Stuttering is WIERD, an example

[Jonte]

Okay, honestly I dunno how to formulate this. But believe me when I say that I would have no interest at all lying in a forum on the internet where I know nobody at all.

Okay here is my thaugths and wonders..

I have been out partying tonight and I'm kind of drunk at the time. Anyway, I have discovered a pattern about my stuttering which is SO wierd. Its like this.

I met up with my child-hood friend and we played a little bit of Xbox at his place and drank some beers and Jack Daniels. Anywhow, we hav'nt met for awhile so we had alot to catch up on. Since we are childhood mates, he knows I stutter. He knows it very well because I stuttered alot as a kid.

So here is the situation.. I meet up with him, we chat, play xbox and drank. Talked... and: I STUTTERED LIKE HELL. I almost laugh when I think about it. Major blocks which I couldnt handle at all.I just stood there saying. "um....... well..... like......" waiting for a rail to jump on and start talking.

Well, nothing speciel with this you think.. well yeah not yet

But, then we took a cab downtown and met up with some other, more shallow, friends, like worker friends and so on, and.. I didn't stutter AT ALL. I even felt the wierdness of it. I was standing next to my childhood friend who I have been with earlier and stuttered like hell with, I was standing next to him and he listened while I was talking with my co-worker for like 5 minutes and didn't have a single block. I even thaugt like "haha, I wonder what my childhood friend thinks about this, suddenly Im totaly fluent, a moment ago I was struggeling with every single word!"

And my bizzare legacy just goes on and on...

Im a model and many girls think I look good, this means that many girls address me when Im out in some way or another. Well, check this out. I was standing and talking with at chick (who came up to me) for one hour without a single block niether. I told her jokes, charmed her and finally of course kissed her. She gave me her number and told me to promise her to call her tomorrow (yeah I wish i would).

WHAT THE IS WRONG?

of course I wont call her and try to get deep with her, even though she was really hot! Why? Because she have this image of me being this so cool (fluent) good looking guy, and what will happend when I call her tomorrow. Well, maybe we will have a nice fluent time, maybe I will have nice with her. And then what? She is going to get expectations of a futher realtionsship. Yeah right! Like if i EVER will reveal my true self and let somebody I WANT TO GET CLOSE to know of my stutter.

It just feels like I'm doomed. I can go out clubbing, meeting chicks and have a what I suppose you call a great time. BUT, I always have in mind that its never gonna happend anyhting, why? because i ING stutter.

my life would be just brilliant if it wasnt for this shit. think of it as you can se a trailer of a movie which you know is great, but you will never be able to se the whole movie.

can somebody professional or somebody who really, really knows alot about stuttering tell me why the I stutter like a retard when I hang out with my childhood mate, and NOT stutter at all when I meet co-workers, chicks etc at the club/bar/disco/pub? please, I really need directions because this is killing me.

Like tommorow, that beautiful blondie which wanted to kiss me all the time tonigt, I will not call her tomorrow, and she will think that Im a guyish asshole who just sweet-talk shit! but how will I ever be understanded!

Im tired of being missunderstunded! I am allright. I am not as ing cool at people think when they see me at the club, and Im not as ed up as I think when i lay in the bed at nights. Im just all right, but HOW can I make myself feel that way and HOW can I make others sense that?

My life is being thrown away, I have so much potentials, but its all wasted.



I know this thread is long, strange, drunk and wierd. but i have been thinking about this so many many nights, and since it all is related to the stuttering I may as well post it here since you guys might understand my even slight a bit.

of course what i dint mention is that I know that I will start stutter with any future girlfriend like i do with my childgood mate, and that is why i dont wanna make any deeper connections with anybody.

In my mind it is and will be like this.

tonight: went out, met her, had a great time, made very good impressions on her, got her number.
tomorrow: call here, it will be allright (not as good as yesterday)
after a week: we have dated, she has realized that I wasn as cool as she thaught, maybe she will stay anyhow
after a month: it has already ended. why? most probably i chickened out because i felt i was close to reveal my stutter. or even worse, SHE left becase I actually revealed my stutter.

that is what I think when I think of any nice girls who may be potential future grilfriends. and I do not choose to think so, these thaughts are rooted deep in my soul.

what do I need to do?

[happy7117]

Very good post, no doubt it would piss anyone off if a stutter got in the way of meeting a lucky girl....

I have always been afraid to date a girl and talk to a girl because of the fact I do stutter, and I don't want to come off as looking like a total idiot when I do stutter...

