering alone knowing I cannot get anything out while the other person waits for me..I know it makes them feel uncomfortable hearing tons of stuttering,and I know deep down they hate to hear it and I don't blame them...because I feel how they do...impatient and uncomfortable...the only reason people are patient is to be nice I think, but in reality they would like to help the stutter out, so not to hear the stutterer struggle so much....

When listeners concentrate on how we say something, I think they lose track of what we want to say, because they are focusing on how we are saying something word for word rather then what we are trying to say in general....

I think listeners should stop putting focus on what we are trying to say when we stutter, and focus more on trying to get our intended message across when we stutter..

So what listeners are doing by being patient with us is making themselves uncomrtable because they choose to wait untill we are done with our extreme stutterings....

If they do not want to feel tense and uptight hearing us stutter, they should jumpt into help us instead of waiting for us and watching us struggle...

So I guess listeners don't mind being annoyed and uptight when we stutter...if they found it annoying and uncomfortable they would help us with what we wanted to say insetad of not doing anything....

A listener not doing anything to help a severe stutter must like being annoyed and uncomfortable when hearing us......if a fluent person voluntarily stuttered and a listener was hearing them they would be very annoyed I'm sure...

Beacuse if they were annoyed and bothered by us, they would help us with what we were trying to say...

I would love to see an already fluent person who does not stutter, stutter like crazy voluntarily, and see what reaction they get from a listener..probably annoyance and impatience....

[Standingtall]

In my experience in New Zealand, where, as a nation, we speak flat out. One of my keys to fluency was to slow down & use soft contacts. While this was happening, approx 50% would wait & loose the thread of what I was saying; while the remaining 50% would interrupt. We in N.Z are brought up to not interrupt as it, in N.Z. is the height of rudeness. To that end, I'd rather struggle with the block, as we in N.Z. believe, that if you receive help, eg: someone filling the missing word in; has not done you any favours.
I don't know what frustrates me more: someone interrupting you & speaking over the top of you; someone who looses the thread of what you are saying, or the person who puts words in your mouth by helping you out.
If the listener knows you stutter, then they should be prepared to allow as much time as we need. If the listener does not know you stutter, advertise the fact by using "voluntary stutters", & letting them know that the conversation could take time.
As for how long should they wait. I feel they should wait for as long as it takes. I am a cabby & carry a lot of the blind. We have to help them by leading them to & from the car, no matter how long it takes. People should give us the same courtesy.
Interesting, in my cultural the older generation, when we were kids, are taught not to interrupt their elders as they are speaking. It is being disrespectful. How times are changing.

[happy7117]

Interesting, in my cultural the older generation, when we were kids, are taught not to interrupt their elders as they are speaking. It is being disrespectful. How times are changing.

The key word is speaking...it's respectfull not to interupt a person who can speak naturaly and easily, but for a person who is having total trouble speaking and is stuttering and cannot get their message across, the listener SHOULD interupt only to help...

The listener should not wait for a person speaking who is having total trouble...

The person who stutters is not able to get across his point, so the listener may be listening to stuttering...

How does a listener respond when he all he or she hears is stuttering from the person???

[Standingtall]

The key word is speaking...it's respectfull not to interupt a person who can speak naturaly and easily, but for a person who is having total trouble speaking and is stuttering and cannot get their message across, the listener SHOULD interupt only to help...

The listener should not wait for a person speaking who is having total trouble...

The person who stutters is not able to get across his point, so the listener may be listening to stuttering...

How does a listener respond when he all he or she hears is stuttering from the person???
That is it, I know only a few people that are clear and fluent when speaking. Many use fill in words, or what ever you call them, um, err, etc.. Some people uses too many words and don't really get to the point. They beat around the bush and jump around the point.

[Requiem]

My mum used to be the same way with me whenever I stuttered. She never liked it and at the time thought it was just some habit I picked up so i fI would stutter on my words she'd immediately say "SPEAK!WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!!!" she basically got annoyed with it and from what I see it, was embarrased by it because she'd get a teacher calling in saying I have a speech problem and my mum was more or less embarrased that everyone then knew about it. But now she accepts the fact that I do stutter and will have for as long as it takes so all she says to me now is "STOP!breeeaaathe...now talk." It's not that bad because my dad tells her off if she shouts at me about it haha!

My point is, having patience with someone who stutters is important to have because startling someone to speak up can sometimes make them worse or make them feel less confident about speaking at all.