As down as I can get, what do you think?

[maineguy]

I can not possibly feel any worse right now. I was going out with the greatest girl you could find for 2 years. She was perfect: beautiful, witty, a genius (future doctor). She broke up with me the other day because of an ongoing problem with me not listening to her.

It occured to me that often when she would talk to me, I would start thinking of my reply while she was talking. I would arrange my reply in my head so it would be easy to say and I would not stutter. Because of this, I wouldn't comprehend everything she would say.

She's noticed my lip quivering before and other signs of stuttering, and I nearly told her so many times, but 24 years of living with this terrible disorder had me so scared and in denial about talking about it. I don't talk about it with anyone, including my family.

Anyways so I finally tell her today, now it's too late, and she's furious that I didn't tell her in the past. She's mad that I didn't trust her enough to tell her, especially since it would have certainly helped our relationship.

I'm so upset. I wish I had told her so badly but I just couldn't, I have so much deep seated fear of the subject that I couldn't even tell the girl I wanted to spend my life with. I knew I would tell her at some point, but I kept postponing it, and the listening problem kept going on. Now i'm mad, sad, and experiencing a full range of emotions, all at myself. I finally found the girl and blew it, partly because of this terrible disorder, and because of my sheer stupidity. What do you think?

[Standingtall]

Mainguy, I feel for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your lost of your girlfriend. I really don't know what to think or say. You may have learned something from all this, if not, you better look hard and find it. There are many combinations of reasons for the breakup, she had too high expectations and wasn't very flexable in her ideal relationship. You not sharing all you got that is important to you and/or you don't listen very well. The list could get long.

It is impossible to stop an woman when she is out of control, so I suggest wait a couple of days and talk to her again. It is not much help, but it is a start, i'm sure others will have more advice. Once again, sorry to hear about your girlfriend, so remember an door may close, but another may open, just don't waste your time looking at the closed one. Good luck.

[Standingtall]

As the older guys say, communication is the corner stone of every relationship. Which is why sometimes it is even more difficult for us to open up.

Oh, and just for the record, do any other guys agree that women always accuse you of not listening regardless of whether you do or not?
I agree, the bottom line is communication in any relationship, unless you get married. Then you pick up selective hearing loss.

[Standingtall]

Selective hearing loss and an automatic head nodding gene somewhere without you noticing it.....
It works both ways, asked the wife a couple days ago, I want meat and potatoes for supper. She nodded her head and when I got home, I had Fries and hot dogs.

[Requiem]

Have you ever tried telling your girlfriend how you felt about your stuttering? I think anyone who knows what a stutter is should show some understanding of how the victim may feel about it because at the end of the day it's hard to deal with especially wihtout support. This is why people shouldn't shut themselves away all the time because without facing your fears, you won't face any support. Your girlfriend will come round and when she does, the both of you should sit down and really talk about it. It's like Power Of Three said, "communication is the stone of a relationship." And so is honesty. If you want a good relationship with someone, you can't have it without honesty.

[nbakunda]

aha! so u have discovered something. dont fret brother.
let me break it down for u. since i am the master of the genius females. and they are all geniuses! for real.
dont worry she's just training you like u would train a dog. you committed the cardinal sin of withholding information. its not that u didnt tell her, its that u didnt feel comfortable enough to trust her with such an important part of your life. and she feels cheated because she feels that she has opened herself to you. now she's saying in femalespeak, "bad dog and for that u dont get a biscuit"
you see P.O.T i'm learning. how am i doing so far?:D
so just give her some time and some space, (actually more space in case she is a thrower of cutlery and other things utencil), and then approach her bearing gifts(expensive looking ones), and be open. and act like she is the ruler of the universe and your queen. then she'll treat u like a king.
i'm not saying that women are materialistic but gifts really help.
and then hence forth learn and never ever have a private life. especially a personal one. take it from me, any woman who isnt afarid of blood and gore is very dangerous. best of luck even though i hope u wont need it.:p
nathaniel

[Standingtall]

aha! so u have discovered something. dont fret brother.
let me break it down for u. since i am the master of the genius females. and they are all geniuses! for real.
dont worry she's just training you like u would train a dog. you committed the cardinal sin of withholding information. its not that u didnt tell her, its that u didnt feel comfortable enough to trust her with such an important part of your life. and she feels cheated because she feels that she has opened herself to you. now she's saying in femalespeak, "bad dog and for that u dont get a biscuit"
you see P.O.T i'm learning. how am i doing so far?:D
so just give her some time and some space, (actually more space in case she is a thrower of cutlery and other things utencil), and then approach her bearing gifts(expensive looking ones), and be open. and act like she is the ruler of the universe and your queen. then she'll treat u like a king.
i'm not saying that women are materialistic but gifts really help.
and then hence forth learn and never ever have a private life. especially a personal one. take it from me, any woman who isnt afarid of blood and gore is very dangerous. best of luck even though i hope u wont need it.:p
nathaniel
Interesting point of view, I can see your point of view, now you women (or chicks) what are your point of view on this.

[bignick]

Maineguy,

Give her a few days to calm down, tell her why you didnt tell her you stuttered, that you were embarrassed by it and didnt want to lose her, take her flowers as POT says and maybe out for a drink and smooth talk yourself into her good books.

Hope it goes well and keep us informed.

Nick

[Requiem]

In my opinion since I'm female, if i was in place that a guy had kept a stuttering secret from me for a long time and then I'd later find out about it, I probably would be upset that he didn't tell me from before because I'd kind of feel that he may be thinking that I wouldn't understand. But at the same time I'd want to have a sit down with him and talk it over because there's always a reason as to why he may have kept it. he's got an issue and he needs to talk about it because bottling up inside only leads to bad results. Flowers..mmm...well, I'm not really a flower person but yeah lots of women love them and puts a smile on their faces. Try it you never know but most importantly you should let her know that you really want to be more honest with her (which I'm sure you do) and just explain how hard it's been for yourself with stuttering. If you don't act now you might lose your chance so go for it.

[macman]

My speech has always made me very shy and I wouldnt know how to talk to girls as I would be scared that they would laugh at me when I started to talk.
Hope you sort things out with your girlfriend, she sounded really hot.