No matter how much we stutter, girls are totaly turned off by it, and I blame it all on the stutter..

But the fact you club, and love to meet girls takes courage..as for me, the fear of stuttering alot has prevented me from wanting to go out to be extremely social.....

As for me, I stutter like hell with anyone, but as soon as they walk away or I am by myself alone I am stutter free--and I don't know why that happens...

If I did not stutter, I would be girl hunting all over---and I guess being a model or great looking guy has advantages towards beautiful women....

But for us guys, it's extremely irritating trying to be all smooth and suave and flirty with a hot girl when we are stuttering...

But for that hot girl you met, let her know you stutter, and if she is turned off, keep clubbing and meeting those hotties..and yeah, the stutter is rediculous to all of us...

Settle for nothing but a hot chick who can see past the stutter, which seems hard because most girls seem shallow...

[kilumanati]

dont be so hard on yourself (you too happy), we stutter and yeah it sucks but chin up and move on, i mean i have to give a speech next week and i am scared as hell, i had a boxing fight last night with someone who outweighed me by 40 pounds and wasnt as scared as what i am when i think about my speech, but what can you do, everybody has problems, you just cop it

and its not all doom and gloom for you jonte with the ladies, i am not exactly easy on the eyes and the stutter compounds the problem, at least you are good looking (or so you say:D ), if a girl cant accept your stutter then she is not worth it anyway, might sound like a cliche but its true and the biggest proof of that is in your post - your childhood friend (who i assume is a good friend) was friends with you despite your stutter and as you say you stuttered more as a kid, so he has seen and heard the worst of it and still friends with you, you probably wont feel as bad when you sober up anyway:D

[Jonte]

never post when drunk :p

well, the thing that confuse me is what I told you about stuttering alot with my childhood mate at his place before going out, and then not stutter a bit when we got out. its really confusing..

and then im pretty frustruated of the things about the chicks to. like I wrote it just feels that when girls walk up to me because they think I look good, it feels like I get so much to live up too. they have this image of me and my stuttering do not fit in that image. and yeah, it is easy to just say it, it dosn't matther and so on but its harder to actually live that way.

I may get some chicks on the hook when I'm out, and it might sounds like a good thing, and of course it is fun like hell, but its terrible that I think that I just cant handle it all. I dont stutter when I talk to them but I get a little introverted and get missunderstood, they think that I have too good self-confidence to act naturally and relaxed, but thats not it.. I have to bad selfconfiedence to act relaxed, because I am to afraid of stutter while talking to them.

and like you guys says, if you like her let her know you stutter. and if I really liked her maybe I would, but I never get the change to know if I would like her because I reject her far to early because of my own issues so I often I never get to know if it could be something to continue and get deeper in.

do you guys think that there are ways to learn how to handle your stutter? I mean not to stop stutter, or hiding it or something like that. I just think that I handle my stuttering so very bad. when I have a block I almost panic and starts mumbling and talking like I would be retarded or something.. or sometimes I just get quiet and stop talking. I need to find a way that I can stutter on. maybe a speech pathologist could help me with that? I've never seen one.

thanks for the support kilumunati. cool thing that you will do that speech, I wish you good look mate. and so practice boxing? cool, I practice muay thai (thaiboxing). do you know anything about it?

peace

[happy7117]

never post when drunk :p

well, the thing that confuse me is what I told you about stuttering alot with my childhood mate at his place before going out, and then not stutter a bit when we got out. its really confusing..

and then im pretty frustruated of the things about the chicks to. like I wrote it just feels that when girls walk up to me because they think I look good, it feels like I get so much to live up too. they have this image of me and my stuttering do not fit in that image. and yeah, it is easy to just say it, it dosn't matther and so on but its harder to actually live that way.

I may get some chicks on the hook when I'm out, and it might sounds like a good thing, and of course it is fun like hell, but its terrible that I think that I just cant handle it all. I dont stutter when I talk to them but I get a little introverted and get missunderstood, they think that I have too good self-confidence to act naturally and relaxed, but thats not it.. I have to bad selfconfiedence to act relaxed, because I am to afraid of stutter while talking to them.

and like you guys says, if you like her let her know you stutter. and if I really liked her maybe I would, but I never get the change to know if I would like her because I reject her far to early because of my own issues so I often I never get to know if it could be something to continue and get deeper in.

do you guys think that there are ways to learn how to handle your stutter? I mean not to stop stutter, or hiding it or something like that. I just think that I handle my stuttering so very bad. when I have a block I almost panic and starts mumbling and talking like I would be retarded or something.. or sometimes I just get quiet and stop talking. I need to find a way that I can stutter on. maybe a speech pathologist could help me with that? I've never seen one.

thanks for the support kilumunati. cool thing that you will do that speech, I wish you good look mate. and so practice boxing? cool, I practice muay thai (thaiboxing). do you know anything about it?

peace

Speech therapy might help, but beware that not everybody finds it helpfull like me..I tried it and in the long run it had no effect on me..so I am looking for a feedback device to help me...good luck in your quest and keep searching for the perfect girl!!

[kilumanati]

you make some good points jonte, its very easy to say " it and move on" but its harder to actually do it, there are many times when i let my stutter dictate my actions but i am trying to rectify that and for me personally i just remind my self that i am actually lucky i can walk, i have a fully functional brain and i am living in a civilised society where i enjoy a decent living standard - it works for me anyway

i think everyones stutter differs in some way, it seems that you are fluent in front of strangers but not in front of people you really care about, maybe because you there is pressure to impress or please the people you really care about, i have a similair weird pattern, i can talk (while not very fluent but still talk) infront of males everybody from authority (eg police and teachers) to complete strangers, but females (sometimes even my own mum) intimdates the out of me, i go all shy and my stomach feels like it is knots, dunno why i do it..i just do it

As for speech therapy/device, happy said what works for me might not work for you, for me personally i went to a speech therapist as a kid and it didnt work, probably made me more self conscious

I dont box at a gym, just some backyard boxing for a bit of fun, makes its intersting when most your mates are twice your size::p, i seen some muay boxing before, u can use your kness and legs as well??

thanks for the well wishes about my speech, god knows i need it

[happy7117]

you make some good points jonte, its very easy to say " it and move on" but its harder to actually do it, there are many times when i let my stutter dictate my actions but i am trying to rectify that and for me personally i just remind my self that i am actually lucky i can walk, i have a fully functional brain and i am living in a civilised society where i enjoy a decent living standard - it works for me anyway

i think everyones stutter differs in some way, it seems that you are fluent in front of strangers but not in front of people you really care about, maybe because you there is pressure to impress or please the people you really care about, i have a similair weird pattern, i can talk (while not very fluent but still talk) infront of males everybody from authority (eg police and teachers) to complete strangers, but females (sometimes even my own mum) intimdates the out of me, i go all shy and my stomach feels like it is knots, dunno why i do it..i just do it

As for speech therapy/device, happy said what works for me might not work for you, for me personally i went to a speech therapist as a kid and it didnt work, probably made me more self conscious

I dont box at a gym, just some backyard boxing for a bit of fun, makes its intersting when most your mates are twice your size::p, i seen some muay boxing before, u can use your kness and legs as well??

thanks for the well wishes about my speech, god knows i need it

A good idea is to get a punching bag and take out all your anger and frusteration on it..you don't have to be a pro boxer, but you need something to pound on to get out your anger stuttering cause you--as for me, I punch my pillow!!

And if someone picks a fight because of your stutter, you punch them--

But fighting is never the answer. Even if feels good to physicaly lay someone out because they are mean to you, you might feel bad after it's over...just walk away from people that mock you and use that punching bag..think of a punching bag as an enemy to pound on...

[Standingtall]

Wow Jonte, your a male model. You should post an pic on the photo thread so we can all see.

I'm not a expert, but since you are a model, you have to put up an image, like the actors a good example is Bruce Willis. You can fool people when you step into this different person and this fear you have is keeping the deeper you in hiding. You become that shallow person you talk about. Your more relax and you let your guard down with your childhood friend.

Well that is what I see. Your friend is lucky to see the real you and maybe he is somewhat confused with the other you. But he is lucky to see the real you. Hope this makes sense.

[happy7117]

Wow Jonte, your a male model. You should post an pic on the photo thread so we can all see.

I'm not a expert, but since you are a model, you have to put up an image, like the actors a good example is Bruce Willis. You can fool people when you step into this different person and this fear you have is keeping the deeper you in hiding. You become that shallow person you talk about. Your more relax and you let your guard down with your childhood friend.

Well that is what I see. Your friend is lucky to see the real you and maybe he is somewhat confused with the other you. But he is lucky to see the real you. Hope this makes sense.

I say to Jonte, continue what you are doing being socialable with others, and continue approaching girls..not all girls will turn you down....get buffed up!!

1) Because real girls will look past your stutter...

2) Girls will flock to hot guys wheather they model or not!!!

Be tough!! If the stutter does not turn them on, your hot looks will!!

[Jonte]

Thanks alot for the kind words happy. Though, I almost never hit on girls, approach them or fall in love with them. why? because I dont know how to hit and I dont dare to fall in love. Its kind of wierd because I can just decide to not like a girl even though she
is great, or more correctly I always decide not to like girls in a romantic way. ahh, its hard to explain. its a sort of defence I think because if I dont like them, they cant hurt me right? Very bad, I know. Im tired of living my life with so much issues but I really dont know how do get rid of them.

Well I guess I am lucky that girls often hit on me when I am out, because then I get some physical contact with females, and we guys like that. But, what I am searching for is of course a girlfriend which I can be totally myself with and love. And that seems so far away from me that I almost gets sad when I think about it. And that also makes me not appreciete physical contact with girls so much as I could, because I always think of what I cant get (or dont allow myself to try to get) instead of what I have for the moment, and what I can get for the future.

Girls had asked me why the I'm single when I can "get whoever I want", well the answer? Because of my stutter, or more truly because they way I feel about my stutter and therefore myself. I just know that a girl would see me as a looser who is unable to express himself the way he wants. Sometimes I see myself that way and it sucks.

Yes, exactly Standingtall you are so right. I'm not a proffessional model (yet?:cool: ) but I just recently got asked to sign a contract with a model-agency here in stockholm and I did and I have only yet walked the catwalk on a show, so I dont think its really comparative too that actor thing. Even though it is kind of true about the going out and socialise thing. When you are out partying you can be whoever you want because there are alot of people out who dont really know you. So thats kind of nice, but its also very sad because I almost hate shallowness. I dislike people who goes out posing and cant leave the door without checking their hairstyle in the mirror and I prefer to hang with normal relaxed and intelligent people. I dont want to act and I dont want to spend time with people who dont know the real me, yet I wont reveal the true me cause I am so ashamed of my stutter. And I honestly dont know how to NOT hide my stuttering. I have never tried and I dont know how to try. Stuttering makes me wierd, and not the stutter itself but what the stutter do to me as a person.

When I come home after a totally fluent and shallow night in town I dont feel "hey what a great night it was, especially with all that fluency, and that nice girl!" Instead I just feel empty. And also, when I am out and are kind of fluent, I almost think as much on my stuttering as always anyhow so there are no great relief in it for the moment niether. How drunk I even gets.

Well I hope I dont sound self-occupied with all the talk about girls and my look and so on. I think you understand why I mention it, because there are so many feelings wrapped around it. And Im aware of that these posts are very long and deep and I wouldnt blame you at all if you didnt give a shit about all this :p But it feels pretty good to set words on feelings and which I never share..

And yeah, pictures.. of course I can post pictures of me, where is that photo-thread I havn't seen it? Would be cool to see how you guys look to if some of you have posted.

[Standingtall]

Yes, exactly Standingtall you are so right. I'm not a proffessional model (yet?:cool: ) but I just recently got asked to sign a contract with a model-agency here in stockholm and I did and I have only yet walked the catwalk on a show, so I dont think its really comparative too that actor thing. Even though it is kind of true about the going out and socialise thing. When you are out partying you can be whoever you want because there are alot of people out who dont really know you. So thats kind of nice, but its also very sad because I almost hate shallowness. I dislike people who goes out posing and cant leave the door without checking their hairstyle in the mirror and I prefer to hang with normal relaxed and intelligent people. I dont want to act and I dont want to spend time with people who dont know the real me, yet I wont reveal the true me cause I am so ashamed of my stutter. And I honestly dont know how to NOT hide my stuttering. I have never tried and I dont know how to try. Stuttering makes me wierd, and not the stutter itself but what the stutter do to me as a person.
I understand your fears and you are not alone. Even fluent people have those fears. I too was so ashamed of my stutter, I hid behind an make shift wall. I became an loner, stopping talking and put distance between people I knew. We all have our defense mechisms. What got me out from behind that wall, I was getting lonely. There are other selfish reasons too, but I want to make sure I am heading down the right track, want to catch the train, not run into it.

enjoy your time as a model. I had an summer student under me, was a model. She didn't do any of the walkways as much, but did a lot of photo shoots and she got to travel. I had an sister-in-law, that had the look and height for an model, but she got scared.

Maybe your right about camparing modeling to acting. But you guys still have pose an image. You guys still have to look somewhere inside of you to be a certain way, act a certain way, something that is really not you. I'm sure Bruce Willis is not that "John Maclean" in real life. I hope you see my point. I'll keep my eyes out for the next Fabio. Good luck.

[mayaB]

Your post sounded so much like my diary entries of a few years back. It felt like it was me writing that post. The only difference being that I'm a girl. Till my college years my stuttering kept me at home. I hid behind the fact that I painted and played the piano, and that my parents forced me to stay home.
I then decided to go study in the USA.. leave my past behind and pretend to be another person. A new atmosphere and the need to survive got me out and I learned to control my stuttering. I'm pretty good looking so I modeled as well. did commercials, music videos etc. and I partied a lot.. Because partying was the biggest escape into the person I dreamed of being. Carefree and stutter free. Thanks to drinking I had a normal social life.. It's aweful to say.. but that's how it was. My studies were also successful and I got to the point of being able to give mini lectures!!! Me give lectures!!! I also saw a doctor who gave me anti anxiety meds that seemed to really really help. Day after day my confidence grew through the positive experiences , the new friends I made who knew the new me. And like you, when I spoke with people from my old life, when I went back home to Italy my stuttering came back.
I now am back in Italy.. (just had a baby w/ my companion) and my stuttering is pretty bad.. I'm missing the old me, the carefree party girl who pretended not to have a problem. Ah guys! it's a struggle isnt it!!!

[Standingtall]

Your post sounded so much like my diary entries of a few years back. It felt like it was me writing that post. The only difference being that I'm a girl. Till my college years my stuttering kept me at home. I hid behind the fact that I painted and played the piano, and that my parents forced me to stay home.
I then decided to go study in the USA.. leave my past behind and pretend to be another person. A new atmosphere and the need to survive got me out and I learned to control my stuttering. I'm pretty good looking so I modeled as well. did commercials, music videos etc. and I partied a lot.. Because partying was the biggest escape into the person I dreamed of being. Carefree and stutter free. Thanks to drinking I had a normal social life.. It's aweful to say.. but that's how it was. My studies were also successful and I got to the point of being able to give mini lectures!!! Me give lectures!!! I also saw a doctor who gave me anti anxiety meds that seemed to really really help. Day after day my confidence grew through the positive experiences , the new friends I made who knew the new me. And like you, when I spoke with people from my old life, when I went back home to Italy my stuttering came back.
I now am back in Italy.. (just had a baby w/ my companion) and my stuttering is pretty bad.. I'm missing the old me, the carefree party girl who pretended not to have a problem. Ah guys! it's a struggle isnt it!!!
Wow, you were a model too. Share a photo in time on the photo thread for the rest of the people can see. I don't have the technology to see most photos.

Guys and gals, there is nothing wrong in dreaming what you want to dream, going anyware you want, or being whoever you want. PowerOfThree, said it best, you got to have an firm foundations to build floors. You only have one life to live, this is your chance. The bottom line, be true to yourself. Well that is my 2 cents worth.

[happy7117]

All you need are the 3 D's:

Desire, Devotion, and Discipline to succeed!.

[bolo]

AAaargh that used to be my biggest fear in my youth... How could I possibly have any relationship with someone if I could not call them.. then my path of thought would lead to other more extreme circumstances like meeting the parents, getting married etc.. Totally blowing everything out of proportion.

You just have to go with it.. But what I did start doing if I meet someone on a night out.. rather than ask for her number, I always would say have you got an email address!!!

I found that by doing that I could initiate conversation (when sober !) via email have a few good conversations before meeting them again.. and feel comfortable and not so nervous as I would have if I had to ring them.

[3FingerBrown]

I had a fluent friend who suggested asking for email addresses also. They are less personal and women supposedly part with them more easily.

Some really great posts in this thread.
I have a very hard time initiating conversations with pretty young thangs...
I've too have come to realize that what ails me is not my stutter exactly, but my self image and lack of self esteem.
I'm always afraid that my eyes or quirky behaviors will give me up as the insecure project I often see myself as.
Women want a man with confidence, they want someone happy enough to make them happy too.

[soulman386]

I don't think you need a speech therapist. What you need is to find a way to feel more comfortable with yourself. You've got to learn to stutter in front of girls as strange as that sounds. If you're good looking some girls will be turned off by the stutter but you'll still get your fair share.

[Standingtall]

3Fingerbrown, don't so hard on yourself. You have a long way to beat me. I still can empty a room full of women in a heart beat. Maybe it's my looks or my personality, haven't figure that out yet. :) I agree with PowerOfThree, he is pretty wise old man. :D
You are a pretty funny guy, you can work with that, your sense of humor is really showing here.